


You're Like a Dream (To Me)

by npse



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crush, F/M, High School, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-21 12:52:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 86,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/npse/pseuds/npse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Highschool AU in which Liam, Louis, Danielle and Andy are best friends and Niall, Harry and Zayn are the cool kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eight Words

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at summaries but this is based off a true story so I hope you enjoy. :) All mistakes are my own, feel free to comment/give kudos if you dig what I'm doing here. :)
> 
> A few important things to note: Zayn, Harry, Niall, Liam, Danielle and Louis are all the same age - 15 and in Grade Ten at School. Andy is older by one year, making him 16 and in Grade Eleven. This is sort of important. Also, there's a bit of jumping between times. Most of the fic will be in present tense, but there's little snippets of grade eight and nine in past tense, but it shouldn't be too confusing. Let me know if it gets too bad and I'll think of another way to cover all the important information.

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” Ms Natalie announces from the front of the room, resting her hands on the back of her chair as she stands behind it. “What do you guys want first?”

“Bad then good!” Liam calls from the back, receiving nods of agreement from his peers. It’s not his usual thing, calling out in class, but he’s come to realise that it’s not as bad as he once thought. Now that he’s in grade ten, Liam’s discovered that he’s allowed certain luxuries that he would have been scolded for in the lower grades – calling out in class being one of those luxuries. He’d discussed it with his friend Andy (who is a grade above him) earlier in the year and he said that teachers started to treat the students more as adults and peers than children once you hit grade ten. Liam liked that idea.

“Alrighty.” Ms Natalie smiles at the class and Liam sighs because wow, she’s pretty. All the boys in the school think so and for once, Liam can’t help but go along with the crowd. She’s got dark brown hair that shines under the unflattering fluorescent lighting adorning the rooves of all the classrooms, and a smile that reveals a tiny dimple in each of her cheeks. She’s gorgeous, by anyone’s standards. Liam can’t help but feel himself blush a little every time he thinks that in class because she’s his _teacher_ and you’re just not supposed to think about a teacher like that. He watches as the older woman, (older by only a few years, Liam’s sure) walks around her chair and collects a stack of papers from the upper right corner of her desk. “Bad news is - I’ve marked all your exams.”

A collective groan erupts from the class and Liam swallows thickly. Beside him, Liam feels Danielle tense. He reaches across the desk and grabs her hand on instinct, giving it what he hopes is a reassuring squeeze. Danielle is one of his oldest friends, one of the first people to speak to him when he was the weird new kid in grade eight who hadn’t come from Middle Range Primary School like the majority of his grade, but from Darling Ridge Primary, which almost no one had heard of. She’d been kind enough to invite him to her birthday party that year and introduced him to her friends, Andy included, and he owes her a lot. She cares about her grades, more than she likes to admit sometimes, and Liam knows that even if she studied for months in advance and felt like she smashed an exam, she could never be comfortable until she saw that A grade marked on the front of each and every piece of assessment in red pen. Danielle squeezes his hand back a little harder than Liam had squeezed hers and he tries to avoid wincing. Liam cares about his grades, he studies hard for his exams, but he’s learned to be satisfied with mediocrity. It sounds pathetic and defeatist, but Liam realised early in grade nine that no matter how hard he worked, he was a solid B grade student and he was okay with that. B’s were fine – A’s were better, naturally, but he was sated with B’s.

At the front of the room, Ms Natalie starts handing out the exams, searching through the thick pile for each student’s name as she walks parallel to the rows of desks. She makes no comment to any of the students, simply passes the papers out and continues. It’s times like these that Liam wishes he didn’t insist on sitting in the back row of every class – he has to wait and watch with bated breath as his classmates get their grades and sigh in relief or disappointment and well, Liam’s not very good with patience when what he wants is right in front of him.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Danielle mumbles as they both watch their teacher walk back and forth across the room.

“You’ll be fine.” Liam says automatically.

“I need an A, Liam.” She reminds him, and really, she doesn’t. It’s not as though she’s failing the class or anything and she’s already guaranteed an academic award at the school’s annual awards night thanks to her stellar grades earlier in the year.

“It’ll be okay.” He returns, because there’s only so many times he can reassure his straight-A friend that she’s going to ace yet another exam. He loves her, he does, but her insecurity about her grades drives him up the wall sometimes.

Finally, Ms Natalie turns into their row, occupied by only Danielle and himself, and she eyes their hands, still entwined on the desk. Danielle pulls her hand away first, looking up to their teacher with desperate eyes.

“Is this the bad news?” Danielle asks quietly and Ms Natalie laughs.

“How about you both check your grades at the same time?” She proposes, holding the papers out to each of them face down, grades pointed at their respective desks. Danielle nods and takes her paper and Liam follows her lead. Ms Natalie walks off, returning to her desk and shushing the more rowdy students in the left of the room who are ecstatic with their C-grade passes.

“Ready?” Liam asks, purely because he doesn’t think he can wait any longer.

“No.”

“One,” He counts, ignoring her and taking a deep breath. “Two.” He closes his eyes, squeezes them shut and reminds himself that even if it’s not a pass, he’s got a pass overall for the class. The only thing that will change if he fails this exam is that he’ll have a justified reason for hating Social Science class and their stupid topic of Antarctica. “Three.”

They flip their exams over at the same time and Liam has to blink his eyes several times before he can accept that the grade on the front page is real.

“Oh my God.” They say at the same time, but where Liam’s is surprised, Danielle’s is pure sadness. He looks up from his paper, meeting Danielle’s teary gaze.

“What’s wrong – what’d you get?” He asks, placing his exam face down on his desk and reaching over to tilt Danielle’s toward him. A bright red stroke of pen reads B+ above the words ‘well done, Danielle’ and he exhales slowly. “Oh.”

“Liam, I-“ She starts but doesn’t finish as a tear escapes and she shakes her head. Liam’s not sure what to say to her – sure, they’ve been friends for two-and-a-bit years now, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to handle sad girls. Not by any stretch of the imagination. He frowns a little, pulling her exam from her hands and covering them with his own.

“It’s okay,” He soothes, muttering similar annoying reassurances to her until she stops breathing so shakily and calms down. When she looks up again, her eyes are red and her cheeks have tear marks down them but he gives her a smile anyway. “You okay?” He asks, even though she’s clearly not. She shrugs, pulling her hands away from his and wiping her cheeks. “Well, I’ve got an idea about how we can up this grade for you but you’ve got to do something for me first.”

Danielle tilts her head, “Like what?” Her voice is thick and tear drenched but Liam pretends like he doesn’t notice.

“Smile for me.” Danielle frowns at him, folding her arms over her chest. “Aw, come on, I can’t help you out when I’m busy trying to make you smile, now can I?” He ducks his head a little to meet her gaze. “Come on,” He presses, “Just a tiny little smile. Like this.” Liam points to his own smile, small and forced. It must do the trick though, because before he knows it, Danielle’s letting out a tiny huff of laughter and her lips are curving upwards. “That’s my girl.”

She rolls her eyes at him, pulling the sleeve of her pullover down over her hand and wiping across her cheeks and nose once more. “Shut up and tell me your plan, already.”

Liam fights the urge to point out that he can’t shut up _and_ tell her the plan, grabbing her exam from the desk in front of her. “Well, since you asked so politely,” He jokes, opening her exam to the grading sheet. “A B+ is pretty close to an A-, am I right?” Danielle nods. “And judging by this marking sheet, you only missed out on the A by two marks, so all we have to do is find somewhere where you can ask for extra marks to turn that B into an A!” He grins, “Pretty brilliant, right?”

Danielle laughs again, taking her exam from Liam’s hands. “That’s actually a good idea, yeah.”

“Thanks,” Liam raises his hand to get Ms Natalie’s attention but she’s busy talking to some students in the front row. “Excuse me, Miss?” He calls out.

“Yes, Liam?” She answers, edging toward the back of the classroom in case whatever his question was wasn’t for public hearing.

“I was just wondering if you could go through the paper with us – explain the answers and what we would have had to do to earn full marks, things like that.”

She gives Liam a strange smile and Liam has to pretend he doesn’t see it before she nods and moves back to her desk. “Certainly.”

The next fifty minutes of class are spent going through each and every question of their 20 multiple choice, one mapping activity, three short answer and one essay, exam. Liam spends the whole time bent over Danielle’s paper, searching with her for anywhere they can snatch an extra half mark. By the end of it, they’ve found enough possible half-marks for Danielle to feel confident in walking to the front of the room and discussing it with Ms Natalie. It’s only when she’s up there, getting her mark amended that Liam allows himself to look at his own paper again.

His eyes flick over the red pen on the front page, a big bright A+ staring at him. He can’t believe it. Sure, he studied, the way he always has, but he didn’t think he knew the topic as well as he should have. Antarctica was a boring topic, aside from the many species of penguin that lived there, and Liam couldn’t bring himself to study it for too long. Apparently, that didn’t matter.

Danielle plops back into the seat beside him and Liam doesn’t even have to look up to know that she’s grinning madly, but when he does look up, her smile is almost blinding. “And that’s how you turn a B+ into an A-,” She says proudly, flicking her hair over her shoulder before giggling. “Seriously though, thanks so much for helping me. And dealing with my breakdown. Like always.” She adds coyly.

“It’s no big deal,” He says with a shrug.

“Hey, you never told me how you went-“ She starts, reaching for his exam and before Liam can pull it away from her, she tilts it and sees his grade. “Oh my God – Liam!” She squeals, ripping the exam from his grasp. “Are you joking? An A+?! Why didn’t you say anything?!” She’s smiling and looking from the paper to Liam and back again before she throws her arms around his shoulders in a confusing yet apparently excited hug. “Liiiiiiiiii, this is so great! I’m so proud of you!” She exclaims and Liam doesn’t really know what to say because well, for one he hasn’t had chance to reply yet. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it – an A+!” She beams at him, giving her head an incredulous shake.

Liam takes this as his cue to speak. “I can’t either,” He admits before adding, “Let’s just hope she doesn’t recheck my marks and realise she’s made a mistake.”

Danielle rolls her eyes, swatting him with her hand playfully. “Don’t be like that. This is a great mark and you totally, 100% deserve it.”

“Thanks.”

“Liam, I need your exam now, please.” Ms Natalie calls from the front of the room and Danielle hands it over to him.

“We’re celebrating at lunch,” She tells him.

“With what? We’re at school!”

“With chocolate milk and cake, naturally!” Danielle grins and him and Liam can’t help but grin back before rising from his seat and heading towards the front of the class. He’s still chuckling to himself when he finally reaches Ms Natalie’s desk, waiting until she holds out her hand for his paper to give it over.

She places it in the pile, checking his name off the roll. “Happy?” She asks, lifting her gaze.

“Surprised,” Liam admits with a laugh and Ms Natalie laughs too.

“You’ve earned it.”

“Thanks.”

Ms Natalie nods and Liam turns to head back to his seat, looking at Danielle from the front and seeing her smile still large as she tries to hide her phone from Ms Natalie’s view while she texts.

“Did you get an A?”

Liam is caught off guard by the voice, blinking a few times as he looks at the boy in the front row. “Yeah,” He manages to answer and he’s not 100% sure how he managed it because as much as he hadn’t expected an A on his exam, he expected _this_ a whole lot less.

“Me too,” He replies and gives Liam a smile that makes his insides go light. If Liam hadn’t been already headed back to his seat, he probably could have stared at that smile for a few moments longer before he slapped his hand against the one offered to him by his conversational partner as he walked past. It all happened so fast though and before Liam knows it, he’s falling into his seat beside Danielle again.

“Did I just see what I think I saw?” She sounds weirdly breathless.

Liam swallows, “I’m not sure.”

Danielle reaches out and slaps Liam in the arm a few times, “Did that actually just happen?” She asks, the excitement from earlier seeping into her voice again. “Did he really just talk to you?!”

Liam blinks again, his eyes on the boy in the front row.

“I cann _ot_ believe this,” She shakes her head and Liam exhales slowly because yeah, neither can he. First, an A on his exam and then, a conversation, an actual honest to God conversation with the boy he’s fancied since eighth grade – could his day get any better?

“Does speaking eight words to one another count as a conversation?” Liam asks, carrying his train of thought into reality.

Danielle nods, her high ponytail of curls bouncing across her shoulders. “Definitely.” Liam makes an agreeing noise. “Wait – eight words? You counted?” He rolls his eyes because he _knows_ that tone of voice and sure enough, next comes the “That’s so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuteeeeee!”

“Shut up,” He grumbles, closing his notebook and gathering his things together due to the imminent ringing of the bell.

“I can’t help it! You finally spoke to him!” She bubbles with excitement, bouncing in her seat. “You’ve been waiting for that moment since grade eight! Why aren’t you more excited?”

_Because a conversation doesn’t mean anything. Because eight words don’t really equate a conversation, anyway. Because he’s him and I’m me and he’s taken and he’s perfect and so gorgeous and so very clearly_ not gay, Liam thinks.

He shrugs instead, “It was just eight words.”

“Oh whatever! It just hasn’t hit you yet, but when it does, you let me know because _you just had your first conversation with your future husband_ – Liam. You’ve got to remember this moment!” The bell rings and they both rise from their seats, slinging their backpacks over their shoulders. “You know what?” She asks as they wait for the rest of the class to empty out before they leave the back row. “I _have_ to tell Andy about this – he’s going to love it.”

“Please don’t,” Liam groans, palming his face because God, why did she have to see? Why couldn’t their first conversation have been outside the vision of one of his prying friends?

She ignores him, naturally, her nails clicking against the buttons on her phone as she programs something into it. A smile spreads on her face as she types before she utters, “I can’t believe you weren’t going to tell Andy – he’s your best mate! He’d love to know that you finally spoke to your soul mate.”

He rolls his eyes, pushing past her to follow the stream of students out of the class. “Stop calling him that.”

“Why?”

“Because,” He says, as if that’s a good enough answer and walks a little faster to leave the room without her, heading to his next class.

“Don’t forget we’re celebrating at lunch!” She calls after him but he pretends he doesn’t hear.

_Why?_

_Because he’s Zayn Malik, that’s why, and I’m just Liam Payne._

*

The whole situation is embarrassing, really. He wishes he could remember when it started, but he can’t. Sometimes he wishes it hadn’t started at all because, damn, how much easier would life be without his stupid little crush on Zayn? He likes to think it’d be one thousand times easier, but one time, when he actually _did_ think about it seriously, he realised that he couldn’t imagine not fancying Zayn and that sent him into a spiral of self-pity because just how much more pathetic could he get? He hadn’t even spoken to the boy and he couldn’t imagine his life without him? Pathetic.

Liam thinks that maybe it has something to do with how early on he realised his feelings for the other boy. It was early days in grade eight and Liam had met Danielle and things were going swimmingly until one day he paid attention to the other grade eight class in their building and noticed a group of three friends. A boy with blonde hair, another with curly brown hair and the final with a dark, lazily styled fringe that made him look super cool. He asked Danielle who they were and she oh-so helpfully provided that they were their grade’s ‘cool kids’, Harry, Niall and Zayn. She didn’t elaborate any further and thanks to that, he spent a good few weeks thinking that Zayn’s name was Harry and vice-versa. It wasn’t until he found out that Zayn was originally from Pakistan that he put together that the curly headed boy, whilst a little tanned, wasn’t nearly as exotic looking as he should have been if he were actually Zayn. Once he did put it all together though, Liam made sure to keep an ear open whenever he heard the name Zayn Malik.

He often heard the teacher down the hall yelling at the other class, but not once did Liam hear the teacher yell at Zayn. He scolded Harry and Niall many times, for practical jokes or dishonesty regarding completion of homework or general disobedience and Liam came to learn that not only were the three of them the ‘cool kids’ but they were also the ‘badasses’. Normally, that would have terrified Liam and he would have deliberately steered clear of the three of them.  But Liam found himself inexplicably drawn to the trio, despite never having met them or spoken to them and wanted so badly to be their friend.

*

Liam makes no stops on his trip from his social science class across campus to the arts building, practically speed walking the entire way. When he enters drama class and sees a familiar pair of worn, faded blue Toms on the newspaper by the door, Liam breathes a sigh of relief because never before has he been so grateful to see those smelly shoes. He pulls off his own Converse, pushing them to the side and padding in his socked feet through the little alcove that leads the way into the small drama classroom. Only a handful of students are in the class and their teacher Mr Copeland isn’t even there yet but sure enough, Louis’ is already on the small stage at the opposite end of the room.

“Liam!” Louis exclaims upon spotting him and Liam grins at his best friend. He dumps his books on one of the seats scattered around the outskirts of the room, feeling his excitement start to surface as he jogs up to the stage. He can’t stop smiling. “You can calm down, now it’s only me!” Louis says playfully, spinning easily and gracefully on the hardwood stage in his bare feet. Liam makes a mental note to remind him how disgusting it is that he doesn’t wear socks. When he stops spinning, he gives Liam a suspicious look. “Alright, mate?”

“I-“ Liam starts and all he can do is laugh and throw his hands in the air and say, “I don’t know!” Because it’s the truth and wow, when did he start feeling so light?

Louis tilts his head to the side before jumping down from the stage and not even bothering to take a step backwards when he lands within Liam’s personal space. He lifts a hand to Liam’s forehead and mutters, “You don’t feel feverish,” He muses, eying Liam up and down. “Are you ill? You better tell me if you are, you know – I need time to prepare myself for the big reveal. I can’t cry on demand yet and if you’ve got something serious then I need to be ready for that. And the funeral, I’ll need plenty of warning before you go and die on me so I can prepare an adequate performance.”

Liam rolls his eyes, “Gee thanks, Lou. Glad you’re so worried for my health.” He pushes Louis’ hand away and moves past him to take a seat on the edge of the stage.

“Not sick then!” Louis fills in, following his movements and sitting beside him. “Care to fill a friend in, then?”

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“Promise.”

“Even if what I’m about to say is incredibly stupid?”

“I may have to retract the promise, then.”

Liam groans and Louis nudges his shoulder.

“Come on,” He presses, “While I’m young!”

More people are entering the classroom and Liam knows that his only chance to speak to Louis alone is quickly slipping through his fingers. “I spoke to him.” He blurts.

“Who?”

“ _Him_.” Louis raises an eyebrow and Liam should have known that his best friend was legitimately too thick sometimes to even follow a conversation. “ _Zayn_.” He grits out in a whisper and Louis’ grin is spreading almost immediately.

“You did?! Mate, I’m so proud of you! I can’t believe it!” He’s shouting and Liam’s trying to shush him so their classmates don’t come over to find out what’s so great. Eventually Liam has to resort to violence, thumping Louis’ thigh in an effort to shut him up and also cause him a tiny bit of pain for being a prat.

“Ouch, shit,” Louis groans and grabs his thigh, almost falling off the stage. “You’re a dick.”

“You’re a bigger dick,” Liam counters immaturely.

“I’m not the one thumping poor, unsuspecting people’s legs now am I?”

“No, but you are the one being obnoxious.”

Louis snickers and Liam rolls his eyes, looking toward the door into the class room and the line of shoes beside it. There are quite a few pairs there, not enough for the whole class, but enough for the teacher to be inclined to begin teaching – if he were actually here.

“Where’s Copey?” He asks because the teacher’s never been late for a class.

Louis shrugs. “Don’t know. Figured he’d be here by now, though.” Liam makes a sound of agreement. “So, you spoke to him then?”

Liam feels his cheeks burn gently and he looks to Louis, glad that his friend has abandoned his earlier excitement in preference for what appears to be genuine curiosity and interest. “I did.”

“…And?”

He ducks his head, looking toward the front of the room again as a small smile forms. “And…it was nice.”

Louis groans and pushes at Liam’s shoulder, “Idiot – what did he say?!”

And Liam can’t help but laugh a little. “It was nothing, really. Hardly a conversation.” Louis raises an eyebrow and Liam elaborates by saying, “In total it was eight words of dialogue between the two of us.”

That makes Louis smirk, a sign that he’s holding back a laugh or something incredibly witty and hilarious and Liam’s sort of grateful for his friend’s self-restraint too.

“What was it about?” Louis asks.

“I got an A on my social sciences exam.”

“Stop changing the subject.”

“I’m not! That’s what made him speak to me.”

“Wait,” Louis grabs his arm and draws his attention. “He spoke to you first?” Liam nods and Louis lets out a laugh. “What did he say?! Exactly? I want it word for word, Liam.”

“I can’t really remember,” Liam lies and Louis catches him out instantly.

“Don’t give me that, it’s only eight words and I bet you’ve got them memorised already.”

Liam can’t help but laugh because yeah, he’s got their conversation memorised. He couldn’t help it. He’s been running over it so many times in his head that it was inevitable that it would cement itself within his memory. So Liam tells Louis the full extent of his conversation with Zayn, finishing with, “And his smile when he held up his hand to high five me,” Liam sighs because even in his memory that smile was perfect. “It was just – wow.”

Louis’ giving Liam a funny look and Liam can’t help but ask what his problem is. “Nothing,” Louis replies, “You just remind me of Lottie when you talk about Zayn.”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m a teenage girl?”

“More or less.” Louis grins and Liam can’t help but shove his shoulder and hop off the edge of the stage. “Where are you going, Liam?” He calls out after him, “Liam! I need to hear more about that smile! Liiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!”

Liam shakes his head, smile on his face and warmth in his heart because not even Louis’ gentle teasing can ruin the good mood an eight-word conversation managed to put him in.


	2. Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which not much happens but it all feels like it's important. Maybe it's too early to have one of those kind of chapters, but well, you're stuck with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've read this too many times to be able to know if it's good or not and I wanted to get something out as a sort of Christmas present to people. So here you go. Sorry if it sucks - it's longer than the first chapter and hopefully as long as the next will be. Not sure if there are other important notes to go along with this chapter - it's late. 
> 
> Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays you cuties. :)

In grade nine, Liam got a taste of what friendship with Zayn might be like. Toward the end of grade eight, Danielle had introduced Liam to a friend of hers from primary school named Louis. He was loud and obnoxious but also hilarious and weirdly cultured for a fourteen year old and Liam felt an instant connection with the boy. Before the year had ended, the two had become easy best friends, sharing a bond that many didn’t see coming. Where Louis was spontaneous and outrageous, Liam was planned and cautious. All the things that should have torn them apart were actually the things that brought them closer.

They had differing tastes in music, an equal appreciation for good film but very similar tastes in novels. They didn’t read often, laziness and school work usually getting in the way, but every now and then one of them would read a book so mind blowing that he’d have to hand it to the other after he was finished and they’d discuss it in depth once they’d both read it. Never had the two fought and never had they had reason to. They got along like a proverbial house on fire.

When grade nine started, Liam learned that he and Louis arrived to school around about the same time in the mornings, 15 minutes before the rest of their friends did. Neither of them wanted to hang around an almost-empty school by themselves so they agreed on a meeting place for one to wait at for the other each morning. The meeting place was the economics block where there was a small open rooved courtyard that overlooked the football field. It was at that meeting place during one of those early mornings that Liam met Harry Styles, Zayn’s best friend.

If people had been surprised by Liam’s friendship with Louis, they were even more shocked by his friendship with Harry. It all began one morning when Harry turned up to the meeting place whilst Liam was there waiting for Louis.

Initially, it was awkward. They didn’t speak the first few times and Harry always sat on one of the free benches and somehow managed to leave for no apparent reason before Louis arrived; almost as if he was never really there at all. One morning though, Harry took up position beside Liam on the centre bench in the courtyard and looked out at the few boys playing a lazy early morning game of football.

“I’m Harry,” He’d said and Liam had glanced over at him.

“Liam.”

“What brings you to the econ building so early?” Harry had asked, looking out over the field.

“Meeting a friend.” Liam had answered, unsure of what Harry was hoping for. “You?”

Harry had shrugged, “Just roaming for the moment.”

He’d wanted to let it go, really he had, but what Harry had said made Liam smile a little and before he knew it the words were slipping out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, but did you just quote Green Day?”

The other boy’s face lit up. “You know that song?”

“It’s only my favourite Green Day song ever.” Liam replied honestly and he wasn’t gonna lie, he was genuinely impressed. From there, the two of them discussed music to their heart’s content. Usually Harry left before Louis arrived, but each time he was leaving later and later and each time Liam was wondering if maybe Harry didn’t want to actually go at all. He always wanted to ask Harry where he went after their morning chats, but he never found the courage to because even though they were friends, Harry was still _Harry_ and he was cool and Liam was not. Plus, it seemed like prying and Liam wasn’t sure where how kindly Harry would look upon his new found music buddy asking questions.

As the weeks drew on, Liam realised that there was more to Harry than he’d once thought. He was smart, for one, and had incredible taste in music and movies. He was also shy and insecure and a little bit geeky too. That last revelation had startled Liam a little because Zayn didn’t really seem like the type of guy who’d befriend a geek, but maybe he was. That was a nice thought, at the time.

*

Liam groans internally as he and Louis climb the small hill that leads to the cafeteria. It’s only a small incline but for someone as lazy as Liam, it’s a bit of a pest – especially after running around and making a fool of himself for the past hour in drama class.

“Come on, don’t be such a baby.” Louis says, slinging an arm around Liam’s shoulders. “If I can climb this without complaining then so can you. Besides, you should be on cloud nine right now – you had your first encounter with-“

“If you say ‘my soul mate’ I might have to kill you.” Liam warns and he’s only half joking because up ahead in the courtyard in front of the cafeteria he can see Danielle and Andy and a big carton of chocolate milk and what appears to be cake on the picnic table the four of them have inhabited since they all met in grade eight. “Oh my God.” He groans again and before Louis has time to question what’s wrong, Danielle spots them and lets out a squeal.

“Hey, here comes the bride!” Andy calls out, waving them over as if they weren’t headed there anyway.

“Shut up, Andy.” Liam says by way of greeting, dumping his books on top of the picnic table and sliding onto one of the bench seats.

“So I take it we all know about Liam’s great accomplishment today?” Danielle asks, looking to Louis.

Louis nods, “I may have heard a word or two about it.”

“How about eight?” Andy asks and the three of them burst out laughing. Liam fights the urge to groan again and folds his arms on the table, dropping his head onto them and nuzzling in a little. He feels the seat beneath him dip a little and an arm drapes around his back. “It’s alright Li,” Andy soothes, rubbing his back gently. “We’re all supportive of your budding relationship.”

“You all suck.” Liam grumbles, voice muffled by his school pullover.

They all laugh and Liam feels the table shift as the other two take their seats opposite him and Andy. He raises his head off the table and looks at the cake and carton of chocolate milk. The cake still has the cover on it, showing Liam that it was from the grocery store a few streets over. “I can’t believe you actually bought those.”

“Sure did,” Danielle beams at him and Andy squeezes his shoulder reassuringly.

“Knicked off between classes once I got Dani’s text. Can’t believe you weren’t gonna tell me, man. I thought we were best mates.”

“Oi!” Louis frowns, “I thought we were!”

“I don’t like any of you,” Liam says dryly, reaching out to pull the plastic container of cake toward him. “Didn’t happen to buy forks, Andy?”

“All they had were spoons.”

Liam frowns at the cake, chocolate with thick shiny icing and little red flowers. “How much did you pay for this?”

“…Enough.” He looks to Andy who shrugs. “What? Wasn’t going to skimp out when you’d finally spoken to the man of your dreams, was I? Now stop pretending to hate us all and eat some cake and drink some milk because this is a celebration!”

“You’ve all lost your minds,” Liam says, cracking the plastic lid off the cake and breaking a piece off around the side. He pops it in his mouth and despite their teasing, the cake is good. He’s just a little bit bitter that their kind gesture is actually a good one. “Your only redeeming quality is your taste in cake, obviously.” He steals another piece as Louis opens the chocolate milk and Danielle relays the story again – with a little more dramatic flair than necessary.

“I didn’t swoon,” Liam corrects as Danielle gets carried away in her own romantic story again.

“Fine, but you were smitten at least.” She concedes.

“Hardly.”

“Mate, you were smitten when you turned up to drama!” Louis pipes up.

“Not true.”

“It was a smitten face if ever I saw one.”

Andy chortles, stealing another piece of their mess of a cake with his fingers. “You think it’s hygienic that we’re eating with our fingers right now?” He muses, taking another bit despite his concern.

Danielle eyes off the cake and picks off another bit for herself. “Probably not. But as long as none of us have some kind of disease, we should be okay.”

“Well, there _is_ something I’ve been meaning to tell you all,” Louis starts and Danielle swats him on the arm as she giggles. Liam finds himself giggling too, probably on a sugar high from the excessive chocolate in his system, and reaches for the chocolate milk. It’s a little warm from sitting outside with them, but none of them mind much and it still tastes pretty good. He takes a swig, passing it to Andy who does the same.

“Why aren’t you with your other friends today?” He asks him and Andy shrugs.

“Figured celebrating this momentous occasion was more important.”

“You guys are acting like I told him I’m in love with him or something, it was just a conversation!”

“Just a conversation, _for now_ ,” Danielle says, looking pointedly at him.

Louis nods, “Besides, a conversation is a massive step from loving him without having actually ever spoken a word to him. This is good. This is progress.”

Liam shakes his head, smile on his lips because yeah, his friends are weird, but supportive and caring too and he just can’t manage to maintain his façade of being unaffected by the conversation that morning or how supportive his friends are being. It wasn’t always that way – Andy hadn’t always been so… well, Andy was a little less open minded than Louis and Danielle had been but thankfully, he came round. His eyes wander over the other outside tables occupied by different age groups before landing on one on the opposite side of the courtyard. “Oh my God.”

“What’s up?” Danielle asks and the three of them must look to him and follow his gaze across the room because before he knows it, Danielle’s slapping Liam’s hand over and over again and bouncing in her seat while Andy chuckles beside him and Louis can’t stop repeating ‘that little shit’ because Zayn and his friends are right there across the courtyard at a picnic table much like the one the four of them are currently inhabiting.

“Have they always sat there?” Liam asks despite everyone’s reaction to the news being a clear indication that no, they’ve never sat there before. “Why are they sitting there?”

“Dunno,” Danielle breathes and Liam can’t comprehend that because Danielle always knows _all_ the gossip.

“Maybe he heard we were having an early engagement party for you and decided he’d oversee things.” Louis jokes and Liam can’t explain why or how it happens but he feels his cheeks flush pink at the idea that he, for whatever reason, was part of Zayn’s motivation for moving his group of friends out into the courtyard for lunch. He ducks his head lazily, looking down at his books.

“Are you blushing, Li?” Andy asks teasingly and Liam takes back everything he said before about caring friends because they really genuinely suck when they can’t stop cooing and poking at him and calling him cute and in love. Liam is about to say as much to the three people crowding him when a high pitched squeal drowns everyone out, even Andy whose mouth is almost by Liam’s ear. They all raise their heads, looking toward the squeal just in time to see Zayn setting Perrie Edwards back on the ground.

“Maybe you should look away,” Danielle advises but Liam can’t bring himself to move and he wishes he could because Zayn’s leaning in and kissing Perrie full on the mouth, Harry wolf whistling obnoxiously at them. It’s not an overly expressive kiss, nothing for them to get in trouble for if a teacher were to see them, but it’s clear the passion involved. And it’s not that Liam hates Perrie for having Zayn or is even angry that he’s not her, he just gets an overwhelming desire to be the person who makes Zayn smile the way he does when he pulls away from the kiss and brushes his nose gently against hers.

“I’m uh, just going to my locker.” Liam says as he grabs his books from off the table and he wants to punch himself for the slight constrict in his throat because honestly, he’s got no reason to feel sad right now.

“Want me to come with?” Louis asks and Liam gives him a small smile.

“I’m okay, I’ve just got to get my math text for next period.” He lies and thankfully, Louis seems to buy it.

“See you later then? Don’t forget, musical auditions are at lunch.”

“Of course.”

“And mum’s picking us up after, so don’t be late.”

“I’ll be there,” Liam promises with a forced smile. He risks a glance at Zayn one more time before turning and heading in the opposite direction, toward his locker. He wishes his brain would just shut up. It’s not fair though, it’s really not. He must have done something terrible in a previous life to deserve such a painful experience. Loving someone who’s in a relationship sucks, loving someone in a relationship with the complete opposite sex to you hurts even more. And Liam’s not even ashamed to admit to himself that he loves Zayn, because he does, and he wishes he didn’t because no matter what the movies or the books or the songs say, love isn’t cute. Love isn’t easy. Love hurts. Love sucks.

*

Eventually, it got to the point where Harry almost didn’t leave Liam alone in the mornings, and Liam definitely wasn’t complaining. They got on well and he was constantly surprised by how honest and open Harry was with him, despite only knowing each other a short time. Every morning Harry would arrive and share a bench with Liam and they’d discuss music or movies or sometimes classes and Harry would admit that he wasn’t doing so well in some of them and Liam would offer to help because he was nice like that. Harry usually said no to his offers, but that never stopped Liam from offering each and every time it was brought up.

Every morning, Harry left before Louis arrived, until one day he didn’t. It was awkward at first, Louis didn’t know Liam and Harry were friends and Harry didn’t seem to know who Louis even was and no one really knew how to handle an extra person in what both of them assumed was a duo. Thankfully, all it took was a well-timed joke at Liam’s expense from Harry for Louis to decide that he wasn’t someone to be weary of, and the three of them became friends from there. Well, Liam remained friends with Harry and Louis and the two of them learned how to work with each other and forged something impressive. Most days, Liam would sit back and watch the two interact purely because they were so effortlessly in tune with one another. They got the other’s humour and that was both special and impressive and a little jealousy-provoking, according to Liam.

*

The room is stuffy despite the winter breeze coming in through the open door and windows. It’s overcrowded and Liam can’t stop shifting his feet from having been standing for so long. He looks out over the small group of people, small but still too many for the tiny drama classroom, and takes in the excited and nervous faces among the crowd.

He leans over to Louis who’s standing beside him. “It’s really crowded in here.” Liam grumbles, “Remind me again why you thought auditioning for the musical was a good idea?”

“Because a) it’s High School Musical, b) Dani and Andy were and c) I wanted to.” Louis replies and his voice is devoid of all wit and humour and sass usually present in it because he’s so worried, or at least, that’s what Liam thinks. He’s never actually seen Louis worried before, so it’s a little hard to tell.

“And how are you going to manage the musical and all your classes?”

“Who cares?” He asks and Liam sighs because he knows that Louis genuinely doesn’t care. If only he had that freedom.

On the floor in front of Liam and Louis are Danielle and Andy, both sitting nervously. Danielle’s doing that subconscious girl thing where they make tiny plaits in their hair whilst their mind is elsewhere and Andy’s chewing his nails. Liam feels a small net of butterflies in his stomach too, because the musical means something to his friends and their happiness means something to Liam and he’d really love to see them all get what they want. Although, apparently Mr Copeland has already pulled both Danielle and Andy aside to tell them that they’ll be co-choreographing the musical together, so he doesn’t really have to feel nervous for them; at least not yet.

“Settle down now and we’ll try and get you out of here before next period,” Mr Copeland says from his position atop the stage at the other end of the room and the students all hush. “As you all know, the musical for the year is High School Musical. We had a _lot_ of auditions, more than ever I think, and it’s been extremely hard trying to cast each role. So… we’ve cheated a little bit and cast two people per role. This way, there should be less pressure on each of you and you’ll be able to relax a little.”

“Also means better chances at getting a role,” Liam murmurs to Louis in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture.

“So the smaller roles first,” Mr Copeland says and Liam automatically tunes out because he knows that Louis didn’t audition for any of the small roles. He lets his eyes scan the room, trying to see if anyone else he knows is hoping for a role. There’s a few in the mix, Ed and Aiden and even Nick’s turned up looking anxious for news. It makes Liam smile a little bit, knowing that so many people are interested being in a school musical. Front and centre, Liam spots Perrie and her gaggle of similar-looking friends. They’re chatting amongst themselves, clearly uninterested in the small role announcements. Beside Perrie is-

“Hey Lou,” Liam starts, leaning over to Louis again, “Did you know that-“

“Shhhh!” Louis hushes him, waving his hand at him and Liam does as he’s told, straightening up again as Mr Copeland continues down his list of roles and their cast.

“The role of Gabriella goes to Perrie Edwards and-“ He says and half the room erupts in giggles and laughter and exclamations of ‘oh my gosh!’ as if no one had expected the casting. Well, Liam expected it, the way he expected it every year when Perrie got the lead female role. He still claps though, for Perrie and the other girl whose name he didn’t catch, because well, it’s the polite thing to do. “Finally, the one I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for – the role of Troy.” There’s a slight electricity in the air at that and Liam shoves his hands in his pockets, crossing his fingers childishly and silently praying for the best. “The two young men playing Troy are…” And Liam can feel Louis straighten beside him, can see Danielle grip Andy’s hand tightly from their position next to each other on the floor.

“Louis Tomlinson,”

Liam breathes a sigh of relief and Danielle actually squeals and Louis says ‘is this a fucking joke?’ a little too loud and all Liam can do is laugh and pat his best friend on the back. “You did it mate!” He exclaims excitedly and the rest of the room appears to be just as excited as the claps and whoops of congratulations swell around them.

“I did it!” Louis repeats, sounding shocked and happy and genuinely so surprised because wow, who would have thought?

“Settle down now,” Mr Copeland shouts over everyone, calling their attention back. “Only one more name to announce and then we can get out of here. So Troy Bolton will be played by Louis Tomlinson, as you just heard, and a relative newcomer to the annual musical-” Louis and Liam look to each other, silently asking who this newcomer could be and it doesn’t take long for their question to be answered.

“Harry Styles.”

*

There came a point where Liam took a backseat in the mornings, because he felt like he was intruding. Louis and Harry were always dancing around each other, both figuratively and literally sometimes, being playful and funny and just working to make each other smile. It was nice. A few times Liam even blew off the morning meet up because he thought the two wouldn’t miss him, but Louis had been adamant that ‘it wasn’t the same’ without him there.

“Louis’ got a huge arse, don’t you think?” Harry had asked Liam one day and it was so out of the blue that Liam had to wonder if Louis had just walked past to make Harry think of it.

“Harry!” He’d exclaimed because wow, who did Harry think he was saying something like that about his best friend? “Are you joking right now?”

Harry gave him a funny look. “Why would I?”

“What made you bring that up?”

The other boy shrugged.

“Why would you say that?”

“It’s true is all.” Harry had said and he’d picked up his backpack off the bench, slung the straps over his shoulders and left.

Louis had been noticeably less excited when he arrived to only Liam waiting in the meeting place for him that morning.

*

“I am actually going to be sick,” Louis promises and Liam bites back a laugh.

“Come on, it’s not that bad.” He consoles through the bathroom stall door in which Louis is currently hiding behind. Despite the usual cold nature of the bathroom and the howling winter breeze blowing outside, it’s suspiciously warm. Liam silently wonders if there are heaters in the roof or something but Louis’ groans bring him out of his thoughts. He lets his head fall back against the cool tiles beside the door but lifts it up again as soon as there’s the squeak of the bathroom door being pushed open. Andy pops his head in.

“What are you doing in here?” He asks and Liam motions to the door and mouths _‘Louis’._ “Is he alright?” Liam shrugs, so Andy steps inside. “What’s the matter? I thought he wanted Troy?”

“I guess he’s just nervous.” Liam lies.

“If he’s this nervous now, I can’t wait until opening night!” Andy laughs.

“I can hear you, y’know,” Louis calls through the door and Liam laughs quietly. “Bugger off, Samuels, I need to talk to Liam.”

Andy and Liam both roll their eyes. _Drama Queen_ , Andy mouths and Liam grins. The two of them had always bonded over how silly Louis could be and now was no exception.

“Alright your majesty,” Andy says, just to be a pest, before waving goodbye to Liam and leaving.

“I hate him sometimes.” Louis mutters.

Liam nods – Andy and Louis sometimes clash, but never enough for it to be uncomfortable. “Lou, if you want to talk that’s fine but can we _please_ do it elsewhere? It’s sort of weird being in the school bathrooms when it’s not actually school time.” He almost-pleads through the door, “Come on, let’s go get chips or something.” He waits a few moments before he hears the lock turn and manages to just step away from the door before it opens and Louis appears.

“Chips sound good.” He admits and he looks scared still, until he says, “As long as you’re paying, that is.” And the old Tomlinson grin that Liam knows and loves makes itself known.

“Anything you want, mate.”

Louis nods, shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket and leads the way out of the bathroom. “I didn’t…” He sighs. “I didn’t make a complete fool of myself back there, did I?”

Liam fights a smile, “Depends on how you define ‘complete fool’.”

“I mean, it wasn’t as bad as I think it was, was it?”

“I dunno, I suppose freezing up when Harry’s name was called wasn’t so bad… It was the rushing out of the room when he came over to congratulate you that might make you look a little strange.” He teases and Louis groans as they cross the car park. “Don’t worry about it. It’s officially Winter Break now – by the time we’re back in school, he won’t even remember.”

Louis nods and looks grateful for that information before his expression turns dark and he looks around, as if only just noticing their surroundings. “Where are all the cars?”

“Uh, gone?” Liam answers, raising an eyebrow. “They’ve all gone home, Lou, school’s over.”

Louis groans again before freezing on the spot. “So that means it’s after school, yeah?”

“Yeah, officially…” Liam lifts his arm and checks his watch, “Officially fifteen minutes after school, according to my watch.”

“Oh my God,” Louis whines, “Mum is going to kill us!”

It takes Liam a few moments to catch up but as soon as he does, he groans. “Crap, I totally forgot.”

“No time for chips now,” Louis says and takes off toward the school gate. Liam follows suit, his usually comfortable run feeling awkward with a heavy bag of reading for the break slamming against his back with each stride he takes. “Here’s hoping she’s not up and left!”

“She wouldn’t leave me,” Liam manages between breaths and Louis laughs because they both know that it’s true – Louis’ mum loves Liam.

They round the corner out of the school gate and spot Louis’ mum’s white car parked down the street. Liam hears Louis blaspheme gratefully and laughs as they jog the remaining few meters to their ride.

“Hi mum, sorry mum,” Louis says as soon as he opens the passenger side door.

Liam copies Louis, pulling open the door to the backseat and sliding in as he says, “Afternoon Mrs Tomlinson,” just so neither of them will get yelled at whilst still in hearing distance of the few remaining people from their school.

“Don’t give me that, Louis, you’re late.” She scolds gently as soon as they’re both buckled in and safely on their way to the Tomlinson household. “You better not have been messing about with your friends.”

“I wasn’t.”

Mrs Tomlinson looks in the rear view mirror, her eyes meeting Liam’s and forcing him to gulp nervously. “Liam?”

“It’s true,” He says, because he knows the only reason she’s asking is because everyone knows how to tell when Liam’s lying. “We’d been in a meeting to find out the roles for the school musical.” And okay, so maybe he’d twisted the truth a little bit but it doesn’t matter because Mrs Tomlinson grins and chances a glance at Louis.

“What?” Louis asks, grin on his face because he can’t play dumb about this for too long. “What are you looking at?”

“Did you get in?” His mum asks and she sounds so excited before she’s even heard the answer.

“He got in alright – lead male!” Liam interrupts, leaning forward in his seat to pat Louis on the shoulder again because damn it, he’s proud of his friend.

“Oh my God, _Louis_!” She squeals happily before turning on her indicator and changing lanes. “That’s it – McDonald’s to celebrate!”

“ _Mum_!” Louis whines.

“That okay with you, Liam?” She asks, ignoring her protesting son.

“Perfectly fine, Mrs T.” He answers with a grin.

“Excellent.” She makes another turn, “Now, tell me everything about this role.”

So they do, Louis telling his mum just enough of the plot of the musical for her to know what kind of character Troy is, but not enough to spoil it before she actually goes and sees it. It only takes a few moments for them to pull into the drive-thru queue at their local McDonald’s outlet and Louis’ mum is leaning out the window to place their order.

“I can’t believe she hasn’t seen High School Musical,” Liam thinks aloud.

Louis snorts, “I can’t believe we _have_.”

“Well it’s not my fault that your sister got that stupid song in my head.”

“It’s not my fault that I’ve got a sister,” Louis says and his mum hits him playfully.

“Seriously though, could we possibly be worse teenage boys?” Liam asks because he genuinely can’t think of a single more embarrassing thing than the fact that they’d seen High School Musical more than once and had _enjoyed_ it.

Louis shrugs in the front seat, “I dunno, we could be in a car with my mum ordering McDonald’s as a celebratory dinner before heading home for a sleepover and Supernatural marathon.” Liam bursts out laughing, followed shortly after by Louis, and Mrs Tomlinson has to hush them so she can hear the McDonald’s employee relay their order through the speaker box.

“You two are ridiculous,” She says with a tone of annoyance as she rights herself in her seat and drives to the next window.

“Could be worse.” Louis says and Liam nods in agreement because yeah, it could be so much worse.

*

It was about three quarters through grade eight that Liam realised that what he felt for Zayn wasn’t exactly normal. He learned all he could about the boy and his friends from other people, admired the boy’s swagger and general easy attitude down to the point where he felt confident he could do an accurate impersonation of him without having ever spoken a word to him. That was fun for Liam, but also a little disconcerting. But all Liam wanted was to be Zayn’s friend – he just wanted a chance to get to know the boy because he looked so cool and well, who didn’t want to be friends with the cool kid?

Liam’s friendship with Louis was what really helped Liam figure himself out. Louis was open about his feelings – adamant that love was love and it didn’t matter what gender the person you loved was, just so long as you loved them and they loved you back. Louis was also incredibly open about who he thought was fit at their school and was always trying to rope Liam into his games of ‘Would You Go There?’. The only time Liam agreed to play was during the annual swimming carnival in grade nine, where Liam and Louis were slouching in the grandstands and watching race after race and counting the seconds until they could get out of there and grab something to eat.

“Let’s play ‘Would You Go There’,” Louis suggested.

“You know I hate this game,” Liam protested but Louis, as always, only heard what he wanted to hear.

“That’s the spirit!” He straightened up on the metal bench they were seated on. “Glasses on Payne, this game requires intense staring.” Liam did as he was told and sat up a little straighter beside Louis because well, if they were playing this game, he wanted to make sure he could see everyone well before making judgements about them.

“No teachers, Louis.”

“But that’s no fun!”

“And no guys, either.”

Louis gave Liam an exasperated look but agreed, starting the game by suggesting a few girls who were all beautiful in their own way, be it through looks or personality, and he quickly got frustrated when Liam said he would indeed go there with any of the girls he suggested.

“Liam, do you even know how to play this game?”

“No, actually.”

“Well you’re supposed to be serious! Don’t lie! It doesn’t matter if Kelly’s got a great sense of humour, the reality is that she’s not your type and no, you wouldn’t go there.” Louis scolded and Liam wanted to laugh because really, who said he wouldn’t go there with Kelly? She was a great person. “Now, let’s try another one and you have to be honest this time.”

“Okay.”

“Danielle.”

Liam was quiet for a few moments, searching her out in the crowd and looking her over a few times. She was in her swimming costume at the time, towel around her waist and wet hair dripping over her shoulders after having just competed in a race. She looked good, the early to mid-afternoon sun shining brightly across her tanned and toned body. “I would.”

Louis groaned in frustration. “You don’t have to say that just because you’re friends – I’m not going to tell her.”

“I’m not!” Liam defended, “I genuinely would go there. She’s gorgeous.”

That made the other boy grin. “Well, good. Now that you’re playing properly, let me think of another good one.” There was something in Louis’ voice that Liam hadn’t recognised at the time but it had definitely caught his attention. “What about Perrie?”

Liam sighed, searching for her in the crowd. He found her platinum blonde hair first and his attention was dragged down to her skimpy clothing next, her ‘school spirit’ displayed proudly across her chest in bright pink war paint. “I guess so.”

“You guess?”

“I don’t know, Louis, this game is stupid.”

“No, come on, tell me why you only ‘guess so’ with Perrie.”

He shrugged, “I guess I just don’t find myself attracted to her. I don’t like how she dresses. Besides, she’s got a boyfriend. It’s weird.” He stammered a little, “Can we move on now?”

Louis had given him an odd look that Liam didn’t know how to decipher, but dropped the topic. “Okay, one more and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Fine.”

“Just promise you’ll tell me the first answer that pops into your head. Don’t think, don’t analyse, just say yes or no. Okay?”

Liam rolled his eyes, “Whatever Louis, let’s just get this game over with.”

“Would you go there with Zayn?”

And Liam didn’t even have to think about it, his answer was instantaneous, albeit a little startling when he was so sure he liked girls.

“Yes.”

*

To his disappointment, Zayn doesn’t speak to Liam again through the rest of term one or even term two. Liam even started arriving to social science class a little later than usual so he’d be forced to walk past Zayn’s desk on the way to the back row, but nothing ever happened. It was as if their eight word conversation never happened at all. Or maybe it was just another eight word conversation to Zayn and therefore meant nothing and he was completely unaware of how deeply it had impacted on Liam and his friends. That was probably more realistic, now that he thinks about it.

“It’s pathetic.” Liam whines.

“How badly they want to sex each other?” Louis asks, his eyes still on the TV screen in front of them as he chucks another handful of skittles into his mouth. It’s their traditional end-of-term sleepover at Louis’ place featuring chocolate, tonnes of sweets and night-long marathons of the greatest show on television at the moment – Supernatural.

“No, not that – me.”

Louis makes a little noise that Liam pretends he doesn’t hear and pauses the DVD. “Alright, what are you talking about?” He asks, rolling onto his side on the couch and propping his head up in his hand. “What’s up?”

Liam shakes his head, “It’s nothing – just thinking about Z-“

“Oh my God,” Louis groans, interrupting Liam and throwing his head back in the air. “Are you seriously thinking about Zayn right now? We’re watching two of the fittest men run around being macho and killing supernatural beings and all you can think about is that exotic boy that spoke eight words to you a few months ago and has ignored you ever since?” Liam blushes because well, when you put it like that, it sounds worse than it did in his head. “Have you gone mental?”

“I can’t help it…” He admits quietly.

Louis sighs, shaking his head. “You’ve got it bad.”

“I know.”

“So what’s so pathetic that had you distracted from those eyes?” Louis asks, eyes flicking from the TV screen where it’s paused on a close up of Dean and those green eyes that Louis loves. Liam has a theory that Louis loves another pair of green eyes just as much as Dean’s, but he never said anything. Instead, he sighs, rolling onto his back on the floor and staring up at the roof. Somehow, just one action makes it easier to be honest about what he’s thinking.

“The whole thing is just pathetic. I mean, liking the same guy since grade eight, liking a _guy_ , to be honest, and then actually speaking to him and then having absolutely _nothing_ happen afterwards? And then, even though he’s literally ignored me for all of my life, except for that conversation, I still want him so much it hurts some times. It just- It sucks.”

“Li,” Louis starts quietly, “I know we all joked about it at the time, but did you really think Zayn was going to magically do something after you spoke? He’s got a girlfriend, remember.”

“I know. I don’t know, I guess I was just hoping that something romantic and clichéd would happen after he spoke to me – that maybe he’d realise that he liked boys instead and wanted to be with me.”

“You mean like how it happened with you?”

Liam shrugs, “It wasn’t a bad idea, at the time.”

And Liam’s not really sure what it is, maybe it’s the way his voice sounds quiet and distant or the way their usual jovial sleepover had taken a serious turn, but Louis slides off the couch and wraps his arms across Liam’s stomach in a lazy hug. “He’s always going to be important to you, Liam. He helped you realise some pretty important things.”

“You mean that I like boys?” Liam provides dryly and Louis laughs against the fabric on his stomach.

“That’s definitely one.”

“I’m not sure I do though,” He admits and Louis sits up and looks Liam dead in the eye.

“Are you trying to tell me that you aren’t in love with Zayn Malik? Because that is a blatant lie.”

Liam rolls his eyes, sitting up a little. “No, not that. I think it’s pretty obvious that I like Zayn.” Louis snorts at that. “I just, I look at other guys at our school or around town and I don’t _see_ it. D’y’know what I mean?”

Louis frowns a little. “I think so.”

“I mean, I know I am capable of liking boys and I know I like girls, but it’s like neither category has someone for me anymore because of Zayn.”

“I definitely know what you’re talking about now.”

He raises an eyebrow at Louis, watching the way his eyes settle on a certain patch of carpet. “What’s up?”

“I’ve got to admit something.”

“Okay…”

Louis looks up and into Liam’s eyes and they just stare at each other for a few seconds before Louis blurts, “I think I like Harry.”

“I know.”

Louis shakes his head, “No, I don’t think you do. I mean _like_ like.”

“I _know_.” Liam says and Louis looks confused. “I’ve known for ages. I was just waiting until you knew.” Louis’ grin is instantaneous and before Liam really knows what’s going on, Louis is pushing himself off of the carpet and lunging for him in a hug that turns into a wrestle – the two of them fighting and laughing and joking until they fall apart beside each other on the carpet, staring up at the roof.

“My stomach hurts,” Liam says through dying chuckles, clutching his hand to his abdomen. Louis chuckles, wiping at his eyes to catch a few tears of laughter that had broken free and as their laughter finally turns into silence, Liam becomes acutely aware of the distance between their bodies.

“I knew too.” Louis says and Liam fights the urge to turn to look at him.

“Knew what?”

“That you liked Zayn. Before you admitted you did, anyway.”

Liam wants to ask how he knew but he thinks that maybe he would rather not know which of his weird techniques of information gathering about Zayn had caught his best friend’s attention. “You helped me realise it,” Liam says because it’s the truth. “Thanks for that. And for not caring that I, y’know,” He shrugs and sees Louis nod with his peripheral vision. Another wave of silence settles over them and they continue to stare up at the roof, the tick of the old clock on the piano by the door acting as some kind of hypnotic silencer.

“No wonder we like Supernatural so much,” Louis says randomly and this time, Liam can’t help but turn his head to look questioningly at his best friend. “It’s obvious isn’t it?”

“No?”

“Your favourite’s Dean – the broody and unavailable one, like Zayn. Mine’s Sam, the adorable smart one with the smile and hair...”

“Like Harry.” Liam says, his lips curving into a smile when he notices the dazed expression on Louis’ face.

“Exactly.”

Liam laughs, “Shit, well I hope we’re not as doomed as they are in the show otherwise we’re in for a lot of emotional turmoil.”

Louis looks to Liam and grins, “Speak for yourself mate, as far as I know, Harry’s fair game for me. You’re the only one in emotional turmoil right now.”

“Oh yeah, that’s why you hid in the bathroom for over an hour today.” Liam quips and Louis groans.

“Don’t remind me. That’s so embarrassing.”

Liam moves closer to Louis and ruffles his hair. “Don’t worry about it, I doubt Harry even noticed.”

“Maybe.”

“Well hey, look at it this way – either he didn’t notice and you’re all good, or he did and he’s wondering why you ran away from him.”

“Gee, thanks Liam, that’s really helpful.” Louis says sarcastically, rolling away from Liam to climb back up onto the couch.

“It is though, because either way, he’s going to need to talk to you - and _keep_ talking to you. A lot more than just once in the morning too, thanks to sharing the role in the musical and all, and he’s going to get to know you better and it’s going to be great. Or at least, much better than one eight word conversation almost four months ago.”

Louis chuckles and Liam grins.

“Can we go back to Supernatural now?” Louis asks.

“Sure, I’m done talking about those two – let’s just watch their American counterparts instead.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Louis reaches for the remote and presses play on the DVD as Liam breaks off a row of chocolate and settles into his position from earlier, feeling strangely reassured after being open with Louis about things. Louis makes an obscene sound. “I don’t care if Dean is the same as Zayn, I’d go him over Sammy any day.”

He can’t help but burst out laughing because this is one of his favourite things about being friends with Louis – they can have the deep and meaningful conversations, discuss things that Liam wouldn’t dare discuss with anyone else, and then the next second be back laughing and joking as if nothing had changed. “It’s the green eyes,” Liam provides.

“Oh shut up,” Louis says, throwing a pillow at Liam.


	3. Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of Semester Two of Grade 10 for Liam gives him more than he'd ever asked for and more than he'd ever dream to wish for - and it's only just getting started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I genuinely tried to write a proper summary this time and I hope it's not a lame one. Idk it probably is. But anyway, here's the next chapter. I changed a few things, there's less 'flashback' moments and hopefully more flow, so let me know what you think! 
> 
> Massive shout out (SHOUTOUT) to the people who support me along the way and tell me nice things. I love you!

The winter break goes by pretty fast – Liam spends most of it lazing about at home and playing video games over the internet with Andy. Louis is pretty busy learning his lines and attending vocal coaching sessions in readiness for the rehearsals which start the first week back and Danielle hasn’t had a spare moment since they finished for the semester, juggling her musical commitments with her shifts at the local clothes store and family life along with that; so Liam’s been pretty much by himself most of the time. Andy dropped by a few times, but Liam actually kind of likes spending two weeks away from his friends. It’s a nice change of pace – no one there to tease him when he sings along to Simon and Garfunkel while washing the dishes to help his mum out, or to shout out cat-calls when he takes his shirt off just to laze about in his room and _definitely_ no one to poke him in the side and call him _adorable_ when he clicks open Zayn’s facebook page for the tenth time in one day.

It’s not stalking, per se, Liam just likes to know what Zayn’s up to – in a non-creepy way. The worst part is, Zayn’s been silent on the site for the past thirteen days of holidays and that makes knowing what he’s up to a little harder to find out. On the evening of the fourteenth and final day of holidays, Liam clicks onto his page once more in the hopes of seeing something exciting. He’s in luck. There’s a new photo album at the top of Zayn’s timeline and Liam clicks it immediately. None of the photos look particularly interesting to Liam but he scrolls through anyway, taking note of the recurring faces. Harry and Zayn share a few photos, Niall making appearances too, and all three look high and drunk in almost all of them. Liam tries to tell himself that it’s an unhealthy lifestyle, but he can’t deny the small surge of attraction he feels when he sees a photo of Zayn, illuminated by bad camera flash against the night sky and dark backyard where it was taken, cigarette between his lips as he flips off the camera with a lazy smirk and smoke is frozen in time on its ascent to the clouds. It’s completely random, not posed or anything, and Liam wasn’t even aware that Zayn smoked but well, it takes his breath away anyway.

He debates with himself whether it’s weird to save the photo to his computer and upon deciding that yes, it is, he bookmarks the link instead. For future reference. It’s then that Louis’ name pops up on a facebook chat window.

**[8-56pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _about to have a nervy b_

**[8-56pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _can’t believe it’s school again 2morrow_

**[8-56pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _is it too early to call in sick?_

 Liam laughs to himself, shaking his head lightly as his fingers fly across the keyboard on his laptop.

**[8-57pm] Liam Payne:** _You’ll be fine. Rehearsal’s not until after school, yeah? So don’t worry about it – we can deal with it tomorrow._

**[8-57pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Your logic and good grammar are unwanted here, Liam._

**[8-57pm] Liam Payne:** _Good, because I’m about to head to bed._

**[8-58pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Are you joking? It’s not even 9 yet!_

**[8-59pm] Liam Payne:** _Gotta be well rested for semester two, right? All the important classes start this term._

**[9-00pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _I don’t get the point of these classes_

**[9-00pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _they’re senior classes but not?_

**[9-01pm] Liam Payne:** _It’s so we know what to expect next year._

**[9-01pm] Liam Payne:** _Didn’t you pay attention at the information evening?_

**[9-01pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Information evening?_

**[9-02pm] Liam Payne:** _I hope you know that I’m rolling my eyes at you right now._

**[9-03pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _I expect nothing less. :)_

**[9-05pm] Liam Payne:** _What classes are you signed up for again?_

**[9-08pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _English, Maths, History, Legal Studies, Music and Drama_

**[9-09pm] Liam Payne:** _So we’ve got five chances of being in the same class! I’m the same except swap music for home economics._

**[9-09pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Yay!_

**[9-09pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Wait, you’re taking a cooking class?_

**[9-10pm] Liam Payne:** _Mum said it would be a good relaxation class._

**[9-11pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _You better give me some of whatever you cook._

**[9-11pm] Liam Payne:** _Never_

**[9-11pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Fine :(_

**[9-11pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Didn’t want food poisoning anyway_

**[9-12pm] Liam Payne:** _Har har_

**[9-18pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Shit, have you seen Zayn’s holiday pics?_

**[9-18pm] Liam Payne:** _I’m going to bed_

**[9-19pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _No way, don’t leave now! We have to discuss!_

**[9-19pm] Liam Payne:** _School tomorrow_

**[9-19pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Liam!_

**[9-20pm] Liam Payne:** _Night :)_

**[9-20pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Liam, don’t you go offline now_

**[9-21pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _Liam James Payne get back online_

**[9-23pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _That’s it, you’re in for it tomorrow. Watch out._

**[9-25pm] Louis Tomlinson:** _P.s. you suck_

*

It was the middle of grade nine when Louis broke the news to Liam. It was the first time he could ever recall Louis looking so serious and it worried him immensely, especially considering they’d just parted ways from drama class in which Louis had been the same bundle of excitement he always was. He had no idea what had Louis so worried but as he sat down opposite him at their picnic table during lunch, he figured whatever it was was important.

“You okay?” He asked, bringing a jam sandwich to his mouth and taking a small bite.

Louis frowned. “I’ve got some news.”

“Alright,” Liam drew the word out, hoping to somehow drag the news from Louis.

“You’re not going to like it.”

“If you broke into my locker again, it’s fine.” He’d blurted because Louis looked so guilty and worried and Liam couldn’t think of anything else that it could be. Louis had a habit of breaking into Liam’s locker and messing things up which always made Liam anxious and frustrated, usually resulting in a scolding but he couldn’t bring himself to even think about then when the other boy looked so worried. Louis shook his head and took a deep breath.

“It’s not that.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to.” Louis retracted almost childishly and Liam found himself frowning too.

“Louis, whatever it is, you can tell me. I won’t be mad.” He promised. Louis looked up at him and looked even more crushed than he had before and Liam had no idea what to expect when Louis opened his mouth to speak.

“Perrie and Zayn are dating.”

And well, he certainly hadn’t expected _that_. Sure, he’d seen the two together sometimes because all those cool people shared the same table inside the cafeteria and yeah, maybe he’d looked at a few pictures of them together from parties he wasn’t invited to but _Zayn and Perrie_? No, that just – no. That wasn’t a thing. Liam frowned and Louis put his hand on his arm.

“I don’t know what to say, Liam.” He offered soothingly and it took Liam a few moments, but he managed a smile and pulled his arm from under Louis’ hand.

He shook his head, “There’s nothing to say. He’s got a girlfriend – so what?”

Louis tilted his head, “Liam,” He said knowingly.

“It’s fine.” Liam shrugged easily, turning his attention back to his sandwich in a way that hopefully said to Louis that he wasn’t lying. They both knew he was, but maybe Louis would be kind enough not to push it. And he was, thankfully, because Andy and Danielle came over a few moments later and started blabbering on about how they were cast in the musical and that next year they hoped to choreograph it all themselves. Louis promised them that he’d try out for a major role in the next musical since it was too late for that one and they all agreed it was a good idea. It was all just rambling to Liam though, no matter how excited they all sounded, rambling and rambling and Liam couldn’t get himself to focus.

Maybe if Liam hadn’t realised the truth about himself with Zayn, maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. It wasn’t fair that it hurt, because Liam didn’t ask to start liking a boy and Zayn certainly didn’t ask to have some weird kid admiring him from afar every day, but it just happened that way. He couldn’t blame Zayn for dating Perrie, she seemed nice enough and they sort of went well together, but it still sucked. Majorly.

“Alright, Li?” Andy asked, snapping his fingers in front of Liam’s face to bring his attention back to the conversation.

“He’s alright,” Louis replied for him, “We just watched Patch Adams in drama and it got to the poor lad, didn’t it?” Liam nodded, giving a small grateful smile to Louis for covering for him.

Danielle cuddled into his side and made a gentle cooing noise, “I thought you looked a little sad. Almost heartbroken. Is it a sad film, then?”

“Not really, just sort of puts things into perspective. A reality check, maybe.” He’d said and Louis had smiled sadly at him.

*

There’s  a few new things about the second semester of grade ten. First on the list is that Liam’s homeroom has moved from the science building to the library, where he and his peers have to sit in the tables grouped together usually used for study sessions. Second is that their homeroom teacher is different, Mr Newman who fixes the school computers and sort of looks like an owl. Liam hadn’t noticed until a girl in his class pointed it out and now it’s all he can see when he looks at him. It’s not too bad, really. The library is a fun place to have homeroom, Liam’s decided, because there’s other homerooms in there too that he can watch while pretending to listen to the morning notices. There are four other rooms, all connected by the library, that house different homerooms of different grades - one eighth grade, two ninth and another tenth – but it’s not as loud as Liam thought it would be. Probably because the librarian rules the room with an iron fist.

He’s not had much to do with her, yet, because he’s never had to use the library yet. In the previous years, Liam wasted no time in class when they were allocated assignment time and whatever he had left to do, he’d do at home on his own personal computer. He didn’t really like the school system anyway. Now that he’s going to be in the library every morning for homeroom though, Liam makes a decision to try and get on the librarian’s good side. As she shouts out a scolding to one of the boys in Liam’s class for wearing his flat-cap inside, he wonders if there is a good side to the woman. She’s blonde and wrinkled but not too old and he’s pretty sure she’s a smoker because her teeth look sort of disgusting and her wrinkles are just too deep-set to be early aging lines. Also, he thinks he’s seen her ducking out of the library for a fag once or twice too.

Liam’s attention is dragged from her to the library door, where Zayn’s just sauntered through, looking perfectly nonchalant – as always. He doesn’t seem to have changed much over the winter break, his face is a little more structured maybe, thanks to puberty, if Liam’s being totally honest, but nothing too drastic. Maybe his hair’s a little longer, too, but really, who’s paying attention? He watches as Zayn makes his way toward Liam’s class and Liam’s mouth is suddenly so dry because what if Zayn’s transferred to his class? What if Zayn sits at his table? What if Zayn says more words to him? God, Liam thinks he might faint on the first day of school.

Crisis is averted though as Zayn enters one of the side rooms, a computer lab housing the other tenth grade homeroom in the library and Liam wonders how he hadn’t noticed that it just so happened to be Zayn’s homeroom that was in there before.

“Liam? Liam Payne?”

His ears perk up and he blinks a few times, turning in the direction of the voice to see Mr Newman squinting at a sheet of paper.

“Liam?” He asks again, looking to the class for some kind of help but no one’s paying attention.

“Me, sir.” Liam answers, raising his hand a little to get Mr Newman’s attention.

The older man looks up and nods, marking the paper in his hands, which Liam can only assume is the attendance roll. “Come get your schedule.”

He does as he’s told, grabbing the paper from his teacher and examining it closely as he makes his way back to his seat at the furthest table from the rest of his class. It’s times like these that he wishes Louis or Danielle were in his homeroom, or even that he had a mobile phone, because he desperately wants to know if he shares classes with any of his friends. He hopes so, because this schedule doesn’t sound so fun if he’s got to do it all by himself every day – especially when his eyes land upon his first class for the day.

“Advanced mathematics?” He says aloud. Did he pick that class? He can’t remember. Probably. He wants to slap himself in the face for it now, though, because if there’s one thing Liam’s not good at (other than liking people who are actually gay) it’s maths.

The bell rings and the librarian scolds him for not making a move to leave for his next class and he nods, apologises and gathers his notebooks off the table before rushing out of the library. A great start to a great first day, he thinks. Advanced maths followed by legal studies and then lunch. Only two hours to get through before he can meet up with Louis and tell him the morning’s news, which is both good and bad, as far as Liam’s concerned, but he’s interested in what Louis will make of the new information.

*

So it turns out that, despite how seriously unqualified Liam is to be in the class, maybe studying advanced maths isn’t going to be as bad as he initially thought. Well no, scratch that, the actual _studying_ is going to be hell on earth but the whole being in class thing? Liam is 100% certain he can pull that off. Why? Because it just so happens that when Liam eventually locates the classroom at the top of the eastern stairwell in the maths building, he sees a certain dark haired, chiselled cheekboned Zayn Malik slouching against the wall outside the classroom along with the rest of the class. He would have thought he was only there to socialise before his class if it hadn’t been for the fact that _no one_ Zayn knew was in the class – or at least, no one Zayn seemed to actually like.

Liam takes solace in that, telling himself to be cool as he walked past Zayn and took up position at the back of the line of students waiting to be let into the class. He’s actually impressed with himself since he managed to walk past Zayn, making it clear that he was in the same class as him, without making a complete dick of himself. Liam counts that as a small win, in the grand scheme of things.

“One small step for man,” He says quietly, chuckling to himself.

“Are you talking to me?”

Liam glances up and sees Perrie staring at him, brow furrowed like she can’t quite figure something out.

He shakes his head, “I was just – never mind – uh.”

She nods and continues walking past, and Liam breathes a sigh of relief because it could have been seriously dangerous if she happened to be in his class. Which, judging by the way she swings into the line beside Zayn, she is. Shit. He tries not to be too obvious about watching them as Perrie leans into Zayn and says something with a strange expression on her face and then Zayn’s looking down the line at Liam for the briefest of seconds before returning all his attention to the girl in front of him. Liam feels like dying and or crying.

Eventually their teacher lets them into the room and everyone takes up seats with their friends, which makes Liam notice how seriously lucked out he is. In order to settle the worldly balance of allowing Liam to share a class with Zayn, it would seem that he’s not allowed any other friends in the class. Not that Zayn’s his friend. Whatever.

It’s not as though Liam’s unpopular however, and before he knows it, he’s being called over to the side where a few of the science kids are sitting. They’re not exactly _nerds_ but they are really smart and know their maths and sciences and Liam silently thinks that maybe this is a blessing too because he’s going to need all the help he can get. Their teacher, Mr Usher, hands out text books and Liam scrawls his name in the table of contents like the nine students who’ve used it before him and raises his head to survey the room – not that there’s much of interest in there. What’s more interesting to Liam is the seating arrangement. In the centre of the room, in the first of two rows of three desks, Perrie sits flanked by her two best friends Jade and Leigh. They’re all gossiping, at least that’s how it seems to Liam by the way they bend over their desks to speak quickly and quietly to one another. Behind them, Zayn sits beside Josh, a boy Liam’s met a few times. He’s not really sure what kind of person Josh is, but he knows that Josh and Niall are pretty much best friends and well, Liam’s not sure what kind of person Niall is either. They both seem nice, but you never can tell. Honestly, Liam’s always had a bit of a disliking for Niall which he could never explain.

The class passes relatively quickly and Liam’s left confused and flustered and as he gathers his notebooks to go to his next class, he silently reminds himself that he’s going to leave this class confused and flustered for the rest of the semester.

*

He hurries by himself back to the library, ready for his next class of legal studies. He’s actually pretty excited about taking this, even if it’s going to be hard. When he arrives outside the library, he breaks out into a grin.

“Paaaaaaaayno!”

“Tommo!”

Louis gives Liam a hug, even though they’d seen each other that morning. “Finally, a class together!” He says dramatically, as if they’ve never actually had any before.

“Did you forget about sharing drama for the past two years?” Liam asks teasingly.

“One and a half,” Louis corrects him, leading him back to where he’d been waiting in line outside. “Give us a look at your timetable then.” Liam hands it over and Louis passes him his without even being asked.

“Drama together again?” Liam raises his eyebrows, looking to Louis hopefully.

They compare timetables, “Yep, drama and legal together. Two times the Lilo fun!” Louis beams and Liam rolls his eyes.

“I’ve told you before, stop putting our names together in weird combinations.”

“But we’re a dynamic duo – like Brangelina!”

“They’re a couple,” Liam points out and Louis waggles his eyebrows.

“We could be too.”

Liam laughs, “Stuff off.”

“Oh I forgot, I’m not your type.” Louis mutters, deliberately loud enough for Liam to hear, and turns his attention back to his timetable. He lets out a loud, obnoxious guffaw. “You’re taking advanced maths? _You_? What a laugh.”

“I’ve got interesting news about that class-“

“Yeah?” Louis looks up and Liam’s about to continue when the other boy’s eyes grow wide and his mouth sort of drops open. “Soul mate alert.”

Liam can’t stop himself from spinning around and sure enough, Zayn is slowly coming to a stop near the line of students outside the library, attention on his mobile.

“Oh, God, double soul mate alert.” Louis whispers behind him and Liam shifts his attention to the other pathway that leads to the library, where Harry is striding confidently toward the class. They watch in relative silence, (Louis sounding like he’s been stabbed in the chest and slapping Liam in the ribs a few times because _can this even be happening?_ ) as Harry walks over to Zayn, who grins at his friend. Liam feels his body loosen at the sight of it and Louis sighs behind him.

“He’s in my maths class too,” Liam says quietly before deciding that they’ve spent more than enough time staring at their classmates and turns to face Louis. He has to take a step back because Louis’ still in his personal space after having just pressed himself against Liam’s back whilst staring at Harry and Zayn.

Louis’ jaw drops open a little more. “Harry does _advanced maths_? Where do I sign up?”

“Not him, idiot. Zayn.”

“Ohh,” Louis nods, comprehending. “Maybe you two can have study dates or something.”

“God knows I’m gonna need the help,” Liam mutters as their teacher arrives and holy crap, what are the chances of having his maths teacher as his legal teacher? Pretty good, evidently. “That’s my maths teacher.”

Louis glances toward Mr Usher and then back at Liam and shakes his head. “So Monday mornings are full of sameness.” He muses aloud, picking up his books and following the line into the library and then into the classroom. “Interesting.”

“That’s not even a word,” Liam points out as they take up the back table in the classroom, watching it fill up.

“Interesting?” Louis asks, just to be painful. Liam ignores him because at that moment, Zayn and Harry walk past their table, deep in conversation.

“Alright lads?” Harry says by way of greeting before returning to whatever it was he was saying to Zayn before that as they make their way to the front table in the room. It takes a few seconds for Liam to realise that Louis’ giggling at him and a few more seconds for him to pull his eyes away from the two.

“Think he’s forgotten about your mental breakdown last semester?” He asks because he knows what Louis’ thinking and he wants to wipe that stupid grin off his face. It works because Louis groans again and lets his head fall down on his books on the desk.

“I hope so. Was he at the meeting place this morning?”

“Nope.”

Louis makes another pained noise. “And here I was thinking it would be the _reading_ in this class that’d kill us.” He whispers as Mr Usher hushes the class so he can start the introduction and Liam nods because the reading is definitely the least of their worries here.

*

When Liam had decided he needed to tell Andy about his new _feelings_ , he realised that the only way it was going to work was if Andy wasn’t in the same room as him. Not that he was afraid of what Andy would do, but Liam just wasn’t certain that he’d be able to actually say anything if they were speaking face to face, or even speaking at all. He intended to text him about it, but Louis had told him that that was the cheaters way out and that when you were good friends with someone, like Liam and Andy were, they deserved honesty. So, a few weeks after his epiphany with Louis, Liam just spilled it out during the weekly assembly.

They’d just stood for the national anthem and as the crowd was resettling in their seats and starting pointless and endless conversations, Liam leaned over to Andy and murmured, “I fancy Zayn.”

The look on Andy’s face was a mixture of confusion, shock, wonder and a tiny bit of horror. Luckily for them both, they were seated beside a teacher and therefore had no opportunity to speak again until the end, giving Andy a good forty minutes to digest the new information and Liam enough time to figure out if he should pretend it was all a joke or not.

When their principal stood at the lectern and brought the assembly to a close, the room roared into life around them and everyone headed for the doors out. Liam rose to leave too, but noticing that Andy was still sitting, he sat back down. When the students that were around them had moved further toward the door, it left Andy and Liam on their own.

Liam didn’t know what to say and judging by the look on his face, neither did Andy. The assembly hall slowly emptied and grew quieter until the only sounds left were the ticking of the massive clock beside the stage and their breathing.

“So you’re…?” Andy left the question hanging but his intention was clear and Liam shrugged.

“I’m not totally sure yet.”

“But you know that-“ He paused, searching for the words. “You know you like him, though? You’re sure?”

Liam gave a short laugh, “That’s probably the only thing I’m sure of regarding this whole thing.”

Andy nodded. Liam waited.

“It’s okay, if you don’t want to-“ Liam waved his hands in the air in front of him, assuming Andy would understand where he was going with that sentence, like he always had, “I’d understand.” Andy nodded again and took a few more moments.

“Nah,” He said finally, looking at Liam for the first time in ages. “I mean, it’s weird, but you’re still my best mate. You’re still Liam.”

Liam smiled at him. “Thanks.”

“It’s going to take a bit of time though,” He said cautiously, “For me to get used to it or whatever. And maybe, I dunno, maybe we need a few rules or something?”

“Rules?”

“Yeah, like, until I get more used to it.”

Liam nodded, “Like no telling you who I fancy?”

Andy cracked a smile at that, “Well, if he’s made you realise you’re into boys over girls, I’d say you’re not about to go fancying anyone else any time soon.”

“You’ve got a point, there.” He conceded. They’d both gotten up at that point, because it was their lunch break and they weren’t going to waste it in the assembly hall, but also because the janitor came in and stared at them like he’d caught them making out.

“So, _Zayn Malik_ , huh?” Andy had asked, draping an arm over Liam’s shoulders as they walked together toward the picnic table. “Could be worse, I s’pose.”

“It really couldn’t,” Liam blurted and Andy gave him a strange look before shrugging and chuckling lightly. He knew that Andy wasn’t totally okay with the idea, but he was giving it a try and Liam couldn’t have asked for anything more. He wouldn’t have blamed Andy for telling him that their friendship was over after that, he would have been surprised, sure, but he wouldn’t have blamed him. The fact that Andy was sticking with him, even though the new revelation shook him, was a sign of just how close they were.

*

“Woah, why d’you two look so down?” Andy asks as he and Danielle approach their picnic table at lunch, motioning for Dani to slide into the seat first, following after her. “Did someone die?”

“Andy!” Danielle scolds, hitting his arm. She turns her attention to Louis and Liam. “What’s wrong?”

“Zayn’s in my class.”

“Class _es_.” Louis adds, taking a bite of his mini-pizza.

Andy’s brow furrows and he brushes a hand through his hair, “And that’s a problem? I thought you wanted to be in his classes?”

“Yeah, I do,” Liam says, “But well, the first class we’re in has Perrie in it-“

“Oooh,” Danielle commentates.

“-and the second has Harry.”

The older boy nods, and then shakes his head a little. “That’s rough, man. Sorry.”

“What? No it isn’t!” Danielle says, smacking Andy on the arm again before looking to Liam. “Are you crazy? You’ve got a _whole morning_ with Zayn! A whole 140 minutes together every Monday, not including the commute time between classes and not to mention the fact that those two classes you share happen three times a week for a _whole semester._ What could possibly be wrong with that?”

Liam smiles a little because yeah, Dani’s got a point. “Maybe the fact that he’s cockblocked in both classes?” Louis reminds them, voice noticeably sad.

“Wait, if it’s about Zayn, what’s your problem?” Andy asks.

Liam looks to Louis who just stares back because the other two don’t know that Louis’ crushing on Harry something shocking. “Just second-hand depression for me, I’d say.” Liam says in an attempt to save the day. It seems to work.

“Well don’t you two worry,” Danielle says authoritatively, “You’ve got plenty of time to sort yourself out with Zayn. Don’t rush it.”

He nods and looks down at his food, not really feeling hungry but knowing that if he doesn’t force himself to eat now, he’ll be falling asleep in his next class. Louis changes the subject by asking to see Dani’s schedule and they’ve got English class together but she and Liam have nothing, which is annoying but also sort of a relief because as lovely as she is, he hates being the one to comfort her through unnecessary panic attacks when grades are given out.

“Give us a look at your schedule, Li?”

He hands it over and Danielle makes a noise of what seems to be approval. “You’ve got English with Grimmy.” She says and Liam grins. He likes Grimmy – he’s funny and always has the greatest stories about how he and Ed got wasted and/or high on the weekend and got up to mischief. “And home ec too.” She looks up, quirking an eyebrow. “You’re doing home ec?”

Liam shrugs, “Mum said it’d be good relaxation.”

Danielle nods as if that makes perfect sense and Liam settles into the knowledge that he’s got friends in two more of his classes. “Harry’s in your history class, by the way. And Josh.”

“What?” Louis asks as Liam’s saying, “Do you have everyone’s schedules memorised?”

She gives them both a funny look before ignoring Louis and answering Liam. “Sort of – I’ve just looked at a few already and people fill me in on who they know are in their classes and well, I thought I’d fill you in too.”

“Okay,” He says, taking his schedule back and looking down at it. “So, just to be sure, I’ve got history with Harry,” Andy snorts, “English and home ec with Grimmy and drama and legal with this fool beside me.”

“Oi!”

“Don’t forget your soul mate,” Andy interjects, tilting his head back and guiding a gravy-covered chip into his mouth from above, to avoid getting mess on his white school uniform.

“Ah yes, the two classes from hell,” Liam says with a resigned sigh.

Andy rolls his eyes, chewing and swallowing his food before saying “Come off it, it won’t be that bad.”

“I’m gonna argue with you on that one.”

“Mate, it’s like the prime perving time. You can check him out all through class and maybe even get to know him a little bit – it’s a good thing.”

Liam shrugs, “Maybe.” He watches his friends go back to eating before frowning a little. “Wait, since when did our conversations centre around my lack of relationship with Zayn?”

Danielle smirks, “Since your lack of a relationship became more interesting than all our lives combined.” The bell chooses that moment in time to ring and all four of them crumple their rubbish and slide out of their seats.

“What’ve you got now?” Louis asks Liam and before he can say anything, Danielle’s replying for him.

“English with Grimmy and Mrs Bird.”

Liam laughs and Louis shakes his head as they watch Andy and Danielle walk off together, a little closer than probably necessary.

“They’ve gotten a bit chummy, haven’t they?” Louis asks.

“I suppose.”

“Think something might come of it?”

Liam shrugs, “Who knows.”

“It’d be cute.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Don’t be jealous, Liam, just because you said you’d go there doesn’t mean you should.” Liam scoffs and Louis continues, a smirk on his lips, “Besides, your soul mate is already ready and waiting.”

*

Apparently when Louis said ‘ready and waiting’, he meant it literally because when Liam glances up from his seat beside Grimmy in English, he sees Zayn and Harry walk through the door. Liam wonders if Louis knew this information, sneaky information gatherer that he was, or whether his ambiguous statement just happened to be correct – either way, Liam reminds himself to be vigilant when revealing the news to him, otherwise it’d be like that time Louis insisted he was Jesus just because he asked for God to move the clouds away and the next second the sun was shining from a clear sky. Louis was just lucky like that, sometimes. Not as lucky as Liam seems to be, if his current circumstances could even be considered lucky.

“This semester, we’ll be studying Romeo and Juliet,” Mrs Bird announces from the front of the room, picking up a stack of books and handing them to the first student she sees. “Take one, pass it on,” She instructs before continuing, “It’s clichéd, I know, but now is the perfect time for you to read it. You’re around the same age as Juliet was and some of you are just as love sick.”

Liam laughs loudly and Grimmy gives him a funny look. “Calm down, Liam – it wasn’t that funny,” He says, passing him a playbook.

“Yeah, sorry, I just, y’know, remembered something Lou said earlier. It’s, it’s fine.” He stammers, bundling the leftover books and leaning over his desk to pass them into the row in front of him. He hadn’t noticed earlier, but he’s definitely noticed now, but in the row in front of him and Grimmy are Zayn and Harry. Naturally. “Um,” Liam clears his throat quietly, trying to get Harry’s attention before jabbing him in the back with the corner of one of the books.

“What?” Harry says gruffly, turning around. Liam waits, sort of expecting an apology but not getting one. He shakes the bundle of books and Harry seems to put two and two together, taking the bundle and turning back around.

“Don’t worry about him,” Grimmy advises as he signs the inside cover of the playbook. “He gets in these moods sometimes. He doesn’t mean anything by it.”

Liam nods. Whilst he’s known Harry for a little while now, their relationship only goes so far and to be honest, speaking to someone for half an hour before school every day doesn’t really allow the greatest insight into someone’s personality. He makes a mental note to relay this information to Louis later when Mrs Bird speaks again.

“Okay, since we’re all here and equipped with the works of Shakespeare, let’s get to work! I need volunteers – who wants to play a part?” Much to Liam’s surprise, hands shoot up all over the place, Harry’s included. Mrs Bird allocates roles to a majority of the class, even though there’s no way they’re going to get far enough in the play to use all of them before the end of the period. Harry’s given the role of Romeo, Grimmy gets Benvolio and Ed across the room gets Mercutio, even though Liam thinks their roles should be switched. Jade Thirwall, one of Perrie’s friends, snags Juliet and one of her friends, the nurse.

“Liam, you’re our resident actor, right?” Mrs Bird asks, and Liam feels his insides electrify because he knows there’s only one major character left and it’s his favourite out of all of Shakespeare’s characters – Tybalt.

“I definitely wouldn’t say that,” Liam says, self-depreciating as always, and Mrs Bird smiles.

“Would you mind playing a few of the smaller roles?”

He feels his smile fall but maintains it just enough for no one to notice. “Sure, just tell me who you want?”

So she does and he grabs the roles of the Montague boys and even the narrator at the beginning before she’s saying, “Zayn, could you read Tybalt for us please?” And of course, of _course_ , Zayn gets to play Liam’s favourite character, on today of all days, because what else could possibly happen to force their lives to collide?

*

“So you skate, then?” Liam had asked Harry one morning when he arrived to the meeting place with a board under his arm.

“Nah, it just looks cool.” He replied dryly before dropping the board to the ground and skating around a little.

Liam nodded because he wasn’t sure if Harry was joking or being honest, something Liam found himself constantly questioning during their conversations. “What else do you do for fun?”

Harry shrugged, doing a half-arsed kickflip on the board and only just managing to stay standing after bailing. “Drink, play guitar, football.” He gathered up his skateboard before sitting beside Liam. “You?”

“Boring stuff – just reading and movies, mostly.”

Their conversation dried up a little bit after that, as they watched the morning football game on the field. “I sing a bit, too.” Harry admitted quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Liam nodded, slowly and unsurely because it seemed like this revelation wasn’t really a widely known thing. “You any good?”

Harry scoffed, “Dad reckons I suck, but he always says that unless I’m getting A’s in class.” Liam frowned at that and was busy trying to think of something to say when Harry rose from the bench and pulled his backpack on again. As usual, they didn’t say goodbye, Harry just left and Liam remained seated as he thought over the huge piece of Harry he’d just been exposed to.

*

Liam makes it through the entire day with as little scarring as possible. English was relatively painless except for when his classmates didn’t know how to pronounce certain Shakespearian terms (Liam cringed every time someone pronounced ‘thou’ as ‘though’). Thankfully, and surprisingly, Zayn knew how to say the words and was even a decent dramatic reader, in Liam’s humble opinion.

(He’d said as much to Louis in drama after their second lunch break and he’d rolled his eyes and said, “Yes Liam, but Zayn could read out the dictionary and mispronounce every single word and you’d still think it was great.” Liam blushed at that because yeah, maybe Louis had a point – it wasn’t his fault that Zayn had possibly the greatest accent in the history of accents.)

He’s sitting on his bed later that night, maths text book in front of him and a mix cd Louis had made him on the stereo because the only thing that can get Liam to focus is the depressing drawl of the Smiths and whatever other indie bands Louis’ included on there. He’s trying to get a head start on the whole advanced maths thing, but the fact of the matter is, he’s got no idea what he’s looking at. There’s words like ‘tangent’ and ‘logarithm’ and Liam’s not even sure what they mean, let alone their relation to the world of mathematics. He’s just about ready to give up when there’s a knock on his bedroom door.

“Studying already?” His mum asks, small smile on her lips.

Liam shrugs and pushes the textbook away. “Just trying to figure this out before I get left behind.”

“It’s only the first day, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Maybe,” He says, just because his mum’s being nice and he doesn’t want to squash her optimism. “What’s up?”

And his mum just looks at him funny as if she’d forgotten the reason why she was there before her face lights up and she pulls the cordless house phone from behind her back and hands it to him. “Louis’ on the phone.”

“Ah,” Liam takes the phone, covers the mouthpiece with his thumb as he does so, and smiles at his mum. “Thanks.”

“I’ll be going to bed soon, so don’t stay up too long.”

“Okay.”

“Love you, Liam.”

“Love you too.”

She gives him another small smile before leaving the room and pulling his door shut and Liam counts his blessings that he doesn’t have a parent who doesn’t understand that if a door is shut when you arrive somewhere, the door should be shut when you leave too. He brings the phone to his ear, hearing music playing in the background along the line and sighs deeply before moving his thumb from the mouth piece.

“Hey,”

There’s a moment’s pause before Louis says, “All you’ve got to say is ‘hey’? You’re not going to ask me how rehearsal went?”

“How’d rehearsal go?” Liam drones, just to satisfy his best friend.

“It was brilliant, we got through the first scene and it’s hilarious.”

Liam tries to think back to the movie, “Isn’t the first scene the karaoke one?”

“Yes.”

He furrows his brow, “That’s not really funny…is it?”

Louis makes an exasperated noise into the phone and Liam rolls his eyes, leaning back into his pillows. “Obviously I wasn’t finished with my story, was I?”

“Sorry,”

“You should be.”

“I am.”

“Can I continue now?”

“Please do.”

“I will.”

“Good.”

“Shut up and let me tell you the funny part!”

“Okay.” Liam giggles when he hears Louis groan down the line. “Sorry, I really will be quiet now.”

“Good.” And Liam fights the urge to speak again. “So remember how Copey said they were double casting the lead roles? Well guess which Gabriella I’m stuck with.”

“No way,” Liam breathes.

“Yep, you guessed it, our favourite blonde bombshelle – Perrie Edwards.”

Liam laughs because he doesn’t really know what else to do. “Did you have to act with her today?”

“Not really, mostly we were blocking out the scene.”

He nods despite the phonecall and waits for Louis to speak again.

“Harry was watching.”

“That’s good!” Liam says enthusiastically, “Isn’t it?”

“Maybe.”

Liam frowns, “Are you nervous about him watching you?”

“A little.”

“Why? You’re the best actor in our grade.”

Louis scoffs, “Hardly.”

“Don’t be such a prat, you know you are.”

“Whatever, that’s beside the point.”

Liam sighs, “Well, what is the point?”

There’s silence on the line for a few moments. “I don’t really have one,” Louis admits. “But the choreography is good too. Andy and Dani have smashed it.”

“You’re learning the dances already?”

“Nah, but I was watching them step it out for Copey and the rest and they all seemed to really be into it.”

Liam grins, “Good.”

“Zayn showed up, too.”

He feels his throat constrict a little, but manages out a joking, “Seems like all the important people made an appearance.”

“He looked really good. Albeit a little bored.”

“Why are so many people allowed to watch rehearsals?”

“Dunno, really.” Louis admits with a huff, “I guess Copey didn’t realise he was there.” Liam nods again. “Okay, so maybe I am nervous about Harry.” Louis blurts and doesn’t even give Liam a chance to respond before he’s blabbering on again. “I know this is his first acting role and his first _real_ singing role and I don’t want him to watch me and try and learn from me because he thinks I’m the best when I’m not. I don’t want to let him down. What if he tries to base himself off me and realises that I actually suck? What if he thinks I suck? What if-“

“Louis,” Liam interrupts, “Shut up. Harry doesn’t think you suck.”

“But how do you know?”

“I just do,” Liam says with a sigh, glancing toward the clock beside his bed. “I might head to bed now, Lou.”

“You’re such a Granny, Liam Payne.” Louis berates him, probably having just checked the time himself.

“Yeah, well, if tomorrow is as eventful as today was, I’m going to need the rest.”

Louis cackles down the line, “I hope the whole _semester_ is as eventful as today was! Life gets so dull sometimes.”

“Goodnight, Lou.”

“’Night, Liam.”

He hangs up the phone and rests it on his bedside table before kicking his textbooks off his bed and onto the floor. He settles into his sheets, closes his eyes and breathes deeply, willing sleep to come at him. It takes a few seconds for him to remember that his bedroom light’s still on. Liam climbs out of bed with a groan, shuffling across the carpeted floor to flick the light switch and plunge his room into darkness. He makes the trip back to his bed by memory, thankful that for once his school shoes aren’t hiding along the way, ready to trip him at any moment.

Diving onto his bed, Liam wiggles under the covers again and lets out another sigh of contentment as he stares up at his dark roof. Louis might have a point in thinking that life gets dull, but Liam sincerely hopes that the rest of the semester isn’t nearly as eventful as the past 24 hours has been. Having three classes with Zayn is enough, he doesn’t want to speak to him or get to know him and have his hopes dashed by him – just being around him is fine. There was a time when Liam would have given anything to be friends with Zayn, but he’s come to realise that people are different when you actually know them and Liam’s not ready to lose his ideal image of Zayn. He doesn’t want to get close to him only to realise that he’s not the guy he thought he was. So he’s happy with their distance, grateful even, for their shared time, and he wishes for nothing more than that.

But, as always, what Liam wishes for isn’t what Liam gets.


	4. Arguments and Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zayn does something smart but also something silly, Louis gets a confusing glimpse of what he wants and Liam gets informed but also gets disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised during this chapter that this story is going to end up with at least 15 chapters or something so idk I hope you guys are in for the ride because it's gonna be a long one ya feel me?
> 
> Cheers for the love and I hope you dig this chapter.

The first week back goes smoothly, followed by the second, and then the third. Liam learns to enjoy his Monday mornings and the little extra insight into Zayn’s life that it provides (he often overhears stories of Zayn’s wild weekends which serve as necessary context to the photographic evidence Liam sees on Sunday nights). Grimmy becomes a closer friend than Liam had ever really expected, purely because he’s always got gossip and it’s sometimes about Zayn and Liam appreciates Grimmy’s inability to understand that some things aren’t meant for public knowledge. And, he’s a laugh too – they’re often getting told off for joking too much instead of baking in Home Ec and Mrs Bird is always sending glares Grimmy’s way when he ‘gangstafies’ Shakespeare. Liam also, much to his surprise, branches out a little further and becomes friends with Josh and even better friends with Harry thanks to sharing the second back row of desks in their history class. Josh is nice, Liam decides, although he’s still a little unsure about him. Harry’s great though, and they’re always messing about and getting scolded for not taking their work seriously.

It’s all smooth sailing until Monday of the fourth week back. Liam’s walking behind Zayn, following him from their maths classroom to the library for legal studies, at a safe enough distance that it’s not creepy. He finds himself wondering if Zayn’s aware of his presence behind him and whether he finds it weird or if he doesn’t even care. Probably the latter, if Liam’s honest, because it doesn’t seem like anything ever really bothers Zayn. Liam’s jealous of how laidback and nonchalant Zayn is.

Eventually, Liam peels away from behind Zayn and makes his way over to Louis who’s biting his nails and looking too jittery for so early in the day. “So, what’s up?” He asks, shoving his hands into the warm pockets of his track pants. Louis looks at him questioningly and Liam rolls his eyes. “You’re practically eating your hands, Louis, something’s obviously wrong.”  

Louis looks nervous and it reminds Liam of the time he’d broke the news about Zayn and Perrie. He swallows thickly, nervous as well for reasons he doesn’t even know. “It’s a Sam thing.” Louis manages.

Liam’s brow furrows. “Sam?”

“ _Sam_.” Louis repeats, willing Liam with his eyes to understand.

“Sam…” Liam echoes, trying to place whether he even knows someone by that name.

“ _Harry you idiot,_ ” Louis whispers harshly and Liam lets out a noise of stupid comprehension before Louis’ glaring at him. “He transferred into my music class.”

There’s expectant silence between them where Louis looks to Liam for a response but there’s nothing really to say. “That’s…unexpected.” He says finally, just so Louis can continue.

“He never said anything to you about it?” Louis pries.

“Nope.”

“Not even at the meeting place this morning? Before I got there?”

“Don’t you think I would have said?”

Louis shrugs. “That’s strange.”

“Is it though? I mean, he’s in the musical now, it kinda makes sense that he’d join the music class too, doesn’t it?” _It’s not as if he transferred just for you,_ Liam wants to say, but doesn’t, because no matter how dramatic Louis can get, it’s sometimes best to just let him be. Louis shrugs again. “This semester is full of surprises.” Liam says finally, as if that explains everything.

Louis nods, leaning back against the wall as they wait for Mr Usher to make his way to class. “Something tells me there’s more surprises to come.” He thinks aloud and Liam couldn’t agree more.

He turns around, falling beside Louis on the wall and watching their classmates mingle. They’re all giggling and chatting excitedly and, well, they’re _boring_. Zayn’s not boring though, and it only takes a few minutes of boring people watching for Liam’s eyes to flit over to where Zayn’s standing in the gardens of the library courtyard, soaking up the small amount of sun streaming through the gap between the library roof and the covering of the paths between buildings. Harry saunters up a few moments later and Liam watches the two talk. He can’t hear it, but their body language is interesting enough. Harry makes Zayn smile bright and laugh loudly and Liam secretly wants to know what the joke is that seems to bring him such joy.

“Alright, come along, let’s go.” Mr Usher mutters, having appeared from nowhere and motions for the class to follow him inside and into the classroom. They all file in and take the same seats they always do, even though there’s no assigned seating plan. Liam’s sliding his legal studies notebook from the bottom of his pile of books for the morning classes as Harry and Zayn walk by. Sometimes Harry mutters a greeting to them but today he doesn’t.

“Wait,” Liam says suddenly, and it makes the boys look back with confused expressions. “Oh, um, not you guys, I’m talking to Louis.” He feels the distinct heat of blush spreading across his cheeks and lighting up his face. The two boys continue on their way and Louis’s looking at Liam like he’s the biggest idiot in the world. “How do you know Harry’s in your class?”

“Because I had music this morning?” Louis says, raising an eyebrow when Liam nods. “Why?”

“I just wondered if he’d told you himself or not.”

“Obviously not.”

“Obviously,” Liam mumbles, ignoring the snap in Louis’ tone and looking ahead at the board on which Mr Usher was writing notes about the history of consumer law. “Did he sit with you?” He whispers as the room falls into studious silence.

It takes Louis a few moments to respond, but when he does, it makes Liam grin. “Yes.”

The majority of class is spent copying down Mr Usher’s messily scrawled notes from the whiteboard and the silence in the room doesn’t allow for much more conversation. Toward the end though, Mr Usher brings up the topic of illegal immigrants and asks the class for their opinion. No one says anything at first and Liam can’t hardly blame them. It’s not exactly something any of them are well versed on, and no one wants to say the wrong thing on such a sensitive topic. The silence continues before Mr Usher urges them on, “Feel free to contribute, guys. There’s no wrong answers here.”

“I don’t see the problem with it.” Harry states, much to Liam’s surprise.

“Neither.” Another voice agrees and Liam doesn’t even have to look up to know that it’s Zayn. He does anyway though, because Zayn doesn’t contribute much in class discussions and it’s got Liam intrigued as to what makes this discussion so different.

Louis must catch on to Liam’s interest because he leans over and mutters, “Rumour has it that some of the extended Malik family aren’t in England by the most legal of ways.”

Oh.

“So you think that people who don’t go through the proper legal paperwork in order to enter our country shouldn’t be prosecuted?” Mr Usher presses, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the front of his desk.

Harry starts to speak but Zayn cuts him off and Liam watches as a flicker of worry crosses Harry’s face. “I think that people who are coming here illegally are usually fleeing something pretty horrible in their country and don’t exactly have the time to waste filling out hours of paperwork only to be put on a waiting list for a couple of years and then told that their application has been denied.”

The venom that laces Zayn’s words takes a few minutes to sink in but it leaves Liam feeling uncomfortable and a little irrationally angry at Mr Usher for bringing up the topic. Also, strangely, a little turned on.

“That’s a valid point,” Mr Usher concedes and Liam desperately wishes he’ll drop the topic, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. “But what about those who come here from faraway nations like Iraq or Sudan? Surely if they’re so desperate for safety they’d go to the first safe nation they can find, not travel further than necessary just to get into England.”

Liam watches Zayn’s jaw tense (ignoring for the moment how hot it is) and Harry looks like he’s fighting an inner battle as to whether he should tell Mr Usher to shut up or stand on Zayn’s side and the room is so tense that Liam can’t help but think that this conversation is only ending badly.

“Why would they go places where there’s no guaranteed help or safety for them? Why not fork out a few more bucks and go somewhere that they know is safe and have a better chance of being accepted and not kicked out straight away?” Zayn counters and his voice isn’t raised and it doesn’t even sound angry but there’s definite malice behind his words.

Mr Usher laughs, actually _laughs_ , and Liam wants to punch him for it. “Surely you don’t think that these people are entitled to their illegal entry?” Zayn shrugs. “What, so if someone cut ahead of you in line for concert tickets, tickets to see your favourite band play, and you’ve been waiting for hours and you’re so excited to go and then you finally get to the ticket booth only to find out that the last tickets were sold to those line-cutters, you’d be okay with that?” He looks expectantly at Zayn but doesn’t give him more than a second to respond before continuing, “Do you think that people who cut in line deserve to have things before those who have gone through the proper and legal means? Are you really that uneducated? Zayn, if you’re going to try and argue against me, at least be sure that you’ve got a well thought out, educated argument, because right now you look like an absolute fool.” And that last bit makes Liam’s jaw drop and he wants to help, desperately wants to jump in and defend Zayn and his opinion and his stance on the whole matter but he’s got nothing to contribute and he feels so useless and he wishes he could help but before he’s even managed to put one sentence together in his mind, Zayn’s staring daggers at their teacher and leaning forward over the desk.

“Don’t,” Harry warns quietly, a hand on Zayn’s forearm, but he doesn’t seem to take any notice.

“With all due respect, Mr Usher,” Zayn spits the words like they taste foul on his tongue, “I’m not uneducated at all. I’ve dealt with this kind of thing firsthand and I know what you’re trying to say and maybe you think you’re playing devil’s advocate, but I know you’re not.”

“Zayn, I can see that I’ve offended you and we’ll talk after class-“ Mr Usher says but Zayn shakes his head.

“No, you’re not covering yourself like that. You brought up this discussion out of nowhere and you brought it up because you thought that you could indoctrinate all of us with your ignorance-“

“That’s not what I was trying to do at all,” Mr Usher counters.

“Really? Because why else would you pick such a random topic when we’ve been talking about consumer law all day?” He waits for a few moments but it seems like Mr Usher’s lost for words so he simply continues. “You brought it up because you expected none of us to argue with you because whatever the teacher says is right.”

“Zayn, I brought it up because I thought it would be an interesting thing to have an informed discussion about.” Mr Usher’s voice is even and calm but his face looks as worried as Liam feels.

Harry scoffs, “You brought up the topic of illegal immigration in a room full of students who don’t watch the news because you thought it would lead to ‘informed discussion’? Mate, you’re delusional if you think anyone in this class knows anything about the topic other than what their parents think and have passed down to them. You’re always telling us to inform ourselves and form our own opinions but the truth is, you’re just telling us what you think on a topic and passing it off as fact so we agree with you and it’s not gonna work.”

“Watch it, Styles.” Mr Usher warns.

“Why, because we’re not just gonna sit here while you preach your own opinions to us disguised as educated discussion?” Zayn asks, voice incredulous. He shakes his head as if he’s genuinely confused by what their teacher is trying to say and Liam can only blink and watch in silence as Zayn gathers his books and rises from the table.

“Sit down, Malik.” Zayn keeps walking and he’s almost at Liam’s table and he’s staring at him and seeing the anger in his eyes and the flare of his nostrils when Mr Usher repeats himself and Liam just wants to jump up and help him, but he can’t, it’s not his battle, but he wishes it was. He wishes he could help.

“Nah, I’ve got an appointment with the principal about a teacher who’s a cunt.” He says flippantly and Liam watches him as he walks right out of the room, even as Mr Usher calls him back again, and he swears he can see the smallest hint of satisfied smirk on his lips. It takes two seconds for Harry to follow suit, leaving his books at their table.

“Get back here, Styles!” Mr Usher shouts and Harry flips him off as he escapes the classroom. Louis pulls his hands to his face and Liam’s pretty sure he’s hiding his impressed smirk because lord knows that that kind of badass thing is definitely impressive to Louis – Liam too, a tiny bit.

“None of you leave until the bell,” Mr Usher says sternly, ordering them pages of the textbook to read and before rushing out of the room too.

There’s empty silence as the rest of the students look to one another, only one thought on everyone’s mind – what the _fuck_ just happened?

*

“He called Usher a cunt?!” Andy exclaims and Danielle hushes him almost instantly. “Sorry,” He says for her benefit, leaning over the table and speaking in hushed tones. “What’d he do that for?”

Liam can only shrug because he’s still a little lost for words about what just happened in their legal studies class. Louis, on the other hand, is thoroughly entertained by the whole situation and easily relays the whole confrontation to the two who missed it.

“He’s going to be kicked out, for sure.” Andy says with a shake of the head and something like awe in his voice. “Man, what a fucking legend, though. It’s about time someone told Usher what a wanker he is.”

Louis nods, “He’s been asking for it all semester. He’s always saying shit like that because he knows no one can argue with him because none of us actually know anything about the topics he brings up.”

“Well hopefully they’ll fire him now that they realise what a dick he is.”

Danielle frowns slightly. “I don’t think he’ll get kicked out… Zayn, that is. I mean, everyone knows that the Malik’s heritage is in Pakistan and what Mr Usher did is clearly a violation of some teacher rule – they’re not supposed to tell us their opinions on anything, inadvertently or otherwise – and I’m fairly confident that if they _did_ kick Zayn out, his parents would fight against it when they found out why and there’s no way this school would want to get sued over something like this.” She says definitively, taking a sip of her orange and mango juice before continuing. “He’ll get a few days suspension at most, maybe even just some detention.”

The three boys stare blankly at Danielle.

“What?” She asks self-consciously, tucking hair behind her ear.

Louis watches her carefully and seems 100% serious when he asks, “Are you a spy?”

She rolls her eyes, picking up her sandwich and taking another bite.

“Seriously, how do you know all that?” Liam presses.

“Oh, I dunno, maybe it’s the fact that my parents are teachers?” She says flatly and Liam instantly feels bad because really, he should know that about her now that they’re in their third year of friendship.

“I forgot about that… Makes sense though. Explains why you’re always right about these things.” Andy grins at Danielle and she smiles back and Liam mentally thanks him for always knowing what to say to make Danielle forget that they’re all terrible friends.

“What about Harry then, oh Wise One?” Louis asks and Liam can see how hard he’s acting to seem vague and uninterested.

“Well if Harry only pitched in toward the end, I’d say he’s probably only getting a few days detention. He didn’t do much wrong.”

Louis nods as if this news doesn’t really affect him at all, and it’s interesting to see him hide his feelings.

“It’s not as though they’re going to suspend him for what he said, especially not when he’s lead in the musical.” Andy agrees, as if he’s suddenly an expert on the way school punishment systems work. He shakes his head, taking a bite of his apple. “All the dramatic stuff happens in your year, I swear. I wish something vaguely interesting happened in my classes.”

“Don’t worry, there’s plenty of drama to go around.” Liam says sarcastically as the bell rings to indicate the end of lunch and Louis and Andy rush off to their classes, leaving Danielle and Liam at the table.

“So your boy’s a bit of a badass then.” Danielle muses, twirling Louis’ empty bottle of Coke between her hands.

Liam shrugs, gathering his books. “I guess so.”

“Was it weird watching him argue with the teacher?” She asks, following him down the hill toward the English building.

“I’ve not really thought about it, to be honest,” Liam admits, “I’m off this way now. See you later?”

“Yeah, see you later, Li.” Danielle gives him a small smile and he reciprocates it before turning the corner into the English building and climbing the stairs.

He honestly hadn’t thought about how it felt to watch Zayn argue with Mr Usher but now that she’s brought it up, it’s all he can think about all through English. Zayn and Harry are absent, as expected, and Grimmy’s home with a flu, (which is code for ‘had Sunday afternoon drinks and forgot school was the next day’) so Liam’s got 60 uninterrupted minutes to think it all over.

It was weird, hearing Zayn get defensive. It always seemed like nothing ever really affected him, but obviously there are some things that he cares deeply about – or at least, deeply enough to risk expulsion for. And that, well, that’s something that Liam finds incredibly reassuring and impressive and downright sexy. The problem is, once he realises that Zayn’s passion is sexy, Liam realises that he found the whole _argument_ sexy. The fact that Zayn is in trouble right now for sticking up for what he believes in, that he was bold enough to fight and not back down just because it was a teacher he was arguing against, the way he got so riled up and how his jaw clenched and the way the muscles in his back tightened and became more visible through his school shirt when he called Mr Usher a cunt on the way out of the room – it was all enough to leave Liam’s mouth dry by the time English finished.

And Liam can’t think of a single reason why he _shouldn’t_ find Zayn hotter after the argument because who doesn’t want an educated guy who’s hot and passionate and smart and dedicated and so, so, _so_ sexy when his eyes narrow and his nostrils flare and his jaw clenches because he’s holding back words that are too rude for the school setting but still appropriate for such an outrageous and unjustified conversation? The only thing is, Liam thinks as he’s walking to the picnic tables for the second lunch break of the day, he’s not sure he’ll be able to handle it if Zayn is kicked out, because he’s just gotten so used to having him around all the time.

*

When Liam told Danielle that he liked boys, well, it was much more unexpected than it had been when he’d unknowingly outed himself to Louis. Slightly more embarrassing too.

She’d invited Liam over to her house in the break period between grade nine and ten. He was under the impression that it was a group hang out session, but when he saw Louis’ facebook status that morning declaring that he was _dying_ because of a few flu symptoms, Liam called Andy to find out if he was coming – which, no, he wasn’t. So he was slightly more nervous than he’d been before as his mum dropped him off at Dani’s house. They were close, sure, but when Liam met Louis, his friendship with Danielle sort of suffered in preference to the new bonds he’d formed and, now that he thought about it, he actually felt really shitty about that.

He rang the doorbell, rocking forward onto the balls of his feet as he waited nervously for her to answer, turning and waving a dismissive hand to his mum who drove off as soon as she saw Danielle appear in the doorway.

“Hey, Liam.” She greeted with a smile, pushing the door open wider and motioning him inside. She’d done all the proper hostly duties, offering him food and drink, showing him all the important rooms in the house before turning on him and asking, almost nervously, if he wanted to go to her room. He’d managed to squeak out a yes, and she’d blushed and led the way.

Up in her room, Liam took a few moments to examine his surroundings. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting from a teenage girl’s room, but the pastel colour and otherwise clear nature of Danielle’s bedroom walls left Liam a little perplexed. Weren’t girls supposed to have photos of celebrities on their bedroom walls? Liam had a small poster of green day hanging behind his door and considered himself both cool and normal for having it. It intrigued Liam enough that he asked her about it. “No celebrities?” He motioned to her empty walls.

She shrugged, “I prefer to stay interested in the people I know.”

Liam nodded because, wow, that was a great response. It was then that he noticed the collage of photos framed on her bedside table and he moved in to get a closer look. They were photos of their group, all four of them fooling around at bowling or just at school, some of Danielle and her dance friends or other people from their school that Liam knew vaguely enough to put a name to the face. “This is cool,” He murmured, thumbing over the pictures despite the sheet of glass separating his touch from the photographs. “Where’d you get this one of me and Lou? It’s great.” He asked, pointing to it and glancing up at her.

“I think it’s on facebook,” She said dismissively, sitting down beside Liam on her bed and leaning over him to point out one of the two of them. “This one’s my favourite.”

“Yeah?” He asked as he examined the small clipping closely, a smile slowly crawling into place.

“Yeah.” Her voice was so quiet and breathy that it tore Liam’s eyes from the picture and he found himself face to face with her. He could smell her perfume and could feel her long hair brushing against his bare forearm. “Liam, I want to tell you something.” And something about her tone and their proximity told Liam that whatever she had to say, he wasn’t going to like it. He swallowed thickly, shutting his eyes momentarily before opening them again. “Is that okay? Do you mind if I tell you something?” She asked, pulling away slightly and looking concerned.

Liam shuffled backwards on the bed, distancing himself from her and putting the photo frame between them. “Sure, go ahead.” 

Danielle breathed out a harsh breath, moving back on the bed a little too, but somehow bringing herself closer to Liam all at the same time. “We’ve been friends for years now, and well, you’re probably the best friend I have that’s a boy and I just wanted to say that I really appreciate it.”

Liam smiled, albeit a little forced. “No worries, Dani.”

She laughed a little at that, glancing down as a blush dusted across her cheeks. “You were the first person who I allowed to call me Dani, did you know that?” Liam shook his head. “I used to hate it. Until you said it.” Liam found it hard to swallow again as Danielle glanced up and shuffled a little closer to him on the bed. “I- I think you’re really cool, Liam. You’re nice and friendly and _cute_ and I just-“ She paused, huffing out a breath. “Do you know what I’m trying to say here?”

And all Liam could do was blink at her because his mouth and brain were apparently unconnected, not that it mattered because he was pretty confused anyway. What _was_ she saying? He was about to shake his head at her, urge her to continue, when she answered his question before he had to do anything by closing the gap between them and pressing her lips to his in a chaste kiss. Liam allowed his eyes to flutter closed and after a few moments, he felt himself kissing back, but it didn’t take long for him to admit to himself that as nice as it was, it was still wrong.

He broke the kiss gently, using a hand on Danielle’s shoulder to steer her lips away from his. She looked flushed and nervous and so happy, _so_ happy, and Liam felt a surge of selfishness for what he was about to say to her but he knew that he had no other choice. “Dani,” He started and she looked up at him through her lashes, a wry grin in place. “I don’t know how to say this…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” She said, raising her eyes to meet his and her smile growing a little bigger, oozing confidence as if she was about to get herself a boyfriend, when in reality, she was about as far from that as you could get.

“I – uh – I’m,” He stammered.

“Shhh,” She hushed, pressing a finger to his lips and leaning in slowly and Liam’s mind was in overdrive trying to figure out how to let Danielle down gently without hurting her feelings or making her feel stupid but fuck it, when she leaned in and moved to brush their lips together once more, Liam had no other option but to quickly roll off the bed and onto the floor, where he landed with a soft thud.

He didn’t even give her a chance to process what he’d done before he simply stated, “I’m gay.” Danielle stared blankly at him, as if slowly comprehending what he’d said and Liam thought that maybe being completely honest might make things easier. “Well, bisexual, actually.”

And he readied himself for the tears or the verbal assault that usually came after a girl felt embarrassed but Danielle just continued to blink uncomprehendingly at Liam until her face softened and a small, sad smile broke through. “It’s Louis, isn’t it?” Liam felt doubly bad when he heard how strained her voice sounded.

“Wait, what? _Louis_? Who said that?” He asked with a confused frown. “No.”

“Another girl?” She asked, and Liam was so glad that he didn’t have to lie about that one – he wasn’t sure how he’d be able to tell Danielle that he fancied another girl over her.

“No.”

Danielle arched an eyebrow. “Another boy, then. Andy?” She giggled when Liam screwed up his face and she seemed to urge him on with her eyes to the point where he managed to say ‘Zayn’ in answer to her question and she nodded slowly. Liam was about to apologise and go home, ready to kiss goodbye to his oldest friend because he wasn’t good enough to care about her the way she did him when her lips curved upward in a smile. “He _is_ pretty fit, isn’t he?” She said with a giggle and Liam had no other option but to laugh too because now all his closest friends knew that he liked boys as well as girls and the one thing they all had in common was that it didn’t matter to them and that was a great thing.

*

When Harry’s not at the meeting place the next day and Zayn doesn’t saunter into the library in time for homeroom, Liam worries. Harry and Zayn didn’t do anything wrong, (if you overlooked the whole calling your teacher a cunt thing) and it isn’t fair for them to be punished for standing up for what they believe in. He’s sitting in history thinking about it all and he’s just about ready to skip first period and go straight to the principal’s office to complain, when he sees a familiar frame walk past the frosted windows of his classroom, followed by another familiar frame. There’s muted voices and laughter before the first shadow continues down the hall and the other stops at the door to the classroom and rips it open. It’s Harry. Liam breathes a sigh of relief, pulling his books off the empty desk between him and Josh. Harry hands a slip of paper to their teacher, an angry looking man with angry eyebrows and too many frown lines that Liam secretly nicknamed Hitler, and moves toward the back of the class.

“Miss me?” He asks cockily, dropping down into his regular seat and sliding his books onto the desk. He follows after his books, slouching on top of them, resting his chin on his forearms.

“Cried without you,” Josh jokes.

Harry laughs and turns his head to glance at Liam. “What about you, Liam? How’d you handle my absence?”

“You were gone for like, ten minutes. I can’t say I was all that worried.” He lies, and maybe Harry catches on or maybe he doesn’t but either way he feels obliged to add, “I was ready to come and defend you guys, if you were getting punished or whatever, though.”

“Yeah?”

Liam nods, “Honestly, I was that prepared that I even warned my mum that I was going to do it so she could expect a phone call.”

“Bet she loved that,” Harry scoffs.

“She said I’d be an idiot to get in trouble now, but if I really believed that what you guys did was right, then I had to follow that.”

“And do you? Think what we, or Zayn really, did was right?”

“One hundred per cent.”

Harry sits up and looks at Liam a little, as if seeing him for the first time. “Y’know, you’re not so bad.”

He’s not really sure whether that’s meant to be a joke or not but it still kinda stings because who thought he was bad in the first place? “Uh, thanks?”

“You’re welcome.” And maybe Harry’s oblivious to the fact that Liam doesn’t really understand what he meant by ‘you’re not so bad’ but it doesn’t seem to matter because they’re learning about World War One and sadly it’s the one topic that both of them find fascinating enough to not talk for the rest of the class.

When the bell does ring, however, and the class is packing their things and slowly filtering out of the room, Liam can’t help himself from asking, “So what was your punishment?”

Harry does a lazy shrug, not really moving his shoulders at all, but the gesture’s implied. “Detention for a few days.”

“And Zayn?” Liam ignores how heavy his tongue feels and the dryness in his throat and the small bundle of nerves in his tummy.

“In-school suspension. Has to spend every lunch break in the principal’s office doing work,” Harry rolls his eyes as Liam breathes a subtle sigh of relief, “It’s such bullshit. She even said that what Mr Usher did was wrong and yet we’re getting punished and he’s not.”

Liam hums, biting the inside of his cheek. “Do you think it’d make a difference if some of us from class spoke up too? Helped you guys out?”

Harry gives Liam an accusatory glance. “Why would you want to do that?” Liam shrugs, looking away from Harry’s prying eyes. “It doesn’t matter, she already spoke to a few others from class.”

“And you’re still in trouble?” Liam’s genuinely surprised.

Harry gives a short laugh, rising from his seat and heading toward the door, Liam close behind him. “Apparently no matter what happens, there’s no justification for calling your teacher a cunt.” He throws his arms out and shrugs, “Who knew?”

*

The next day at school, everything’s back to normal. Well, everything except Louis, it would seem. He’d been weird in legal studies that morning and now that it’s only the two of them at the picnic table for lunch (Dani and Andy are in the drama building choreographing for one of the bigger numbers), Liam’s worried that maybe something drastic and completely unexpected has happened to turn their lives upside down once more. He leaves Louis alone almost all day and almost the whole of their second lunch break, despite how awkward it is to be sharing a table with someone and not actually speaking to them, until there’s only five minutes left and Liam can’t stand the silence anymore.

“Louis, I swear to God, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong I may just die of stress right here and now.” Liam blurts because really, the whole thing’s been eating him up inside and he just wants to be there for his best friend, whatever it is.

Louis raises his eyes to meet Liam’s and sighs. “Nothing’s _wrong_ ,” He says, as if that’s enough explanation, but Liam raises his eyebrows and Louis sighs again, sounding pained. “Remember how we said Harry was Sam and Zayn was Dean?”

Liam nods.

“Well, I’m Ruby and you’re Jo, okay?”

“What? Why are we girls?” Liam’s more than a little confused as to why that matters, but he nods anyway, for the sake of Louis trying to get his point across and also a little because Louis’ glaring at him for ruining his metaphor.

“Okay.” Louis says with a small definitive nod, staring Liam straight in the eyes as he says, “Ruby and Sam kissed after musical rehearsal last night.”

It takes a few seconds for the news to process, Liam’s jaw dropping almost comically as soon as it registers. “Kissed? You _kissed_? I didn’t even know he was gay!”

“Liam!” Louis scolds, glancing over his shoulder nervously to examine the table where Zayn and Harry usually sit. Zayn’s absent, as per his in-school suspension, but Harry’s there, joking around with Josh and Niall and even saying a few words to Perrie and the other girls who can’t help but look charmed but the efforts of the dimple-smiled boy. Once Louis is satisfied that Harry hasn’t overheard Liam, he turns back around. “But yes, we kissed.”

Liam blinks at him, “And…?” He prompts.

“And… It was spectacular.” Louis says shyly.

The smile that breaks out across Liam’s face is nothing to match the one that spreads across Louis’. He seems genuinely happy that he finally got a chance with Harry and managed to do something with it, and Liam couldn’t be happier for him. Although, there’s a part of him that’s jealous, too, so fucking jealous that Louis can have exactly what he wants (like always) and Liam can’t have anything. And it’s selfish of him to think that way, because Louis’ his best mate and he works really hard for what he wants and there’s no doubting that he flirted shamelessly with Harry before the kiss but still, Liam just for once in his life wishes that he had what Louis had – whatever charm it was that he possessed that magically drew people toward him. Liam’s face must fall because Louis leans across the table and prods his cheek gently.

“You alright?” He asks wearily and Liam gives a small, self depreciating laugh.

“Yeah, just thinking about how different things are going to be in the mornings now.” He says with a smile, batting Louis’ hand away when he tries to poke him again.

“It’s going to be great.” Louis promises, returning his attention to his food and looking much more pleased with himself now that he’s told someone his good news.

Liam smiles again, for Louis’ sake, and sets off on a mental tangent about how he’s never going to get Zayn because he never puts himself out there because he’s too afraid – he’s always so afraid.

*

Only it’s not great. The next morning, Louis arrives early to the meeting place and Harry doesn’t say a word to him. Liam sits awkwardly between the two trying to think of an escape route or something to say to get everyone talking again. Eventually Harry leaves to go find Josh and copy his History notes, but Liam knows that’s a lie because he’s seen Harry’s notes and they’re as close to perfect as one could expect. They watch him walk off, shoulders rounded and running a hand through his hair and Louis gives a huff beside him.

“So much for great,” He mutters, kicking at a rock beside his shoe.

Liam nods, “Grimmy told me that he’s a bit moody, so maybe that’s it.”

“He didn’t even look at me.”

“Well…” He tries to think of something else to say, but draws a blank. Harry didn’t say much of anything the whole time they were there, which is pretty weird considering how talkative he is. “Maybe he’s just a little scared, or something.”

“Harry doesn’t get scared.”

“Everyone gets scared! Don’t you remember? After I realised that I was- that I am-“ He sighs, “That I liked Zayn, remember how weird I got? How I wouldn’t look at him or talk about him? It was like, if I pretended he didn’t exist then I wouldn’t like him so much and I wouldn’t have to think about this new part of me that liked boys instead of girls.”

Louis considers that for a moment and glances at Liam. “Y’know, I think that’s the smartest thing that’s come out of your mouth.” A wry smirk falls into place and Liam rolls his eyes, nudging their knees together. “He was fine in rehearsal last night though…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, well, like, he asked for my advice on how to say a few lines and we ran through our accents together.” Louis looks down and for a moment Liam thinks he’s crying, but he’s got a small smile on his face that means there’s a story there that he wants to tell, but he’s not sure if it’s something he should say.

“Did something happen?” Liam presses gently, because he sort of likes to know about everything, and pokes Louis’ thigh.

“He told me that he really likes my voice.” Louis says quietly and it wouldn’t be that big a deal if Louis got a bunch of compliments for his voice, but he doesn’t. The fact that Harry brought it up is enough to make Liam smile, and it’s not even his compliment! “He said I was a good actor and stuff too… Stuff I already knew of course.”

“Of course.”

“But it was nice to hear it from someone else.”

Liam nods and he knows that what Harry said means more to him than he’d say, more than he’d be able to say, truth be told, and that’s fine. What’s not fine is Harry being a dick to him and he makes a mental decision to try and help things along, without annoying either party. It’s going to be tough, but someone’s gotta be happy out of their group of friends and it may as well be Louis.

*

Liam’s grateful to have home ec last on Wednesday’s – he’s ready to spend a whole hour doing nothing but listening to Grimmy’s gossip and baking. As soon as Liam slides onto the stool in their designated bench at the back of the class, Grimmy walks in and smiles at him, hurrying back to sit beside him.

“Big news.” He says dramatically, putting his books on the desk. “Rumour has it that Harry’s got himself a girlfriend.”

Liam’s jaw drops. “What?”

“Yeah, some blonde friend of Perrie’s that goes to another school. It’s strange though, because I’ve never heard of those two being friends, let alone close enough that Harry would date her. It’s weird.”

“Maybe they’re just good friends or something…” Liam says hopefully but Grimmy shakes his head.

“Not from what I hear. Apparently he’s got a massive hickey on his shoulder blade from her.”

“And how would anyone know that?”

Grimmy shrugs, “Maybe a few of us saw a little something there when he was changing during rehearsals last night…”

Liam feels so sad for Louis at that moment, so entirely crushed for him. He knows this feeling, he’s felt it before, feels it every day, but it’s harder for Louis because he had that glimmer of hope that the boy he liked was into him too and now it’s been dashed by some blonde bimbo from another school that puts hickey’s on people’s shoulders. Who even does that? How did she get in a position to kiss his shoulder? She would have had to been on his back or something… He looks to Grimmy who looks like he’s waiting for something to click in Liam’s brain and he thinks it has. “But – why the shoulder?” He asks cautiously and Grimmy grins.

“Exactly! It’s all a little suspicious if you ask me.”

“But, like, if it were from that girl, surely it would be in an easier place to access than his shoulder blade? What was she even doing behind him anyway?”

“That’s if it was a ‘she’ at all.”

Liam gapes at Grimmy for a moment before their teacher calls the class to order and sets the assignment of baking apple pie. Grimmy bends down to grab a bowl from the cupboard underneath their work bench while Liam moves to the front of the room and gathers the apples, sugar, cinnamon and other ingredients for the filling for their pie, along with the premade balls of pastry. When he returns, he sets them on the bench and turns to his partner.

“So you don’t think it was a girl?”

Grimmy shakes his head. “Have you spoken to Louis lately?”

 “Yeah, ‘course. He’s my best mate.” Liam’s brow furrows, “Why?”

Grimmy shrugs, turns and grabs one of the apples and a vegetable peeler out of a drawer and starts peeling the green skin off. “No reason. They just seemed sort of _close_ in rehearsals, is all.”

Liam follows suit, grabbing his own peeler and apple and contributing to the pile of skin on the counter. Technically they should be using a bowl to catch the peels, but it doesn’t matter much – they’re the best students in the class and they do everything by halves, so they’re not too worried. “Close how?”

“Giggling, touching, play fighting. The usual flirty things that teen boys do when in love.”

Liam sets his peeled apple down on the counter and grabs a cutting board from the back of the room, setting it down beside the apples. “It sounds like you’ve been paying a lot of attention,” He says, slicing the apple into thin pieces.

They work in silence for a few moments, Grimmy peeling the last of the apples and Liam slicing them finely for the pie. “I just like to know things,” Grimmy says eventually, but he sounds distant and Liam knows that he’s lying.

“You like him?”

“Louis?”

“No, Harry.”

Grimmy shrugs again and Liam puts the knife to the board to scrape the apple slices into the bowl. He shakes a few sprinkles of cinnamon over the top of them, adds a dash of water and a few teaspoons of sugar before Grimmy takes the bowl to the front of the room to cover with plastic wrap and put in the microwave. For some reason there’s only one microwave for the whole of their class which means there’s usually a wait, but, as always, Grimmy and Liam are the first to use it. Grimmy comes back to grab oven mitts while the apples are cooking and Liam feels bad for prying into his business.

“Sorry…for before, I mean. I shouldn’t have asked if you like him.”

Grimmy nods and looks grateful for the apology as he leaves to collect their apples but when he returns, things are still a little tense. Liam starts rolling out the pre-made dough for their pie flan, dusting the bench every few rolls.

“So how goes it with you and Peazer?” Grimmy asks, popping his third bit of cooked apple in his mouth and hopping up to sit on the counter beside where Liam’s working.

“Stop eating that,” Liam warns, slapping his hand away when he tries to grab a fourth bit. “And there’s nothing between me and Danielle. We’re just good mates.”

“Nick, off the counter, please.” Mrs Feldman, their teacher, warns and Grimmy does as he’s told, albeit with a subtle eye roll.

“Come off it, Liam, she fancies you. A blind man could see it.” He folds his arms and leans against the counter instead, watching Liam as he works.

“Oh yeah?” Liam asks, just for the sake of asking, because he’s kind of interested to hear what sort of ‘evidence’ Grimmy’s got to prove his theory.

“Don’t sound so doubtful, Payne, you know you’re hot stuff. She’d be lucky to have you, which has _me_ thinking that she’s tried it on with you but you’re not interested. Why?”

Liam shakes his head, “That’s not- No, nothing like that.”

“It’s not like you’ve got the hots for someone else or anything – right? I mean, she’s fit. Right up your alley and all that other bullshit, so why aren’t you doing anything about it?”

“We’re just good friends, yeah? Now help me with this.” Liam rolls the pastry onto the rolling pin and Grimmy slides the pie tin toward him so he can carefully unroll the pastry onto it, like they’d been shown the previous lesson. He works on pressing it in with his fingertips. “I’m not into her like that, okay?”

“So who are you into like that?” Grimmy asks, covering the pastry with baking paper and topping it with rice. “How long does this blind bake for?”

“Um,” Liam checks the recipe on the bench, “35 minutes and then we can add the filling.” Grimmy nods and opens the pre-heated oven, sliding the tray into its warmth before kicking it shut with his heel. “And there’s no one I like like that.”

“There’s got to be.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a teenage boy and there’s got to be someone you’re fantasising about that isn’t famous or taken.”

And for some reason, before he can even stop himself, Liam mutters. “Nope, no one fitting _that_ criteria.”

Grimmy stares at him for a few moments. “Shit – you’re into Louis, aren’t you?”

“Why does everybody think I’m in love with Louis?” He asks, bewildered.

“Who is it, then?”

“Nobody.”

“C’mon, it’s gotta be someone.” Grimmy presses and Liam feels something inside him snap.

“It’s Zayn, okay? I fucking fancy Zayn and there’s shit all I can do about it because he’s with Perrie.”

The look on Grimmy’s face is about as overwhelmed as Liam feels. He didn’t mean to out himself to Grimmy in these circumstances, or actually, he didn’t mean to out himself to Grimmy _ever_ because he’s infamous for his inability to keep a secret and if there was one thing Liam didn’t want the whole school to know, it was his crush on Zayn.

“Mate,” Grimmy breathes.

Liam just shakes his head. “Can we just…talk about something else, please?”

Grimmy nods and pretends he doesn’t notice when Liam turns towards the sink and rubs at his eyes angrily – wishing those stupid tears away. Why he was even remotely close to tears is stupid and embarrassing and he’s so close to going to the sick bay but he knows his time is better spent in class and at least now that he’s seen how messed up Liam is over everything, maybe Grimmy will stop badgering him.

The rest of the class passes relatively quickly and they bake their pastry and add the filling and bake it some more and Grimmy tells more stupid stories about their peers and other people in the school and it all feels okay, Liam doesn’t feel quite so embarrassed anymore. When the bell rings to indicate the end of school, Grimmy collects his plastic-wrapped half of the pie and his notebooks and turns to Liam once more.

“Sorry for pushing before. I didn’t mean for you to, y’know, come out to me or anything. I won’t tell anyone. I mean that.” Grimmy says and Liam nods, because he knows he means it, he just doesn’t quite believe it. “I know I’ve got a reputation for being a blabber mouth, but I promise, no one will hear about this from me.”

“I appreciate that, Grim.” Liam smiles at Grimmy, a forced kind of smile, and wipes down their work bench because, as usual, Grimmy’s leaving before they’re actually done cleaning.

He nods and goes to leave before turning around and walking straight back to Liam. “I’m not supposed to say anything, but I feel like I owe you one.” Liam raises an eyebrow at Grimmy, who leans in and quietly says, “Perrie’s thinking of dumping Zayn.”

And, he’s not sure, but Liam thinks that might just be the best thing he’s heard all day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just felt like I should point out that the views expressed by Mr Usher in this chapter are for creative purposes only and are in no way indicative on my thoughts on immigration or any such thing. Also, I have limited knowledge on the illegal immigration issue in England so I sort of just based it off the Australian situation at the moment, so I hope it's not too far from reality. Other than that, I just want to assure you that there IS some actual Ziam encounters in the next chapter. Promise. xx


	5. I don't wanna make you cry, I just wanna be your friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Musical happens, Liam finally speaks to Zayn and the end of the school year leaves Liam and Louis a little lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I smashed this out from like 1-5am this morning and I've read over it twice and I can't find many errors and I'm just hoping that it isn't too bad. Sincerest apologies from the bottom of my heart if it is. Hopefully you can bear with me anyway. :)
> 
> Also, I feel like I should point out that although this is the end of grade ten for the characters, it's not the end of the story. This covers a few years. 
> 
> Thanks for the love, as always, your comments are so wonderful and helpful and I appreciate them all so much. I hope you like this next chapter and I hope the Ziam interaction is enough to keep you sated until next time. Big love x

The news weighs heavy on Liam’s mind for the next few days. He’s not sure what to do with it because well, he’s not actually supposed to _know_ any of it and if he were to say anything, it would get around that Liam’s not trustworthy, which is completely false. Liam’s the best secret keeper around – everyone knows that – but there are some secrets you just shouldn’t keep. Especially when your best friend is falling in love with someone who’s apparently already dating someone else and the boy you’ve fancied for the past two years is about to get dumped.

It’s not until the week leading up to opening night of the musical that Liam decides to say something to Louis. Rehearsals have been going later and later afterschool and the only time Liam gets to see Louis is in the mornings or during classes – and he’d never dream of broaching such a sensitive subject with so many of their peers around to overhear or spread rumours about. It’s hard to actually get a morning alone with Louis these days though, since Harry’s decided that there’s nowhere he’d rather be than at the meeting place with he and Liam until the first bell rings. It’s great though, really it is, because Harry makes Louis so happy and it’s so blatantly obvious that Louis buzzes with affection for the other boy and Liam finds himself pretty enchanted by their chemistry and electricity, but everytime he sees Harry grab ahold of Louis’ hand and lace their fingers together, only to drop it a few seconds later, Liam’s support for whatever their relationship is wavers.

The hardest part about the whole thing is knowing how Louis feels and not knowing how Harry feels. He can see that Harry genuinely cares for Louis, it’s obvious in the hushed secrets they share and the way Louis manages to make Harry laugh like a lunatic and grin larger than Liam’s ever seen. The attraction is there and that’s great, and every time Liam sees them together he couldn’t be happier for them because they _work_. They’re a great couple; play fighting and laughing and shamelessly flirting and teasing insults that end up as overly affectionate compliments and it’s all so sweet it would make you sick if you weren’t best friends with one of the participants (although, admittedly, sometimes it gets a bit much for even Liam the closet romantic). The only problem is, they _aren’t_ a couple. And normally it doesn’t bother Liam that much, because they’re just playing about, but then Harry takes Louis around behind the econ building one morning and they’re gone for a good ten minutes before reappearing and looking guilty as anything and Liam considers it reason enough to enlighten Louis on what he knows.

“Lou, I’ve got to go pay some bills at the office – come for a walk?” He asks, standing from his seat and grabbing his backpack.  Louis looks at Harry who hides a smirk as he shrugs and Liam tries not to glare at Harry because really, he doesn’t even know if this information about Harry having a girlfriend is true or not and he has no right to be mad at him until he does know. Louis nods after a few moments deliberation and they farewell Harry before walking together toward the office, Liam silently praying that the bell rings before they get there because he’s not got any bills to pay or money to pay said non-existent bills with. He tries to sound casual when he says, “How’s it going with you and Harry?”

 Louis shrugs but Liam can see the tiny smile on his face and it makes Liam feel bad for what he’s about to bring up when he’s so happy, but he can’t let Louis keep on going if his relationship with Harry is based on a lie. “It’s good. We’re um,” Louis chuckles and ducks his head, “We’re really close.”

“How close?” Liam blurts before he can stop himself but Louis doesn’t seem to find it even slightly strange.

It takes a few moments for Louis to answer, but eventually he says, “We’re dating.”

Liam stops in his tracks and turns to face Louis, partially because he’s trying to stall for time but also because _when did that happen_? “Since when?” He asks, putting his thoughts to words.

“Since the weekend?” Louis raises an eyebrow, watching Liam closely.

He tries to get a grip, tells himself to put a smile on his face, but he can’t. “How did it happen?”

Louis rakes his fingers through his fringe and Liam thinks he’s not going to tell him at all but then a smile breaks out onto his face. “I’m so glad you asked because I’ve been waiting to tell this story all morning,” He says, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. He turns around and marches the other way and Liam has no option but to follow after him when Louis proclaims, “If I’m telling you this story, we’re no longer continuing on our way to pay fictional bills at the office.”

“They’re not entirely fictional,” Liam lies and Louis rolls his eyes affectionately. He falls into step beside Louis and they walk in silence for a few feet before Liam shoulders Louis gently as a way to get him to start talking again.

“He invited me to his house on Saturday, said he didn’t know all the dance steps. So I had to practice all mine like one thousand times before I went there, just to be sure I knew what I was doing - Turns out it was all a blatant lie because in rehearsals last night he was better than anyone else out there! Anyway, I went over there and met his mum, nicest lady ever and so young and so pretty too, and we just hung out for ages and he told me some things, some really personal things, Liam, and I told him some stuff too and we were just really open with each other and he kissed me and I kissed him back and, well,” Louis sighs and Liam feels his stomach tighten a little. “He asked me if I wanted to be his and I said yes, so long as he wanted to be mine, and God, you should have seen the way his eyes looked when he said that he wanted to as well. And I know that people think he’s really immature, but he’s not, he can be so serious and thoughtful sometimes and he just leaves me speechless all the time and that’s not easy.”

Liam’s not really sure how to react – on the one hand he’s happy, so happy and proud and excited for this new relationship of Louis’, but on the other, he’s so worried and cautious and scared that this is all just a joke or that Harry isn’t as serious about it all as Louis is and he just doesn’t know where he stands. “That’s really great, Lou.” He says finally, because he has to say something, and he bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to decide what to do next. He settles on something that seems like a natural reaction to this kind of news, “You sure he’s serious about this? Because I won’t hesitate to ignore him for the rest of my life if he mistreats you in anyway.”

Louis snorts, “Heaven forbid you have to _ignore_ someone just for my benefit! Besides, we both know you wouldn’t ever do that.” He places a hand on Liam’s shoulder, chuckling, before he adds in a semi-serious tone, “And yeah, I think he is pretty serious about it. More serious than I’ve seen him about anything.”

“I hope you’re right.” Liam says genuinely, swallowing the feeling of guilt building in his stomach and the lump forming in his throat as he decides not to say anything. The bell rings at that moment and he couldn’t be more grateful to have an excuse to leave without feeling like a bad friend for not saying anything.

*

It’s much easier keeping the secret from Zayn, because Liam never speaks to him, but it’s also so much harder too because he knows the signs when he sees them. He watches Zayn and Perrie closely, closer than ever before, if he’s being honest, and he can tell that Perrie’s just not as interested as she once was.

She’s distant. In maths, she doesn’t even turn around anymore and it drives Liam silently crazy because he sees the way Zayn looks up after he’s completed a problem, expecting to see Perrie there waiting for him to finish so she can compare their working and their answers, he sees the way Zayn’s eyes glance downward almost immediately as soon as he realises that Perrie’s busy comparing with her friends instead. It seems stupid, juvenile and pointless, but Liam can tell just from watching that it means a lot to Zayn and it makes him want to walk right over to him and show him his pathetic attempt at problem solving if only to get him to smile again because Liam can’t remember the last time he saw one of those heart-stopping beauties.

He watches Zayn with Harry in English and Legal Studies and it’s almost as if nothing’s changed – they still joke and laugh all the time – but Zayn’s laughter dies out so quickly and his smiles are replaced with grimaces that fade almost as fast as they arrive and Liam just doesn’t know what to do. Saying something isn’t an option because he doesn’t _know_ Zayn and it’s not right to just walk up to someone and tell them their girlfriend is going to dump them when you’ve got no proof, but he just can’t do nothing! He thinks about saying something to Harry about it until he remembers that Harry can’t be trusted either because Grimmy’s still adamant that Harry’s got a girlfriend from another school named Caroline that he gets hot and heavy with at every party they’re at together.

Danielle catches on to Liam’s close observation of the couple one day at lunch and exhales sadly, “They’re cute.”

Liam fights the urge to scoff. “You think so?” Danielle nods. “They don’t look happy to me.”

Almost as if the universe had been waiting for that exact moment, Perrie steps into Zayn’s arms and kisses him passionately, the way Liam has seen her do many times before, breaking away to smile at him and get one of those golden smiles of Zayn’s in return.

Danielle shakes her head, “They are. Look at the way he’s watching her – like nothing else deserves his attention as much as she does. Look at how he holds her hand, strokes her wrist with his thumb. I’d give anything for someone to look as in love with me as he does with her.”

“I think you’ve already got that,” Liam says without thinking because Perrie’s pulled away from Zayn just as he’s leaned in for another kiss and he only half registers Danielle saying something but he has no idea what she’s saying because Zayn looks genuinely upset and he wants to say something, wants so badly to stand up and tell Zayn what Perrie is going to do, but he sees it too. He sees the way that even through the sad smile on his face, Zayn’s eyes light up when Perrie glances his way and it hurts because he loves her so much and no matter how much pain she’s causing him or what Liam said to him about her, nothing could change that.

Liam sighs and resigns himself to moping and watching from afar as the one person who makes Zayn smile the way he’s always wished he could, makes Zayn frown the way Liam wishes he never ever will. 

*

On Friday, Liam waits at the meeting place despite knowing that Louis won’t turn up. Friday night is opening night for the musical and Louis’ at home preparing for his first night in the lead role, as per Mr Copeland’s instructions. Liam’s got front row tickets to the show, thanks to Louis’ mum, and he’s excited to see it, but other things are on his mind at the moment. Harry arrives to the meeting place with a big grin on his face and Liam secretly wonders what’s got him so happy, although he wouldn’t dream of asking.

“Hey Liam,” He greets, dumping his bag on the seat beside where Liam’s sitting and riffling through it. “I’ve got something for you.”

Liam raises an eyebrow, “For me?” He asks stupidly as Harry hands over a CD with the words ‘music you should listen to’ scrawled across the front. He can’t quite believe it, runs his finger along the outer edge of the disc as it dawns on him that Harry Styles made him a mix CD. “Did you-,” He starts, shaking his head incredulously, “Is this a mix CD?”

Harry beams, “Yeah, mate. It’s got all my favourite songs of the moment on it. You’ll love it – I promise. Some of the stuff on there I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have heard of.”

He nods, reaching into his backpack to pull out his school diary and slip the cd between some of the pages. “Thanks Harry, I’ll listen to it tonight.”

“Not going to the musical tonight?” Harry asks, sounding shocked.

“I am, I meant before I go. Or after. I’m not sure.” Liam waves a hand dismissively, “I’ll listen to it though – I’ll let you know what I think on Monday.”

“Won’t be here Monday,” Harry says happily, chewing his thumbnail distractedly, “Musical participants get it off since our last show is Sunday night.” Liam nods, pretending like he was just reminded of that fact because honestly, he should have known that. “There’s a big cast party on Sunday night, too. You should come along.”

Liam shakes his head, laughing quietly. “Thanks, but that’s not really my thing. Besides, it’s a musical cast thing, right? I wouldn’t fit in.”

Harry rolls his eyes dramatically and Liam thinks that it’s no wonder he got the lead role with Louis, “Don’t be such an idiot, Liam, you fit in everywhere – everyone loves you. And it’s not just a musical cast thing, there’s people from other schools coming as well.”

Liam’s never really put too much thought into the possibility of signs or a higher being or anything of the sort but he thinks that somewhere, someone is looking down on him and giving him the best opportunity to find out the truth about Harry, straight from the horse’s mouth. “Oh yeah? Like who?”

“My friend Caroline’s bringing a few of her friends – there’ll be plenty of good looking birds there for you,” Harry says suggestively, nudging Liam playfully.

“Who’s Caroline?”

Harry shrugs, “Just a girl I know. Gorgeous though. Everything a boy could want, y’know?”

Liam nods and pretends that he does know and pretends that he isn’t seconds away from punching Harry in the face and running away before he can retaliate. “Is she your girlfriend or something?”

“Nah, I’m with Lou.” Harry’s brow furrows and he turns to Liam, confusedly asking, “I thought Louis said he told you that we were together?”

Liam takes a few moments before pretending to remember and he thinks that he’s doing a mighty lot of pretending this morning and it’s probably the best he’s ever done in his whole high school acting career. “Oh right, yeah, that slipped my mind.” He smiles at Harry, “Sorry about that.”

“No worries,” Harry says easily, “I forget shit like that all the time.” Liam nods, and they’re silent for a few moments before Harry adds, “She’s a great girl though. Told her I had a wet dream about her once and she did her absolute best to make it a reality. She’s a star.” He laughs and Liam bites down on his tongue hard enough that he feels tears prick at his eyes just so he doesn’t swear at Harry for being such a dick.

*

Liam’s only ever had one wet dream starring someone he knew and it embarrasses him beyond belief because his sexual fantasies haven’t been the same since. Dreaming about Zayn sucking his cock had apparently changed Liam and there was no going back.

It wasn’t his fault though, not really, because it was just after Zayn had said those eight precious words to him and acknowledged his existence and Liam was already more attracted to him without Zayn going and getting a haircut that made his cheekbones look like they could cut glass. Zayn had come to school one morning with his hair cut short at the sides but the front left long and styled up in a modern interpretation of those ‘50s Elvis hairstyles that on anyone else would have looked ridiculous but on him looked perfect.

“God, he looks better than usual today, doesn’t he?” Louis breathed once they caught sight of Zayn’s new look and Liam couldn’t help but nod lamely. “Makes him look really cool though, doesn’t it? Really rock’n’roll.” Liam shrugged. “I bet he looks great in a leather jacket.” Louis groaned at the thought and Liam fought the urge to make a noise too because wow, the mental images he was getting were too much for an early morning at school. “Especially with that hair. Fuck, imagine him on a motorbike with a leather jacket on, smoking a fag and looking as broody and bad and _hot_.”

Liam _was_ imagining that before he cleared his throat and mind and turned to Louis with an accusatory glare. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Aw, don’t get territorial, Liam, I’m just admiring a fine specimen is all,” Louis tutted.

“Well don’t be so vivid with your admiration next time,” Liam grumbled and stalked away from Louis as soon as he started to cackle at his expense.

The thoughts of Zayn like that didn’t leave Liam’s mind though, no matter how hard he tried. He found himself distracted by the mental image of Zayn on a motorbike in all of his classes and it even got so bad that he zoned out completely from conversations, blushing involuntarily at the thoughts in his head thanks to Louis’ stupid commentary on Zayn’s stupid new haircut.

When he got home that night, Liam tried his hardest to distract himself from the memory of Zayn’s hair and thoughts of motorbikes and leather jackets and cigarettes and everything bad that had been plaguing him all day. It worked, for the most part. Unfortunately for Liam, his subconscious had other ideas.

He found himself in the middle of the scenarios that had been on his mind all day, talking to Zayn and being on the receiving end of that smile of his and running his hand along the shiny exterior of Zayn’s bike and then Zayn’s jacket. Zayn offered him a ride on his bike, to which Liam, true to form, expressed concern over the safety factors of such a machine. Zayn simply laughed and advised Liam that he needed to be a little bad once in a while and forced his lips against Liam’s in a way that should have been wrong and appalling but turned out to be the hottest kissing Liam had ever thought possible. The dream took on a dirty turn from there, clothes being ripped from each other and desperate kisses with tongues and teeth and moans and Zayn pushing Liam down on the bike before dropping down between his legs and taking his cock in his mouth and sucking him off.

It was all too much and not enough and too fictional to be really satisfying but still real enough to have Liam subconsciously reaching under the sheets of his bed and into his boxer shorts to tug himself while his mind still painted the picture of Zayn’s lips spreading come and spit along his cock. Liam turned his face and bit at his pillow to muffle his groans when he finally came, his hand stroking him through it as Zayn swallowed hungrily in his mind.

Liam lay still as his breathing returned to its normal pattern and tried to feel ashamed of what he’d just done, but all he could bring himself to do was mentally thank Zayn for helping him realise, albeit subconsciously, that everyone _did_ in fact need to be a little bad once in a while.

*

The room is buzzing with excited families and friends and Liam feels just as happy and proud as anyone else there because Louis smashed it as Troy and he can’t wait to give his friend a massive bear hug and congratulate him and ruffle his hair and tell him how honestly brilliant he was and is. Opening night was a complete success, all the tickets were sold and the audience was as good as you could ever expect, reacting at all the right times in all the right ways.

Liam sat front and centre, like he promised, with Louis’ mum and sisters and he found himself glancing over at them every so often during the show. The pride on their face as Louis did what Louis does best was almost enough to make Liam watch them instead of the actual performance. It wasn’t just Louis that was good though, the whole cast was. Perrie was surprisingly brilliant as Gabriella and Grimmy was beyond hilarious as Ryan and Ed was another surprise star as Troy’s best friend. It all came together so well and so naturally that Liam couldn’t help but feel proud of all of them, not just Louis. As the lights rose at the end of the performance, Liam caught a glimpse of Louis’ mum wiping at her eyes and smiled to himself, making a mental note to tell Louis later – he’d want to know.

Liam stands beside Louis’ family and waits and watches with bated breath as the first few cast members escape from backstage and approach family and get their deserved congratulations. He kind of wants to congratulate everyone too, but he’s more desperate to see Louis first and feed his ego for a few minutes. The room starts to empty as more of the cast and crew come out from backstage and talk excitedly with as many people in the room as possible before leaving with their families and eventually there’s only a handful of people left. Louis’ mum hushes one of Louis’ younger sisters because it’s late and they’re tired and starting to get whiney and Liam offers to go backstage and see what’s taking him so long and maybe try and speed things up a bit. She smiles gratefully at him and says, “Give him a few more minutes and then go see.”

Liam nods and looks toward the stage door once more, catching sight of two familiar frames slouched against the adjoining wall. Zayn and Harry are laughing about something on Harry’s phone and it takes Liam a few moments to remember why they’re even there and then a small swell of admiration takes up residency in Liam’s heart because even though things aren’t going well and he probably hates musicals, especially High School Musical, more than anything else in the world, Zayn’s here to support Perrie on her big night and that means something – more than Liam could probably even rationally explain. The fact that Harry’s here for Louis after only a week of dating is also impressive, but not nearly as much as Zayn’s presence.

The stage door cracks open and Perrie and Louis walk through it together, mid conversation. Liam watches as Zayn pushes himself off the wall and steps toward Perrie, stealing her attention from Louis. Zayn smiles at her and speaks quickly, saying things that Liam can’t hear but can only assume are compliments about how talented she is and how beautiful she is and how glad he is that she’s with him. Her cheeks turn pink and she smiles back at him, staring up into his eyes and leaning in to give him a kiss that makes Liam glance away for a few seconds before looking back. When he does, he sees Zayn reach into his coat pocket and pull out a rectangular navy blue box with a silver ribbon holding it together. He passes it to Perrie with a few more muttered words and Liam wishes he could hear what he is saying but he’s too far away. Perrie pulls the ribbon and pops the top off the box, her hand flying to cover her gaping mouth when she sees what’s inside the box. Zayn’s smile grows when he sees how happy the gift makes her and Liam dies a little inside because of course Zayn would be the sort of guy to buy his girlfriend an awesome present instead of flowers after her opening night in the lead role of the musical.

She giggles excitedly, reaching into the box to touch whatever she’s been given, grinning up at Zayn before standing on tip-toes to kiss him again. They look so genuinely happy that Liam has to look away again, but it doesn’t help because his gaze falls on Louis and Harry instead, bumping each other and talking quietly, heads bowed together as if magnetically drawn to one another, fingers laced.

He wants to hate Harry for what he said about Caroline that morning, but he can’t bring himself to think anything negative about him when he’s looking like _that_ when he’s with Louis. They look so smitten with each other, so honestly and truly happy that Liam can’t do anything but grin a little when Louis glances up and meets his gaze with a smile. Louis says a few things to Harry, who looks a little uncertain before nodding and then the two are headed toward where Liam and Louis’ family are standing and looking nervous but happy and so in love.

Zayn and Perrie walk past, hand in hand, and Liam tries not to look too sad when he sees how happy Zayn looks.

*

Liam goes to see the musical again on Saturday night, mainly because he’s curious about how Harry will take the role, but also because he promised Louis he’d go with him to support him. It’s a good show, Harry’s great, although admittedly not as great as Louis was the night before. Harry has a real stage presence and he exudes all the alpha male macho-ness that the role of Troy requires that Louis lacked, although you couldn’t really tell it was missing until you compared the performances. Overall, it was a good show and Liam was glad to be able to join Louis to watch it again.

He spends the rest of his weekend working on assignments and ignores the insistent facebook messages from Louis on Sunday night, begging him to come to the party after their last show. It’s not that he doesn’t like to party, because he’s never actually been to a party like that, it’s more the fact that Harry and Caroline are going to be in the same vicinity and Liam’s not sure if he’d be able to keep quiet about their relationship during that whole time. So he ignores Louis’ messages and the one from Harry too and when his mum knocks on his door and says Louis’s on the phone, he tells her to say that he’s asleep.

Because of this, Liam’s never been more grateful to arrive at school on Monday morning with the assurance that both Harry and Louis won’t be there. He knows that by tomorrow they’ll have forgotten all about their ignored messages and all will be right in the world. Until then, Liam’s forced to shuffle over to their usual picnic table in the morning, since no one will be heading to the meeting place, sitting on the table top and doing some of the homework assigned to his advanced maths class.

“God, it’s only ten past eight, Liam!” He looks up to see Andy striding toward him, grin on his face and a grey beanie covering his long hair. “Surely that can wait until a decent time?” Andy asks, taking a sip of the coffee in his hand and sitting beside Liam on the table top.

Liam closes his books in his lap, sliding them onto the table beside him. “Trust me, no time is a decent time for that. And what else am I supposed to do when Lou and Dani are off today?” It takes a second to dawn on him, his brow furrowing before he adds, “Wait, aren’t you supposed to be at home today too?”

Andy shrugs, “The perks of being in grade eleven? Having to come in for exam prep. I swear they’re trying to kill me with the schedule I’m on.”

“What have you got today?”

“Exam prep for history, maths, English and geography. It’s a nightmare.” Andy shakes his head ruefully and Liam laughs at his expense. “Laugh it up now, mate, this’ll be you next year and you’ll be wishing it wasn’t.”

“Bring it on.” Liam says with a defiant grin, even though he sucks at exams and is even worse at exam preparation. Andy tilts his head back, downing the last few mouthfuls of his coffee. “Big night at the wrap party?” Liam asks.

Andy makes a disapproving noise and grimaces, “Big night is an understatement.” Liam laughs as the older of the two leans back on the table, resting his weight on his hands. “You probably think that the lads in the band don’t like to party, but I can assure you – they do.”

“Oh I don’t doubt it,” Liam says dryly.

“Why didn’t you come? Lou told me he invited you. Harry too.” Andy asks, shooting a sideways glance at Liam, who shrugs.

“Didn’t really feel like it, I guess?”

Andy frowns, “Harry said you were worried you wouldn’t fit in.”

Liam gapes, “I wasn’t _worried_! I simply said that I didn’t _think_ I’d fit in if it was a musical cast and crew party.”

“It wasn’t though,” Andy says, leaning back again and letting the morning sun wash over his face. “There were heaps of people there. It was actually such a sick night.”

There’s a funny feeling in Liam’s stomach that makes him feel guilty for not going, but he’s also a little certain that Andy’s exaggerating. He humours him anyway. “Like who?”

“Zayn, for one.”

Liam’s jaw drops and he turns to Andy. “You partied with Zayn?”

Andy laughs, sitting up properly and shaking his head. “Nah mate, I was busy. He was there though.” The ‘ _with Perrie’_ went unsaid.

He’s not sure how he should feel about that, whether he should be happy that he avoided a situation where intoxicated Andy could have spilled his secrets to the object of his affections or upset because he hasn’t gotten any more insight into him, so he settles on another question to take his mind off that. “What were you busy with?”

Andy ducks his head and coughs nervously, “Talking to Dani.”

“You talk to Dani all the time though,” Liam says stupidly because he’s not connecting the dots until it suddenly dawns on him and he lets out a tiny ‘oh’ sound. “How’d that go?”

“Not sure, to be honest. We just talked for a long time – not about anything serious or nothing, just talked. It was good.” Andy replies and his voice is distant and a small smile forms as he remembers the night before.

Liam smiles too. “You think there’s something there?”

“Maybe.”

*

As Liam makes the commute from the maths building to the library for his legal studies class, he’s still thinking about the problem they’d just dissected in maths and how _wrong_ his answer had been. He’d been so sure when he was working it out that what he was actually doing it right, but when Mr Usher scrawled the answer and the working on the white board, Liam had to resist every urge to rip out the pages of his notebook and throw them across the room.

He’s walking along, mind consumed with the problem and how he’d not even been close to the right answer, when he spots Zayn up ahead sitting on a bench outside the library, soaking up the sun the way he usually did. He’d been in maths that morning and had offered the correct answer to the problem and Liam allowed himself to feel soothed by the way Zayn explained the steps he took to get the right function at the end. Maybe Louis was on to something when he suggested Liam get Zayn as a tutor.

As Liam moves closer to the library, he notices the way that Zayn’s not slouching on the bench, leaning back against the conveniently placed brick wall behind him, like he usually does. Instead, he’s slumped over himself, forearms resting on his knees and staring at his hands, notebooks seemingly forgotten beside him on the bench.

Liam feels an urge to go talk to him, but he can’t quite bring himself to be that brave. He walks right on by and takes up his usual position on the library wall beside the entry door, clutching his books to his chest as he waits for their teacher to arrive. Mr Usher had adopted a habit of forgetting their class on Monday mornings, sometimes leaving campus because he thinks he has a spare period, before someone calls him and tells him to get back and teach. Liam secretly hopes that that’s the case today because he’s not really feeling like sitting through an hour of legal studies. A few people Liam knows join him, talking around him and including him as much as possible, but his attention is on Zayn and he’s not even listening to them. Well, not until they mention Zayn.

“He looks sad,” One of them says.

“He’s always by himself. I bet he’s lonely.” Another agrees.

“He’s got Harry.” A boy argues.

“He’s got the day off though,” Someone else counters.

“Someone should go talk to him.”

All of them seem to think it’s a great idea and Liam’s not sure what makes him do it, but he pushes himself off the wall and walks toward the bench where Zayn’s sitting. He ignores the way he feels the eyes of the group he’d just left on him as he gets closer to the other boy and shifts his notebooks in his hands so he’s holding them by his sides.

Before he knows it, he’s at the bench that Zayn’s sitting on. Zayn looks up at him and Liam gives a small smile. “Hey.”

Zayn sounds confused when he replies with a simple, “Hi.”

“You looked lonely over here so I thought I’d come say hi.” Liam explains, sounding upbeat, and he can feel his cheeks turn a light shade of pink because of how honest that was and also how nerve wracking it is to finally be talking to Zayn. “Mind if I sit down?”

Zayn makes a face, shrugs and shuffles over on the bench a little bit and Liam takes that as a sign to take a seat. So he does. He puts his books on the seat beside him, next to where Zayn’s books are, and takes a second to breathe deeply before turning back to Zayn.

“How’s it going?” He asks.

“’S Alright,” Zayn drawls, attention back on his hands and Liam nods purely because he’s not sure what else to do. A silence falls over them that is a little awkward and tinged with a hint of expectancy and is probably the reason that Zayn asks, “You?”

“I’m pretty good,” Liam says, trying to sound nonchalant like Zayn does so effortlessly, but also interested in their conversation. Then he realises that he’s practically ended their conversation by not asking another question or saying _something_ to continue it. “I mean, aside from the fact that I’m probably failing maths.” He adds quickly.

Zayn nods and Liam thinks that maybe, just maybe, there’s a hint of amusement hidden behind his lips. “Me too.”

Liam scoffs, “Aw, come on! You know what you’re doing in that class probably more than Usher does. I’ve got no idea.” And he’s not sure how he managed that – managed a whole sentence to Zayn that was both interesting and complimentary and enough to be engaging for a proper conversation. He’s surprised himself because where the hell did his ability to converse with Zayn come from?

“Nah, man,” is all Zayn says in reply and Liam feels his heart drop because surely there was _something_ in that sentence to justify more than a two word reply from him. It’s then that Liam really takes notice of Zayn, the way his mouth is turned down and the way his shoulders are slumped and the way his hands are knotting together in a way that suggests agitation more than nerves and he realises that he’s just barged into Zayn’s space and tried to initiate conversation with him when he so clearly wants to be by himself. He looks sad and Liam feels horrendous for being so selfish as to force himself on Zayn when he’s so obviously not in the mood for any of this – not Liam’s stupid attempts at making friends, anyway.

“Do you want me to go?” Liam asks, because he thinks maybe Zayn is too polite to tell him to fuck off when he wants to but Zayn shakes his head. Liam tries not to think about how that makes the butterflies buzz in his stomach and instead focuses on trying to talk to the other boy, _really_ talk to him, because he’s upset and he’s not annoyed by Liam’s presence and he figures that’s some kind of sign that he should do something here.

He follows Zayn’s gaze to his hands and watches as they move against each other until they break apart, revealing a silver chain. “That’s really nice,” Liam says, eyeing the chain. “Yours?”

Zayn shakes his head, “I got it for Perrie.” He lets it fall from his hands and hang from one of his fingers, chain swinging in the gentle breeze. Liam puts on his best smile for Zayn, even though he’s not looking, and is about to enthuse about what a great choice he’s made when Zayn mutters quietly, “She gave it back to me.”

And there are no words to describe how gutted Liam feels in that moment because everything makes sense finally; the necklace must have been what Zayn gave Perrie after opening night and she’d given it back to him and he looked so sad and it hurt. It hurt because Zayn had done something so sweet, so kind, for Perrie and she’d thrown it back in his face and it hurt because Zayn was clearly so broken up about it and God, Liam never wanted to see an upset Zayn ever again.

“I’m sorry.” Liam murmurs because there’s nothing else he can say and Zayn nods. They sit in silence for a little while and Liam watches Zayn stare at the necklace, fighting the urge to ask the one question that’s niggling at him. Eventually, he caves. “D’you know why she gave it back?” He asks carefully, more than ready for Zayn to glare at him and tell him to fuck off.

Zayn shrugs, “Doesn’t really matter, does it?”

“I guess not.” Liam says and he knows he shouldn’t push his luck here, but he can’t help it. “So are you guys…?”

“Dunno,” Zayn snaps, knowing what Liam was asking without even hearing the whole question and Liam nods again. “She’s not getting this back though. Wasn’t good enough for her the first time, she’s definitely not getting it again.”

Liam swallows hard, ignoring how malicious Zayn’s voice sounds and the memories it brings back of the confrontation with Mr Usher a few weeks earlier. “What are going to do with it, then?”

“Chuck it out.” Zayn admits.

“What?” Liam exclaims, “You can’t! Can’t you take it back to the store and get your money back or something?”

Zayn just raises his head and gives Liam a knowing smirk, “What, all of eight pound?”

Liam feels a wave of affection wash over him and he doesn’t even have a chance to react to that, partially because he’s frozen after being subjected to Zayn’s smirk but also because Mr Usher finally strolls up to the classroom, muttering apologies and hurrying them inside. Zayn gets up from the bench, collects his books and joins the queue of students filing into the room without another word and Liam does the same a few moments later.

Zayn sits at his usual table at the front of the room, despite the argument with the teacher and Harry’s absence, and Liam sits at his usual table at the back, watching Zayn subtly and trying to digest the conversation in his mind because it was all so much and he actually wishes Louis were there to observe the conversation and tell him what subtle clues he was missing or something because Liam feels his insides turning to mush every time he thinks about it because he _finally_ had a proper conversation with Zayn Malik, man of his dreams, and even though it was sad and confusing, it was real and it happened and nothing could take that away from him.

*

Andy’s already waiting at the picnic table when Liam arrives straight after being dismissed from legal studies and he slides into the seat opposite Andy and takes a deep breath.

“Alright mate?” Andy asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I need to talk to you about boy things, well _Zayn_ things, and I know you’re not used to me doing this but I just really need to _talk_ about this right now and you’re my only option and you know that if Louis were here I’d go to him but I’ve only got you and I hope you’re not too freaked out but I just have to say something-“ Liam blurts all at once and eventually Andy chuckles until Liam stops talking.

He rises from the seat and Liam watches him move, temporarily worried that Andy’s just going to walk away even though Liam made it clear that he needed him, until Andy says, “Can’t have a heart to heart without ice cream, now can we?”

So Andy goes to the cafeteria and comes back with two of those little single-serve tubs of ice cream that come with little wooden paddles to eat with, placing one in front of Liam before taking up his seat from before and cracking his own open. “Lay it on me,” Andy says in a manner that makes Liam think he’s mentally rehearsed this situation many times before.

“Okay,” Liam starts nervously, cracking open his own ice cream and digging into it with the paddle, finding it strangely helpful in organising his thoughts. “I spoke to Zayn today. Actually spoke. More than eight words.”

“How many?”

Liam thinks for a moment before glancing up at Andy with a wry smile. “I’m not sure. I wasn’t counting.” Andy grins at him, eating some ice cream and motioning for Liam to keep going. “It was so strange because he was really quiet and, I don’t know, sort of… upset?”

Andy looks thoughtful, digging into his ice cream again. “What’d you talk about?”

“I’m not sure if I should say.” Liam says carefully, ignoring the way Andy raises his eyebrows suggestively, and taking a moment to think by having a small amount of ice cream. “It was sort of personal, I think. I’m not sure if it’s something I should tell anyone else.”

“So you’ve got secrets with him already?” Andy jokes, nudging Liam’s foot under the table. “What _can_ you tell me, then?”

Liam sighs. This is the part that Andy might not be prepared for, but it was too late for him to leave now. “I can tell you that he’s nicer than I ever thought. People think he’s stand-offish and rude, myself included at one point, but he’s not. He’s really, really kind. And cheeky.” Liam glances down as he remembers that Zayn bought Perrie a $8 necklace and wasn’t even ashamed to admit it. “He does this thing, when he looks at you, that makes you feel like you’re being examined or something, like he’s trying to see past everything and see the real you and it’s so strange but so drawing too and wow. He’s really good to talk to. And sort of sensitive too?” Liam screws up his nose, trying to put it into words. “Like, I feel really bad for not saying enough to him today. I mean, I’m not sure if he wants it, but I feel like he needs to know that I’m here for him if he needs me, y’know? I feel like I should have done or said something _more_ to him to let him know that he’s not alone.”

Andy’s watching him carefully before his eyes flicker to something behind Liam and a smirk presents itself as he says, “Well maybe now’s your chance,” causing Liam’s heart to double in time as he turns around, praying to every God there is that Zayn’s not standing behind him laughing after having heard all of that. He’s not, thankfully, but he _is_ walking down toward the sports oval, no doubt so he can sneak into the trees surrounding the football pitch for a quick fag before the end of the break.

Liam doesn’t even think about it, he just gets up and hurries after Zayn because he feels like he owes him something which is ridiculous, but honestly, so is his whole life.

“Zayn!” Liam calls just as Zayn’s about to navigate his way down the steep grassy hill that overlooks the sporting fields. Zayn turns and looks around, obviously confused until he spots Liam and waits for him to approach. It’s sort of awkward, Zayn waiting on Liam as he walks toward him and Liam feels selfish and stupid again because Zayn’s probably wishing Liam would hurry up and leave so he can go get a nicotine hit before the bell rings.

Eventually Liam makes it to Zayn and he lets out a semi-exhausted breath, which is embarrassing in itself, and says, “Hi.”

“Hey?” Zayn’s brow furrows. “Did you want something?”

Liam nods, suddenly overcome by purpose and honesty and bravery and he’s not even aware that he’s saying things until it’s out of his mouth. “I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you, if you ever wanted to talk about anything. I know we don’t really know each other, we’re not really friends or anything, but if you ever want to vent to someone who’s, I don’t know, a stranger or whatever, then I’m willing to listen.”

It comes out a bit rushed and Liam feels nervous once he’s finished but he also feels a swell of pride build inside him when Zayn nods and smiles. “Cheers, Liam. I’ll let you know.”

“Sure,” Liam says, a little delayed since Zayn’s already back on his previous mission and can’t hear him anyway. Liam watches him for a few moments before realising that if Zayn were to look back at him now, it wouldn’t be something easily explained, turning on his heel and heading back to Andy.

He flops down on the bench seat and Andy holds his outs out, asking for something, anything. “So?” Andy verbally prods.

“So he said thanks. And he’d let me know. And he smiled at me. I swear, Andy, today I’ve been subjected to more Zayn Malik than I’d ever thought I’d wanted. I’ve gotten an insight to who he actually is. I’ve heard him laugh because of something I’ve said. I’ve been on the receiving end of one of his _smiles_. I just…” Liam shakes his head incredulously, can’t stop the goofy smile that forms on his lips. “I always thought that I didn’t want to know Zayn because he wouldn’t be as good as I thought he was, that he wouldn’t be what I expected.”

“And is he?” Andy asks curiously.

Liam grins, feeling his cheeks flush when he unashamedly declares, “He’s better.”

*

When Liam gets home after school, he tries to make himself focus on his maths study, but he can’t because even though he knows that if he doesn’t work, he’ll fail the class, all that he can think about is Zayn freaking Malik and his smile and how it felt to have it directed at him and how great it was talking to him and hearing his voice say his name and it doesn’t take long for Liam to resign himself to the fact that he’s not getting any work done that night.

Instead, Liam puts in the mix cd Harry gave him and lays back in his bed, staring out his window and watching the colour of the sky change from blue to pink to navy to black as the cd plays over and over again. He’s not sure how Harry did it, but every song on the cd makes Liam think of Zayn and that’s all that fills his mind for the hours he spends staring out his window, only ever moving to press replay on his stereo. He doesn’t speak and he doesn’t leave – just lays there and listens to the way that a blink-182 song about feeling and touching someone always and forever makes a funny feeling settle into his stomach, making him nervous and a little giddy.

*

The rest of the semester flies past faster than Liam can even take notice of, mostly because he’s studying for maths all the time. His big exam is coming up and he’s slightly less social than before, but he still tries to make an effort to hang out with Louis, Andy and Danielle whenever he’s got a spare moment. He’s been a little distant from them all lately, so much so that Andy’s still the only one who knows about Liam’s conversation with Zayn, but he’s trying.

Louis catches him in the library during the last lunch break before Liam’s afternoon maths exam, plopping down in one of the empty seats at the table he’s occupying.

“Aren’t you finished yet?” Louis whines, reaching out to grab at Liam’s text book so he can look it over.

Liam snatches it back, reading it closely and checking his notebook. “I’m nowhere near done.”

Louis sighs, slouching in his seat and staring at the roof while Liam keeps working, his head down and pen moving furiously across the pages of his notebook. He lets out a few noises of annoyance when he jots something down incorrectly or forgets to convert negative numbers to positives and when he gets the answer to a problem wrong for the fourth time in a row, he throws his pen across the table in frustration.

“Whoa,” Louis exclaims, startled from whatever he was doing by Liam’s outburst. “Easy, mate.” He bends down to collect Liam’s pen from where it skidded across the table and landed on the floor, handing it back to Liam tentatively. “You alright?”

Liam shakes his head, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Just, distract me for a little while, yeah?”

“Your exam’s soon, isn’t it?” Louis asks and Liam doesn’t have to look at him to know that he’s frowning disapprovingly. He reaches across and pats Liam on the arm, “Look, if you don’t know the content by now, there’s no point freaking yourself out over it.”

“I know.”

Louis leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. “How about I tell you about me and Harry?” Liam glances up, instantly curious. “Remember that wrap party we had after the musical? The one you ignored all invitations to?”

Liam rolls his eyes, “Yes, Louis, what about it?”

“Harry and I got really close that night. _Really_ close.” He looks pointedly at Liam and Liam feels his jaw drop.

All he can get out is a measly “You didn’t- did you?” before Louis laughs and shakes his head.

“No, all I mean is that we got close!” Louis shakes his head again, chuckling. “Besides, a real man never kisses and tells. Anyway, we spoke a lot that night and ever since and stuff, but I don’t know.”

Liam’s brow furrows. “What don’t you know?”

“I don’t know how to do this.” He glances up and looks to Liam for help or guidance but Liam’s got nothing, especially not when he’s got no clue what Louis is referring to.

“I thought it was all going great?” Liam asks.

“It was- It _is_ ,” Louis corrects, “But I don’t know, I just, I feel like sometimes I’m not seeing all of Harry. I know that he’s more honest with me than probably anyone else in his life, but, he’s such a mystery.”

“But you find that endearing,” Liam points out because what is Louis even saying?

“I know I do, but…” Louis runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it at the back a little bit before puffing out a breath. “I hear things about him, y’know? Stuff about him at parties, parties I’m not invited to or even told about, and I don’t care that he doesn’t want me there because he’s allowed his own life, but the stuff I hear isn’t good. Him doing drugs and kissing other people. And I try not to be jealous or pay attention to them because I know that they’re probably just rumours and all, but I can’t help it because as much as I like Harry, I don’t _know_ him. I don’t know who he is, not really, and I don’t know if he’s the kind of guy who would go to a party, get high and kiss everyone else in sight.”

It’s Liam’s turn to reach out a reassuring hand to Louis now, patting his shoulder in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. “Have you tried asking him?”

Louis laughs darkly, “Do you really think that’s something I could ask him? ‘Hey babe, just wanted to know if you go out and snog other people when I’m not around, no big deal!’”

Liam shrugs, “I don’t know, it could work, couldn’t it?” He doesn’t really know Harry all that well either, despite sitting beside him in history for the whole semester and getting closer to him as the year’s drawn on.

“Not with Harry. He hides. He only lets you see what he wants you to and if that means hiding behind lies, he will.”

And Liam’s not an expert at relationships, although he feels like he should be, but he knows where this is going. “What are you going to do about it?” He asks quietly.

“There’s not much I can do.” Louis says sadly and Liam wants to hug him tightly, but the bell rings before he can. Louis looks up and offers him a small smile, “Luck with your test, Liam.”

He nods, “Thanks for distracting me.”

“Thanks for listening.”

Liam nods again, picking up his books and heading out of the library and toward the maths block, ready to face an exam he’s inevitably going to fail.

*

There are only two good things about the exam that afternoon. One, is that it’s got questions that Liam can vaguely understand, and two, is that Zayn turns around in his seat before the exams are passed out and wishes him luck.

Liam thinks that maybe that sentiment was what helped him get a B- when the graded papers are handed back the next week.

*

It’s the final lunchbreak of the final day of grade ten for Liam, Louis and Danielle, and the final day of grade eleven for Andy and they all share the picnic table and eat ice cream together. It’s a nice, thoughtful kind of mood and Liam’s enjoying the silence, although he spends most of it thinking about Zayn and how he’s said more words to him in the past 12 weeks than in their whole high school careers.

“I broke up with Harry.” Louis announces out of nowhere and they all glance up from their ice cream to look at him.

“Shit, mate, you alright?” Andy tries to look concerned but mainly just looks confused and Liam’s pretty sure that it’s because he wasn’t even aware that they were dating. The whole relationship was kept pretty hushed but a few people knew about it. Apparently Andy wasn’t one of those.

Louis nods, “I had to. I didn’t trust him.”

Danielle hugs Louis from her position beside him on the table. “You did what was best for you.”

“Yeah, doesn’t make it any less shit, though.” Louis grumbles and Liam nods knowingly.

Sometimes the things you want, or the things you think you want, aren’t as great as they once appeared, which is fine, if you can bring yourself to forget about how much you wanted them in the first place. Liam can tell that Louis still wants Harry, though, and only dumped him to save himself future pain. It’s admirable, really. Smart, even. Get out before the perfect image is ruined by the reality. Maybe Liam should take a page out of Louis’ book.

“It’ll be alright, Lou.” Liam says in a comforting tone.

“Maybe Harry’ll realise what a dick he’s been and come crawling back to you, or something.” Andy adds supportively and Liam smiles at him. Andy’s come a long way in being able to handle these kinds of things and Liam feels like he should do something to thank Andy for that, because he knows it hasn’t always been easy.

“Or maybe he’ll just go off and fuck Caroline again.” Louis spits.

“Again?” Danielle asks before Liam can shoot her a warning glare.

Louis nods, “He fucking cheated on me. Dating for less than two months and he cheated on me.” His words are harsh but his voice has no edge to it, it’s just sad and honest and it makes Liam’s chest tighten.

“Fucking dick,” Andy seethes and Liam’s caught so off guard by the sudden anger on Andy’s face that he’s not sure what to do here.

“Sometimes people aren’t as great as they seem,” Liam says by means of explanation and in an effort to try and calm the situation because Andy looks about ready to go punch something.

“As if you’d know,” Louis snaps, “You’ve not even spoken to Zayn. You don’t know anything.”

“Sorry, I was just saying-“ Liam tries but Louis cuts him off.

“Don’t try and pretend like you know what I’m feeling right now, because you don’t. You’re too fucking scared to do anything about your little crush on Zayn and you don’t know how it feels to be let down by someone like that, so just shut up, alright?” Louis’ voice is small and sad and Liam can’t bring himself to feel offended at his words.

Andy frowns, “Calm down, yeah? Liam’s spoken to Zayn. Don’t go getting pissy at all of us – we’re only trying to help.”

“Unless you can think of a way to make me not feel like shit right now, I’d rather you didn’t try at all. Thanks.” Louis slides off the table, landing on his feet and stalks off before any of them have the chance to call him back and the bell rings to start the last class of the year.

*

“Sorry for being a prat earlier,” Louis says by way of greeting, sliding down the lockers until he’s sitting beside Liam on the floor. Liam’s one of the unlucky few who gets a locker right at the bottom of the stack, but he doesn’t mind too much. “Still bitter, I guess.”

Liam nods. “I know. It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks.”

He grabs his notebooks out, all his textbooks having been returned earlier in the day, and gathers whatever rubbish is hiding in there to throw in the bin on his way out of the school.

“Christ, how do you manage to keep your locker so clean?” Louis marvels, glancing at the tidy insides.

Liam shrugs, eying off the bundle of papers in there that he’s sure he’ll need for next year and wondering whether he should take them home over the holidays to keep them safe. He decides against it, shutting the door and locking it before standing up, offering a hand to Louis to help him up too. They walk together across the quiet school, everyone having dashed off as soon as the last bell rang, ready to start their holidays, and Liam folds his arms across his chest.

“It feels weird.” Louis says, looking around.

Liam’s not even surprised by Louis’ ability to be on the same mental page as him anymore. “I was just thinking that.”

“Kind of like this is the end of something.” Louis muses, kicking at a stray rock.

“Like nothing’s going to be the same next year,” Liam agrees with a nod.

Louis gives a short laugh, “I’m not sure if I like it.”

“Not sure you’ve got a choice,” Liam points out and Louis nods his head as if to say ‘fair point’. They walk in silence for a few moments, heading toward the back gate of the school.  

“Why didn’t you tell me about Zayn?” Louis asks quietly.

Liam shrugs, “Forgot I guess. And it seemed like you had your own stuff to deal with.” Louis nods understandingly, “Guess you’ll want to hear all about it tonight, then, right?”

Louis grins again, “What else are the annual Lilo sleepovers good for?”

Liam rolls his eyes affectionately as Louis drapes an arm around his shoulders. “What have I told you about that name?” He playfully scolds.

“That it’s perfect and brilliant, of course, like us.”

“I suppose it is, when you put it like that.” Liam says with a chuckle, leaning into Louis' side and grinning as he prepares himself for a night full of fun times and reflections with his best friend. 

*


	6. I wake up and I'm alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of grade eleven brings about some changes - a bit of new and a bit of old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit shorter than usual and not much happens, but it's building up to something important in the next chapter, which might be a bit of a giant one. I hope it's enough to satisfy whatever cravings you've got for this fic. 
> 
> Massive thanks for the supportive comments guys, keep 'em coming. I love you! 
> 
> Unbeta'd, as always, and it's 2am so hopefully it all makes sense and isn't too bad. :)

New years are notorious for being the best time to change yourself, to become who you want to be. Liam’s pretty happy with himself; he thinks he is as nice as he could be and he feels as though he works as hard as he can, so he’s not sure what a new year means for him. Louis, on the other hand, is determined to make the new year count for something – to move on from the trials of the year before, or so he declares during their last sleepover for the holidays, four days before school resumes.

“I’m so _tired_ , Li.” He drones.

“Go to sleep then, I’m happy watching this,” Liam says, focused intently on the newest episode of Supernatural.

Louis throws a Skittle at Liam’s head. “Not literally, twat. I mean, I’m tired of just _being_.” He sighs dramatically and Liam settles in for what is no doubt going to be a long speech about how he wants this year to matter. It’s almost tradition by now – Louis often starts the year by declaring he is going to do better in his classes and join more extra-curricular activities, but he always ends it the same way he had the year before, with bad grades and worse attendance. “I want to live more, Liam. Don’t you ever feel like you’re just spending all your time at school and not actually doing anything? We’re young, we should be out there _living_!”

“And what exactly do you think constitutes ‘living’?” Liam asks, shifting his position so he can glance back at Louis.

He shrugs, “Fucked if I know. All I know is I’m sick of wasting the best years of my life. I’m going to do something this year. I am.”

“Whatever you say, Lou,” Liam says resolutely, turning his attention back to the TV.

“I will.” Louis reiterates and Liam nods.

 _Same shit, different year_ , Liam thinks and instantly feels bad for it. He can’t fault Louis for wanting to change his life this year – the end of grade ten wasn’t particularly easy for him. Why shouldn’t he want to make this year better than the last? Why shouldn’t he want happiness and excitement? He deserves to live his life the way he wants to and he deserves a best friend who’s going to support him in whatever he chooses to do.

Louis pauses the DVD, grabbing Liam’s attention almost instantly. “Why aren’t you excited for me?”

“Because this is the same thing you say every year,” Liam supplies, rolling onto his back on the carpet and staring up at the roof.

“Yeah, well changing is hard.” He defends, “It takes time.”

“Sure.”

“Why are you being so dismissive? Don’t you want me to change?” Louis leans forward on the couch, inching closer to Liam, who shrugs. “Don’t _you_ want to change?”

Liam lets out a laugh, “I’ve got nothing to change.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I just don’t think there’s anything that needs changing. I like how my life was last year – I liked the grades I got, the friends I had – I don’t feel the need to go searching for something just because I’m told it’s going to better, when it could be one hundred times worse.” Liam breathes deeply ignoring the suspicious way his cheeks feel suddenly hot, the way they always do when he says something honest and even slightly related to his feelings. He’s not so good at sharing, he’s realised.

“But new years are new adventures! New opportunities, new classes, new jobs, new friends, new loves! Don’t you want any of those things?”

Liam’s chest suddenly feels tight and he closes his eyes as he shakes his head because he’s pretty sure he won’t be able to speak properly for a few moments. He swallows hard and hopes that Louis doesn’t notice. “I wouldn’t mind new classes and I’m open to both new jobs and friends, I just don’t actively seek them out.”

Louis nods and neither of them say anything about how Liam avoided addressing the idea of new loves this year. Truth is, Liam’s not even open to the idea of new love. It’s ridiculous, he knows, because Liam is nothing to Zayn and Zayn’s straight and in love with Perrie and they’re adorable together and he shouldn’t want Zayn the way he does, as much as he does, and he tells himself to stop but then he remembers. He remembers the way Zayn frowned because of Perrie, the slight downturn of his lips after every kiss they shared in the last weeks of school, how sad he’d been. Most of all, he remembers the smile he gave Liam when he offered to be there for him and he remembers the small hint of encouragement before their final maths exam and he doesn’t need to remember the way they both made his heart flutter because just _thinking_ about those moments make him feel that way all over again and he just can’t help it.

“Put any thought into how you’re going to react at the meeting place on Tuesday?” Liam asks, if only to distract Louis from staring at him. It works, though, and Louis flings himself backwards on the couch with a dramatic groan.

“I’m never going back to the meeting place again,” His voice is muffled by the hands that are no doubt covering his face. “Not ever.” Liam laughs but it doesn’t feel right, it feels out of place. “I don’t want to see him again, Liam.” Louis admits quietly and the slight quiver to his voice only deepens the strange feeling in Liam’s guts.

“I know.” He’s not really sure what else to say but apparently Louis doesn’t either, because he resumes their episode of Supernatural and digs into the bag of Skittles again. Liam can’t focus on the episode, though, and finds himself lost in his thoughts the way he often is.

He wishes he could be as free as Louis, love as freely and as openly and as much as his best friend does. He used to, anyway. That was before he saw the aftermath of what happens when Louis loves as fiercely as he does and gets it thrown back in his face. It makes Liam madder than it should, that Louis let himself be vulnerable to Harry only to get hurt in return. It infuriates him, because loving someone isn’t easy. Everyone thinks it’s this great, big, wonderful world of feelings and joy but it’s not.

Love is painful, it hurts. Love is learning the small ticks that make a person distinctly them. Love is keeping up with their life as best you can. Love is admitting to yourself that the butterflies in your stomach when you see a certain person aren’t just because you’re nervous. Love is realising that even from afar, it’s real. And to see someone as in love as Louis was and still is, to have had love and lost it, to have admitted to someone other than himself that he liked someone for more than just their looks, that he felt more than just a simple liking for them, and have it all turn sour? Well, that’s reason enough for Liam to remember where the boundaries lie for him and Zayn.

“There better be someone new to distract me this year,” Louis mutters.

“Wouldn’t that be good,” Liam agrees, but it’s not sincere because new year be damned, Liam doesn’t want a new love this year. He just wants more of the love he’s already got.

*

Liam and Louis deliberately bypass the meeting place on the first day back, as discussed at their sleepover, but Liam can’t help glancing over on his way past it to the picnic tables. He’s not sure why he’s surprised to see Harry sitting on the bench at the meeting place, since it was pretty much routine last year, and he instantly feels bad for leaving Harry there all by himself without a word of explanation. Harry lifts his head while Liam’s still watching and even though he’s a fair distance away, he raises his hand in a wave to Harry. He can’t really tell from where he is, but Liam swears that he sees a frown on Harry’s face as he nods back.

“LIAM!” A girlish squeal breaks Liam’s attention from Harry and he turns just in time to see Danielle running toward him, arms open wide for a hug. Liam accepts her embrace tightly, laughing warmly at how she clings to him and exclaims how good he looks after a holiday and how much she’s missed him.

“It’s only been a few weeks, Dani, calm down!” He says with a laugh as he pulls away because it’s not like they’d gone all holidays without seeing one another and surely he hadn’t changed that much since then? But Danielle just giggles and links her arm in Liam’s, ignoring the way their bags awkwardly bang against each other as they walk side by side toward the tables.

Andy and Louis are already there by the time they arrive and Liam can’t help but grin at the sight of his two best friends. He wasn’t lying to Louis those few nights ago, when he’d said he was open to new friends, but truth be told, he didn’t want them either. He was more than happy with the three main friends he had because they were the best friends he could ever ask for.

Louis notices them first as the approach the table, nudging Andy in what Liam assumes is meant to be a subtle way.  Andy ducks his head, running a hand through his hair. “Peazer, Payno, welcome back to school! Ready to take on grade eleven?” Louis exclaims, hopping down from his perch atop the table to pull them both into a hug together. “Let’s conquer this bad boy!”

Liam laughs and pulls his head away from Louis’ neck to look over his shoulder and smile at Andy, who’s watching them beside the table. “Grade twelve this year, mate. Senior year!”

Andy groans, “Don’t remind me. I feel old already.”

Danielle coos and Louis relinquishes his hold on her, and eventually Liam too, so she can give him a hug, “Don’t worry about it, you’re only as old as you feel.”

Liam has to bite the inside of his cheek and elbow Louis in the ribs so neither of them laugh at how stupid that sounds. Andy seems to appreciate it though, because he gives Danielle a one-armed hug around the shoulders and smiles at her like she’d just given him the best advice he’s ever heard. Who knows, maybe she had. Liam lazily hugs him as Louis and Danielle climb onto the table top before dropping his backpack on one of the seats before taking a seat on the only spare area left, beside Andy. They’re all a bit too big to all fit on the table top together anymore, but it never stops them and they don’t complain too much when they all have to squish together because that’s just what they do.

It’s astounding how easily they fall back into their old ways – how easy it is to listen to Andy telling a story from the party he threw over New Year’s or see Danielle roll her eyes when Louis says something crude. It’s like no time has passed at all. The thought makes Liam smile and he allows himself to tune out for a few moments, looking out over the courtyard which is actually, surprisingly busy.

There are plenty of students milling around, new and old, and Liam smiles at all familiar faces, most of which come over and say hi. Conversations flow easily and Liam feels like he’s caught up with almost everyone he has to by the time the bell rings and he slides off the table top.

“If we don’t have more classes together this year I may just cry,” Louis says dramatically, pulling his backpack on and handing Liam his.

“Get ready for some tears then,” He advises with a chuckle, slinging his bag over his shoulders before waving goodbye to them all and heading toward the math building, where his locker is located.

Liam disposes of his backpack quickly, sliding it into his locker and pulling out two new notebooks and pocketing a few pens, shutting the door and spinning the lock. He gives it a tug, just to be sure it’s properly locked, before he rises from his sitting position on the floor, jogs down the stairs and heads for the Library. Most of his homeroom class is there already by the time he arrives and he takes his usual table in the corner by himself, smiling at his teacher when he marks his name off the roll.

He chances a glance in the direction of the other grade eleven homeroom in the library, the one Zayn is in, but he only sees Niall, laughing and rolling himself around on one of those wheeled computer desk chairs and getting scolded by his homeroom teacher. Liam hides his smile behind his hand and looks away, toward the door, eyes skimming over the front desk where the librarian usually skulks and watches episodes of The Big Bang Theory on her portable DVD player. Except…she’s not this time. Liam’s eyes jump back to the desk because for one, the librarian _isn’t_ watching the worst TV show Liam has ever seen and she’s definitely not skulking either. She’s laughing. Smiling.  Conversing with a student that has their back to Liam but seemingly has all the charm in the world to be able to talk and entertain someone Liam’s only ever thought of as cold and harsh.

It takes a few moments, but eventually Liam starts to recognise the person at the desk with the librarian – the planes of his back and the way he leans onto the counter as if it were physically too demanding to stand on his own. He almost doesn’t want to believe it but then Harry walks through the door and Zayn turns his attention away from the librarian and toward his best friend, who joins the conversation easily, and Liam watches on as one of the most mind boggling conversation takes place.

Liam thought that Zayn was shy. He didn’t think he’d be very comfortable with teachers. He thought he’d hate the librarian for being so callous all the time. He thought Harry would think it was lame to be talking to teachers in such an animated and friendly way. He knew that Zayn wasn’t bad at conversation, but he thought that he was quiet and reserved. He thought he was sensible around adults and silly around Harry. He thought Zayn wasn’t the kind of person to hang out with a teacher when his best friend was beside him, the option to leave hanging in the air with no indication of him wanting to take it.

But there he is, standing and talking and laughing and joking and _smiling_ and proving Liam wrong at almost every turn. Even though Liam _hates_ being wrong, he can’t bring himself to hate the way Zayn disproves him. It’s like; he thinks he knows who Zayn is, only to be shown another side of him that’s better than what he thought he originally knew. Like Zayn is uncharted territory and Liam is this explorer who could only observe the beauty of the area from a safe distance, making assumptions and judgements about it without actually experiencing it, and being so overwhelmingly surprised and impressed when new and exciting aspects arise from nowhere and provide him with more insight than he could ever hope for.

Liam thought he knew Zayn, but he doesn’t and it brings a large, stupid, goofy grin to his face to know that because he loves that no matter how hard he tries, it seems like he’s never going to know the whole Zayn story, and that’s okay. Though, it won’t be from lack of trying.

*

New year, new timetable. Liam looks his over – English, drama, hospitality (which is essentially home economics but with more profit for the school because they have to run a mini café for assessment), modern history, ancient history and advanced maths.

Again.

Even though he only just managed to pass last semester.

He pouts at his timetable, but he’s not disappointed. He’s actually excited, honestly, because even though studying two histories is going to be a lot of reading and advanced maths means more study time, he hand picked all six of his classes and he’s excited to learn. For today, at least. Tomorrow he anticipates he’ll be back to his anti-school stance as per usual.

Liam glances up from his paper to check if Zayn and Harry are still chatting to, or up, the librarian, but no one’s at the desk anymore and the bell rings anyway. Another quick check of his timetable has Liam hurrying off to drama, ready for another year of silly improvisations and half-arsed dramatics with Louis.

Only, Louis’s not in his class this year – Dani is. Which is fine, because Liam loves Danielle, but… drama was Louis and Liam time. _Lilo_ time. He rolls his eyes at himself for even thinking that, because not having a class with Louis really isn’t that big a deal and if his best friend knew that Liam even _thought_ about them collectively using that stupid couple name he thought up, well, he’d never hear the end of it.

Still, he tries to remember if Louis had in fact signed up for drama this year and Danielle must know something’s up because she smiles softly at him and says, “Sorry I’m not Louis.”

Liam pouts at her, “Don’t say that. I’m not mad that you’re in here – it’s just weird not having him in drama with me. It’s fine, we’ll smash it together.”

“I’m not sure how good I’ll be,” She admits shyly, “I’ve not really acted before.”

“It’s okay,” Liam reassures her with a grin, “I only passed last year because Copey loves Louis, so it’ll be interesting to see how my grades go this year.”

Danielle seems to be deciding whether what he said was a joke or not, so Liam laughs and she follows suit. “Just so long as you don’t hate me for being terrible.”

“I could never,” He says honestly and she playfully fans her face.

“Liam Payne, you smooth talker.”

He laughs at her and how what she just did was such a _Louis_ thing to do – “You’ve got the Tomlinson thing down pat.” He nods approvingly.

Danielle giggles, “I didn’t even try!”

“You’re a natural,” Liam quips as Mr Copeland calls their attention so he can start the first class of the year.

It passes pretty quickly and Liam’s doesn’t find himself missing Louis too much and Danielle’s fun and thoughtful and really inspiring when she acts; even in a simple warming up exercise when they have to create a character in their minds and walk around the room as that character. Liam hasn’t a clue what to do, hiding his embarrassment and nerves behind his giggle and smile as he walks around normally (insisting that the character was just a normal person who walked normally), but Danielle adopts bad posture and a slinky way of walking that appears almost slimy and is so off-putting but so, so creative. And the most inspiring part is that she’s not even remotely embarrassed, even though she looks positively ridiculous. Liam tries to hide his jealousy of her talent and envy over her confidence but he doesn’t think he quite succeeds.

“What have you got next?” Danielle asks as she pulls on her trainers, lacing them up tight. The drama rooms have a strict no-shoe policy since there’s always so much rolling around on the carpets and such, but Liam genuinely hates having to remove and replace his shoes at school three times a week.

“Ancient history I think?” He replies, sighing when the bow on his shoelaces falls undone. He lazily shoves it back into place, a small smile of victory taking shape when it doesn’t fall out again.

“Me too!” She exclaims with a giggle, “Two classes together.”

Liam smiles, “It’ll be like social sciences last year.”

“Except with less pining,” She jokes and Liam pulls a face. “Here’s hoping Zayn’s not in the class.”

Liam’s not even sure if Zayn studies history but he shrugs anyway, offering his hand to Danielle once he’s upright and helping her to her feet.

“Walk me to class?” She suggests cheekily and Liam nudges her with his hip, holding his books against his chest as they head upstairs to their ancient history classroom – the second class of the day and second Payzer (another Tomlinson couple name) class together.

*

Liam wonders what he’s done wrong in a previous life to possibly justify getting stuck with Danielle in three of the four classes he had the day before. He loves her, he really does, but if he has to sit next to her in another class he might just scream. Or cry. Maybe both.

It’s not too bad though because he was free of her in hospitality and thankfully Grimmy was still in his class and they fell into their old pattern so easily, it was like a breath of fresh, Peazer-less air – Grimmy filling Liam in on all the best parties that happened over the large break. When he’d asked Liam what he spent his holidays doing, Liam fibbed and said he’d been on vacation with his family just so he didn’t have to tell Grimmy that he spent the whole holidays by himself in his room without one invitation to a party.

Danielle’s busy telling Liam about the readings for ancient history that she did last night, homework that Liam hasn’t even thought about doing yet, when Andy’s looks over Liam’s shoulder and his eyes grow wide.

“Oh God, heads up.” Andy says, glancing down at his sandwich (despite it being just past eight in the morning) only moments before Louis arrives at the table, frown set in place.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asks instinctively.

Louis huffs, placing his books on the table top. “What’s wrong is that I’m in a drama class with people I generally loathe when I’m used to being in a class with you and the only halfway decent people in my class now are Perrie and her friends and it’s horrible and I wish I’d never signed up for the stupid class.” He huffs again, shoving Andy down the bench seat so he can sit down too.

Danielle hides a smile behind her hand, “Sorry, Lou.” She says but she doesn’t sound even the tiniest bit sincere. Although, maybe that’s got more to do with the sneaky way Andy’s foot keeps rubbing against hers under the table.

“I bet you’ve replaced me in drama already – haven’t you?” Louis says, tone accusatory.

“Replace you? Never.” Liam says with a definitive shake of the head and Louis gives him a satisfied grin. “Upgrade, maybe.” He playfully hits his shoulder against Danielle’s and Louis gasps.

“You two are in the same class? Without _me_?” Louis folds his arms across his chest and frowns. “Unfair.”

Andy scoffs, “You want unfair, try being a whole grade above your three best friends.” Liam smiles at him even though it’s not really an appropriate reaction. It must actually be so hard for him. Liam honestly didn’t think about it all too often and he feels a little guilty.

“Three classes together, actually.” Danielle points out.

Louis rolls his eyes and leans toward Andy, putting a hand to his mouth to murmur “Some people get all the luck,” in an accent which Liam can only imagine is fitting for whatever little scenario is playing out in his head. Andy laughs, though, and they make small talk until the bell rings. Louis’s new locker location in the manual arts building means he has to leave almost straight away in order to get his books and get to class before the late bell rings, so he’s gone before any of them can even bid him farewell.

“What’s up first for you two, then?” Andy asks, scrunching the plastic that his salad roll had been wrapped in and he looks a little anxious although Liam’s not really sure why.

“I’ve got English,” Danielle says, turning Liam expectantly.

Liam fumbles for his timetable in his school diary and reads the complex class code typed into the current timeslot. “Um, English with Ms Hane.”

Dani’s jaw falls open. “No way.” Liam raises an eyebrow. “Me too! Oh my God, four classes out of six together!” She giggles and Liam watches the way Andy deflates a little at the news.

“Great!” Liam says as enthusiastically as he can muster, sliding out from the bench seat, the other two following suit.

“Alright, I better head off if I don’t want to be late. Catch you later, guys.” Andy gives a short wave before turning and heading across campus, leaving Liam with Danielle again, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if they hadn’t already spent all morning together, plus the day before.

Danielle insists that they accompany each other to their lockers, even though Liam protests saying that they’ll never have enough time to go across campus to both lockers and get to class before the late bell rings, but she’s adamant. Once she’s got her books, she leads the way to their English class, situated in a portable classroom near the sports field while their normal classroom gets renovated. They navigate a steep pathway that leads down to the classroom, entering later than everyone else.

“Nice of you to join us,” Ms Hane says dryly as they step inside, pointing to two seats at the front of the room. “Take a seat.”

There are two seats in the back row that Liam spotted almost as soon as they walked in and he desperately wants to claim them, but something in the way their teacher had pointed out empty seats in the front made him think they were supposed to take those. He ducks his head and avoids the eyes of everyone else in the room as he leads Danielle into the row and takes a seat.

They spend the whole class filling out a stupid ‘getting to know you’ sheet that Liam deems incredibly ridiculous for students of their age and maturity, even if it’s strangely fun. Thankfully, they don’t have to read them aloud to the class or anything and Liam’s grateful for it until he turns around in seat to check the time on the clock at the back of the room and spots a head of tousled brown curls beside a head of dark, styled hair and slinks down in his seat, facing the front once more and secretly wishing he could read out his list of favourite books, films and cd’s to the class just in case Zayn happened to like something the same as him or found him interesting. That would actually be really good.

But no, that doesn’t happen because the universe hates Liam and is so anti-Liam’s-happiness that it’s willing to make his life as painful as possible by putting Zayn and him in the same environment but not actually allowing them to interact or find a common ground to start building a friendship off of. It’s a horribly evil and ingenious plan, once Liam thinks about it. The universe is trying to break him by flaunting the one thing he wants and can’t have in his face. It’ll probably work, to be quite honest.

He sighs and lets himself be dragged back into reality and out of his thoughts as he realises just how pathetic it is that he thinks the universe is conspiring against him. Danielle glances at him before scribbling something messy down on her page and quietly tearing it from her notebook. She sneaks a look at Ms Hane, who’s busy reading something really intelligent looking, and then slides the paper across to Liam when she considers it to be the safest time. Liam’s not really one for passing notes, especially right in front of the teacher, but he needs something to distract him from the fact that the universe hates him, so he opens the paper.

_You ok?_

Liam clicks his pen and jots down a quick response.

_Fine, why?_

Danielle pulls the paper toward herself and is passing it back before Liam can even put his pen down.

_You went all weird just now. Finally notice Zayn in the back row?_

Liam frowns and beside him Danielle stifles a laugh which only makes him frown deeper because how had she noticed and he hadn’t? More importantly, how did she _know_ that that was what had freaked him out? Before he can reply though, Danielle yanks the paper back and slides it under her notebook, writing on the worksheet they’d been doing all class once Ms Hane lifts her eyes from her book to survey the room.

“Want to share that with the class?” Ms Hane asks, sounding terrifying and Liam doesn’t even risk looking up to see her staring at him.

“No, Miss.” Comes a reply, not from beside him, but the back row and Liam’s eyes widen as the voice registers in his mind as Harry’s.

“Talk in your own time, then.” She says harshly.

“Shouldn’t you read in your own time, then?” Harry challenges and Liam can’t stop himself from sitting up slightly and glancing at Danielle, who’s turned in her seat as best she can so as to see Harry’s face.

Liam watches the colour drain from Ms Hane’s face and then instantly return, bright pink on her cheeks. “Excuse me?”

And he just can’t help it, he’s far too curious for his own good, and he turns around in his seat to look at Harry, just in time to see him shrug. “Seems to me like if I’m supposed to talk on my own time, you’re supposed to read in your own time and spend our time actually teaching us something.”

Liam feels his jaw drop.

“Get out.” Ms Hane demands, voice high and harsh and angry.

“Don’t you think it’s a valid point?” Harry presses and Ms Hane repeats herself. “Surely if we’re expected to work, you should be too?”

Liam’s not sure why Harry’s being so… there isn’t really a word for it, because Harry’s not exactly _wrong_ with what he’s saying, but he’s not really got any reason to be saying it unless he’s genuinely annoyed at doing the worksheet or he just wants to get into trouble. As Ms Hane tells him to leave again, Liam is reminded of how Grimmy said that Harry sometimes got into moods and finds himself wondering if this outburst is one of those and what it all means.

“I’ll go see the Principal then, shall I?” Harry says, rising from his seat and collecting his books.

“I’ll call ahead and let them know you’re coming.”

“Good.” Harry’s halfway out the door when he catches Liam’s eye and gives him a small wave that looks so ridiculously friendly and out of place and the whole situation is just so bizarre.

Danielle nudges Liam in time for him to turn around before Ms Hane speaks again. “I’ve got to make a call, I’ll be back in a moment.” Their teacher disappears through the door beside the whiteboard, the one that leads to the staff room.

“Wow.” Danielle blinks a few times. “That escalated really quickly. I had no idea Harry was like that!”

Liam’s about to agree, say that yes, it was completely unknown to him too, until he remembers that time in legal studies last year and remembers Zayn, still sitting in the back row. How he’d even managed to not look his way when he was staring at Harry is a miracle to say the least, but as he chances a look back, he sees the way Zayn’s brow is furrowed and his eyes are locked on the door out of the classroom. Liam wonders if Zayn’s thinking about that time in legal studies too and whether he feels like maybe he should have joined in with Harry. He hopes not, because Liam knows that Zayn doesn’t need another scratch on his behaviour reports.

A door slams shut and draws Zayn from whatever his thoughts are, looking to the front of the room and his eyes meet Liam’s for a split second and it’s something like touching a live wire because it sends jolts through his body with just one look and Liam turns around and stares at the board before he stares for too long, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Another class with Zayn, another argument involving Harry and a teacher, another conversation-less encounter with Zayn in which Liam has made a fool of himself – so far, there’s not much new about English class this year.

*

Liam farewells Danielle once their English class is dismissed, glad to hear her announce that her next class is accounting when he knows his is modern history. He walks slowly to the history building, wondering who could be in his class and whether or not he’d enjoy their company. Honestly, he’s just glad it’s not Danielle. He wanders along lazily, climbing the stairs in the history building and joining onto the end of the line of students filing into the classroom, glad the teacher isn’t watching to see that he’s arrived a little late. Without even looking around at his classmates, Liam makes a beeline for the back row seats on the left side of the room, sliding into the window seat and setting his books down before looking up.

In the front row in the middle, he sees Perrie and her friends, Jesy and Jade.  The row behind them has Josh, Niall and Ed, laughing amongst themselves. The back row in the middle is empty, but the tables on the opposite side of the room to Liam are full of other students who aren’t nearly as interesting as the others.

Liam tells himself that maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, having no friends in the class to distract him from his work, that maybe he’ll get better grades this semester, but it doesn’t last long because before he knows it, Louis’s walking through the door. He looks pretty sad, Liam thinks, but his face lights up almost as soon as he spots his friend in the back row, hurrying through the room to take the seat beside him.

“A class together – thank God!” Louis says excitedly, pulling a pen out of his pocket and setting it beside his notebooks.

Liam nods, “I was getting a bit worried, I must admit.”

“Only because you’re getting sick of Peazer already,” Louis gives him a sly smirk.

“No,” Liam defends.

“Sure, sure.”

Liam huffs, not wanting to protest too much, and opens his own notebook. The door to the classroom opens and they both glance up, Louis’ shoulders sagging as Harry walks in.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” He whispers harshly, turning to Liam. “Did you know?”

Liam shakes his head, “I haven’t spoken to him since last year – I had no idea.”

“Really?” Louis asks, sounding more surprised than dubious. “You’ve been ignoring him just for me?”

He shrugs, “Not really ignoring him. I just haven’t spoken to him.”

Louis nods and is quiet for a few moments before asking, “Do you think he misses me?”

“He just went mad in my English class, make of that what you will.”

Louis’ eyes widen, “He what? Went _mad_?” His eyes sparkle with interest, “Do tell!”

“I’m not sure how to,” He says, lowering his voice as Harry takes up the seat furthest from them in the middle back row. Niall turns around and starts talking to him as Liam continues, “He just sort of had a go at the teacher for giving us one of those stupid worksheets instead of teaching us something.”

“Is your teacher a bitch?”

Liam frowns, “No…”

“Who is it?”

“Ms Hane.”

Louis rolls his eyes, “Come on, Liam, you had her twice in grade nine and hated her.”

“Yeah, but she seems nicer this time around.” He defends.

“Maybe she got laid.” Liam makes a disapproving noise. “So she kicked him out of the class?” Louis presses and Liam shrugs.

“He suggested that he go to see the Principal and she agreed so he left.”

Louis purses his lips. “Interesting.” Liam shrugs again reaching out for Louis’ notebook and writing something in the front cover as Louis looks out over the room, only half full with students. “All we need is one more and we’ll have the whole set,” He observes. Liam makes a questioning noise, only half listening, just as the door opens again. “Ah, that’s more like it. The gang’s all here.”

Liam looks up, confused, since he has no idea what Louis’s banging on about but then he sees Zayn and his familiar saunter moving slowly toward the back row and Harry, focus on his phone, as usual, and he puts the pieces together. Having Perrie, Jesy, Jade, Niall, Josh, Ed, Harry and Zayn together in one class meant only one thing - drama.

Liam watches as Niall slaps his hand against Zayn’s as he takes the seat directly behind him and they speak animatedly, Niall laughing loudly at some offhand comment Zayn makes. Perrie turns around at the noise and makes an effort of moving in her seat to catch Zayn’s attention, but he’s focused on Niall and Liam tries not to take too much pleasure in how she glares at Niall for having Zayn’s attention. Something about Zayn putting his focus on another boy instead of Perrie gives him some sick sort of satisfaction.

Louis snorts beside him, “This is going to get interesting.”

And it’s true – now that Zayn has joined the mix, they had all the most popular people in their grade in the one class and not only were they popular, they were shrouded in drama too, and the chances of that drama making itself known in a classroom so small was inevitable.

“Perrie and Zayn dramas, Harry and me dramas, Niall and Josh and Jade dramas – this class is gonna have it all.” Louis sounds positively giddy with excitement.

Liam finds himself smiling and then scolds himself, resting his chin in his hands, “Does it make me a bad person that I can’t wait to see what happens?”

“The worst.” Louis says definitively and Liam laughs until their teacher walks through the door and it happens to be the same one that he and Harry had last year, the one he secretly called Hitler. Great.

“No chances for drama now,” Liam mutters.

Louis gives him a sideways glance, “Is he not very friendly?”

“I didn’t nickname him Hitler for nothing.” Liam admits and Louis laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. Whilst the nickname is a hyperbole, it’s safe to say it doesn’t take long for Louis to learn first-hand that their teacher is anything but friendly.

*

“Get me some crisps please?” Liam whines when Louis announces he’s buying lunch from the cafeteria. He’s putting on his best sad face, blinking up at Louis even as Andy laughs at him from behind his hand.

Louis scowls, “Fine.”

“Cheers, Lou.” Liam grins.

Louis stalks off and Liam slumps over the table, causing Andy to chuckle and ruffle his hair. “Worn out, mate?” He asks.

“I thought the first week back was meant to be relaxing? I’m exhausted.” He turns his head so the cool top of the picnic table is against his cheek.

“It’s only the second day – what’s got you so worked up?” Andy raises an eyebrow, picking at his lunch.

Liam doesn’t really want to complain about it to Andy, especially considering his feelings for Dani, but he can’t help himself. “Four out of six classes with Dani, two out of six with Harry and Zayn, and one out of six with Perrie, Harry, Zayn, Ed, Niall, and Josh, plus me and Louis, that’s got so much backstory and drama between everyone in there that it’s going to explode and end in world war three or something and I’m not sure I’m prepared for the fall out of that.”

“Is that all?” Andy laughs, taking a bite of his lunch, which actually smells amazing and leaves Liam wishing he’d asked Louis to buy him something more than just crisps.

“It’s seriously horrible. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Andy gives Liam a look that makes him feel stupid before speaking, “Want my advice?”

“Yes, please.”

Andy looks at him seriously and says, “Calm down,” before taking another bite of his lunch.

“What? I am calm!” Liam flounders. “Am I frowning? Do I not look calm?”

Andy rolls his eyes, “Not now, idiot. I mean about your classes. Don’t worry about them! It’s not a big deal that you’ve got four classes with Dani and two with Zayn – it doesn’t matter. Having them in your classes isn’t going to change anything, and who knows, maybe you’ll get to like Dani better or say more words to Zayn or something.” Liam wants to dispute that and remind Andy that Harry is also in his classes with Zayn but he feels like Andy has more to say, so he stays quiet. “As for the class with everyone cool in it, just wait and see what happens. I bet something really good is going to happen in there – probably a mental breakdown from Perrie or something, but whatever it is, it’s going to be entertaining and I’m going to be relying on you to give me the best play by play on what happens so you need to be on your game.”

“Andy!” Liam exclaims and Andy just laughs again.

“I’m joking, man. But the main thing you need to do is just chill out and let whatever’s gonna happen, happen. Whatever will be, will be – you just gotta roll with it.”

Liam nods, “Thanks, Andy. I think that’s the best advice you’ve ever given me.” Andy smiles at him. “Must come with age.” He teases.

“Watch it,” Andy warns playfully, “There’s nothing stopping me from going over to Zayn and telling him how painfully in love with him you are.”

“Nothing but the fact that I could say the same thing to Dani about you.” Liam counters and they settle on a glaring match that has nothing behind it but friendly rivalry.

Liam’s glare is broken by something falling in front of his face and Louis announcing, “And God said, let there be crisps!” He slides into the seat beside Liam. “And when I say God, I mean me.”

“Naturally,” Andy jokes.

Louis cracks open his bottle of apple juice and takes a sip. “Did Liam tell you all about our star-studded modern history class?” He asks Andy.

Andy nods, “Said something about world war three in the making.”

“So dramatic,” Louis says with an affectionate nudge, “But he’s probably right. After all, me and Harry in the same class so soon after breaking up? Probably not the best idea.”

“Not to mention Zayn and Perrie.” Liam pipes up and the other two laugh at him. “What?” He asks defensively.

“Nothing,” Andy replies, “Louis was just trying to talk about his break up and how he still feels like murdering the cheating prick and I’m thinking about how I’d like to smack him around a bit too, because that’s the way friends react when their friends are hurt by someone, and then you’re over here and the only thing that’s on your mind is Zayn…” He chuckles again, “Why am I not surprised?”  

Liam would feel bad if it weren’t for the smile on Louis’ and Andy’s faces, so he folds his arms over his chest. “You’re a dick.”

That coaxes a laugh out of both them and Louis leans in close to pat his shoulder, “I wonder if Zayn knows how adorable you are when you’re angry.”

“I wonder if you know that I have no intention of paying you back for these,” Liam quips, breaking open the packet of crisps and making a show of eating one. It’s a lie, because they both know that he’ll pay Louis back and more, but it’s enough for now and Louis and Andy move onto another conversation topic that thankfully isn’t Zayn.

*

Much to Liam’s dismay, Andy is right. Liam had taken his advice and tried to just let it all be and it’s actually working out for him. He and Danielle have grown closer than ever and have found much more in common than even Liam and Louis have, which is strange but also reassuring. He’s always liked Dani, but now that he’s spending so much more time with her, he’s growing to love her the way he loves Louis and Andy, all her shortcomings as well as her best attributes. The worst thing about having so many classes with Dani is having to deal with all her grades, but he thinks he’s become more expert at that – learning to reassure her just enough and then remind her that what she’s got is still better than most of their grade has. It doesn’t irritate him that much anymore, which is a plus too.

As much as Liam likes to think that Andy was just saying things to make him feel better, he has a sneaking suspicion that Andy _knew_ that when Liam really got to know Dani, he’d like what he saw and the idea that Andy knows the both of them well enough to judge that makes Liam smile like an idiot. It also makes him want to tell Danielle how crazy in love with her Andy is, but he can’t do that. Unfortunately for Liam, because he hates admitting that Andy was right about things, Andy managed to be right about more than just Danielle.

After that first lesson, Liam and Danielle had made a conscious effort to get to class early enough to secure their seats in the back row in the middle of the room. Harry and Zayn sit in the back row on the right side of the room and Liam just so happened to sit at the desk on the right side of his row, although that was purely coincidental. At least that’s what he tells Danielle. (Whether she believes it or not remains to be seen.)

Most of the time Zayn sits by the windows and Harry sits in the aisle seat, meaning Liam and Harry are essentially sitting side by side. Sometimes Harry says hello to Liam and despite his obligation to Louis, he always replies because he likes Harry and can’t cut off their friendship just for Louis.

But then, suddenly, Harry’s just not there anymore. At first, Liam thought it was just Harry bunking off school the way he so often did, but he usually skips school for the entire day, and every time he is absent from English he’s present in modern history and it’s just really confusing. So one day, a few weeks after Harry’s confrontation with Ms Hane, Liam asks Zayn about it.

“Where’s Harry?” He asks, looking at Zayn and ignoring the way Danielle stops her conversation with the girl beside her.

Zayn glances up from his notebook and meets Liam’s gaze before shrugging. “Dropped out of this class, I think.”

Liam raises his eyebrows, “You don’t know?”

“He either dropped out or got kicked out. Can’t remember.”

“Oh. Okay.” Liam nods and Zayn looks a little perplexed but returns his attention to his notebook. Liam tries not to feel too disappointed by Zayn’s lack of interest in pursuing the conversation, glancing at the whiteboard where Ms Hane is writing up notes about Hamlet.

“You could have just asked Harry yourself,” Danielle points out quietly beside him.

“I know.”

“I’m impressed.”

Liam looks sideways at her, “By what?”

“You. I would have thought that since you’re so crazy in love with him, that you’d be incapable of holding a conversation with him without hyperventilating or crying. It’s impressive. I wish I could do it – I’d love to know your secret.” She says brightly.

“Thanks,” Liam smiles and bites his tongue to avoid confessing that he doesn’t actually know how he maintains conversation with Zayn. Most of the time, he’s not even aware of what he’s saying, focused too heavily on the way his heart’s thumping in his chest or how his blood rushes to his cheeks and makes him feel so incredibly hot that he just wants to fan himself. But it’s true, he’s always impressed himself when he manages a normal conversation with Zayn because he thinks that it should be hard considering what he feels for him and how much he feels for him and the fact that it’s almost as easy as talking to Louis is gives Liam a small sliver of hope that maybe one day he and Zayn can actually be friends, despite everything.

*

“I’ve figured it out,” Louis announces, slapping a piece of paper down on the picnic table on the Thursday afternoon of the second week back.

“Okay,” Danielle says slowly, looking as confused as Liam feels.

“Worked what out?” Liam asks.

Andy reaches out and grabs the paper. “Are these forms for camp?” He glances up at Louis, who’s busy looking proud of himself. “Are you applying to be a camp leader for the grade eights?”

“You best believe it, Mr Samuels.” Louis says proudly.

He nods, putting the paper back down on the table. “Cool. It’ll be fun to see you out there.” He claps Louis on the back.

“What?” Louis exclaims. “You’re applying too?”

“I don’t need to apply – I did it last year so I’m automatically accepted.”

Louis frowns, “Did you know about this?” He asks Liam.

“I didn’t even know you could be a leader,” Liam admits and Danielle laughs at him.

“You’re so oblivious, Liam. That’s really great though, Louis.” She says, because Louis obviously has a reason for doing this and wants acknowledgement for it. “What made you decide to do it?”

“I decided I needed to start living,” He says and looks pointedly at Liam, “I heard about it and thought about what a great opportunity it’d be so I signed up and as soon as I pay the $150 to go, I’ll be helping those little grade eights get to know each other and teaching them how to be as fabulous as I am.”

Danielle and Andy laugh and Liam rolls his eyes, knowing that deep down, he should be apologising to Louis for doubting his seriousness about changing his life this year. He can’t quite bring himself to do it though, not when Louis is smirking at him as if to say ‘ha, proved you wrong’ and especially not when he’s talking about moulding the poor, unsuspecting new students into cheap imitations of himself.

“I pity the kids that have to deal with you,” Liam says, but it’s light and joking and he smiles at Louis who smiles right back and it’s an unspoken apology and congratulations, because even though he hates being wrong, Liam’s glad that Louis’s doing what he wants to do this year and not letting anything hold him back. He likes that he’s taking charge of his life. And even though he’s got no desire to join up with him and help run a camp for 13 year olds, maybe, deep down, he’s a little bit jealous too, because he wishes he could be brave and impulsive like Louis.


	7. There's so Many Things That I Want You to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New friends, old friends, bonds made and bonds broken - Semester One of grade Eleven has it all and it's only just getting started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same as always, sincerest apologies for any mistakes and I hope it all makes sense and I'm not keeping you in *too* much suspense. Big love to those of you who support me every step of the way with the nicest comments known to man - I love you all so much and I hope I'm giving you the story you want. :)

Liam arrives to school early on Monday morning of the fifth week back and heads straight to the library. With both Andy and Louis away at camp for the week, only Danielle will be hanging around the picnic tables and Liam’s not being mean, but he spends more than enough time with her as it is. Plus, maybe by spending his mornings in the library he can catch up on some of the study he’s been neglecting.

He walks right on through the library, heading to the computer room in which Zayn has his homeroom and picking a corner computer in the back row. He dumps his backpack on the table and fishes inside it for his mp3 player as the computer warms up. Using his student login, he signs into the computer and searches for a song while he waits for everything to load properly. Truthfully, he doesn’t need the computer, he’s only going over a few problems from maths, but if he’s not using it, then the librarian will most likely kick him out and he doesn’t want that, since this computer lab is for senior students only and is the quietest in the whole building. So Liam clicks a few times, opening up google and typing something about maths into the bar before pulling out his textbook, notebook and pens and setting down to work. His mp3 player goes through its random selection and plays while he works, biting his lip when he gets stuck again. Liam drops his pen and flicks to the back of the textbook, seeking out the answer but getting distracted when he catches sight of Harry in his peripheral vision.

Instinctively, Liam smiles at Harry and pulls his headphones out of his ears, quickly putting his mp3 player away before Harry can notice that he hasn’t got an iPod.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding.” Harry drawls, taking the seat beside Liam and doing a small spin on the computer chair.

Liam shakes his head, “Just this morning. Gotta do more study for maths.”

“You’re in advanced maths, right?” Harry asks and Liam nods, getting a sympathetic noise in return. “Zayn said that class is bullshit.”

“Pretty much.” Liam admits with a soft chuckle. The librarian walks past the door into the computer lab and Harry reaches forward to turn on his computer, looking busy until she returns back the way she came again. Liam picks up his pen, twirling it between his fingers because he’s not sure what else to do. He knows he should be mad at Harry, for Louis’ sake, but he doesn’t really know what happened since Louis won’t talk about it and Harry hasn’t really done anything to justify Liam being mad at him and he genuinely likes Harry and can’t quite bring himself to be unjustifiably rude and horrible to him.

“Not meeting up with Louis today?” Harry asks, signing into the computer network.

Liam figures that wherever this conversation is going, it’s not going to be the most comfortable or deep and meaningful, so he can probably get away with working on his math while he talks – so he does. “Nah, he and Andy are on camp this week. Leaders for the grade eights.”

Harry snorts, “Louis’s a leader?” His voice is tinged with unheard laughter.

“I know,” Liam agrees, smiling down at his notebook despite getting the answer wrong again, “I feel so sorry for all the kids he has to mentor.”

“It’s the same with Niall; he’s out there too and I’m pretty sure the only thing he’s qualified to teach people is how best to down a pint in one go.” He jokes.

Liam laughs out loud at that, ignoring the way his insides tell him that he shouldn’t be enjoying talking to Harry as much as he is. He glances up, laughter still bubbling from his lips, when the librarian walks past and gives them a stern glare. Harry waves at her joyfully and Liam tries his best not to scold Harry for being such an idiot. He looks over at Harry’s computer, where he’s actually got a Word document open, seemingly editing whatever assessment piece he’s working on.

“What’s that for?” Liam asks.

“Music.” Harry responds, though it’s slightly muffled by the hand by his mouth and the teeth gently gnawing on his bottom lip in concentration.

He nods, leaning over a little to look it over. “What is it?”

Harry sighs, more from frustration than annoyance at Liam and pulls his hand away from his face, pushing himself away from the computer. “We have to write an analysis on a band of our choice and explain what classical techniques they use in their music and what influences they’ve got and how easily identified they are.”

Liam blinks a few times. “Oh… sounds easy?” He tries, face hopeful. Harry shakes his head and laughs, causing Liam to do so as well. “What band did you pick?”

“Metallica,” Harry says, picking at a thread on his school shirt before glancing up briefly. “What about Louis?”

Liam presses his lips together, unsure. He knew that Louis wouldn’t hate him for talking to Harry, because Louis knew that Liam was nice and couldn’t just ignore someone, but what would Louis think if they started talking about him? It didn’t seem like a good idea, but honestly, how much harm could come from Liam telling Harry about Louis’ assignment? None, hopefully. “I think he said something about Vampire Weekend or something.” Harry nods like it’s a good choice and Liam frowns as something occurs to him. “Pretty sure he said that was due last week though? Before he went away to camp.”

Harry shrugs, “Maybe it was. I don’t really remember.”

“Harry,” Liam says disapprovingly, before he can even stop himself, and Harry looks up at him with a small, seemingly sad smile.

“It’ll be right. I’ll finish it tonight and hand it in tomorrow.” He promises and normally Liam would take his word for it, but he knows that Harry isn’t great at doing his work and handing it in on time. Last year in English, Ms Bird kept giving him unnecessary extensions because she didn’t want to penalise him for handing everything in at least four weeks late.

“Do you need help?” Liam offers, even though he’s not really sure how much help he could be because he doesn’t really know anything about Metallica or the assignment or classical music, but he’s willing to try for Harry, if that’s what he needs.

Harry just offers Liam another smile and shakes his head, sweeping his hair back into place with the motion. “It’s okay, man. I swear. Thanks though.”

“Okay,” Liam mutters, unconvinced and unsure what else to say. “Just, you’ll tell me if you want a hand, right?”

Harry nods, leaning forward and pressing the computer’s power button and shutting it off the most unsafe way Liam knows, short of ripping the power chord out of the wall. “I’m gonna head off. Have fun with your maths.”

“Thanks,” He says sarcastically, watching as Harry types something into his phone. “See you later, yeah?”

“Sure,” Harry agrees, pushing his chair under the table and heading for the door. “It was good talking to you again, Li. I know Louis probably doesn’t want you to-“

Liam shakes his head, cutting Harry off, “If we’re going to keep talking like we did before, if we’re gonna be friends again, we can’t talk about Louis. It’s not my place to tell you about him and I don’t think he’d like me doing it.” There’s a moment’s pause.

“How mad is he?” Harry asks quietly.

“I’m not sure. He hasn’t told me what happened.” Harry nods and Liam continues, “I’ve got to ask though – if I knew what happened, would I still be talking to you?”

Harry looks at him curiously before shrugging. “Probably. I mean, you’re not really the ignoring type, are you?”

Liam laughs despite himself, “I guess not.”

“I’ll see you ‘round, then.” Harry says and ducks out of the room. Liam lets out a breath, falling back into the cushions of the chair and letting himself spin lazily for a few moments. Harry’s right, it’s good to be talking to him again, but Liam can’t help but feel a little bit shit for talking to the person who hurt Louis so badly. If only he knew what happened, maybe it would be easier to decide how to handle the situation, but neither of them seem to want to open up.

Liam knows he can’t not talk to Harry now, though, especially not since he’s seen a glimpse of something that could, potentially, be pretty huge. It’s only the fifth week back of grade eleven and Harry’s already behind in his assessment and Liam can’t help but be concerned for him. Something in the way Harry acted in English back in the first week of school, plus his lack of concern or knowledge about assessment due dates has Liam worried about Harry in a way he’s never been before. And maybe it’s misplaced worry or ridiculous since he and Harry aren’t exactly friends, but Liam’s never been one to abandon someone when he thinks they need him and if what he thinks about Harry is right, Harry’s going to need someone like Liam very soon. 

*

Liam goes to the Library again on Tuesday morning and although part of him is grateful for the lack of people he knows in the computer lab each morning, he also sort of expects to see Harry in there working on something that is undoubtedly passed it’s due date, probably the music assignment. Harry doesn’t show up and Liam doesn’t get much maths study done, but that doesn’t stop him from going to there each morning for the rest of the week. Harry makes an appearance on Friday morning though, when he’s there before Liam, already frowning at his computer screen and tapping his fingers against the keyboard uselessly.

“Alright, Harry?” Liam asks, dumping his math books on the desk beside where Harry’s seated.

Harry doesn’t answer, just bites his lip a little and focuses more intently on the computer. Liam thinks that maybe Harry’s finally focussing on his work and gives a small smile, sitting down in the comfortable computer chair next to him and cracking open his text book. It feels awkward to have such a serious and studious vibe around them when they’re usually busy talking making stupid comments and jokes, but Liam’s not about to ruin whatever’s got Harry so motivated.

Liam sneaks a peek at Harry, head turned down to his text book but his eyes searching out for a hint of what’s got the other boy’s attention. He tries to tell himself that Harry’s just really focused on his assignment but when he raises his head a little and looks between the open document on the computer and Harry’s blank, glazed over stare, he realises he’s wrong. He wants to say something but he can’t quite bring himself to do so. Liam’s made it clear that he’s willing to help Harry with assignments, even if he’s not in the classes, and he doesn’t want to be too pushy and insult Harry by subconsciously suggesting he’s incapable of doing his assignments without help. So he does the next best thing he can think of.

Leaning back in his chair, Liam reads over Harry’s work without him even noticing. It’s not bad, not really. The English isn’t anything spectacular and Harry tends to overwrite, using more words when he could simplify it with synonyms, and his analysis of Metallica is decent. (Liam’s not a metal fan but on Wednesday evening when he was procrastinating maths, he decided to google the band and its influences, just in case.)

“How’s the assignment going?” Liam asks, breaking the silence.

Harry flinches from the sudden noise and being dragged from his thoughts, blinking his eyes a few times until they focus. “Uh, good.”

“Yeah?” He replies, rolling his chair toward the desk and Harry, leaning in a little to take a closer look at the screen. “Up to the bit where you mention Lemmy and Motorhead yet?” Liam chances a glance to Harry.

Harry looks sceptical, seemingly sizing Liam up before deciding to respond. “No… not yet.”

Liam nods, “Leaving the most important influence until last?”

“Yeah, sure.” Harry replies.

“That’s a good idea. I mean, I guess you could argue that no one band  or person shaped who Metallica would be as a band, but you can’t overlook how huge a role Lemmy played in forming James’ vocals and I think that covering that last will really make it stand out as the most important thing.” Harry looks confused and amused and a little grateful as he turns to look at Liam properly, who takes it as a cue to continue talking. “Plus, there’s going to be loads to write about there, so you’ll be able to edit it down to all the really important stuff once you’ve got everything down.” Harry’s still staring at him, a little in awe now, and Liam can’t help but feel self-conscious. “What?”

Harry shakes his head, “Nothing. I just didn’t know you liked Metallica.”

Liam shrugs, “They’re alright.”

“Favourite song?”

Shit.

“Wow, that’s a tough question! So many tunes.” Liam stalls, wracking his brain for one, just _one,_ song of theirs to answer with. Harry’s looking at him expectantly though and Liam can’t for the life of him remember even one song by Metallica. Not one.

Harry frowns at him. “You don’t like them.”

“I do,” Liam argues meekly, “I just can’t think at the moment.”

“No you don’t.” He says flatly and Liam lets his smile fall because he doesn’t want to lie to Harry. “So why do you suddenly know so much about them?”

Liam sighs, feeling his shoulders drop a little. He thought his plan was fool proof, but apparently it wasn’t Harry proof. “I maybe googled them.” He admits.

“Why?”

“Just wanted to learn about ‘em.”

Harry just watches him and Liam can feel his heartbeat picking up because what if Harry can tell that he’s lying and is really offended that he’d gone out of his way to help him even when he said he didn’t want it? What if Harry thinks that Liam thinks he’s stupid? What if Harry punches him? Liam readies himself for the wrath of Harry, waits for him to get up and storm out of the room after a few curse words have been thrown his way, but he doesn’t. He just nods. “Sure.” He turns back to his computer and Liam breathes a sigh of relief, feeling less like he’s being interrogated. “So…Lemmy, huh?” Harry asks casually, not looking at Liam.

Liam bites the inside of his lip and nods, “Yeah and you should google Judas Priest too, if you haven’t already.”

“Judas what?” Harry asks, eyebrows knitting together and Liam laughs, motioning for him to move over. Harry shuffles over in his seat a little and Liam moves closer toward him so they’re sharing the computer and the screen, pulling the keyboard toward himself and typing a few things into the Word document. Liam thinks that maybe Harry knows he was lying earlier, that he knew that all he wanted to do was help him out, but neither of them say anything as Liam types up a short list of suggestions of things Harry should look into and how the work should flow. As much as he wants to help Harry, Liam’s got no intention of doing his work for him so he keeps the notes vague enough that Harry actually has to do something. In the back of his mind, Liam’s still a little worried that Harry’s going to flip but he doesn’t and by the time the homeroom bell rings, Liam’s given Harry the best research and essay plan he’s ever written.

“Good luck with that, Harry.” Liam says casually, pushing away from the table and stuffing his books back into his bag.

Harry just nods and Liam takes that as his cue to leave, which he does, and also as a silent agreement to keep quiet about helping him out. Maybe it’s a lot to read into a nod, but Liam’s confident he’s right – if he knows Harry at all, which he does, then he knows that he doesn’t like appearing stupid unless it’s for comedic benefit. Since good grades are something that his friends seem to value, Liam knows that it’s important for Harry to appear smart to them. If they knew that Liam was helping him out it could potentially be very embarrassing for him. So Liam keeps quiet.

*

The worst thing about English on Friday afternoons is that it seems to drag on for more than the usual 60 minutes and this particular one feels like it’s going for one thousand years.

Ms Hane has loosened up a lot since their first class and they all interact freely with one another. Mostly the class is group discussion of topics, whether it be the book or movie they’re meant to be studying, which devolves into general conversations about nothing and everything. Usually, Liam loves it. It’s such a relaxed and friendly class and he loves being free to just chill out for a bit.

It’s a particularly torturous English class on Friday afternoon, though, and Liam sighs as he rests his chin in his hand and tries not to stare daggers at the back of the head of the nerdy guy in the front row. Liam’s got nothing against nerdy people – he loves them, usually – but he can’t bring himself to find one thing to like about this person. He’s a short little guy with black hair that reminds Liam so much of Frodo Baggins that he once accidentally called him that and the nickname sort of stuck. He still feels really shit about that. Not right now, though, because Frodo’s being an obnoxious and difficult student and telling a horrible joke and Liam wants to pull his chair out from underneath him just so he won’t have to hear his voice. He would complain to Dani about it, but she left early for a dentist appointment so it’s just Liam and Danielle’s friends in the back row, separated by the empty seat where Dani would normally sit.

Liam feels a sigh about to break free when a quiet groan comes from his left and he glances across just in time to see Zayn scratching angry lines in pen across his notebook. He can’t see what he’s drawing, but after a few sneaky stretches and a bit of subtle desk moving, Liam’s managed to catch a glimpse of what he thinks is a wonderfully detailed stick-figure drawing of Zayn shooting Frodo in the head. Liam laughs before he can swallow it and Zayn looks up from the drawing, gives him a small smirk.

“Fucking annoying, isn’t he?” Zayn asks but it’s more of a statement than anything. Liam nods.

“You could be an artist with skills like that,” He replies and he means to make Zayn laugh but what he gets is much worse. Zayn huffs out a small laugh, looking down at his notebook with a smile that takes Liam’s breath away. It’s so small and sweet and he seems so embarrassed and Liam feels like he’s going to explode with how beautiful and young and innocent Zayn looks because who the hell thought it would be a good idea to give someone such a powerful smile?

“Nah,” Zayn shakes his head, still smiling and looking embarrassed, “Not very marketable, is it?”

“I’d buy one.” Liam says without thinking and Zayn raises his eyes from the drawing and looks at him quizzically. “I mean, who doesn’t want a drawing of the murder of Frodo over there?”

Zayn laughs and Liam breathes a subtle sigh of relief. “His parents must have known he was going to grow up to be a total wanker when he was older, giving him a name like Frodo.”

Liam smiles, trying not to laugh as he says, “Pretty sure his name isn’t actually Frodo.”

“Really?” Zayn raises his eyebrows. “It’s a nickname?” Liam nods. “What his real name then?”

“Jordan, I think.”

Zayn looks confused and Liam bites the inside of his cheek in the hopes that the pain will stop him from blushing at how gorgeous the other boy looks at that moment. “Why’s he called Frodo?”

“From Lord of the Rings?” Liam supplies and Zayn thinks for a moment.

“Haven’t seen it.”

“Neither.” Liam admits. “I’ve just seen the posters and he sort of looks like the main elf guy, y’know?”

“Oh, right. Definitely not seeing it now that I know people associate it with that little fucker over there,” Zayn mutters as Ms Hane sternly tells Frodo to shut up and get to work, ceasing all conversations in the room and leaving Liam in a coughing fit to try and cover the laughter that’s threatening to break free.

“Die quietly,” Frodo jokes from the front of the room but no one laughs and he immediately apologises when he notices the glare Ms Hane is sending his way.

“If _he_ could do anything quietly it’d be a fucking miracle,” Zayn murmurs and Liam isn’t sure if Zayn’s just talking to himself or if he means for him to hear, but he huffs a quiet laugh and feels his cheeks burn slightly when he realises that Zayn sort of just defended him. He waits for the pink in his cheeks to die down a little before he risks another glance across the aisle. When he does, though, he sees Zayn hunched over his notebook again, hand moving in small strokes as he guides his pen across the page. He’s lost in his own little drawing world and Liam’s a little lost watching him until Zayn shifts his arm from where it was lying across the drawing to get more comfortable and he catches sight of the newest addition to the drawing. Where there used to be only two stick people on the page, there’s now a third helping Zayn commit the heinous crime and this one’s got short hair with the slightest hint of curl in its shape and a speech bubble beside his head saying, ‘you die quietly, Frodo!’ and it makes Liam feel like he’s going to implode.

*

Liam goes to the Library on Monday morning through routine, despite having only started the new trend the week before. He takes his usual seat at the farthest computer from the door and starts it up, reaching across to press the power button on the computer beside him. He’s not even sure if Harry will turn up, but he hopes he will. He sets to work on a new assignment, this one an English presentation that actually requires the computer, putting his headphones in and silently working until he feels a presence at his side and he glances across to see Harry logging into the computer.

“Hey mate,” Harry greets as he types.

“When’d you get here?” Liam asks, pulling his headphones out and trying to discretely put the mp3 player in his pocket.

“Just now,” He says, turning to him. “I didn’t think you’d be here this morning.”

Liam raises an eyebrow slightly, “Why’s that?”

“Because Lou and that other dude you hang out with are back from camp?” Harry says slowly, as if it was a blatantly obvious answer.

“Andy,” Liam supplies because he can’t stop himself before he pauses. “Shit – they’re back _today_?” Harry nods. “Shit. I probably should have gone to the table this morning then.”

“You could go now, if you wanted.” Harry suggests but it doesn’t sound like he really means it and anyway, Liam doesn’t want to.

He shakes his head, “It’s fine, I’ll see them later. Not really awake enough to deal with Lou’s crazy camp stories,” He gives Harry a knowing look and they laugh.

“You’ll have to tell me the best ones,” Harry says, smile still firmly in place, and Liam’s sure it’s not meant to mean anything but it makes him feel incredibly sad that Harry can’t hear the stories himself.

“I’m sure they’ll all be terrible,” He replies because it’s sort of true but he also wants to try and comfort Harry, even if he might not need it.

Harry glances up and gives Liam a grateful smile, “Worse than terrible,” He agrees and they laugh quietly together again.

Liam turns back to his computer and saves the document he’d been working on before Harry arrived. “Hey, how’d you go with that assignment?” He asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Yeah, good,” Harry answers and he seems to hesitate for a moment before continuing, “I was actually hoping you’d give it a bit of a read, maybe an edit, before I hand it in this morning?” He looks to Liam with hopeful eyes that are completely unnecessary.

“Sure,” Liam answers and waits for Harry to open up his assignment before pushing over to the other computer and reading through the document. It’s better than it had been on Friday, much smarter and more informed. He only changes a few grammatical errors and even an odd phrasing choice Harry had made, and feels a sense of warmth wash over him when he reads the final body paragraph and sees proof that Harry took his advice. “It’s good, Harry.” Liam says encouragingly as he finishes reading the conclusion, “I think you’ve nailed it.”

“Yeah?” Harry asks, biting his thumb nail again and looking out the window.

“Definitely. You got the influences right and I’m only guessing that the bits about classical music are right too – it sure sounds right – but it flows and sounds really smart. You smashed it, mate.”

Harry smiles. “Cheers.” He turns back to the computer, “Shall I print it then?”

Liam nods and Harry clicks the button before getting up and leaving the room to go to where the printer sits beside the librarian’s desk. Liam checks the time and decides to leave early, shutting down his computer and gathering his things. He’s about to leave when Harry returns with his now-stapled assignment.

“Wait up,” Harry says, even though Liam’s not left yet, and turns his computer off without exiting any of the open windows or shutting it down properly.

“You’re going to break that one day,” Liam scolds lightly.

Harry shrugs, “Not my problem.” He slings his satchel over his shoulder and Liam hooks his thumbs around the straps over his own shoulders as he follows Harry out of the library. They walk together and the bell rings for homeroom but neither of them say goodbye or walk faster or stray from the original direction in which they’d been heading – toward the courtyard and their tables.

“Thanks for reading this over, by the way,” Harry lifts the assignment to illustrate what he’s talking about and Liam nods. “I better get a fucking A on this – I missed two parties on the weekend to finish this piece of shit.”

Liam laughs and is about to say something reassuring when his wandering eyes meet a pair of cool blue ones across the courtyard. Louis’ got a smile on his face that fades as quick as Liam’s ever seen it when he notices who Liam’s walking and laughing with. “Crap.” He breathes and Harry glances up just as Louis turns on his heel and storms off, despite the two of them not even being near him or the table.

Harry sighs and Liam tries not to feel too sorry for him. “Sorry, Li.”

“It’s alright,” Liam says honestly, “He won’t be mad for too long.”

“I hope not.” Harry replies and Liam’s got a feeling he’s thinking of himself more than anything else.

Liam turns to Harry, “Anyway, I better get going. See you later?”

Harry nods, “Sure,”

“Let me know how you go on that,” He points to the assignment and Harry gives a mock salute with the paper in his hand, causing Liam to laugh before he heads toward his locker. Liam tries not to think about Louis or how bad he would have looked laughing with Harry this morning when he hadn’t even bothered to show up and greet Louis properly after a week without him or how mad his best friend might be.

*

After two morning classes full of stressing and dramatic scenarios playing out in his head, Liam’s more than ready to play the apologetic friend when he arrives at the table at lunch. Louis, Dani and Andy are already there but Louis may as well be by himself since Dani and Andy are huddled together and giggling quietly. Liam makes a mental note to ask Andy about that later.

He dumps his books on the table and is about to slide onto the bench beside Louis when the other boy asks, “Care for a walk?”

“Sure,” Liam says, moving out of the way so Louis can escape the table and waiting for him to pick a direction and lead the way. They wander slowly in the opposite direction of their table and Liam shoves his hands in his pockets just to stop himself from chewing his nails nervously.

“How was camp?” He asks, glancing at Louis wearily.

“Good,” Louis states, “What were you doing with Harry this morning?”

Liam gulps, “Oh, nothing.”

Louis rolls his eyes, “Don’t lie, Liam.”

“It really wasn’t anything. We’ve just sort of, started hanging out in the mornings again.” Louis nods and Liam takes it as a good sign.

“Doing what?”

Liam shrugs, “Not much of anything, really. Just hanging out in the library and pretending to work on assignments.”

“Harry does a lot of that,” Louis says bitterly and Liam considers telling his best friend that he’s been helping Harry out but decides against it – obviously Louis isn’t in the right headspace for that. Something’s got him pissed and Liam wants to find out what it is before he says something that could potentially make Louis really mad, so he just nods. “Talk about me much?”

“Nah,” Liam replies instantly and sees the way Louis looks hurt so he tries to fix the problem he just accidentally made. “I mean, he wants to, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me talking to him again, let alone talking to him about you so I just told him that you were off limits. Conversation wise, that is.”

“Oh.” It seems to take a few moments to sink in what Liam’s said before Louis adds, “Cheers, mate.”

“No problem.” They continue walking in silence for a bit before Liam speaks up again. “You’re not mad at me, are you? For talking to him again?” Louis shakes his head. “It’s just – I genuinely enjoy hanging out with him and even though he cheated on you, I think he’s a good guy. I don’t think I could just abandon him, Lou.”

Louis turns his head to Liam and smiles, “It’s fine, Li. Really. I knew it wouldn’t be long until you warmed back up to him – it’s who you are. And it’s your life, you can choose to be friends with whoever you want. I’m not going to make you choose between him or me or anything ridiculous like that. It’s not like we’re getting a divorce and you’re the random and biologically impossible love child that’s stuck in the middle and forced to choose which parent he wants to live with.”

“Well that’s a relief,” Liam jokes with a chuckle before sobering slightly. “You know I’d pick you, right?”

“To live with?” Louis asks just to be difficult.

“You know what I mean,” Liam says dryly, “If I ever had to choose between you over something, I’d always side with you.”

“I know.”

“Good.” Liam inches closer to Louis and drapes his arm around his shoulders. “So, tell me about camp.” He looks down at Louis just in time to see a flash of blush rise across the apples of his cheeks.

“We should find somewhere to sit for this,” Louis suggests and Liam agrees, taking his arm off his best friend’s shoulders and following him to the steps that lead from the art building to the football oval. They take a seat near the top and Liam reaches onto the step and picks up a leaf, fiddling with it subconsciously. “Okay, so remember how I said I wanted to find new friends and stuff this year?”

“Mmhmm,” Liam says, looking out over the small game taking place.

“Well, as soon as I got to camp and realised the only person there that I knew was Andy, I realised that I didn’t want new friends – I wanted my old friends. I wanted people I knew, people that I didn’t have to make an effort to get to know.” Liam snorts. “Hey, shut up – making friends is hard, okay?” Louis says petulantly.

Liam puts his hands up defensively, “I don’t doubt that,” He laughs.

Louis nudges their shoulders together. “ _Anyway,_ so I was there on the first day of camp and I was probably more uncomfortable than those grade eight kids were. I mean, all the leaders there were those annoying over achieving kind – the type we-“

“-You-“

“-hate, Liam, and they were all ‘buddy buddy’ and it was the worst.” Louis shakes his head, like retelling the story brings back dark and painful memories or something. “So I’m just standing there, right? Hanging out by myself because apparently Andy has friends aside from us and avoiding finding out who my camp leader partner is and what should I hear?” He looks to Liam like he genuinely expects an answer so Liam just gives him the best questioning expression he can muster. “ _Don’t you think you’re a little overdressed for camp, mate?_ ” Louis says in a high-pitched and semi-elfish impersonation of an Irish accent.

“What? Niall?” Liam asks, even though he’s the only Irish person at their school. Louis nods. “Right.”

“Yeah, so that was weird, but we ended up hanging out all week and he kept ditching his camp leader to hang out with me because we both agreed that everyone else there was ridiculous and we were the only cool people around.”

“Cool people must stick together,” Liam empathises mockingly. “So you two are friends now?”

Louis pauses, “I don’t actually know. Probably… Nialler’s friends with everyone, isn’t he?”

Even though Liam doesn’t particularly like (or know) Niall, he does know that Niall makes an effort to be friendly to everyone, but that’s probably got more to do with the fact that he’s the vice-principal’s son than anything else. Then again, he’s always smiling. Maybe he really just is that friendly. “Sure,” He says finally.

“I dunno,” Louis continues, “But we spoke heaps and got to know each other. He’s cool.”

Liam laughs, “Yeah, you said. Doesn’t he play football or something?”

Louis nods enthusiastically, “He’s so sporty – football, running… swimming sometimes too.”

“Must be fit,” Liam says without really thinking and Louis agrees instantly. He raises his eyebrows and turns to Louis, looking dubious. “Wait – you think he’s fit?”

“You just said you did too…” Louis replies as if that’s an adequate response.

Liam shakes his head, “I meant actually fit! Like healthy!”

“Oh,” Louis just blinks for a moment before he laughs quietly, “Well. He’s hot though, right?”

Just then a loud and familiar laugh breaks their conversation, causing them both to look up at top of the steps. Louis stiffens beside Liam as Harry appears, the owner of the laugh, but it doesn’t seem like he notices them as he passes. Niall and Zayn are right behind Harry though, and Niall does notice.

“Hey Louis,” Niall gives a small wave and smiles and Louis echoes the action. He might say something, Liam’s not really sure, because he’s busy looking at Zayn’s profile and the way puberty is altering his face and making it inexplicably prettier than it had been the day before. Only, suddenly he’s looking into Zayn’s eyes and feeling his cheeks heat as he silently urges himself to look away. He can’t though and eventually Liam’s gaze drops just in time to see a small smile tug at Zayn’s lips before he looks ahead and continues down the steps with Niall.

Louis chuckles quietly beside him, having seen the whole awkward encounter, “Anything happen with your future husband while I was gone?” Liam shakes his head even though they’ve started talking a bit more than usual and Louis sighs. “Oh well. Only two more years and then you’ll be free of the burden of being in love with someone who doesn’t even speak to you.”

“Hopefully,” Liam says before he can stop himself and Louis laughs at him for real this time. They both turn their attention to the football out on the field and watch as Harry jogs over to join the game, taking up position outside one of the goals.

“So you really didn’t talk about me?” Louis asks quietly.

“Just when I was telling him not to ask about you.” Liam confirms, “Oh, and when he was doing his music assignment.”

Louis’ eyebrows scrunch together. “What assignment?”

“The one about influences and all that?” Liam’s been busy watching Niall and Zayn jokingly fight each other in the middle of the football game and manages to tear his eyes away to glance at Louis.

“Good to see the break up hasn’t affected his school work then.” Louis says bitterly and Liam frowns.

“Didn’t you hand that in before you left for camp?”  

Louis nods, “Yeah, he never hands anything in on time. Creature of habit, is our Harold. Most of the time he doesn’t even do his assessment so I’m actually surprised he bothered with this one. He doesn’t even do the work in class – how he passes I’ll never know.”

“Why do you think he does it?” He asks, playing it cool as he looks out at the football game. Zayn and Niall have actually joined now and Liam has to bite his bottom lip to stop smiling as Zayn kicks the ball toward the goal and misses completely.

“What – avoids schoolwork at all times?” Liam hums and Louis shrugs, leaning back on the step behind them and looking up at the sky. “Dunno, really. It’s not like he’s stupid or anything. I think it’s because his dad’s always on his back about good grades and whatever and he knows that even his best won’t live up to what he wants so he just doesn’t try at all.”

“That’s fucking shit,” Liam says, irrationally angry all of a sudden. Louis nods like he’s been through all this before, and he probably has, but it just makes Liam so mad. Parents have a lot to answer for with their kids. He’s heard stories about Harry’s dad and none of them too great. He wishes Harry would open up to him about it, though.

“That’s life though, isn’t it? Pretty fucking shit.” Louis agrees sadly.

They sit in silence for a little while longer and Liam feels like he’s done Harry an injustice by not telling Louis what is so blatantly obvious, so just as the bell rings, Liam speaks up again. “He misses you.”

“I know,” Louis whispers and it’s cracked and broken and Liam nods because he knows that means Louis misses him too. They both miss each other but Louis can’t go back there again. He can’t do it because it hurts too much and it doesn’t matter how much he misses Harry, being with him is worse than being without him. Liam knows this even though Louis has never said it, partially because he knows Louis so well, but also because he knows the feeling so well. Just because it hurts less doesn’t make it any easier.

*

Liam and Louis rock up to Modern History five minutes early on Wednesday but their teacher isn’t anywhere to be seen, thankfully. Even so, the class is half full and Liam breathes a sigh of relief as he notices their seats are empty, leading the way without thinking about the mistake he’s making until it’s too late and Harry’s speaking.

“Hey, Louis!” He says excitedly making Liam cringe and turn around, only to see Louis stop dead in his tracks and glare at Harry. “How was camp?”

It’s evident on Louis’ face that he’s fighting internally over what to reply with – something witty or funny or snarky or serious or even to reply at all. Liam wants to step in and reply harshly but he’s got nothing and really, Harry’s just being nice – misdirected as it may be. Before he can do anything though, another voice is catching Louis’ attention but the reaction it evokes is such a contrast that it makes Liam’s head spin.

“Louis!” Niall shouts as he steps through the door, “I didn’t know you were in this class!”

Louis smiles at Harry and there’s something like spite in his eyes until he turns and faces Niall. “Been in here as long as you…”

Niall grins, “Right, sorry.” He laughs and doesn’t sound sorry at all but it makes Louis (and even Liam) smile anyway. “Got anywhere to sit? You can share with Josh, Ed and myself.” Liam feels his heart rate increase dramatically as he considers the possibility of Louis ditching him for Niall just to make Harry mad.

“Nah, I’ve got Liam over there.” Louis says and Niall’s eyes shift over to where Liam’s standing awkwardly beside their usual desks. He smiles though and Liam smiles back just as Niall returns his attention to Louis. “Thanks anyway though.”

Niall nods and moves in front of Louis to enter the row of desks where he usually sits and Louis follows suit, making his way over to Liam.  They take their seats and Louis’ too busy flipping to the right page of his book to see the way Harry’s frowning at Niall from the seat behind him. Liam feels sorry for him and tries to catch his attention but Harry folds his arms across his chest and glares down at the desk he’s seated at. Niall turns around to talk to Harry but gets no response at all, causing Niall to frown too and Liam finds himself echoing it before he can stop himself. He doesn’t even like Niall, so it’s odd that he feels bad that the other boy feels bad, but he can’t help himself. When he’s so used to seeing Niall grinning and happy, it’s strangely off putting to see him look sad. Niall faces the front again and Harry tenses his jaw as Niall flips his pen around in his hand, it hitting the table with an annoying clang each time.

As if Harry and Niall weren’t interesting enough for Liam to watch, the door to the room is wrenched open with force, stealing his attention away to where Zayn’s storming in the room with a frown of his own followed swiftly by Perrie.

“Zayn,” She says quietly but it sounds like she’s both scolding and begging him. He shakes his head and she huffs, dropping her books down on her desk at the front. “You won’t even talk to me? You’re such a child, Zayn Malik.”

Liam watches as Zayn tenses his jaw like Harry had earlier and takes his usual seat beside his best friend. Perrie’s blonde hair dances across her shoulders as shakes her head, throwing her hands up in the air before taking her seat as well and making a show of opening her books and getting a pen out. The whole room is drowning in tension and it’s all bad and Liam swallows thickly as he tries to think about the different scenarios in the room and how each one will and should turn out. Louis seems to have missed the whole interaction between Zayn and Perrie but he’s watching Harry and Zayn intently, giving Louis a nudge when Niall turns around and looks at the two dark haired boys.

“Alright?” He asks. Harry looks away and Zayn’s nostrils flare with words he can’t say. Niall just nods as if they’d both given answers. “What did she want, then?”

“Don’t care,” Zayn snaps and Niall nods again.

“Good.” Niall says, reaching out and putting his hand on Zayn’s arm for a second before withdrawing it. “She doesn’t deserve it, man.”

Liam’s eyebrows shoot up and he wants to ask ‘what, what doesn’t Perrie deserve?’ but he can’t because a) he’s not part of that conversation and b) their teacher chooses that exact moment to walk through the door and declare that they’re starting their studies on communism. Everything taught in that class goes over Liam’s head though, as he spends the whole time thinking about how there’s so much going on with the people he loves that doesn’t know about and how he needs to find it out before it all becomes too much to fix.

*

Luckily for Liam, his next class on Wednesdays is hospitality with Grimmy, and if anyone has the information he wants, it’s him. They’re given recipes as soon as they enter the kitchens and Liam reads his over as he approaches his bench at the back of the room.

“Liam, I’ve got some great stories for you,” Grimmy announces, catching Liam off guard because he could have sworn the bench was empty when he looked over a few moments ago. “But one,” He holds up a finger in demonstration, “Trumps the rest.”

“Yeah?” Liam asks, feigning only the vaguest of interest as he pulls a stool out and sits beside Grimmy. “What about?”

“Not what, but who.” Grimmy corrects with a sly smirk and Liam can’t help but smirk back.

“Alright, who?”

Grimmy looks down, scanning the recipe on the bench in front of him as he nonchalantly states, “Zayn.”

Liam feels his eyebrows raise and watches as Grimmy smirks triumphantly at him, as if Liam’s reaction is the one he’d been going for. “What kind of stories?”

Grimmy smiles, “The best kind.” He states simply, though his voice is indication that they’re juicy and very possibly the ones that Liam wants to hear. Their teacher interrupts them to set them to work on making the recipe they’ve just been given, a recipe for potato bake, and it’s not until they’re busy peeling potatoes that Grimmy has a chance to broach the subject again. “So you’re no doubt aware that he and Perrie are no more, right?”

Liam nods, “I sort of figured they’d broken up.”

“Yes, but do you know _why_?” Grimmy’s skilled with the peeler, scraping the dirty skins off the potatoes at a rate faster than Liam would ever dare go for fear of nicking his finger.

“Nope.”

Grimmy scrapes the final piece of peeling off the potato in his hands and sets it down on the board in front of him. “Rumour has it that the lovely Miss Edwards only went and cheated on your Mr Malik at a party _that he was at_.”

Liam’s eyes widen and his jaw drops. “ _What_?”

“I know!”

“Why?” He asks and Grimmy plucks the potato from his hands and finishes peeling it.

“Apparently she enjoyed one hit too many of the joints going around that party and lost her mind a little bit.” Liam rolls his eyes, “But that’s not the important part.”

“And what is?” Liam asks patiently because he knows that if he wants the best information he has to be willing to play along with Grimmy’s little games.

“Zayn found them.”

Suddenly, it’s like Liam’s back on that bench with Zayn, getting told about Perrie giving back the necklace – it’s that same feeling. Liam’s heart breaks for Zayn and all he wants is to cuddle him and tell him that it’s okay, that he’s loved, he’s _so loved_ , even if he doesn’t think so. But he can’t and he won’t and it all hurts so badly. Liam hurts for Zayn and that in itself hurts him because he’s never known someone to feel pain for someone when they barely know them. That’s love though, apparently.

“Yeah, poor lad found them doing the dirty in one of the bedrooms at the party and got out of there as soon as. Tears in his eyes and everything,” Grimmy supplies knowingly, as if Liam didn’t already feel shitty enough.

“Wow,” is all Liam manages to say when Grimmy looks at him expectantly. “I was wondering why he looked such a mess lately.”

Grimmy nods knowingly, “It’s messy, that’s for sure. And now Perrie’s playing the ‘I was high, I didn’t know what I was doing’ card.”

Liam scoffs, “Whatever,”

“He’s not having a bar of it, though. Wants nothing to do with her anymore.” Grimmy has completely taken over the dish now, gathering and measuring the necessary ingredients for the sauce to pour over the top of the potatoes while they half-boil.

“Good.”

“Yeah, I thought you’d like that story.” Grimmy says with a small smile.

Liam shakes his head, “I don’t really like it – how could I like something as horrible as that?” Grimmy looks like he’s about to apologise so Liam speaks again, “But, it’s not like I’m not glad to hear that he wants nothing to do with her anymore.”

Grimmy nods, biting his bottom lip as he cuts the peeled potatoes on the board in front of him. “Maybe now’s your chance to make a move?”

“No,” Liam says definitively, ignoring the way his blood’s rushed to his face and his heart’s beat has doubled in time.

“Why not?”

“It’s not a good time, he’s still getting over her, probably still likes her, he needs time to figure himself out and he’s Zayn and I’m Liam and it’s just-,” Liam rambles, before taking a deep breath and saying finally, “It’s just not a good idea.”

Grimmy gives him a sad smile and nods like he knows what’s really going on. Liam finds himself grateful, once again, for the fact that even though he apparently knows no boundaries, Grimmy knows when to push and when to shut up. Thankfully, now is one of those shut up times and Liam’s left with his own thoughts as he helps make a nice and simple sauce for their potato bake.

*

“I’ll be back in a moment,” Ms Hane announces from the front of the room. She’s only just let them into the classroom and has apparently forgotten something in her staff room so they’ve got a few free moments free to chat amongst themselves. Dani’s busy talking dance with the girl beside her so Liam slumps in his seat and watches the hands tick around the face of the clock on the far wall of the room above the board. He can only sate himself with that for so long before boredom strikes again and he picks up the novel they’re supposed to be reading for their assignment. The novel is To Kill a Mockingbird and Liam isn’t really a fan of it yet, although now that he’s rereading it, he’s finding more to like in it and can admit that it’s not so bad anymore.

“Hey, Liam?”

Liam’s not really paying much attention to the book but he’s still caught off guard by the voice coming from his left. He glances up from the pages, just to make sure he hadn’t imagined it, and sure enough, Zayn’s leaning over his desk and onto the spare one, the one closest to Liam, and watching him closely.

“Uh, yeah?” He answers, fumbling on his desk for a piece of paper to act as a bookmark.

“You’ve read that already, right?” Zayn asks, pointing to the book.

Liam nods, “I’m rereading it now.”

“It’s a bit dull, isn’t it?” He scrunches his nose up and Liam silently wheezes at the impact such a small expression has on his insides.

“It’s not so bad the second time.”

“Yeah?”

Liam gives a short laugh even though nothing even remotely funny has happened and turns in his seat to face Zayn. “Yeah. Well like, the second time ‘round you ignore the weird language and take more notice of the important things like how different the Finch’s are to everyone else.” Zayn looks sort of impressed, nodding slowly.

“So you get it, then?” Zayn questions.

“I guess so?” Liam says, tilting his head.

Zayn smiles, “Great. Can I ask you a massive favour?”

“Sure,” Liam replies before he can even think about it and his throat is suddenly very dry and the room feels way too hot again. “What’s up?”

“You seem to have the whole story sorted and I’m on my third time reading it and I’m pretty sure I’m _still_ missing the point, y’know? Problem is it bores me and none of my friends know what it’s about either because their classes all got different books, and I know I could still smash the assignment,”  Zayn starts and Liam feels his skin buzzing because it sounds like Zayn wants his help studying for the assignment and understanding the novel and that simple idea makes Liam want to scream because there are so many possibilities for their study date flying around his head, he thinks he might get dizzy from them. “But I’m really lazy, right? And I don’t want to have to do extra work or whatever, but she really needs help-”

“Wait – she?” Liam asks, raising an eyebrow.

Zayn pauses before continuing slowly, as if Liam is dull, “Yeah, Perrie.”

Liam furrows his brow. “Perrie? What are you talking about?”

“Perrie needs help understanding the book.” Zayn states.

“And?”

Zayn has the good grace to look sheepish and Liam wants to kiss him and punch him simultaneously. “And I was hoping you’d help her out.”

“Why me?” Liam questions, feeling suddenly very suspicious.

“I dunno,” Zayn says with a shrug, “Because she asked me and I said no?”

Liam frowns, “Why the fuck do you want to help her out anyways?” Zayn looks taken aback and Liam’s not sure if it’s over the swearing or the fact that he seems to know what happens but he covers himself anyway, “I heard about what happened at the party.”

Zayn tenses his jaw. “Forget it, I’ll find someone else.” He leans back to sit properly in his seat, no longer lounging across the tables.

Liam watches him for a few seconds and feels his resolve melt away to the point where he’s saying, “Fine, I’ll help her.” And he wants to take it back as soon as he says it but Zayn’s looking at him and giving him a tiny smile and he seems so grateful and Liam can’t even try and imagine saying no to him. So he mentally berates himself instead for being such a pushover and readies himself for what is set to be the worst study session of his life.


	8. The Truth in Your Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which everyone just wants the truth but no one seems to get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know this chapter has been a /loooooooong/ time coming, but it's been a tough one to write. It's not particularly good (in my mind anyway) but it was like pulling teeth getting all this story into place. I just want to move onto the future chapters because I've got so much planned but I can't skip all this background stuff because it's so important. So hopefully this chapter doesn't suck too bad or leave you too disappointed. I'd like to promise that the next one will be better, but there's still a bit of ground work to lay before I can get onto the good stuff. 
> 
> Also, I'm back at university now which means I've got less time to write which is a shame, but I'm hoping to bust out another chapter soon. As always, we'll see how well that goes. 
> 
> Also, unbeta'd. Any mistakes are my own so please point them out to me. Especially bad phrasing - I've come to realise that's my biggest problem. Like I said, it's been hard going writing this chapter and I am 100% over it so I've not even bothered to reread it. You'll be doing me a massive favour by letting me know of any mistakes. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and feel free to follow/tweet me @thorpuckerman :)

Liam’s not quite game enough to tell Louis face to face about what he’s agreed to do - he doesn’t really want to hear Louis laughing at him for five minutes straight – so he sends him an inbox on facebook on Friday night that reads ‘ _I’m an idiot that agreed to help Perrie on her English assignment and now I don’t know what to do :((_ ‘.

It turns out that it doesn’t really matter what Liam wants because a few moments later, Liam’s dad knocks on his door with the wireless phone in hand and whispers “It’s Louis.”

Liam thanks his dad and exhales slowly before bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“What the hell did you do, Liam? You hate Perrie!”

“I know,” Liam whines, dropping his pen onto the open textbook on his desk and spinning in his desk chair. “Like I said, I’m an idiot.”

“How did it even happen?”

Liam shrugs, “You tell me.”

“Obviously you were conned into it,”

“It’s not a conspiracy, Louis.”

“Bullshit – how else did you get roped into this then? Tell me how you got yourself swindled into helping the most annoying, stupidly intelligent and frustratingly talented girl we know with her assignment because we both know that you would never willingly help her.”

“I would so!” Liam defends.

“No you wouldn’t – not after what she did to Zayn; whatever that was… You practically _hate_ her after that.” Liam bites the inside of his cheek and he can practically hear the cogs in Louis’ brain ticking. “That’s it, isn’t it? Zayn got you to do this?”

Liam doesn’t answer and Louis laughs into the phone. Normally Liam would just hang up on Louis but part of him really wants to talk this through, no matter how much teasing it will result in. He just needs to know that what he did wasn’t stupid or desperate or a bad decision – he needs to know that agreeing to help Zayn’s possible ex-girlfriend on her English assignment as a favour to him isn’t going to end up breaking his heart.

“How’d it happen? What’d he do; bat his eyelashes and speak dirty to you? I bet everything sounds filthy in that accent.”

“Louis!” Liam exclaims and his friend is laughing again.

“Go on and tell me the real story then, if that’s not it!” Liam’s mouth suddenly goes dry and he’s not sure what to say, how to explain it. “Liam?” Louis says quietly, coaxing the answer out of him as if he knows just how hard it is to talk about it.

“I dunno how it happened,” Liam admits, leaning back in his chair to stare at the roof. “He said he didn’t get the book and something about helping out and I thought he meant himself but he was talking about her and- I dunno- I got mad, Lou. I got really mad.” He pauses.

“Mad?” Louis gently presses.

“Yeah…” Liam breathes deeply and gets up from his desk chair – feeling fidgety and vulnerable. “I swore at him.”

“What’d you say?” He asks and Liam doesn’t have to see him to know that he’s smirking.

“I just asked him why he’d help her when she was so horrible to him, except maybe not in such kind terms.”

“What did you _say_?” Louis asks again and Liam knows that he wants to know what curse words he used but really, they’re not vital to the story and he’d much rather get to the parts that actually matter.

“I told him I heard what happened at the party and he got really snappy and like, moved away from me and I couldn’t say no after that, Louis. I just couldn’t. We’ve come really far, you know, and I think of us sort of like friends and I didn’t want to go back to not talking.”

“What happened at the party? And I don’t think he would have stopped talking to you if you said no-“ Louis tries to reason but Liam interrupts.

Liam shakes his head, “It’s fine, you don’t get it.”

“I do, Liam – you’re worried that he’s not gonna speak to you because you didn’t do him a favour but that’s not true-“

“You don’t _understand_ ,” He says desperately, “Him asking _me_ for help means that he thinks about me – that I _mean_ something to him. It means that when he decided he didn’t want to help her, I was the next person in line. It means he thinks that I’m smart enough to help Perrie out on an assignment and actually be useful. It means that I’m more than just that weird kid in his English class that asks him stupid questions every day. Saying no to that was like saying no to any possibility of a good friendship between us; as soon as I said it, he retracted and pulled away and I could feel myself losing him but I just _can’t_. I waited so long to be friends with him, to have him in my life in any way possible and I couldn’t give that up when it was just getting so good. So I caved, I said yes, even though I could easily say that she’s my least favourite person in the world after what she did to him. I said I’d help her as a favour to him and it’s stupid, so _stupid_ , that I feel the way I do because I know I’m smart but knowing that he thinks I am too?” Liam exhales lightly and feels his throat tighten, “Nothing feels better than that.”  

Louis doesn’t say anything but Liam can hear him breathing so he knows he hasn’t hung up.  After a few moments of silence on both ends, Louis finally speaks. “It’s not stupid, Liam. You’re just doing what you do – you’re being kind and helpful like you always are. You said yes to Zayn because the friendship you have means something to you and you want to be able to help him the way you help me and Harry and Andy and everyone else in your life. You want him to know that you’re there for him the way you said you were and would be. You’re just doing the kind thing – it’s got nothing to do with whether you love him or not.”

Liam scoffs, “It’s got everything to do with that.” He says, deliberately avoiding putting his feelings into words. As much as he feels it, he’s never actually _said_ that he loves Zayn. “You think I’d help my least favourite person for just anybody?”

“Yes, actually,” Louis replies.

“You’re wrong.”

“You are.”

And that’s enough to make Liam smile. It’s stupid, really, but so is the whole situation and hearing it from Louis is reassurance that he isn’t as pathetic as he thought.

“You’re really going to help her out?” Louis asks.

“I’ve already said yes, haven’t I? I can’t back out now.” Liam replies glumly.

“Have you even read the book?”

“Of course I have! My assignment is due this week as well, I’d be an idiot not to have read the book.”

“Not that book, the book Perrie’s class is doing.” Liam is silent as Louis asks, “You know her class is studying a different book to you – right?”

Liam openly groans, closing his eyes as he throws his head back against the head rest of his desk chair.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then,” says Louis smugly.

Liam actually can’t believe he had no idea that they were studying a different book – why didn’t anyone tell him? Why didn’t _Zayn_ tell him? “What’s their book?”

“Niall said they’re reading ‘The Snow Falling on the Cedars’ which I’ve never heard of.”

“Neither,” Liam admits with a groan and Louis chuckles down the line.

“Could be worse, mate.”

“Yeah? How?” He asks doubtfully.

Louis is silent for a beat before saying, “Well, you could have been helping Zayn out on a book you’ve never read and letting him down. Right now all you’re doing is telling Perrie you can’t help her because you know nothing about the book – it’s easier.”

“Who said I’m not helping her?”

“Liam,” Louis sighs.

“I know what you’re going to say, but I’m not doing it. I’m not letting them down.”

“What are you going to do? You haven’t read the book – you’ve never even heard of it! Liam, you don’t owe him anything.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just watch the movie or something.”

“Assuming there is one, you mean.”

“Right,” Liam rolls his eyes. He knows that Louis is only trying to be a good friend but Liam doesn’t want it. He doesn’t need Louis’ voice of reason because he’s not going to change his mind. “I’m not letting them down, Louis.”

Louis just sighs down the line and mutters, “You’re such an idiot.”

“So I’ve been told,” Liam agrees.

Louis bids him farewell and hangs up, leaving Liam with nothing but the quiet whirring of his laptop and the thoughts buzzing around his head. Really, it’s not that big of a deal that they’re studying different novels – Liam probably should have asked before he’d agreed to help – but part of it just doesn’t sit right with him. He doesn’t want to, but part of him keeps wondering if Zayn deliberately didn’t tell him. What if Zayn’s doing this to be a dick? What if he’s doing it just to make Liam look stupid?

Maybe Zayn didn’t know that they were studying different books, but it’s hard to think that when his brain makes such compelling arguments for the other side. He knows that Zayn’s not a bad guy – he’s one of the nicest people Liam’s had the pleasure to have met! But still, he’s _Zayn_. He’s beautiful and perfect Zayn who probably thinks Liam is the most annoying person in the history of ever and wants to teach him a lesson.

Liam doesn’t think he’d be able to handle that - to get to the library on Monday morning and not see Perrie there waiting for him or get to their next English lesson and have Zayn laugh at him. And as much as his mind is telling him ‘Zayn didn’t know, he wouldn’t trick you like that’, Liam can’t bring himself to fully believe it. He’s more than a little mad but what is he supposed to do? People are relying on him.

He spins in his chair and swipes a finger over the touchpad on his laptop, waking it up after so long inactive. He signs back in and does a search for ‘The Snow Falling on the Cedars’, finding a download and a synopsis of the novel and settles in for a night of studying.

**

Liam can’t think of a time when he’s felt more awkward than when he’s sitting beside Perrie at a computer on Monday morning, he honestly can’t. Making matters worse is the fact that Harry’s sitting on Liam’s other side, snickering as if he knows everything when he’s really go no idea.

“What do you think about this sentence?” Perrie asks, nervously bringing her lower lip between her teeth.

“Uhm,” Liam leans forward and reads it over. He’s got no idea if what she’s saying is right or not but the sentence flows so he nods and says “Yep, looks good.” Beside him, Harry laughs again and Perrie just continues typing. Liam doesn’t really understand why he’s helping Perrie out anymore, to be honest. He told her when she got there that he’d only ever seen the movie and really couldn’t remember what it was about and that surely she’d know what she was talking about because she’s actually _read_ the book, but she was adamant so he’d stayed. He sort of wishes he hadn’t, to be honest.

“Hey Li,” Harry asks, turning to him to get his attention.

“What’s up?”

Harry turns back to his computer and points at the screen. “Does this sentence of _my_ assignment that you know nothing about make sense to you?” He tilts his head and bites his lip dramatically, blinking at Liam, who tries so hard to bury a laugh but can’t quite manage it.

“You’re such a prick, Harry.” Perrie mutters and Liam feels bad for a second but it doesn’t last when Harry flutters his eyelashes and mocks Perrie childishly. Liam laughs, shaking his head, and Harry just grins.

“Seriously though, what do you think about this?” He nods his head toward the computer screen and Liam shuffles closer to Harry to get a better look at it.

“What’s it for?”

“Music.”

Liam nods, reading through it quickly until it hits him what it is he’s actually reading. “These are lyrics.” He states. Harry just nods. “Who are they by?”

“Me.”

“Oh.”

Perrie scoffs. “Yeah, Harry’s in a band now, didn’t you know, Liam? He thinks he’s really indie.”

“Shut up, Perrie.” Harry snaps.

Liam moves back into the middle ground between Harry and Perrie and looks between them for a moment. He always thought they were friends but their morning together proved to be anything but friendly. Perrie steals his attention away with another question about her assignment (which he answers the same way he’s answered them all morning - “Uh, I’m not too sure but it sounds smart?”) before turning back to Harry. “What’s your band called?”

Harry looks really proud. “We’re White Eskimo.”

“And you’re the singer?” He nods, brushing his fringe out of his eyes, and Liam smiles. “Cool. Those lyrics are cool, too. Can’t wait to hear them live.”

“Yeah?” Harry asks, sounding surprised.

“For sure. I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see a good local band.” He grins at Harry and Perrie laughs.

“Trust me, you won’t be missing a _good_ local band.” Liam turns to her and gives her a look like he can’t quite believe why she’d say that and she looks back at him innocently. “What? Zayn dragged me along to a practice session once and it was horrid. I wouldn’t go to one of their shows if they paid me.”

“Good thing none of us actually invited you, isn’t it?” Harry spits, shutting down his computer and grabbing his satchel off the desk beside Liam. “Catch you later Liam. I’ll let you know what’s going on with the show, yeah?”

Liam nods and watches Harry go. He wants to say something to Perrie about how unnecessarily harsh she was to Harry but he can’t quite bring himself to be so bold – this is essentially the first time they’ve ever spoken and he doesn’t want to make a bad impression. Mainly he doesn’t want Perrie to tell Zayn that he was mean to her.

If he thought it was awkward before, it’s almost unbearably more awkward now that Harry’s gone. Liam doesn’t know what to say. He wants to ask about why she doesn’t like Harry and if she really did what Grimmy said she did or if she’s back with Zayn or not but he can’t. He can’t bring himself to mention any of it because he’s afraid of what she’ll answer with and what she’ll say to Zayn as a result.

“What do you think about the prejudice in the story?” Liam asks eventually, because the silence was getting too awkward to bear and he’d read online that one of the main reasons the book was considered a classic was because of how it dealt with prejudice. Liam wondered at the time how a book he’d never heard of could be considered a classic, but perhaps he just wasn’t old enough to appreciate it yet.

Perrie shrugs, “A bit boring, y’know?”

Liam raises his eyebrows. “How so?”

“Well, it’s like this: We all know that prejudice is wrong and whatever, right?” She looks expectantly at Liam and he nods, “So I don’t really understand why we’re always reading things at school about prejudice and how bad it is to mistreat people because of their differences. Like, duh, I know I shouldn’t call someone out on their race or religion or anything – I don’t need a yearly reminder from school in the form of some shit house novel and a thousand word paper, y’know?”

He does know but he’s more than a little gobsmacked by what she’s said. He nods anyway and she smiles and turns back to her assignment, leaving Liam to quietly gape. It seems so ridiculous and contradictory for Zayn to be with someone who so openly doesn’t care about something that he himself seems so passionate about. It’s got Liam questioning what Zayn saw in her in the first place when she turns to him again and say, “You’re not as bad as I thought you’d be, Liam.”

He just stares at her for a moment before nodding slowly, “Right. Thanks?”

Perrie just giggles and shakes her head, “I just thought you’d be super nerdy and…well, a bit of a geek. But you’re not. You’re quite nice.”

“So I’ve been told,” He quips.

“Funny too.” She replies and Liam just smiles because this is literally the longest string of sentences the two of them have exchanged all morning and he’s not been funny at all. “How is it that you’re single? You are single, aren’t you?”

Liam is pretty sure he stops breathing for a moment there, can feel his eyes widen almost comically as he stares at her. “I – uh – definitely am. Single. Yes.”

“Maybe we should find a way to change that, hm?” She offers with a smile and he nods and shakes his head all at once, resulting in a very confusing head movement that leaves him a little dizzy. “What do you think about Jade?”

“Jade.” He echoes dumbly and Perrie nods smiling. “Wait – _Jade_?”

“Yeah, Jade. She’s cute, right?”

“Sure but she’s not really my type, Perrie.”

She cocks an eyebrow, giving Liam a look that says she doesn’t believe it for a second. Eventually, her expression softens and she shrugs a shoulder lazily, turning back to her computer to save her document. “You don’t need to lie – if you don’t like her, then you don’t like her. Simple as that.” He’s about to correct her when she says, “Just…”

Liam raises his eyes from her computer screen and meets her gaze. “Just don’t wait around forever, yeah? You’re a good guy, Liam. Don’t let yourself be unhappy because you’re waiting for something you think might be better. It took me a long time to realise it, but sometimes you’ve just got to go and get what you want; fuck the consequences. It’s your life and you only get to do it once.”

“That depends on if you believe in reincarnation,” He points out stupidly, because he feels even more awkward now and really naked too, as if Perrie can see right into his soul and read the book of his life, the one that says how he feels about her and Zayn and everything and he doesn’t like it one bit.

Perrie laughs at him though, smiling and shaking her head. “You’re so strange.” She says fondly, as if it’s the cutest trait in a person ever. Liam just smiles back at her and thanks his lucky stars when the bell rings and he has a good reason to leave her in the Library by herself. Just as he’s about to leave though, Perrie calls out, “Feel free to come sit with us at lunch, if you want.”

And of all the ways he expected their study session to end, that certainly wasn’t one of them.

*

Andy’s the only one at the table at lunchtime on Monday and Liam’s glad for it – he’s more likely to get logic from Andy than obnoxious laughter and teasing like he would from Louis.

“Alright Liam?” Andy greets when Liam drops his books on the table top. “How’d your study date with Pez go this morning?”

Liam rolls his eyes, “Louis tell you?”

Andy grins as if to say ‘who else?’

“It was alright. A bit weird, though.” He says, unwrapping his sandwich and offering one of the halves to Andy, who takes it gratefully.

“Weird how?” Andy asks, taking a large bite of the sandwich.

Liam shrugs, “It’s hard to say, really. But she was a bit mean to Harry about this new band he’s started and then once he left, she was really nice to me and said all this stuff about how I shouldn’t live unhappily and I shouldn’t wait for something that I think might make me happy – that I should go for whatever I think will make me happy.”

Andy blinks a few times and makes a thoughtful noise. “Bizarre that, innit?” Liam nods, taking a bite of his own sandwich. “Did she say anything else?”

He almost chokes as he remembers the strangest part of their conversation. “Yes, actually!” Liam declares through a small mouthful of food, taking a moment to swallow before speaking again. “She invited me to sit with them at lunch.”

“You’re joking!” Andy exclaims, laughing as if it’s the funniest thing he’s heard in days. Maybe it is, but still.

“It’s not that funny is it – the idea of me sharing a table with Perrie and Zayn?” Liam asks sullenly, although he’s joking (at least sort of, anyway).

Andy nods, “It’s fucking weird, mate. Perrie’s never spoken to you before today and then after one study session decides you’re worthy of sitting at her table?” He shakes his head, finishing off his sandwich. “I’d take her up on that offer, if I were you.”

Liam just shakes his head and keeps eating. “I can’t.” He says after a few moments.

“Why not?”

“It’d be weird!” Andy scoffs and crumples the rubbish from Liam’s sandwich in his hand, throwing it at Liam’s face playfully. “Can you imagine me having lunch with Perrie and Harry and Josh and Niall and _Zayn_?” He shakes his head again, “It’s just not happening.” Liam says definitively.

“Not with that attitude.”

“Whatever.”

Andy watches him for a moment before laughing, giving his head a tiny shake. “Hey, I’ve got to ask you something – what do you think about Eleanor?”

“Eleanor?”

“Yeah, Eleanor.”

Liam blinks a few times, trying to put a name to the face but he can’t quite manage it. He gives Andy a quizzical look and he rolls his eyes dramatically.

“You know Eleanor; the brunette in my year with curly hair – always wears stockings and all that?”

“That describes most of the girls in London, Andy,” Liam points out dryly, deliberately avoiding mentioning that it also describes Danielle. “What about her?”

“I was thinking of asking her to the graduation dance.”

Liam frowns. “I thought you were asking Dani to that.”

Andy shrugs.

“What happened?” Liam asks, tone worried.

Andy just shrugs again and Liam sighs.

“The way I see it, if this Eleanor girl is your first choice after Danielle, she must be pretty great.” Liam says genuinely and Andy just nods as if it’s the answer he expected but not the one he wanted. “Why aren’t you taking Danielle?”

“Just leave it man,” Andy snaps, “Yeah?”

“Sure.” Liam nods, collecting the rubbish off the table and taking it to the trash can to give Andy a moment to chill out. When he returns he offers the older boy a smile. “I miss the days when our lives weren’t full of confusion.”

Andy laughs, “Me and you both, kid. Me and you both.”

*

When Liam slumps into his seat at the back of his maths classroom later that day, he’s more than a little surprised by what happens next. He’s always sat with Danielle and one of her friends in the back row, with Josh, Ed and a bunch of their friends in the row in front of them. He’s never actually spoken to Josh aside from the rare question when they shared History with Harry last year, but he seemed nice enough. As for Ed, Liam’s always had a fond spot for him – he’s cheeky and always has something witty to say that has sexual subtext if you’re observant enough to catch it. Liam likes Ed because he’s smart and funny but such a slacker that his grades never accurately display his intelligence. Ed is laziness as its best.

It’s not the fact that Ed glances up at him and sends him a grin that catches Liam off guard, it’s more that Josh turns around in his seat and says, “So I heard you helped Perrie out on her assignment.”

Liam nods, because he’s not sure what Josh is getting at – whether he wants help too or wants to tease him or what – so he just says, “Yeah.”

“She’s a bit dim,” Josh says as if it’s fact, and Liam can’t help but smile. “She is – don’t you think?”

“A little bit,” He agrees and Josh laughs at him.

“Stop trying to be nice about it – she’s an idiot.”

Liam hesitates, “I wouldn’t go that far, but she definitely needs to think things through before speaking.”

Josh nods, “Like when she asked if Hitler was still alive?”

They burst out laughing at that – it happened in their most recent Modern History lesson and Liam had to bite his fist to stop from laughing out loud at the time, and their teacher gave her a look as if to suggest she was the stupidest person he’d ever had the misfortune of teaching.

“I swear, if I knew Zayn wouldn’t go insane at me, I’d tell her how stupid she is.”

Beside Josh, Ed snorts and sits up straighter in his seat, turning slightly to address them both, “What would he even do to you? You should just say it.”

Josh shakes his head, “No way man, I’m not risking it. I’d rather not be on his bad side.”

Ed shrugs and looks at Liam, “You should tell him how stupid she is.”

“What? Why me?” Liam asks, voice slightly high and hysterical, and Ed just laughs.

“He’s not in the habit of making new friends, so you being on his bad side won’t make much difference.”

Josh shakes his head. “Don’t do it man,” He says seriously, as if Liam was actually considering it, “Zayn’s not the kind to forgive and forget.”

Liam just nods and thinks the conversation is quite possibly the most bizarre he’s ever had to experience.

“You said you helped Pez on an assignment, yeah?” Ed asks. Liam nods and secretly hopes that Ed’s not about to ask him for help too, since he knows he’s capable of doing it himself and he doesn’t really have time to help someone else when he’s not even done his own assignment yet. “Aren’t you studying a different book than her in your class? You’re in Zayn’s English class, right? And he’s studying Mockingbird. But we’re studying Cedars in mine and Perrie’s class.”

Josh looks at him questioningly and Liam just shrugs, “I’d already said I’d help her out when I found that out.”

“So you read the book?” Josh asks.

“No way – I just googled it and watched the movie.” Liam says, shrugging again as if it’s no big deal.

“I still can’t believe Perrie asked for help, let alone from someone she barely knows.” Josh mutters, glancing down at his phone and tapping out a quick text.

Liam clears his throat awkwardly, “Actually Zayn asked me to help her.” Josh blinks at him a few times and Ed doesn’t say anything so he feels like maybe he should say something else. “We sit near each other in English and he asked if I’d help her.”

“Right.” Ed says.

“But didn’t he know that they were different books?” Josh asks.

Ed shrugs, “I thought so.”

Liam wants to ask them more about that but he finds he can’t, his voice lost in his throat as a surge of anger bubbles inside him. He’d wanted to believe that it was an accident but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Zayn deliberately set him up and that makes him madder than it probably should. Ed and Josh turn around in their seats and face the front once their teacher calls for their attention and the lesson begins but Liam has no idea what he’s taught because all that’s on his mind is how Zayn made him look like an idiot.

*

The next day, Liam swaps seats with Danielle in English so he doesn’t have to sit so close to Zayn. No one seems to notice anything different about it and Liam spends the whole time regretting the decision when he’s forced to converse with Dani’s friends about the boys that they like and whether they like them back. The amount of times Liam has said ‘I’m sure he does, what’s not to like?’ is getting a bit much.

He’s grateful when the bell rings and he can hurry off to Modern History. He’d rather just sit and listen to Louis’ running commentary on the second world war while their teacher tries to hammer home the main reasons for the global catastrophe. For once in his life, he arrives early and has to endure the awkwardness that comes with waiting outside a classroom with a bunch of people he barely knows and doesn’t like.

“Hey Liam!” Perrie greets as he leans back against the outer wall of their classroom.

“Hey,” He says with a smile that’s not entirely forced and she steps over to him. Her friends look like they can’t believe she’s associating with him, but Liam doesn’t care much about them or what they think so it doesn’t bother him.

“I wanted to thank you for helping me out the other day. Zayn said that you’d be helpful and you were.” Perrie smiles at him and Liam feels his cheeks turn a light rose pink from the compliment.

He shakes his head though, bashful. “It’s no worries, really. You did most of the work – I just made sure it all made sense.”

“Well I really appreciate it either way.” She says sincerely and Liam nods. It makes him feel a little bad for talking bad about her with Josh and Ed yesterday, because she’s really nice and nothing at all like how he thought she was. He also feels like a dick for disliking her for so long when she’s so clearly not as bad as he thought, but there’s still the memories of Zayn’s reactions to her so vivid in his mind that he can’t quite justify absolving her of all her crimes just yet – there’s still a tiny bit of dislike in him for her.

Harry walks over just as Perrie’s about to say something else but she shuts her mouth and offers them both smiles before walking away. Harry grins triumphantly. “If only she did that every time I came near her.”

“She hasn’t before?” Liam asks and Harry shakes his head. “That’s weird.”

“Suits me just fine,” Harry says, slouching back against the wall beside Liam. “What’d she want anyway?”

“To thank me for helping her yesterday.”

Harry snorts, “You barely did anything.”

Liam shrugs because he knows that as well as Perrie does but she still thanked him and that was pretty nice whatever way you looked at it. He’s about to say as much to Harry when he spots Zayn approaching them, forcing a groan out of Liam.

“Alright?” Harry asks, glancing up from his phone screen.

“Fine,” Liam lies – it’s not like he can tell Harry the truth, is it? – and smiles at him convincingly.

Harry watches him for a moment before shaking his fringe out of his eyes and looking down at his phone again. Liam’s trying to subtle watch Zayn with his peripheral vision and thinks he’s stood beside Josh and Ed talking about something and he’s grateful for that. He doesn’t really want to talk to Zayn right now; he’s still sort of mad about what Josh and Ed said in maths the day before.

“Oh hey, about my band,” Harry starts, glancing up again, “You don’t have to come see us perform if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to,”

“Yeah but don’t feel like you _have_ to because we’re friends or whatever.”

“I won’t,”

“Like, I won’t care if you don’t y’know? It’s just a band.”

“Harry,” Liam says in a definitive tone, “I want to see your band perform. Just let me know when and where and I’ll try and make it.”

Harry grins at him like maybe he was expecting him to retract his offer and Liam smiles back. He genuinely wants to see how Harry works as a musician and if his band is going anywhere. Part of him hopes they do go somewhere.

“Well we’ve got a gig in a few weeks – after mid-semester break, yeah?”

Liam nods, “Should be able to make that.”

“Sick, I’ll be sure to get you a flyer or something.”

“Sure.”

Harry grins again and types something quickly into his phone, possibly a reminder about the flyer, and Liam can’t help but chuckle fondly at him. Their relationship is a little stilted and uncertain at times but it’s something Liam couldn’t imagine life without. Harry can be obnoxious and oblivious sometimes and it drives Liam mad and he’s been an idiot when it comes to Louis, but he’s nice and they always have fun together and somehow those two positives outweigh the many negatives that come with being a friend of Harry. Liam tries to ignore the part of him that says he’s only friends with Harry because he thinks he can help him – whatever that means.

“Hey Haz!” Josh calls out, waving Harry over. Harry checks with Liam that it’s okay before he’s moving across the hallway to Josh and listening intently to whatever the other boy has to say. Liam watches them for a moment or two before he spots Niall and Louis walking towards him, seemingly lost in their own conversation.

Their relationship is odd, Liam’s decided. Niall makes Louis laugh like a maniac at times but he also makes him reflect on life and become far too philosophical for his own good. Niall challenges Louis in a different way to how Harry did and that’s confusing for Liam. He doesn’t know how to feel about Louis and Niall’s new friendship because he doesn’t know how to feel about Niall. He doesn’t know him, really. Maybe it’s a sign he should get to know him, but Liam just shrugs it off.

“You didn’t sit in your usual seat today.”

Liam blinks to refocus his eyes before turning to his left where Zayn’s leaning against the wall a few metres away from him. He’s slouching lazily and it should look unattractive, bad posture almost always is, but it’s so careless and spontaneous and _Zayn_ that Liam can’t help the quiet little sigh that escapes his lips. “Yeah,” He says because he feels he’s got to say something since he didn’t expect Zayn to notice, let alone say anything about it.

Zayn flicks his eyes to him, watches him for a few seconds before letting his gaze return to the opposite wall. Liam doesn’t know what to make of that but he figures it’s the end of the conversation so he doesn’t say anything further. Thankfully it doesn’t take long for Louis to abandon Niall with his friends and join Louis in line.

“How goes it, Liam?” He greets and the phrase makes Liam smile instantly.

“Yeah, alright,” Liam replies apathetically and nudges Louis, “And you?”

Louis beams at him, “Can’t complain.”

Liam nods as if he knows exactly what Louis’s referring too, and maybe he does. But Liam’s suddenly so hyper aware of Zayn’s presence beside him that he feels he’s got to say something else, compensate for something, because there’s silence and it feels too empty but he’s not got anything to say. He can’t mention Niall or Harry because they’re Zayn’s friends and he’s pretty sure Zayn’s listening, so that rules out talking about Perrie too. So he picks the next best thing to come into his head.

“Harry’s in a band,” He states and watches the way Louis’ eyebrows crinkle ever so slightly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Liam nods, gulps a breath. “Invited me along to one of their shows.”

Louis watches him carefully before asking, “Gonna go?”

“I think so. Wanna come too?”

And it’s as if Louis knows what Liam’s trying to do, (which really – how could he know?) because he laughs and says, “Why not? How bad could they be, right?” and it makes Liam relax almost instantly.

“He said it’s not until after mid-semester break so there’s loads of time to sort out whether they’re worth seeing or not.” Liam says and it makes Louis snort and Liam thinks he catches a hint of a smirk on Zayn’s lips but when he tries to get a better look, it’s too late and the look is gone.

“Even if they suck you’ll still go,” Louis says, “Because you’re just that kind of friend.”

“Explains why I sit through so many school musicals,” Liam replies, chuckling slightly at Louis’ shocked expression.

“Excuse you, Liam – the school musical is a production of great skill and class.”

Liam rolls his eyes, “I don’t think a production that can never get it’s microphones right can be considered skilful, Louis.”

“What would you know,” Louis mutters and Liam laughs because it’s all in good fun. “Jeeze, he’s taking his sweet time isn’t he?”

He groans, “Don’t say that – now he’s bound to arrive and we’ll actually have to be in class.”

Louis looks like he’s about to protest Liam’s statement, but sure enough, their teacher chooses that exact moment to reach the top of the stairs and pull out the keys for the classroom. Liam sighs and gives Louis a disappointed look, to which Louis responds by swiftly flipping him off before cutting half the line so as to walk in beside Niall and in front of Harry – whose glare doesn’t get lost on Liam.

“They’re pretty good.”

Liam’s ears feel like they’re on fire from the buzz that settles into his skin when he hears his voice again. “Who is?” Liam asks Zayn, waiting for the students in front of him to hurry the hell up so he can get inside and away.

“Harry’s band.”

“Right.”

Liam tries not to let himself melt because of Zayn’s words but it’s a little hard not to when he’s so close and their conversation seems so intimate, even though it’s about nothing in the grand scheme of things.

“Perrie said you were really helpful yesterday… so thanks for that.”

He nods and finds he can’t bring himself to say anything in response because he’s suddenly reminded of what Josh and Ed said.

There’s a moment’s pause before Zayn says, “You alright?”

And for some reason, that’s enough to make Liam snap. He turns around to face Zayn and sees the way his head’s slightly tilted to the side and the way he’s tensing his jaw like he did last year in their Legal Studies class. “Did you know that Perrie was studying a different book to us?” He asks and it sounds more conversational than accusing, which is what Liam was going for.

Zayn draws his eyebrows together ever so slightly, as if confused. “No?”

“Really?”

“Is she not studying Mockingbird?” Liam shakes his head and Zayn shrugs, “First I’ve heard of it.”

“That’s not what Josh thinks.” Liam says defensively and he’s not even sure why it even matters but it’s suddenly so imperative that he gets the truth from Zayn right now before they step foot in that classroom. “I don’t know if you were setting me up or something, if you thought it was funny or not, but you made me feel stupid, Zayn. And I don’t like that feeling. I _hate_ it. I was doing you a favour and you made me feel dumb.”

Zayn looks even more confused and takes a few moments to respond. “You think I asked you to help her when I knew you were studying different books?”

Liam feels his steely glare soften slightly at how cut Zayn’s voice sounds saying those words and he shrugs because he knows he can’t find the words to reply. The hallway outside their classroom is quiet and empty now – the rest of their classmates having gone inside. Liam’s well aware that he should follow suit and go inside too, but he wants to hear what Zayn’s got to say for himself.

“I didn’t know they were different books.”

“Right.” Liam replies coldly and he’s not sure if it’s because he doesn’t believe him and he’s mad at Zayn, or he does believe him and he’s mad at himself for being such an idiot. Regardless, he turns around and heads for the door, only to be cut off on his way there by Zayn.

“You’re not stupid.” Is all he says before entering the classroom, leaving Liam more than a little lost for words as he steps into the room behind him and makes his way to his seat by memory. When he takes his seat, Louis nudges him and gives him a look that asks ‘what’s up?’ but Liam just shakes his head. Some things just need to be digested fully before they can be discussed with others and Liam has the distinct feeling that this is one of those things.

*

At lunch later that day, Liam’s easily avoiding any and all questions sent his way by Louis and Danielle because they all happen to revolve around Zayn. Louis managed to piece together that while they were outside, they were talking and whatever they were talking about was enough to distract Liam for the whole of their Modern History class. He hadn’t been able to figure out what was said though, so, being the annoying bastard that he is, he instilled the help of Danielle to try and get it out of him. Liam’s stood strong so far though and they’ve gotten nothing but an infrequent, “Fuck off, Louis,” for their troubles.

“Was it about why you didn’t sit beside him in English today?” Danielle asks and Liam silently wonders why she hadn’t thought of it earlier, but it makes Louis tilt his head slightly as if weighing up the possibility.

“It definitely does,” Louis concludes and leans forward on his elbows. “Tell me what happened, Liam.”

“Fuck off, Louis.” He says but there’s no malice behind it.

“How am I supposed to help you win him back if you don’t tell me what happened?” Louis questions seriously and Liam gives him an incredulous look.

“Don’t worry about me, babe.” Liam answers as lovingly as he can and Louis sighs, retreating back off the table and Liam’s grateful that, for once, he seems to know when enough is enough.

“What’s got you so down, Louis?” Andy asks as he approaches their table and Louis doesn’t have time to answer because he’s distracted, they’re all distracted, by the girl that’s with Andy. It takes about two seconds for Liam to put the pieces together and he shoots Andy what he hopes is a questioning glance but Andy doesn’t get it, looking instead at Louis, who’s smiling dumbly at the girl.

“Um, hi, I’m Danielle,” Dani says, awkwardly waving a hand at the girl stood beside Andy at the end of their table.

The girl smiles and it’s cute and girly and it makes Liam smile too. “I’m Eleanor.”

Liam swallows thickly, eyes flitting between Andy and Danielle and Eleanor, trying to figure out what the best move here is to avoid a situation.

“Are you new here?” Danielle asks politely and Eleanor giggles.

“Nah, she’s been in my grade forever – haven’t you Calder?” Andy answers for her, slinging his arm around her shoulders.

“It certainly feels like it at times,” Eleanor quips easily and Louis gives a pathetic chuckle that makes Liam shake his head in second-hand embarrassment for him.

“I’m Liam,” he introduces, because it feels awkward not to.

Eleanor lights up at that. “Lovely to finally meet you, Liam. Andy talks about you a lot.”

“Really?” Liam asks teasingly, raising an eyebrow and relishing in how easy Eleanor is to talk to.

“Yeah,” Andy nods, “Mostly about what an utter prick you are though.” He grins at Liam, who rolls his eyes affectionately and laughs. “This idiot here is Louis.”

Eleanor giggles again and it’s cute and girly just like her and Liam finds himself liking her despite the knowledge that she’s going to unknowingly hurt Danielle. “You don’t look so stupid to me, Louis.” She says kindly and somehow the direct conversation breaks Louis out of whatever trance he was in and he smiles at her.

“Thanks ever so much, that’s the best compliment I’ve had all day.” Louis replies, smiling brightly.

“All year, more like.” Andy jokes and Louis pushes him gently.

“So,” Danielle speaks up again, but she doesn’t seem to be able to think of a polite way to ask the question ‘what is she doing here?’ so she just lets it hang open in the air, looking expectantly at Andy.

“Right – I asked Eleanor to the graduation dinner.” Andy grins.

Louis looks desperately at Eleanor, playing it up for all it’s worth, “You said ‘no’, right?”

Eleanor shakes her head and her curly hair frames her face nicely. “Afraid not.”

Liam smiles when Eleanor looks her way and tries to discretely glance across at Danielle to gauge her reaction.

“Like a date?” Dani asks and Andy looks sheepish and Eleanor blushes beautifully and Liam wants to gather Danielle up in his arms and cradle her close because he knows how she feels right now. Nothing hurts more than being in love with someone who has just been taken by somebody else.

*


	9. I've Lost my Way, oh Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> White Eskimo gig, more scene setting for the next chapter basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhhhhhhh I am sososososo sorry that this chapter has taken me so long! These scene setting chapters are killing me but I swear there's more action and stuff in the next one. I've actually started writing it already so hopefully it won't take too long for me to finish. Things actually happen and there's drama and not just Liam whining a lot, ahaha. I hope you don't hate this chapter too much and if you're still reading this fic and haven't given up even after all this time, I seriously love you with every fiber of my being. Leave me comments, follow/tweet me @thorpuckerman xoxox
> 
> P.S. Unbeta'd as always - I just finished it and then posted it so feel free to make corrections.

Liam’s more than a little stressed. He’s got this assignment to write for English, which would be fine if he wasn’t so distracted. Granted, he’s started it earlier than he’d normally start an assignment and he’s done a fair amount of the research already, but it’s a presenting assignment and Liam hates giving speeches, despite being a drama student, and it’s just a really bad time for him. If he’s honest, the assignment’s only part of the problem, but he doesn’t often let himself think of the rest of things going wrong in his life.

The thing is, his whole friendship group has gotten so much more confusing ever since Eleanor came into the picture. Andy’s never around anymore because he’s with Eleanor and his new group of grade twelve friends, which Liam always assumed he had but didn’t care much for, and he doesn’t seem to have time for the rest of them anymore. Danielle mopes whenever Andy’s not there at lunch and doesn’t speak whenever he is there. Louis mostly keeps things together – he makes sure Liam’s never too stressed and Danielle’s never too upset and somehow manages to keep up to date with Andy and Eleanor, although Liam’s got an inkling that that’s more for his own benefit than for the good of the group. And normally it wouldn’t be that bad, he wouldn’t mind all that much because they’re all their own person and have their own lives, but it’s Andy’s last year at school with them and Liam can’t help but feel like they’re getting pushed out of the picture a little bit.

He won’t say anything though.

Instead, Liam throws himself into his school work, even though it’s technically not due for a few weeks. He doesn’t even realise that he’s ignored everyone’s messages on facebook over the mid-semester break until Harry struts into the library on the first day back from break.

“You said you wanted to come.”

“What?” Liam asks but even as he’s saying the word his mind is piecing it together and reminding him that he’s the world’s worst friend. “Shit, your gig – oh mate, I’m so sorry I forgot.”

Harry frowns as he pulls out the seat beside Liam and turns to him expectantly. “What’s wrong with you?” And in true Harry fashion it’s raw and honest and it digs deep and it’s only four words but they hit Liam like a slap in the face.

“I said I was sorry, Harry, I just forgot.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

Liam looks at Harry and their eyes meet and Liam’s never been certain of where he stands with Harry but there’s something so desperate in Harry’s eyes that make him feel horrible for being so selfish over the past few weeks. He doesn’t want to lie to Harry, but he doesn’t know what to say either.

“I’m fine.” He says weakly and Harry relaxes in his chair.

“Yeah?” Harry asks and Liam nods and thinks maybe he’s gotten away with it, maybe Harry’s not going to prod at him until he blurts out everything he’s thinking but then he says, “Zayn seems to think otherwise.”

And his resolve just melts.

“Is he mad at me?”

“What?” Harry asks, bewildered, “Mad? Liam, I don’t know what he is – I didn’t even know you two were friends!” Liam blushes despite himself and Harry rolls closer on his desk chair. “What the hell is going on?”

Liam huffs out a breath and scratches at his face. “I don’t know… I don’t know! Everything is suddenly just really… fucked up. Everything’s just.” He shakes his head and feels the warm press of Harry’s hand on his arm but he’s not game to look at him because he thinks he just might cry.

“Jesus, Liam, talk to me – what happened?” Harry squeezes Liam’s arm a little tighter but he just shakes his head. They’re silent but it’s like Liam can hear into Harry’s brain, can hear every little thing he’s thinking – _what’s wrong, what’s happened? You’re usually so collected – something major must have happened. What’s the deal with Zayn? Why do you look like you’re about to cry? Christ Liam, you’re scaring me –_ because he’s thinking the same things. And it’s stupid, so fucking stupid, because it’s nothing, not really. Nothing major, anyway. So his friends are a little distant – so what? No big deal. So the bloke he fancies thinks he’s mad at him – what difference does that make? Not like they were friends anyway. Liam mentally berates himself for being such an idiot. Nothing he’s dealing with is worth getting so flustered over and yet here he is, sitting in the library trying to remember to breathe while Harry watches him with such caution that leaves Liam feeling fragile.

“It’s actually nothing,” Liam says quietly, “I’m just being an idiot.”

Harry nods and pulls his hand back, relaxing in his chair again. Liam clears his throat and tries to discretely check if he’s actually cried because he somehow can’t quite tell. He hasn’t though, and he’s grateful for it as he sits back in his seat as well. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Liam shakes his head. “Thanks though.”

“Since when are you and Zayn friends?”

And for some reason that’s enough to make him laugh and it feels so good. “I dunno if we are,” He admits with a shrug, “We just sort of sit near each other in English and talk sometimes.”

“He said you helped out Perrie.” Harry says and Liam simply nods. “You know he doesn’t ask just anyone for help, right?”

“He didn’t ask for himself, he asked for her.” Liam clarifies. “Besides, he set me up.”

“How?” So Liam goes about explaining it to Harry who nods whenever Liam looks over to check he’s paying attention. In the end, Harry just sighs. “Mate, if Zayn said he didn’t know, he didn’t know… and if he did, he obviously thought you were smart enough to be able to help anyway. It’s not a big deal – stop over analysing.” 

“I’m not, I just hate being played.” Liam defends and Harry gives him a doubtful look but lets it go. “How’d your gig go? I really am so sorry that I missed it.”

Harry watches him for a moment before grinning. “You haven’t missed anything, you loon. It was supposed to be this week but they pushed it back a few weeks. Now we’re playing on the night of the last day of semester and _everyone_ is invited, so be prepared to party.”

Liam nods and bites his tongue so he doesn’t tell Harry that their definitions of party are very different. “I’ll be there.”

“Cool,” Harry nods and looks at Liam’s computer screen. “What are you doing?”

“English presentation.” Liam half groans-half sighs.

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Harry chuckles, rising from his seat and pushes it toward the desk. “Invite your friends to the show, yeah? Danielle and that guy you’re always with.”

“Andy?”

Harry nods, “Yeah.”

“Right, will do.”

Liam expects Harry to leave but he doesn’t, he sort of lingers for a moment as if unsure whether he should say more or not. He gives Harry what he hopes is a reassuring smile and Harry nods once more, as if finally deciding, before he says. “Let Louis know that he’s welcome to come, would you? If he wants to. No pressure or anything. I won’t be mad if he doesn’t, though, I’d understand… But it wouldn’t be weird if he did come, like... Just, tell him?”

“Definitely,” Liam promises.

“Do you think he would?” Harry asks and it sounds nervous, or as nervous as someone as overly confident as Harry can sound, and Liam just shrugs. “Yeah, right. I’ll see you later, mate.” He gives Liam once last smile before falling so easily back into that confident strut of his and leaving the computer lab. Liam sighs and turns back to his computer, trying to think of a way to make the gig seem appealing to Louis.

Normally, Liam wouldn’t push this sort of thing, but he thinks Harry feels legitimately sorry for whatever went down between them and wants to be friends with Louis again and Liam’s willing to try and make that happen because he knows better than anyone that sometimes just friendship is enough.

*

No one’s at the table when Liam arrives at lunch time later that day, so he drops his books and digs into his lunch as quickly as he can before someone comes along to knick some. True to form, it doesn’t take Andy long to steal half his sandwich without asking, appearing out of nowhere and plucking it straight from the pack on the table, biting into it almost instantly.

“Nice to see you too, Andy.” Liam jibes. Andy just grins back with a mouthful of food and Liam frowns at him. “You’re an animal.”

Andy laughs loudly, surprisingly covering his mouth as he does so, before swallowing and saying, “You love me. So what’d you think of Eleanor?”

“Who?” Liam asks.

“Don’t be such a dick, I know you remember. What’d you think?”

Liam chuckles, biting into his half of his sandwich. “She’s lovely. Very beautiful.” He smiles over at his best friend and watches as his cheeks adopt a slight wash of pink and his smile grows. “Is it a date though?”

“Graduation dinner?” Liam nods. “Yeah, mate, what else would it be?”

“I dunno, a just-friends sort of thing?” He suggests and Andy looks incredulous.

“Just-friends with a girl like that?” He shakes his head, “Not possible.”

Liam nods, “But what about-“

“Speak of the devil!” Andy interrupts, grinning at someone over Liam’s shoulder, someone who could really only be one person. Within seconds Eleanor is at the foot of their table, smiling and beautiful, same as the last time.

“Hey, you told me to meet you here?” She says to Andy and he nods.

“Thought it might be cool if you had lunch with me and the rest – what do you think?”

She smiles widely, “Sounds lovely.”

“You can sit beside me, if you’d like,” Liam offers, because he feels awkward not having said anything, and she looks gratefully toward him before stepping over the seat and dropping down beside him. “So, despite Andy talking about you quite a lot, I don’t actually know anything about you,” He starts, earning a giggle from Eleanor and a kick under the table from Andy, “What are you into? What do you do for fun?”

“Um,” Eleanor fiddles with her hair, untucking and re-tucking it behind her ears before shrugging lightly. “I don’t know, really. I dance sometimes but I’m not very good. I can’t sing, I’m not particularly interested in reading or anything like that. I just spend time with friends a lot, really.” She admits with a self-depreciating smile and Liam feels like he’s falling in love with her, at least just a little bit.

“Ah, you’ve returned!” Louis exclaims, appearing from behind Liam and Eleanor to throw his books down on the table and sit down beside Andy. “I was worried we’d scared you off.”

“If you hadn’t before, you definitely have now,” Liam mutters, “Why are you yelling?”

“Because there is someone new and exciting at our table for the first time in, what, four years?” Liam laughs and Andy shakes his head, but Louis just charges on, “That’s cause for a bit of excitement, isn’t it? Where’s Dani?”

And suddenly Liam remembers what he was going to ask Andy before Eleanor came along – what about Danielle? Where does she fit into all this? He merely shrugs in answer to Louis’ question before saying, “I’ve got something to ask you about later.”

He means it like a reminder, sort of like a warning sticker that says ‘not suitable for public conversations, will discuss later’ but naturally Louis can’t leave it alone. “What about?”

“Just something. It’s nothing.” He says quickly.

“What is it – something or nothing?” Louis asks and Liam knows that he’s being difficult to be funny, and it’s working because Eleanor is giggling, but he’s not sure why Louis’ doing it because he only ever does this when he’s trying to impress someone and he can’t quite figure out why he’d want to impress Eleanor.

“It’s- later, yeah?” Liam looks at Louis and tries to convey through his eyes that it’s nothing serious but it’s also nothing for Eleanor to hear.

“Leave it, Louis.” Andy says, looking apologetic and Liam sees Eleanor shift a little uncomfortably beside him. It’s always the same when Louis’ trying to impress; he’s so full on that he doesn’t quite know when enough is enough.

“Come on, Li, we’re amongst friends – whatever you have to say to me you can say to the table at large!”

 “You better not be making some big announcement without me!” Danielle says, coming from the same direction as Louis initially had.

“Where’ve you been?” Andy asks as she slides in beside Louis, obviously trying to change the subject.

However, Dani is just as obviously avoiding that topic as she nudges Louis, “What’s Liam announcing?”

“Dunno – reckons he’s got something to tell me later but he won’t tell me now.” Louis answers.

“Why not? It’s not like he’s not gonna tell us all about it later anyway.” Danielle points out.

“My thoughts exactly!” Louis exclaims.

“Well,” Danielle pauses, before continuing in a quieter tone, “Maybe not _all_ of us.”

“Oh.” Eleanor whispers.

“Dani.” Andy says sternly.

“What?” She responds, feigning innocence.

“Um, I can just go, if you want, I don’t mind,” Eleanor says, already rising from her seat.

“No!”

“You don’t have to!”

“That might be best.”

Liam shakes his head, putting a hand on her wrist, “You definitely don’t.” Eleanor meets his gaze and looks embarrassed so he gives a tiny squeeze. “Harry Styles just told me to invite my friends to his gig at the end of semester party and well, since you’re a friend now, you deserve an invite too. I was only being weird because it’s Harry and Louis doesn’t have such a good track record with him.”

“What?” Louis stammers, “I-I do! I love Harry, he’s great. Let’s do it, let’s go! This gig’ll be great, yeah? What’d you say, El? Wanna come?”

Andy shoots Louis a sideways glance and Liam can feel Dani’s eyes boring into him but he refuses to look away from Louis because what is that boy even saying? And suddenly he feels rude because it’s like the four of them are having this conversation between themselves but Eleanor doesn’t seem to notice.

She shakes her head but it’s more out of bewilderment than anything because she squeaks out a quiet, “Yeah, sure, why not?” and manages to tear Andy’s attention away from Louis long enough to get large grins from both of them.

“I guess that settles that, then!” He announces and everyone nods and smiles, although Liam can tell Danielle is just putting on a brave face. He’s not sure what to make of her personality change within the past few moments, or Louis’ for that matter, but he thinks he better figure it out soon – or at least before Harry’s gig – otherwise things could get messy.

*

“You okay?” Danielle asks, nudging Liam gently as they line up outside their English classroom on Tuesday morning.

Liam nods, maybe a little too vigourously, because his tongue feels fat in his mouth and he’s suddenly unsure whether he can actually form words or not. Does he even know how to speak? Can he? How certain is he that he’s actually spoken before? How does he know that all the conversations he’s had weren’t just figments of his imagination? He shakes his head slightly, trying to clear his mind.

Danielle smiles at him like she always does when he gets like this. “Relax – it’s not even a big deal.”

Except it is. It’s a big fucking deal because if he doesn’t get it right the first time he has to do it again and he’s not really sure if he can handle that. No, he _knows_ he can’t handle doing this twice.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” She asks and her voice is so quiet it breaks Liam out of his thoughts.

“Sure.” He manages to say, ignoring the way it sounds croaky and nervous, “What’s up?”

She looks nervous all of a sudden, avoiding his eyes and twisting a ring around her finger absentmindedly. “About yesterday… I wasn’t very nice was I?” She glances up at Liam and he shrugs one shoulder, smiling gently.

“You could have been kinder, I suppose.”

“Oh God,” Danielle sighs, leaning back against the outer wall of the classroom. “How bad was it? On a scale of Eleanor to Perrie, how much of a horrid bitch was I?”

Liam can’t help but laugh at that, “That’s a horrible scaling system!”

She’s smiling too now, but there’s still a hint of worry in her eyes. “Funny how you mention the scale but say nothing about me being a bitch.”

“Because you kind of were,” He admits and she huffs out a breath, shaking her head to the side gently to sweep her fringe out of her eyes. Liam wonders if she learned that move from Harry or if it’s just a general thing that all fringed people know. For a split second he considers asking, but then he remembers that there are more important matters at hand. “I get it, though.”

“Doesn’t justify it though, does it?”

“Suppose not.”

Danielle straightens up. “Guess that means I should apologise to her, huh?” Liam just nods. “I don’t know how easy that will be…” She leaves a silence and scuffs her school shoes against the hardwood floor of the corridor before glancing up at Liam. He nods again, because for some reason it feels like a silent question; it feels like she’s asking if she’s justified in feeling the way she does and Liam couldn’t ever say no. He’s learned the hard way that justified or not, your feelings are your feelings and there’s not much that can change them except for time. He doesn’t say that to her though, because he knows she’ll want to know how much time it takes and he hasn’t got an answer for her – he’s still waiting.

“Morning class!” Ms Hane greets as she approaches the classroom door, fake joy and happiness. “Ready for the day?” The class groans in response and it’s like the unhappiness of students is a drug to her because her smile grows. “Let’s get settled really quickly so we can get through as much as possible today.” She urges as she follows the class inside, flicking on the light switch.

Liam feels that uneasiness welling up inside of him again as he drops his books on his desk and plops down in his seat. The warmth of Danielle on his side is reassuring but somehow he still feels lost and alone. Cold. The chatter in the room between the students is loud and it wraps around him like a blanket, but it provides no comfort; he still feels cold.

Ms Hane takes the empty seat across the aisle from Liam (and beside where Zayn would normally sit – where is he anyway?) and it makes his palms sweat. Eventually she settles and calls out, “Alright, who’s first?”

Suddenly the room is eerily silent. Liam risks glances around the room to see all the other students averting their eyes – either out the window or fixed on something on their desk – and it would almost be funny if he wasn’t as nervous as he was. No one’s putting their hand up to go first (why would they?) and Liam can see Ms Hane reaching out for the attendance roll, ready to pick a name at random.

Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s saying “I’ll go first,” and rising from his seat.

“Excellent! Good to know we’ve got at least one brave person in the class,” Ms Hane comments as Liam walks to the front of the room.

Like always, Liam feels like he might pass out. He hates public speaking. A lot. And sure, he’s a drama student and he’s not nervous on stage but that’s because he’s never _him_ onstage. He’s never Liam Payne on stage, he’s someone else; someone confident and impressive and funny and deep and someone people are interested in. In reality, he’s none of those things. He’s boring and too dedicated to his schoolwork and no fun at parties (not that he’s been invited to any proper ones, but he’s sure he’d be no fun anyway) and a little too attached to his friends, so the idea of him having to stand in front of a room of his peers and talk for eight straight minutes leaves him almost hyperventilating.

He shouldn’t be nervous though, he’s been preparing for this for weeks. He’s put it above everything else in his life recently, including the weirdness going on with his friends, and he knows it backwards and forwards. Probably. And yet here he is, standing in front of his class with his whole speech written down word-for-word over 28 palm cards, rocking back and forth on his toes.

“Whenever you’re ready, Liam.” Ms Hane says, shuffling a few papers on her desk before uncapping her pen. She smiles at him and he thinks it’s meant to be reassuring but it doesn’t help.

“Okay,” He coughs quietly, shifting his feet before taking a deep breath. His cheeks feel hot. “Um, okay.” He glances down at his first palm card and his vision is blurry around the edges and for a moment he thinks he’s actually going to pass out but then the classroom door opens and he glances up, grateful for the distraction and the relief of not having to start his presentation just yet.

The relief is short lived, though, as Zayn ducks through the doorway. “Sorry I’m late, Miss.”

“Hurry up, Zayn. Liam’s about to start.” Ms Hane gently scolds and Liam watches as Zayn weaves his way behind all the seats at the back of the room. He half expects Zayn to find a different seat, doesn’t think he’s the kind of guy to willingly sit beside the teacher all lesson, but he doesn’t. Zayn drops down into his usual seat with no visible annoyance in his face at all despite the fact that now he won’t be able to text all lesson like he usually does. “You may begin.”

Liam clears his throat gently. “Good morning Ms Hane and class – today I’ll be discussing videogames as the newest form of storytelling,” He reads off the card, glancing up at the class like he always has to remind himself to do. He still feels so nervous and his thumbs are sweaty on his palm cards and his voice feels rough and his thighs are quivering and he’s still just so nervous as he continues his speech, flicking his first card behind the rest of them and continuing onto the second. He has a system of where he looks when he’s presenting, left, middle, right, and it’s usually really good because his eyes don’t focus on anyone and he just sees blurs and doesn’t get too nervous, except it’s different this time. He can see everyone and how bored they look, a few people already playing on their phones and he’s not even finished his introduction.

It throws him. His face feels hot again as he flips over onto his third card and glances into the middle of the classroom. Even Danielle looks bored in the back row and Liam can feel his hands shaking. He hates public speaking for this exact reason – he loses faith in himself so easily. His voice cracks as he finishes his introduction and he has to awkwardly choke down a breath and try and steady himself as he starts his first body paragraph. He glances to the right of the room and not even Ms Hane is watching him; too focused on his marking sheet to watch him. Probably already jotting down a failing grade.

But then he meets Zayn’s eyes and feels warm all over because Zayn is watching him. He’s paying attention. Even better, he’s got this look on his face that could almost be interpreted as interest. Maybe intrigue. Perhaps even entertainment, but Liam’s not really got the time to think about it. He realises he’s caught Zayn’s gaze and wills his eyes down to the page, smiling ever-so-slightly as he stumbles over a few words and has to restart the sentence.

The next time he looks up, he throws his system away and looks to the right again, half expecting to see Zayn drawing in his notebook. He’s not though. He’s still watching Liam, looking just as attentive as before and Liam feels it like an electric shock through his body. He feels alive and buzzing and good, like with one look Zayn can zap his nerves away. As he continues his presentation and remembers to maintain eye contact with the whole room, not just the right side, he sees more and more students watching and paying attention. He vaguely wonders if he’s got something on his face or if they’re just watching because they’ve reached that stage of boredom where even listening is better than nothing, but they’re looking interested too.

Before he knows it, Liam is reading his conclusion and on his last palm card and he doesn’t feel nervous anymore. He recites the final sentence without even looking down, speaking the last words to Zayn (although he hopes it looks like he’s just aiming it at Ms Hane) and only notices that his legs have stopped shaking when he’s finally finished. The class clap enthusiastically and Liam wonders why they’re so into it.

“I was gonna go second but I’m not anymore – no one’s going to do better than that!” Frodo says from his seat in front of Liam, who can’t help but smile shyly.

“Sadly one of you is going to have to try,” Ms Hane replies and it’s enough to make Liam’s cheeks burn. Had he really done that well? He folds his palm cards in on themselves and dumps them in the bin beside the teacher’s desk on his way back to his seat. He looks over at Zayn on the way back, but he’s staring out the window.

As Liam slips into his seat, Danielle wraps an arm around his shoulders. “Liam, you did so well! I’m so happy for you!”

He chuckles nervously, leaning into her touch. “Really?” He asks, just because he’s a little self-conscious about his presentations, and she nods.

“Seriously. I was worried for a moment at the start there, but you just seemed to get in the zone and you just smashed it! I’ve never seen you present like that before. What happened?” Her eyes are bright and wide and she’s looking at him like he holds the secrets of the world.

Liam shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck as he tries to think of something to say. What can he say? “I honestly don’t know what happened! It’s like, I was nervous and then suddenly I wasn’t… Like someone was watching over me or something.” He laughs nervously, “I’m not sure. I’m grateful for it, whatever it was.”

Danielle smiles at him as Ms Hane finishes writing and places his marking sheet face down on the desk.

“Who’s next? Who’s willing to try and beat that presentation?” Ms Hane asks and Liam looks over to her but catches Zayn’s eyes instead. Liam smiles despite himself and Zayn gives him a small smirk in return.

Liam’s about to mouth thank-you to Zayn but his mind is arguing with itself over whether that would be weird or not, because really, Zayn would have no idea what he was being thanked for, but before he can, Zayn’s speaking.

“I’ll do it,” He says, pushing his seat back, “I’ll go next.”

“Wonderful!” Ms Hane exclaims and Liam watches as Zayn slinks to the position at the front of the room. “Ready when you are.”

Zayn glances out the window, giving a short laugh as he runs his fingertips through the front of his hair briefly. Liam feels like he could watch that all day but then Zayn’s looking at him again and there’s this cocky smirk on his face that leaves an airy feeling in Liam’s stomach. He’s pretty sure he makes a quiet little embarrassing noise of approval as Zayn licks his lips before he starts his presentation. He’s not using palm cards, but Liam’s far too distracted by the opportunity to stare at Zayn openly for eight minutes to take any notice of his superior presenting techniques.

*

“I still don’t understand why we couldn’t have a cool musical this year,” Louis whines later that week, chin in his hand.

“Oh come on, Beauty and the Beast is a good musical!” Danielle defends, “Besides, I thought you liked High School Musical last year?”

“I did because there was a decent male lead – there’s nothing in Beauty and the Beast!”

Andy snorts, “Yeah, sure, no males leads – what about Gaston or the clock or the candle stick or, I don’t know, the _beast_?”

Liam can’t help but laugh into his packet of crisps at that; they’ve just come back from the announcement of the musical and Louis is not pleased. It’s all trivial to Liam, but he doesn’t mind listening to him complain since the four of them are together again and there’s not as much weirdness. He’s got a feeling that it’s because Eleanor hasn’t come back to the table since the first time last week but he doesn’t say anything.

“You’d make a good Gaston,” He says, just for the sake of it, and Louis’ face lights up.

“You think so?”

Liam shrugs, “Sure. You’ve got the ego for it.”

Andy laughs, that loud cackling one that always makes Liam smile too, and Danielle giggles as well and it makes Liam’s heart feel light. He missed hanging out all four of them.

“Har har,” Louis drones with an eye roll. “Gonna audition this year, Liam?”

“No thanks, I’ll stick to watching.” Liam answers, stuffing a few crisps into his mouth.

“What about you, Andy?” Danielle asks, leaning on the table top to speak across to him, “We still doing the choreography?” She smiles sweetly and Liam watches the way Andy’s eyes dart around like they can’t find somewhere comfortable to settle.

“Uh-“ He starts, but he’s cut off by Louis.

“Hold that thought, Lion Man – I need funds for some tea. Who wants to give to the poor?” He looks at Liam, who shakes his head. “Dani?”

She looks unimpressed but rises from her seat anyway, “Come on, then.”

“Yes!” Louis shouts, fist pumping before jumping up and following Dani into the cafeteria.

Liam shakes his head, laughing quietly, before he returns his gaze to Andy who just looks worried. He arches an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t think I’m doing the musical this year.” Andy confesses.

“Right.” Liam says, for lack of anything else to say.

“I mean, I want to, but I don’t think I can. Exams and all that.”

Liam’s pretty sure Andy’s just making excuses. “Dani’s going to be pretty disappointed.”

Andy sighs, “I know.”

“It’s not really because of exams, is it? No offence, but you’ve never cared about them before, so I don’t really buy that as an excuse and I don’t think she will either.” Liam says.

“I don’t know what to say, man, I’m just not feeling it this year. I don’t want to.”

“Say that then – don’t lie to her.”

Andy looks like he’s about to say something else but his face lights up instead as he watches something over Liam’s shoulder. Liam turns his head slightly and catches sight of Eleanor talking to her friends before throwing a smile and a wave their way. He can’t help but smile back before turning around and seeing the dopey grin on Andy’s face.

“I think you’re drooling a little bit, Andy.” He says, reaching forward to pretend to wipe some away.

“What?” Andy blinks a few times, shaking himself out of whatever daze he was in, “Shut up! I wasn’t.”

“Wasn’t what?” Danielle asks as she plops down in her seat beside Liam.

“Nothing,” Andy replies, a little too quickly, and shoots Liam a glance that says ‘don’t say a word’. He wouldn’t dream of it though, because he knows that telling the truth would hurt Dani and Liam hates hurting anyone.

“It’s got to be something dirty if Andy doesn’t want to tell us about it,” Louis says playfully as he takes up his seat beside Andy, hands wrapped around his Styrofoam cup of tea like it’s the only source of warmth available.

Danielle laughs, “Come on, out with it.”

“Just leave it, yeah?” Andy snaps.

“Maybe something serious then,” Louis mutters before taking a slow sip of tea. The air is tense as Liam shoots daggers at Andy with his eyes, who obviously ignores them by untying and retying a band around his wrist. Liam’s about to say something and put an end to the awkwardness when Louis perks up visibly and waves his hand as he calls out, “Eleanor! Over here!”

Liam glances over his shoulder and sure enough Eleanor is beaming that bright and lovely smile of hers and making her way to their table. Even as someone whose mind is otherwise occupied by love for someone else, Liam has to admit she’s beautiful. She somehow makes their school uniform look trendy – it that same way that all attractive girls manage to.

“Hello everyone!” She greets warmly as she stands at the end of the table, leaning against it.

Andy looks up from the table and grins at her, “Calder.”

Eleanor smiles in reply before turning her attention to Louis, “You wanted me?”

Liam has to bite the inside of his cheek as he watches Louis’ brain work overtime trying to think of a reason why he wanted her to come over. They all know that Louis asked her over just because; there wasn’t a particular reason behind it. Hard to say that to a pretty girl though, it would seem.

“While Louis remembers how to form words,” Danielle cuts in, stealing Eleanor’s attention. “I feel like I should apologise to you. I wasn’t very kind to you the other day.” Eleanor shakes her head and tries to protest the fact and Dani smiles gratefully. “You don’t need to – it’s okay, I can admit when I’m a bitch. I don’t really know why I was but I hope you can forgive me?”

Eleanor nods, “It’s seriously not a big deal but I appreciate the apology. It’s totally forgotten.” They offer each other big smiles and Liam reaches under the table to give Dani’s thigh a reassuring squeeze – that was a brave thing she just did. “So, what do you think about this year’s musical?”

Danielle tilts her head as if considering it for the first time, even though the four of them had this conversation earlier. “I like it. I think it’ll be fun. Thinking of auditioning?”

Andy perks up a little at that and Eleanor has the good grace to subtly blush as she shrugs her shoulders. “I’m not sure. I’d like to, but I don’t think I’ve got quite enough talent for it.”

Louis looks like he’s about to dispute the fact and Liam presses his foot down heavy on his foot, giving him a small shake of the head when he looks his way. That would just be too embarrassing for all involved. The exchange goes unnoticed as Danielle waves her hand in a dismissive gesture.

“No way, I’m sure you’re good at something!” She insists and Eleanor crinkles her nose slightly.

“Calder, you’re into fashion – you could do costumes.” Andy voices and Danielle nods, her hand coming to rest on Liam’s under the table.

Eleanor hums, “I don’t know, I’d like to be _part_ of it rather than just help out. I’d like to be on the stage. Too bad I can’t sing or act!” She laughs self-depreciatingly and glances at Liam, as if to include him since he hasn’t spoken in a while, and he finds himself laughing gently too.

“Wait – you can’t sing or act, but can you dance?” Louis asks hopefully.

“I suppose so?” Eleanor replies but she looks uncertain.

“When we first met you told me you could dance,” Liam supplies with a cheeky smile and Eleanor blushes like she can’t believe she said that and that he’d remembered. There’s something so charming about her.

Danielle grins, “Look, Andy and I choreograph the dances every year and we’d love to have you as a dancer. Won’t we?” She looks to Andy for support and he nods and Liam thinks he’s only doing it so he doesn’t have to say he’s not taking part in the musical this year, but on closer inspection the smile on his face seems as real as Liam’s ever seen.

“That’s really lovely, you guys. You’re so sweet. Are you sure I won’t hold you back?” Eleanor brings her bottom lip between her teeth ever so briefly and Liam thinks maybe his stomach did flip-flops because of it.

“Positive.” Andy says.

“I’d be so honoured to join you then.” Eleanor says with a wide grin and it’s smiles all round for the five of them. “Also, Liam, you mentioned Harry’s band’s gig the last time I was here – is that still going ahead?”

Liam nods, “Absolutely, but I know practically nothing about it. Let me find out and then I’ll tell Andy and he can tell you because he’s more likely to see you than I am. Sound okay?”

“Sounds perfect.” She smiles sweetly, just as the bell indicating the end of lunch rings. “I’ll see you all later then.”

They all farewell her and watch as she walks away and slowly Danielle pulls her hand off of Liam’s and follows Louis to the trash can. Liam looks at Andy, who simply shrugs his shoulders when he meets his gaze.

“Guess you aren’t too busy for the musical then?” Liam asks.

Andy rolls his eyes, “Don’t act like you haven’t done things just because Zayn’s doing them – we all do stupid shit for the people we like.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Liam replies and he wishes he could believe that Andy was talking about Danielle, but he just can’t quite convince himself.

*

The last two weeks of the semester pass as fast as anyone could have hoped, and they turn out to be quite pleasant. All Liam’s assessment is complete and his grades aren’t half bad and his parents are happy. His friends are happy too, by some magical miracle, and getting along – even auditioning for the musical together one lunch time while Liam slaved over a particularly rough advanced maths assignment. Sometimes he feels a little left out now that Eleanor has joined their group, because she fits where he used to. She’s quiet like Liam and she holds their attention, the only added bonus being that she’s a fit girl who Andy (and Liam suspects Louis too) fancies. He tries not to worry too much about it, because it’s ridiculous really – they’re his friends and they love him and there’s no way they’d replace him with a pretty girl so he lets it go. There’s still one thing that doesn’t seem right yet, that being the fact that he hasn’t spoken to Zayn since the Perrie incident, but he doesn’t think about that too often. Not. At. All.

It’s getting increasingly harder to not think about Zayn and their lack of conversation though, especially with what happened in English a few weeks ago (which he hasn’t mentioned to anyone yet) and the fact that Harry said Zayn would be at his show in a few hours. Which, y’know, doesn’t necessarily mean anything because the chances of Zayn saying anything to him outside of school are pretty low, let alone when they’re already not talking, but it’s got Liam’s palms sweating regardless and he can’t keep wiping them dry on his jeans otherwise he’ll have to change them before Louis comes to pick him up. He’s actually about to do that when Roo shouts up the stairs that Louis is waiting for him and Liam feels as though he’s been prodded with a live wire or something as he bounds out of his room, down the stairs and out to greet Louis outside his house.

“Alright mate?” Louis asks. He looks cool and trendy, in a light blue denim jacket with pockets that make him look really suave when he rests his hands in them and these tight pants that are the same colour as the pants Liam’s mum wears, but much cooler. “You look a bit flustered.” There’s a smile in his voice and Liam shakes his head.

“You’re a bit dressed up aren’t you?” He replies instead and Louis glances down at himself.

“I wasn’t sure what to wear. It’s alright though, isn’t it?”

Liam nods, “You look cool.”

Louis smiles his thanks and looks Liam over. “Did Harry tell you to dress like that?”

“I just put clothes on; I didn’t really think too much about it.” Liam says, frowning slightly. “What’s wrong with my outfit?”

Louis laughs, “Nothing mate, nothing. You can’t go wrong with a simple plaid button-up, now can you?”

“I used to think so,” Liam replies, “But now you’ve got me questioning myself.”

Louis chuckles at that and slings an arm around Liam’s shoulders. “You look fine. Ready to go?”

“Sure.” They walk in step to Louis’ mum’s car and Liam expects to see her in the driver’s seat, but there’s no one. “Where’s your mum?”

“Hot date,” Louis says, unwrapping his arm from Liam’s shoulders and shoving his hand in his pocket again. Liam can hear the jingle of the keys before Louis pulls them out and shakes them. “So I’m driving.”

Liam’s mouth falls open and he lets out a disgruntled noise. “You haven’t got your license! You’ve barely got your learner’s permit.”

“It’s still more than you’ve got,” Louis points out, sliding the key into his door and unlocking it. “You coming?”

There are so many things Liam wants to say; no, mainly, followed by _have you lost your mind_? But when he looks across the car at Louis, who’s watching him expectantly with this look on his face that says ‘I know you’re going to chicken out, just get it over with already’, none of those things he wants to say seem important. He reaches out and tugs open the passenger side door and says, “Your mum is going to flip if she finds out.”

Louis grins, “That’s if she finds out, and I’m certainly not telling her.”

Liam just shakes his head and climbs into the car, admitting defeat the only way he knows how – by not actually admitting it. Louis slams his door shut and starts the engine, adjusting all the mirrors he can easily reach before taking a steadying breath and reversing out of the driveway.

Safe to say Liam’s never had a more terrifying driving experience in his whole life, and that includes the time he and his dad were in a minor car accident. Louis can’t drive. It’s as simple as that. More importantly, Louis _shouldn’t_ drive. Liam’s fairly certain they’ve been speeding for the whole drive to the venue and he may not have his permit yet, but he knows a few basic road rules and he’s sure that Louis’ broken almost all of them. But eventually, after ten minutes or so, they pull into the gravel car park of the venue where Harry’s band are playing and Louis parks the car across two empty slots and receives an angry horn beep for it.

“Jesus,” Liam breathes gratefully, slowly unclenching his hand from where it latched onto the dashboard when Louis slammed on the brakes to park.

“Louis is fine,” Louis quips, killing the engine and looking plenty pleased with himself when Liam rolls his eyes at him. “What? We got here in one piece and we look cool because we’re the only ones who drove ourselves.”

“Yeah, _illegally_.” Liam grits out and Louis laughs.

“It’s rock ‘n’ roll, Liam! If you’re not doing something illegal, you’re not doing it right! Trust me, Zayn will love it.”

Liam rolls his eyes again, shaking his head gently as he unclips his seat belt and climbs out of the car. Once he’s out and on solid ground, he feels a little unsteady, as if Louis’ reckless driving has given him motion sickness or something, and he rests a hand on the top of the car while he closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths.

There’s the sound of a car pulling into the space beside where they’re parked and all Liam can think is that he hopes it’s not someone they know, someone that knows Louis doesn’t have a license otherwise they’re fucked. He keeps his eyes shut as the sound of a van door sliding open fills his ears, followed by, “Liam? You okay?”

It’s just Harry and that makes Liam breathe another sigh of relief. His eyes flutter open and he spins slightly to send a relieved grin in the direction of Harry’s voice. He spots Harry in the back of the van, surrounded by some other boys, who he assumes to be Harry’s bandmates, and Zayn.

“Fine,” Liam says, waving a hand, “Just remembering what it’s like to breathe normally after driving with Louis.”

Harry raises an eyebrow as he climbs out of the car, looking amused and unsure, until Louis sidles up beside Liam and gives him a nod.

“Harry.”

“Louis.”

“You drove here, then?” Harry asks, as if Liam hadn’t just said as much, and the rest of his band mates start pulling their gear out of the van. Liam notices Zayn climb out too, but he hangs back and Liam tries not to think about what that might mean. Louis nods in reply to Harry, who asks, “I didn’t know you got your license.”

Liam glances at Louis who sends his cheekiest look Harry’s way. Liam can’t help but laugh at that and when he looks back at Harry, he’s laughing too.

“Always pushing your luck,” Harry says with a shake of the head, reaching into the van and pulling out a guitar case. “Better hope you don’t get picked up by the cops.”

“I’m more worried about my mum, to be honest.” Louis replies and that one even gets a chuckle out of Zayn.

“I better go check on things inside,” Harry says, shifting the guitar case between his hands, “But I’ll talk to you guys after the show?”

Liam nods, “Of course. I’ll even ask for your autograph.”

Harry grins, “It’s cool that you’re here. Both of you.”

“Are we going or what?” Zayn asks, already having gathered the last of the guitars from the van and wandering off in the direction of the hall. Harry throws his hand up in mock salute to Zayn’s retreating form before smiling apologetically at Liam and Louis and following Zayn inside.

“Well that wasn’t too bad, now was it?” Louis asks, chipper as can be.

“I suppose not.” Liam replies because it wasn’t bad, not for Louis anyway but Zayn didn’t even look at Liam though and that’s pretty bad so far as he can tell.

*

Inside, Liam and Louis find Andy and the girls pretty quickly. They all greet each other warmly and El and Andy are giggling in a way that leaves Liam suspicious but he’s unsure as to what of. There are a few adults around the hall, for security or insurance reasons probably, but for the most part the room is full of teenagers who are there for any of the three bands performing tonight.

Liam doesn’t care too much for the opening acts so he retreats to the back of the hall where there are chairs and tables and a few coolers of soda. He takes a seat and watches Andy, El and Louis laugh together at the back of the congregation in front of the stage. It’s an interesting thing to watch, really, because Andy and Louis are so different but they both seem to catch Eleanor’s attention just as equally. He’s not sure where Danielle’s got to until she plops down in the seat beside him and sighs. When Liam doesn’t ask her what’s wrong straight away, she pulls her chair as close to his as she can and leans in close so he can hear her over the loud drone of the opening act.

“If I ask you something, Liam, will you be honest with me?” Danielle starts and Liam raises his eyebrows.

“Sure.”

She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. “Does Andy fancy Eleanor?”

Shit. He should have seen that one coming. He sighs, looking back out at the crowd and his three friends.

“It’s okay if he does… I can take it.”

Liam shrugs and shakes his head at the same time, which is a confusing gesture to be performing let alone trying to interpret. “I don’t know, Dani. He’s not said anything to me about it, if he does.”

“But do you think he does?”

“I don’t think even Andy knows how he feels.” Liam says, in his best attempt to keep the peace and it must work because Danielle leans back in her seat and the two of them continue to watch their three friends on the dance floor. After a few moments, Danielle slaps her thighs determinedly before stands up, squeezing Liam’s shoulder on her way past as she casually dances her way over to them. Liam considers joining them for a split second until he sees Louis retreating in his direction and pulls the chair Danielle vacated beside him again.

“This first band’s a bit shit!” Louis announces loudly, in a break between songs funnily enough, as he sits down and Liam hushes him immediately. “Well they are!”

Liam scoffs. “I’d love to see you do better, Louis.”

Louis folds his arms across his chest lazily, “Maybe I will.”

“Sure.”

“Want to know a secret?” Louis asks suddenly from beside Liam’s ear, startling him slightly but mostly bringing his suspicions from earlier back.

“Louis, have you been drinking?” Liam looks at him expectantly and only gets that cheeky smirk of Louis’ in reply. “What the fuck! You can’t be drinking!”

Louis rolls his eyes, “Calm your passion, Liam, it’s only a few sips of some shitty vodka mix that Andy and El made. It’s _fine_.”

“It’s not fine when you’ve got to _drive_ later!” Liam admonishes.

Louis just waves his hand, “That’s hours away and I’m not even drunk – I’ll be fine to drive later.”

Liam closes his eyes, breathes deeply and counts backwards from ten. He’s so not in the mood to deal with Louis’ recklessness tonight. He knew he shouldn’t’ have let him drive; now they’re going to be stuck out there all night because he’s too pissed to legally drive. “No more drinks tonight, Louis.”

“Whatever you say, mum.” Louis replies with a slight snark. Harry’s band is setting up on stage as they’re the second band on the bill, and the crowd is growing slightly. Liam considers getting up to get a better view but before he can, Louis’s leaning close and asking, “So, want to know a secret?”

“Sure.” Liam replies tiredly even though it’s not even half-eight yet.

There’s a loud opening chord of electric guitar that makes the crowd roar and cheer. “Louis!” Eleanor squeals from the dance floor in the moment before the band starts up again, beckoning him over.

“Coming!” He yells back with a grin and Liam shakes his head.

“What’s the secret?” Liam asks, because he’s genuinely intrigued now, and Louis smiles shyly.

“She’s the secret.”

Liam furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“ _Louis!_ ” She squeals again and this time Louis jumps to his feet.

“I think I like her!” He shouts to Liam before dancing over to Eleanor, picking her up round the waist and twirling her so she giggles and squeals delicately.

Liam watches it all happen and mentally slaps Louis in the face for making such big messes in his life all the time. It wouldn’t even be that bad except for the fact that his admission affects not only him and Eleanor, but Liam as well and Andy and Dani and maybe even more than the rest of them, it affects Harry. And suddenly he feels sad again because Eleanor is going to be the reason for the unhappiness of so many of his friends and she won’t even be aware of it.

“Trust him to bugger off when I get here!” A familiar accent declares from beside Liam and he doesn’t even have to look to know that it’s Niall.

“Don’t take it personally, he’s buzzing. He’s a bit out of it.” Liam says, trying so hard to avoid saying that he’s actually tipsy.

Niall laughs anyway and gives Liam a knowing grin. “Sure. So, staying here for the show or are we moving up the front?”

Liam stands up, “If you can get me to the front, lead the way.”

Niall grins again and weaves his way through the crowd, stepping between groups of people and always checking to make sure that Liam’s not too far behind. They’re just about at the stage when the band starts up for real this time, and it blows Liam’s mind.

He wasn’t sure what to expect from a band called White Eskimo, but what he’s seeing is beyond belief. Harry on stage is a sight to be seen. Liam’s never seen Harry look so open and free and happy before, except maybe for when he was with Louis. He’s never really thought of Harry as attractive until now, either. Sure, he could see the appeal but he was always Harry, his friend Harry. But now? Now, when his neck vein is sticking out on a long note and his jeans are so tight and he’s jumping around? Well, Liam thinks maybe he can more than see the appeal now but that just confuses his mind so he stores those thoughts away (thoughts of Harry being hot, that is) and focuses on the performances. It’s a bizarre situation. And yet as much as Liam can’t take his eyes off Harry and his body can’t stop from jumping and bopping to the beat, it doesn’t take long for his mind to wander and think about Zayn and where he is and what he’s doing.

The thought disappears though when they cover one of Liam’s all-time favourite songs and he throws himself into the rest of the show – echoing Harry’s excitement in his own bad dancing and lyric shouts.

White Eskimo only gets to play six songs in their allocated time slot and Harry hushes the crowd before the last one. “Alright, alright, I just want to say a few things before we go. Thanks to my pals in the crowd who came out to see me and the guys for the first time tonight; I hope you don’t regret your decision too much.” There’s a rumble of laughter through the crowd and Liam wonders if somewhere back there Louis is trying to think of a witty retort. “But most of all I want to thank my band and my best pal Zayn, for helping out all day. Now I don’t know about you guys, but I think we should get Zayn out here, what do you think?”

Harry looks expectantly at the audience and somehow, with only half an hour playing time, he’s got them wrapped around his little finger to the point where they’re screaming for Zayn just because Harry asked them too. He quietly starts a chant of Zayn’s name until, finally, reluctantly, the boy steps out on stage. There’s applause and Liam has to remind himself not to be too enthusiastic about it in case he sees. Harry and Zayn talk, without microphones and Liam can see by the way that Zayn smiles that he’s flattered but also totally uncomfortable up there on stage in front of all those people. He wanders over to the edge of the stage and takes a seat on one of the high amps as Harry announces their next and final song, which is another cover that Liam loves.

He can’t enjoy it though, because he’s watching Zayn, who’s just lit up a cigarette and is inhaling deeply. Usually smoking is a massive turn off, but Liam can’t think of a single thing that Zayn could do that would be a turn off. He could probably commit mass murder (not that he would) and Liam would still think he was the greatest person alive and that’s scary and also embarrassing, but still really nice too. Liam forgets where he is, what he’s doing, everything about the situation except for the fact that he’s watching the most beautiful boy he’s ever had the pleasure of knowing smoke a cigarette. It’s seriously hot.

But then he’s not just watching Zayn, he’s staring into his eyes and it’s terrifying because surely Zayn knows that Liam stares at him and he must think he’s really weird for it and Liam readies himself for that, for a disgusted look on Zayn’s face or a shake of the head or even a rushed glance away. But none of those things happen. Instead, Zayn draws back on his cigarette, blows the smoke up in rings and grins at Liam – large and goofy – before, and it may have just been a trick, some illusion made by the bad lighting, but he swears that Zayn winked at him. And Liam almost winks right back.


	10. Honesty's Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some clarification and a lot of confusion. Much of the same, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> So I know this chapter has been a long time coming and a lot of my readers (can I call you that? Idk) have probably given up on me and this fic and that’s okay. I did too, for a little while. I didn’t update because I was having a really tough time in real life. Basically my mum and my best friend’s mum were both diagnosed with cancer and since I live with mine alone, I had to look after her a lot. On top of that I had a lot of university commitments to deal with and well, I didn’t really feel like writing. It’s a hard thing to care for someone who’s so independent and it’s a hard thing to remember to care for yourself when there’s so much other stuff going on in your life. I forgot to look after myself.
> 
> Also, a few of you might remember that this story is based off some true life events that happened to me and my friends. There were some developments over the past few months that changed the way I felt about some of these situations and made me not want to continue this story. My change in perception made my thoughts of this story change and I didn’t see any future continuing something that hurt me. I’ve since realised that even so, this story needs to be finished and I hope this chapter is okay. It felt weird starting this again and trying to pick up where I left off, so I apologise wholeheartedly if this is a little different to the beginning. If it’s bad, I’m sorry.
> 
> What I want is for you guys to tell me if you like the chapter or not. Honestly. If it’s good, tell me and if it’s not as good as the beginning, tell me. I want to continue this for you and I need your feedback to help me. I need to get back into the groove of writing this and the best way to do that is through your help.
> 
> Thanks for your patience and I hope you enjoy.

When Liam came out to his family, they were all very supportive. He knew they would be, because he’d always been part of a loving and accepting family, but he knew they were curious too. When he told them, he gave no reason or context, left them wondering what it was that prompted his realisation. During the semester break, Liam decides to tell his mum about Zayn. Well, not exactly _decides_ , it just sort of happens, as with most things in Liam’s life.

They’re sharing scones and cream in a café when a boy enters and Liam’s mum nudges him across the table.

“He’s cute,” She says quietly, gesturing with her head while she sips her tea.

Liam risks a glance and well, she’s right, he’s quite a looker. Auburn hair and a really lovely nose piercing that, somehow, makes him look really friendly. But. He’s not Zayn. He turns back to his mum and smiles warmly at her. He’s so grateful to have her. What other mother would point out cute boys to their son? “He’s alright.”

“Not your type?” She asks and Liam realises that it’s the first time any of his family had really asked him that. They all acted like it was normal, which he appreciated a lot because it was all very confusing back when he told them, but it also meant no questions. He supposes he likes that they steer clear of that, but sometimes it’s nice to be asked. He doesn’t blame them though, because it’s a learning experience for all of them.

Liam scrunches his nose slightly and shakes his head. “Not really.”

“So you’ve got a type... Can I guess?” She sounds so excited, like she’s glad they’re finally breaching new ground on this topic, that Liam can’t help but nod his assent. “Okay, Liam’s type of boy is…” Her eyes flit around the room, seemingly grabbing inspiration from the other patrons. “light haired. Muscular and sporty. Not very good academically. Am I close?”

Liam laughs out loud, “God, mum! No, not even the same field!”

“Alright, alright, enlighten me then!”

He takes a deep breath, unsure of where to start. “I guess… I like boys who are sort of shy. A little bit unknown, I suppose. Intelligent in an understated way and not afraid to voice their opinions. Tanned skin, dark hair, dark eyes-“

“The dark and mysterious type,” His mum finishes, grabbing his attention back. “So who is he? I’ve heard enough about boys from your sisters to know that descriptions like that are almost always about a particular one.”

Liam chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as his cheeks burn lightly. “His name’s Zayn. He’s in my English class.”

“And you’re friends with him?”

He shakes his head, pushing his plate of half-eaten scone away from him. “Not really. We just talk sometimes.”

His mum nods knowingly, reaching out to steal his unwanted scone. “Is he the one that…?” She trails off, glancing across the table at him and he nods. “He’s pretty special then.”

Liam tries to fight the goofy smile that spreads across his lips, but all he can do is sigh. “Yeah, he is.”

“Tell me about him?”

He shakes his head. Where on Earth would he start? There are so many things he could say about Zayn, so many things he knows about him and notices about him and adores about him that he could share. Reversely, there are so many things he couldn’t share, like his smoking habit or the fact that he wasn’t gay. Things he didn’t know about yet but wished he did, like why Zayn’s family migrated or what brought him and Harry or him and Perrie together, hell, even something as simple as what his favourite band is! It terrifies Liam sometimes, just how fucking interested in Zayn he is. How much he wants to know about him and how badly. Every time they speak it’s like Liam is uncovering a new aspect of Zayn’s already brilliant self and it leaves him hungry for more and sad that he can never experience the whole thing. No matter how badly he wants to.

“I don’t know what to say… He’s smart, and kind of popular, and he skates, and he’s muslim, and he’s passionate and he’s interesting and…” Liam shakes his head. “This is stupid, I don’t know him that well. We’re not friends.”

His mum smiles sadly, tilting her head down like she understands. She probably definitely doesn’t. “Maybe you should try and get to know him better. You could become friends.”

“I’ve been trying for a long time,” He admits quietly, “We’re just in different crowds is all. He’s nice to me when we speak but I know that we’ll never be friends.”

“Darling, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that things aren’t always what they seem. Just because you think you could never be friends doesn’t mean you won’t be. If it matters enough to you, it will work out.”

Liam hides behind a smile as his insides do funny things. It doesn’t matter how positive he or his mum is about it, there is no chance of him and Zayn becoming friends. They are too different.

“Yeah, maybe,” He answers eventually.

**

When Liam walks into the library on the morning of the first day of semester two, he’s more than a little shocked to see Louis and Harry laughing together. The last thing Liam knew about the two of them was that they were barely speaking, frosty as anything at Harry’s show a few weeks ago, and yet here they are. He halts in the doorway, not wanting to intrude. He always felt like he was when it came to them before, because they understand one another on a deeper level. They are similar. They fit.

It doesn’t take long for Louis to glance away from Harry, though, and notice Liam. “Alright, pervert? Just gonna stand there and watch us or are you coming over here to say hey?”

Liam rolls his eyes but obliges, wandering over to the two of them. He meets Harry’s gaze and sees the brightest smile on his lips that he thinks he’s ever seen. He’s glad.

“How were your holidays?” He asks them both, because he’s clearly missed some important bonding between the two of them.

“Boring,” Louis whines, “I spent most of it learning lines for the musical.”

“You love musical, quit being a baby,” Harry says.

“I do what I want, thank you very much,” Louis retorts.

“Well, you never did me and we both know you wanted to,” Harry teases and well, that certainly was a step up from the last time Liam was around the two of them. They’d always been flirty, but never so open about it.

“I think the fact that I never ‘did’ you should be indicative of how little I wanted you,” Louis shoots back, a little less playful than Harry had been but still light.

Harry levels Louis with a cheeky stare and Louis’ lips quirk up at the edges. Liam’s clearly missing something important here.

“How were your holidays, Harry?” He asks, getting things back on track and out of this new weirdness.

“Yeah, good,” Harry answers, spinning in his desk chair. “Went skating and played a few gigs with the boys.”

“Nice,” Liam says with a nod.

“Anyway,” Louis butts in, “ready to go, Liam?”

“Go where?”

“For a walk. Don’t tell me you forgot! You promised.”

Liam blinks at Louis. He has no idea what he could possibly be talking about. Louis would never demand a promise of physical activity, ever. On a scale of physical to lazy, Louis would be in the negatives on the lazy side. He just didn’t _do_ exercise.

“Come along, Liam,” Louis continues, getting up and tugging on his arm. “Bye, Harry.”

“Bye,” Harry says, sounding as surprised as Liam feels, who can only wave to him as Louis tugs him out of the library.

When they’re safely out of the library, Liam pushes Louis’ hand off his arm and straightens up slightly as they keep walking. “Okay, we’re out of there – so what the bloody hell is going on?”

Louis laughs quietly, “Me and Harry have been hanging out a lot these holidays.”

“Even with rehearsals? Wow.”

“Wow is right, Liam, because he’s just like he’s always been. Well, not _always_ , because he’s not being a shit-eating, cheating, mean little bastard this time, but it’s like nothing changed. We’re friends.”

“Right.” Liam says because he’s honestly sort of lost. “Did this happen after his show?”

Louis nods, “We’re just fucking around like we always have and it’s really, really nice. I’ve actually missed him.”

Liam chances a glance at Louis and sees the tiny smile on his face. “I know you have. I’m glad things are finally working out.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They walk in silence for a few moments before Louis lights up again.

“Hey, guess what,” Louis says.

“What?”

“Remember how back at Harry’s gig I said the first band was pretty shit?”

Liam gives a short laugh, “Yes, and I’m surprised you do too considering the vodka mix you were drinking.”

“I had like, three shots of that, Liam, I’m not that much of a lightweight. Anyway, do you remember what you said to me after I bagged them out?”

He has to think for a moment before the memory comes back to him and he looks at Louis doubtfully. “You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“What the hell? Why? You’ve never wanted to be in a band before.”

“Says who?”

“Says your best friend.”

“Well clearly you don’t know me well enough, _best friend_ , because I’m in a band and it’s the shit and we’re playing Battle of the Bands at the end of the Semester and you’re coming.”

Liam sighs, resigned. “Whatever you say, Louis.”

**

When Liam walks into English later that day, the last thing he expects to see is Zayn already in his usual seat. He sort of thought that Zayn would sit elsewhere and continue ignoring him, considering the last time they spoke Liam basically accused Zayn of being a right fucking prick.

It all happens too fast for Liam to really think of any other plan so before he knows it, he’s sitting in his usual seat too and there’s just the space of the tiny aisle between desks and the one spare between them. And, well. It’s all a little awkward.

He wants to lean over and say something to clear the air. Something about how good Harry’s band was or how shit he’s been feeling since he said all those things to Zayn or how much he’s thought about that wink. Liam doesn’t though, because he’s a fucking coward, and he just sits there while he waits for Danielle to arrive from musical practice.

All three, four if Eleanor was included, of his friends have been increasingly busy with musical practice which leaves Liam a little lonely at lunch. He’s resorted to heading to the library as soon as each lunch bell rings, putting his earphones in and working on assignments until the librarian kicks him out and tells him to get to class. It’s good for him to have space and get things done, but he’s become one of those social recluses who can only hang out with the same four people all the time and is lost when none of them are free. He’s not proud.

Regardless, he can’t remember if he turned his mp3 player off after his trip to the library at lunch though, so he fishes it out of his pocket to check.

“Is that an mp3 player?”

Liam glances to his left and sees Zayn leaning over the spare desk, peering at the device in his hands.

“Yeah,” He answers, feeling lame and stupid because who even has mp3 players anymore? It’s all iPods and Apple products and, God, why did he have to have an mp3 player? He’s a joke.

“I haven’t seen one of those in ages! Can I have a look?” Zayn asks, extending his hand and glancing at Liam.

In all the scenarios Liam imagined, he never ever thought that an mp3 player would be what brought the two of them back together. Liam feels stupid for it, but he hands the mp3 over to Zayn and watches as he looks it over.

“How do you turn it on?”

Liam leans over to meet him halfway and pushes down the centre button, watching as a bright red light indicated it was on.

“Holy shit, man, I didn’t know these things still existed.” Zayn looks so in awe of the little machine, pushing its buttons and watching as the display screen changes colour. “How many songs does it hold? My old one was shit and only held like 200.”

“I dunno, like 500? Maybe?” Liam lies, wanting to make his little pathetic mp3 seem much cooler than it was. “I only have 200 or so on there, though, because I get tired of songs easily.”

Zayn nods like he understands completely and Liam feels like a wall has broken down between them because this could easily be one of their longest conversations. And it’s about an mp3 player. And Zayn instigated it.

“That’s cool,” Zayn says as he passes it back to Liam, “Really retro. I bet you’ve got a Walkman and shit, too.”

Liam thinks he must blush because he feels really warm as he nods his head. “No phone, either.”

Zayn gives a tiny chuckle and Liam wishes he could relive that moment forever and ever. He didn’t get to hear Zayn laugh often and it was even greater to know he was laughing because of him.

“You’re pretty indie, Liam.” Zayn says, lazing back in his seat as Ms Hane takes her place at the front of the room.

Liam has no idea what they learn about that day because all he can think about is how completely enamoured Zayn seemed to be with the mp3 player and how quirky he seemed to think its existence was. It was like he thought Liam was this hipster who hated Apple products and capitalism and just wanted to live an easy life with walkman’s and mp3 players, when in reality, Liam is just poor.

The mp3 player isn’t what matters though, because Zayn and Liam spoke again for the first time in way too long and it was easy and fun and not awkward and Liam’s so, so grateful because he missed Zayn. A lot. And even though their conversations were rarely meaningful, they always meant something to Liam and it meant even more to have them back.

Liam just really, really missed Zayn.

**

Liam wanders into the library the next morning and is happy to see just Harry sitting there. Yesterday was a little weird and Liam’s sort of desperate to know what happened over holidays and how Harry’s feeling about it all. It would be tough, considering Harry wasn’t much of a sharer, but Liam was determined.

“Hey,” Harry greets as Liam sits down beside him. “Bet you were a little confused yesterday.”

“More than a little,” Liam admits.

“Did Louis tell you?”

Liam waves his hand, “Sort of. Just that you guys have been hanging out a lot since your show.”

Harry nods. “It’s like before.”

“Did you miss him?”

Liam expects Harry not to answer, but a small smile forms on his lips instead and maybe that’s more of an answer than words would have been anyway. “It’s nice talking to him again.”

“Y’know, if you were doing the musical, you’d be talking to him all the time.” Liam suggests.

Harry frowns. “Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I failed history again last term and they told me I should just change subjects. Dad’s fucking pissed. Told me I can’t practice – even banned me from skating.”

Liam bites the inside of his cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Harry stares at him. “Why would I have?”

“Because I could have helped,” Liam says quietly.

Harry’s gaze intensifies. “My grades are none of your business.”

“Yeah, but-“

“I don’t need your help, Liam. I’ve always been shit at school and my dad’s always going to be pissed off about it and it’s always going to be the same. Nothing changes. It’s fine.”

It’s hard being with Harry when he’s like this. It happens less now that he and Liam are sort of friends, but Liam still doesn’t know how to handle it when it does happen. All he wants is to help Harry and if that means staying in the library all day working on assignments with him, then he’s more than willing to do it, but Harry’s just against it. He’s lost faith in himself and Liam hates it. He blames Harry’s father more than anything.

“If you’ve always been bad at school,” Liam starts, afraid of saying the wrong thing, “Why is your dad so hard on you about it?”

“Because he’s a big shot professor and thinks I should be as smart as him. It’s shit.”

Liam feels terrible. He’s always been grateful for his family, but it was moments when he got to see just how bad others had it, that he realised how truly bless he was. “That sucks.”

Harry nods, fiddling with the edge of the table and avoiding looking at Liam anymore.

“Does he know about the band?”

“Of course he does, why do you think he won’t let me practice until my grades pick up?”

Liam sighs, trying to think of a way to make this seem a little better for Harry. He’s so used to trying to find the bright side in things that he forgets that sometimes even the bright side isn’t all that bright. “Have you tried telling-“

“He knows, okay?! He knows. He just doesn’t give a shit because nothing matters more to him than a university degree and no son of his is just going to waste his life smoking pot and playing music.”

“Harry, I-“ Liam starts but he honestly has no idea what he’s thinking of saying because there’s nothing _to_ say. The fact of the matter is Harry’s stuck doing things he hates doing just to make his family happy, and that’s wrong.

“Fuck him,” is all Harry says before he grabs his bag and storms out of the library.

Liam’s always felt a little sorry for Harry and had never really known why. He’d known there were father problems there, but never the whole story. He knew how much Harry cared about music, but had never really comprehended it. Now he knew it all and wished he could find a way to help Harry through it all.

*

The weeks leading up to musical performance night are hectic and Liam sees less of everyone. Harry is rarely at school early enough to meet him at the library and the rest of them are always rehearsing. The person Liam sees the most is Zayn, but even that is a little disappointing, since they haven’t spoken like they had about his mp3 player again. Liam even brings it out before class one day, just to see if it catches Zayn’s attention, but it doesn’t.

Liam decides one lunch time to go see his friends during rehearsals. A little bit of spontaneity never hurt anyone and everyone knows how much Copey loves Liam, so the chances of getting into trouble are pleasantly low.

He sneaks into the assembly hall and spots Andy first, dancing in front of a mirror with a frown.

“It’s not that bad,” Liam jokes and Andy snaps around, glaring at first before a smile breaks out.

“What are you doing here?”

Liam shrugs, “I got bored in the library, thought I’d come see what all the fuss is about.”

“Well don’t let Copey catch you – he’s in a wicked mood today.” Andy warns, turning back to the mirror to keep working. “How’s life outside musical rehearsals?”

Liam’s silent for a moment, takes his chance to survey the bustling room. What a question. He has no idea how to answer it. Truthfully, his life hasn’t changed much since he last saw his friends. The only difference being that he spoke to Zayn again…not that they’ve spoken since that, so he figures he’s exactly where he was before they all got dragged away from him.

“Good,” He answers finally, “You?”

“Better now.”

He frowns. “What’s up?”

Andy stops dancing in front of the mirror and sighs. “Just Louis being Louis, I guess.”

“And that means?” Liam chases, but Andy shakes his head. “I guess I’ll just go find out myself, then.”

Andy hesitates for a moment, opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, before he shakes his head again and wheels the mirror away. Liam hates it when this shit happens. Louis always does something that makes Andy angry or sulky and it’s always up to Liam to solve it. The worst part is that they both think he’s on their side exclusively, when there shouldn’t even be any sides to begin with. They’re all friends and they should be able to get along, but apparently not.

He wanders through the hall, checking out all the various activities taking place in one room. It’s not until he hears Louis’ familiar laugh that he’s drawn to the stage area. He can’t see anyone on stage so he takes the side steps up to the backstage area.

He hears Eleanor’s tinkling giggle too as he searches through the dark, curtained-off area, and wonders who else is lurking in the shadows before he catches sight of them.

“Holy shit,” He breathes, not meaning to have said anything at all, backing away just as quietly as he approached.

Now he understands. He gets why Andy’s mad. He’s mad because Louis’ behind the stage curtains, tongue down Eleanor’s throat despite Andy’s crush on her and Harry’s crush on him and despite Liam’s concern for everyone’s wellbeing. Despite everything.

Sometimes Liam fucking hates Louis.

He’s never fought with Louis before, but he wishes he could. He wishes he could pull them apart and tell them to stop fucking everything up. Instead, he turns around and leaves the stage.

Copey catches sight of him before he can make a quick escape though, calling out his name loud enough that Liam’s sure Louis heard it.

“What are you doing in here? This is a closed rehearsal.” Copey says, looking almost stern if it weren’t for his smile.

“Just thought I’d come see what the fuss is about,” Liam says, glancing over his shoulder to see Louis emerging from behind the curtains looking pink and sheepish. He turns back to his teacher. “I’ll be off now, though.”

He leaves Copey with a gentle smile and pretends he doesn’t hear Louis calling out his name before he slips out the door.

The worst part is that Liam’s not even surprised. Somehow he knew that Louis would do this, and he’s not mad about it either because it’s not his place to be mad about who his friends hook up with. He’s just sort of sad about it all.

Sad because Danielle likes Andy, but Andy only sees her as a friend. Sad because Andy likes Eleanor but El only has eyes for Louis. Sad because Harry loves Louis more than anything, and Louis is fucking him over. Sad because he loves Zayn and barely even talks to him.

*

When Liam arrives at his locker at the end of the day, Louis is waiting for him. They don’t say anything while Liam gathers his things or even as they fall into step beside each other as they descend the stairs and head for the school gates.

“Did you know Andy fancies El?” Louis asks all of a sudden.

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

And Liam’s not sure what prompts it, because he’s not one for confrontation, but he spits out, “Don’t act like you didn’t know, Louis. Everyone could see it. You just chose to ignore it.”

Louis looks hurt, “Yeah, I thought he liked her, in like a friendly ‘she’s kind of fit’ way, but I never thought he actually _liked_ her! I mean, what about Dani?”

Liam simply shrugs.

“Andy’s really mad at me.”

Despite himself, Liam replies, “It was only a kiss, I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“What about Harry?” Liam asks after a while, because he can’t stop himself. Because he knows how hopeful Harry is.

“What _about_ Harry?!” Louis retorts, cocking an eyebrow. “We’re just friends.”

Liam stops walking, “Don’t give me that, Louis.”

“What?”

They never fight, Louis and Liam. They just don’t. They get along too well. But right now, Liam could easily punch him in the face. “Don’t pretend you’re unaware of the way Harry is now that you and him are friends again. You’ve seen how happy he is.”

“Yeah, and I’m glad he’s happy – he deserves to be!”

“He’s happy because of you.” Liam says, trying to make Louis understand.

Louis just groans. “I know! God, I know. But it’s not up to me to make him happy. It’s not my job.”

“He’s getting better.”

“I can’t wait around for him to fix himself forever.” Louis almost whispers.

Liam can’t help but keep pressing, “He doesn’t need to fix himself. He just needs a little time and patience.”

“He’s not a fucking puppy, Liam. Growing up won’t help what’s going on in Harry’s mind.”

“Yeah, but you might!”

Louis scoffs, “Don’t you think I’ve tried? I can’t be in such an exhausting relationship again. He drains me. It’s so much work being with someone who’s so hot and cold all the fucking time. I can’t do it.”

“Well maybe it’s not about you, Louis!” Liam states and Louis raises his eyebrow.

“Maybe that’s the problem.”

Louis moves to storm off.

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

Louis stops and faces Liam again. “We’re not fighting. I just don’t get why you’re suddenly all on Harry’s side of this when you don’t know what he put me through.”

“Tell me, then.”

He’s never asked Louis to tell him about what went down when he and Harry dated for what little time they were together. He always knew that whatever went down was more than Louis wanted to handle at the time and that eventually he’d open up about it, but it’s been just over a year and Louis hasn’t said a word. Liam asking about it is about six months overdue.

Louis nods, leading the way to a nearby tree where he dumps his backpack and takes a seat. Liam follows suit.

“Basically,” Louis starts, picking at a loose thread in his pants, “it was all really good. Except Harry used to do this thing where he’d make all these snide comments about me; he’d call me fat and pretend it was a joke or make me feel stupid. And at first I thought he just didn’t know how to be a boyfriend, you know? That he was just showing his affection in a weird way. So I told him I didn’t like it and he just… he didn’t get it. He kept doing it and when I got upset he was like ‘it’s just a joke, babe’. But it wasn’t. It’s not.”

Liam sighs. Now he gets it. He gets why it took Louis so long to get back on good terms with Harry. And why it hurt him so much that Liam kept talking to him.

“Not to mention the fact that he cheated on me. More than once.” Louis adds, laughing sourly. “With girls. And then there’s this whole issue with his dad and it was just breaking me down. Harry doesn’t have an easy life, I know that, but bringing me down wasn’t making it easier on either of us. It was ruining us both. So I called it quits.”

“I’m sorry.” Liam says, “I should have asked sooner.”

Louis shakes his head, “It’s fine. I wouldn’t have told you. Do you-?”

Liam nods.

“Good.”

They sit in silence for a few more moments, before Liam leans over and hugs Louis around the shoulders. “I’m glad you told me.”

“I’m glad you know.”

“I won’t stop talking to Harry.”

Louis pulls away and smiles. “I hoped you’d say that. He needs people like you. Happy, helpful, caring people.”

“You’re that too.” Liam argues, but Louis shakes his head.

“Not like you.”

*

Liam’s busy gathering a frying pan from the back of the kitchens when Grimmy jabs him in the ribs playfully the next day.

“Jesus,” Liam jumps from surprise, wincing and almost dropping the frying pan on his foot in the process. “You scared me!” He half laughs.

“Soz,” Grimmy apologises insincerely, taking the pan from his hands with a sly grin before leading the way to their work bench.

“Why are you here? I thought you were bunking off today.” Liam says, glancing at his recipe to find out what else they need.

Grimmy sighs loudly, playfully, and Liam looks at him from under his lashes. “I got caught didn’t I? Now I’ve got to stay behind school for detentions with Fincham.” He rolls his eyes and Liam can’t help but laugh.

“Serves you right, you tit.”

“Oi!” Grimmy’s jaw drops dramatically, “If you’re gonna be like that I don’t think I’ll tell you what I know about your boy Malik.”

“Shhh!” Liam admonishes and his good mood drops so quickly as he glances around, checking to see if any one nearby overheard. Actually, they wouldn’t even need to overhear, not when Grimmy talks so loudly he practically shouts everything.

“Relax, no one heard.” Grimmy says flatly, “Besides it’s not like I actually _said_ anything.”

Liam gives him a stern look as he collects the recipe off the bench and walks to the front of the room to collect as many of their ingredients as he can carry. It takes two trips but Liam finally gathers everything they need for their caramel and peanut butter tarts, dropping the last on the bench beside where his teammate has set up some chopping boards and bowls.

He grabs the sugar and starts to measure it, ignoring the way Grimmy stares at him and sighs when Liam pays him no attention. It’s childish to avoid talking to Grimmy, especially when he needs him to start warming peanut butter so it becomes easier to mix, but he’s afraid. What does Grimmy know about Zayn? And does he want to know what it is? It’s easier just to focus on caramel at the moment.

Grimmy isn’t too bad at following non-verbal cues as it would happen, and they manage to get their peanut butter and caramel ready to mix without saying too many words to one another. But then Liam’s caramel is finished and warm and silky smooth and ready to be mixed with the melted peanut butter and there’s no way he can non-verbally say that so he clears his throat a little awkwardly and says, “That peanut butter ready?”

“Finally,” Grimmy mutters, relieved, “Feels like I’ve been stirring this for hours! What’ve we got to do now?”

Liam consults the recipe, “Um, bring it over here and we combine it over a low heat.”

Grimmy does as he’s told and it’s squished over by the small cooktop above their oven but Liam stirs as Grimmy slowly pours and soon enough they’ve got their mixture ready for the tarts.

There’s plenty of things Zayn could have done that Grimmy would deem newsworthy, it could be anything! He could have gotten a haircut or forgotten to shave again or stretched before assembly in that particularly delicious way that he does that makes his pants slide down on his hips a little and his shirt ride up and-. Well, realistically, if that was the story Grimmy probably would have blurted it out by now and started with the crude comments.

“Hey Liam?” 

Liam is pulled from his thoughts. “Yeah?”

“What are we supposed to put the mix in?” Grimmy asks and Liam glances up at him and then across at their bench where their ingredients for the tart shells are waiting patiently.

“Fuck,” Liam groans, “We’ve got to make the tart shells before we can do anything.”

Grimmy openly laughs, a big barking one that has Liam biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling. “What are we supposed to do with that, then?” He points at the caramel peanut butter mix.

Liam shrugs and Grimmy looks at him for a moment before bursting out laughing again and this time, Liam doesn’t stop himself. “Leave it on a low heat I guess?”

“Don’t look at me – I don’t know what we’re doing!”

“Shit. Uh, no, that should be fine,” Liam stammers, lowering the heat on the stovetop and placing the wooden spoon he’d been using to stir over the circumference of the pot. “Right, let’s make some shells, yeah?”

Grimmy nods, following after Liam as he starts to put the pastry together. Once Liam’s gotten their pastry combined in the food processor, he separates the mix and slides half across to Grimmy so they can start kneading.

“So……” Grimmy says after a few minutes of lacklustre kneading. “D’you wanna know what I know about Zayn?”

Liam pretends to focus on his pastry, but the reality is that he’s kneaded it as much as he needed to, it’s soft and supple and just the right firmness, and Grimmy’s nowhere near finished so he sighs heavily and swaps their balls of dough with a soft, “Is it something I want to know?”

“I think so.”

“What is it?”

“It would appear that your beloved is no longer dating Perrie.”

Liam accidentally slams his fist down on the ball of pastry which earns him a mortified look from their teacher who reminds him that he must be gentle with pastry; ‘soft as if you’re touching a puppy’ was how she’d described it. He apologises weakly to her before turning to Grimmy who’s smirking proudly. “How do you know?”

“I hear these things, don’t I?” Grimmy says mysteriously.

“But it’s for real?” Liam asks and he feels slightly desperate. Maybe because he is.

Grimmy nods, “And that’s not even the best part.”

Liam can’t even pretend he’s not interested now, turning his full attention to his friend than the ball of dough. “What is?”

Grimmy grins at Liam, obviously relishing in how easily he piqued Liam’s interest. “Have you heard much about the party last weekend?”

“No… should I have?” Liam bites the inside of his cheek gently. All he knew was that Ed had thrown a party to celebrate the last week of peace before the musical kids were thrown into full day dress rehearsals and everyone else had their assessment due. It sounded like a great idea and Liam probably would have gone, if he was invited. 

“Louis hasn’t said anything?” Grimmy presses.

“Was he there?”

“Well I don’t know! Harry was.”

Liam sighs impatiently. Harry was supposed to be grounded. Whatever game he’s playing isn’t going to help whatever he’s got going on at home.

“Rumour has it that Harry and Zayn kissed.” Grimmy says and it feels like it’s said in slow motion (which is impossible since he doesn’t even know how to talk slowly), like the words aren’t really settling in or getting meaning and Liam just watches in dumb silence.

“Right.” Liam says after a few moments, turning back to the pastry dough and rolling it on the bench. He can feel his friend watching him expectantly before he explodes.

“’ _Right_ ’?! That’s _it_?!” Grimmy’s almost shouting, but he reigns it in before he continues, talking in a harsh whisper. “I tell you that the bloke you fancy just kissed another bloke and all you have to say is ‘right’?”

Liam shrugs. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“A reaction worthy of the build-up would be good,” He mutters grumpily.

Liam nods. He wishes he could give that, but he doesn’t quite know how he feels. On one hand Zayn kissed a boy and that’s great news because now he knows that he’s not entirely straight. But on the other hand, he was drunk when he did it and it is not wise to put faith in drunken actions. Also, he kissed _Harry_ , which in itself is two problems. Harry is Zayn’s best friend, and Liam’s seen enough of their friendship to know that there aren’t many boundaries and has the good sense to assume that those boundaries are lesser when they’re both wasted. Not to mention the fact that Harry’s still into Louis.  

The whole situation is complicated and it shouldn’t be but it is and it’s simply because there are too many ways to interpret it. There’s no definite, even the information might not be true! Liam doesn’t handle uncertainty well and so, in natural Liam fashion, he doesn’t handle it at all and spends the rest of the lesson making the tart with Grimmy.

*


	11. It's such a shame that we built a wreck out of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, things go sour for all our main characters, but at least Andy graduates and Liam gets a nice ending to Eleventh Grade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I know I keep promising you guys to update as soon as possible and that three months isn't really that soon but I promise you that I'm trying my absolute hardest to write more and get stuff out faster for you. I'm trying so hard for you guys.   
> Sorry this chapter gets a bit angsty. I've been feeling a lot of things in relation to the true events this story is based off and I'm feeling really pumped to finally be getting into all the good stuff that happens in Liam and Zayn's senior year. 
> 
> It's unbeta'd so I hope there's not too many errors. More importantly, I hope you like it. If you're someone who has stuck around from the beginning, thank you for your patience. I hope you are never disappointed. x

Liam is still trying to digest what Grimmy told him when he walks into the library at lunch and sees Zayn sitting by himself. Well, he’s sitting, sure, but he’s definitely sulking too. He looks grumpy as hell and Liam can’t even try and pretend that it looks cute on him because it doesn’t (it does a little) and he’s torn over what to do.

He wants to go over and talk to him. He’s told Zayn a few times that he’s always there for him if he wants to talk. Maybe he wants to talk.

But by the same token, he’s told Zayn enough times that if he wanted to talk to Liam, he would. They’re friends enough, now, right? And judging by the earphones he’s wearing, he doesn’t want to talk.

And some cynical part of Liam, deeper down than the other two parts, makes him think – why on earth would Zayn ever want to talk to him when he’s sad? Why on earth did he ever think Zayn would? What sort of arrogant dickhead thinks that just because you offer to listen to someone, that they’ll take you up on it?

The problem is that he cares a lot, too much, and that’s probably why he walks over to Zayn’s table even though he knows he doesn’t want to talk.

“Hey.”

Liam awaits a response but Zayn continues to stare holes through his notebook with his intensity.

He could walk away. He could pretend he never went over. Zayn probably doesn’t even know he’s there.

He sits down.

Zayn glances across at Liam and sighs, taking an earbud out, before returning his attention to the blank page of his open notebook. He doesn’t say anything.

Neither does Liam.

The only noise is coming from the rest of the library or the earbud dangling against Zayn’s chest.

“You’re listening to Thriller?” Liam says, because it’s playing and he wants to break the ice.

“I _was_.”

Liam closes his mouth like he’s just been scolded for talking out of turn. He shuffles back in his seat slightly, trying to think of a new angle.

“So how’s your history presentation going?“

“Fine.” Zayn mumbles.

Liam stops staring at the far off wall and looks at Zayn. His eyes, although focussed downward, are not the way he remembers. They’re dark and cold. Liam remembers them being so much warmer.

“Are you okay?” He asks quietly, gently, afraid to push him too far.

“What do you want?” Zayn snaps, looking up at him, “I’m kinda busy here, alright?”

“I just wanted to see- to check- if-“ Liam stammers.

Zayn looks at him and it’s like he’s got his hands around his throat and he’s choking him because his stare is crippling and the words just won’t come out. “What, Liam?”

It feels like there’s a fire burning on his cheeks as he breaks eye contact and stares down at his lap. Liam shakes his head. “Nothing.”

Zayn sighs again, and it sounds more frustrated than before, and slouches down in his seat.

“I’ll just go,” Liam says, pushing away from the table and hurrying away before Zayn can say anything else.

Once he’s out of the library, he peaks a look back through the doors to see Zayn’s reaction, but there isn’t one. Zayn’s in the same position as he was before Liam arrived.

Liam wishes he could go back so easily. He leans back against the brick wall beside the entry doors and closes his eyes tightly. He’s never felt so embarrassed in his life. Nothing could wipe the embarrassment from his mind. He’ll remember the way Zayn looked at him forever, the annoyance clear in his beautiful features.

It was piercing; like he couldn’t stand to have him around him. Like he was confused as to why Liam was even there. It said more than any vicious words would have, had Zayn been bothered to say anything to him.

Liam hadn’t ever prepared himself to ever feel hurt by Zayn. Ever. He foolishly thought that if he never made his feelings clear, Zayn could never hurt him. Never make him feel worthless. Never crush his heart in his hands like he did his confidence with his steely gaze.

God, how arrogant was he?! To think that Zayn would talk to him! That Zayn would open up and spill his troubles! That they would become something other than this confusing brand of friends? To think that in some tiny way Liam had meant something, anything, to Zayn.

What kind of stupid, self-centred, romantic, fucking blind son of a bitch thought that, in any universe, real or alternate, Zayn Malik would ever think anything about Liam Payne; ever value him at all.

What kind of fucking idiot would ever think that?

*

The next morning, Liam’s sitting in the library computer lab, staring at the roof while he feels sorry for himself. Harry’s been working and rambling beside him, just dumb little stories about chatting to Louis on facebook most evenings, but it’s enough to dull the pain. Liam’s genuinely happy that Harry’s happy but he’s got his doubts about what Louis is doing. Not that Harry has said as much, but Liam’s pretty sure Harry believes they have a future together.

It’s not fair. Liam would give so many things to have someone love him the way Harry loves Louis, and he knows that it’s not easy for Harry or Louis and he knows it’s also kind of fucked up that he wants to be, like, idolised the way Harry does Louis, but really, Liam just wants to feel it. He wants to know that someone out there loves him more than he loves them.

He’s thought about it, and he’s not sure having Harry love him would be so bad. He knows Harry comes with a lot of baggage both mentally and emotionally and that it’s a lot to deal with, but he thinks he could handle it. And Harry’s cute, sure. He’s seen him without a top at the swimming carnivals and he definitely wouldn’t say no.

There’s been times where Liam has thought ‘shit maybe I do love Harry’ because what’s not to love? He’s funny and kind and he tries really hard and he has great taste in music and he might not show it really well but he loves deeply and god, it must feel incredible to feel Harry’s love.

But for the split second he thinks that maybe he could love Harry, he remembers Zayn and the burning passion he feels for him whenever he thinks his name.

It could be nice, though. To love Harry. He’s not arrogant enough to think he could fix his life, but he could maybe help a little.

When he looks across at Harry though, and he’s still talking about how he and Louis are going to face off in Battle of the Bands and smiling like a goof, Liam knows; as nice as it would be to be loved by Harry, he couldn’t imagine Harry loving anyone more than he loves Louis right now.

Liam smiles, feeling warm inside but also, inexplicably, colder. Harry looks over and arches an eyebrow.

“What?” Harry asks.

“What songs are you doing for Battle of the Bands?” Liam answers, because he doesn’t want to talk about how he was thinking of what it would be like to be loved by him.

Harry shakes his head, smiling bright. “I’m not allowed to say.”

“Why not?”

“Because what if you tell the competition? Then we’d be screwed.”

Liam laughs, “I thought it was well known that I don’t tell secrets.”

And then all of a sudden, Harry is serious again. It often happens. Harry switches moods faster than Liam’s known anyone to before.

“Everyone knows that you don’t tell secrets.” Harry says, seriously. “It’s something that is both awesome and shit about you.”

Liam tries not to blush. “Why is it shit?”

“Because you know so much and you won’t even let on. You could use stuff against people or help people know the truth or help people make decisions because you know so much, but you just keep it all inside because it’s safer that way. You could save people some pain by telling, though.”

It’s stifling, being under Harry’s serious gaze and it makes Liam shift uncomfortably. He knows what Harry’s insinuating. He could tell Harry what Louis feels about him.

“It’s not fair to use what people tell me against them,” is all he says and Harry looks away.

“Because it would hurt people?”

“Because it’s not my place to meddle.”

“It’s not meddling if you know something that will help more than one person.”

Liam shakes his head, “Harry, I’m not going to tell you anything. Okay? I thought you knew that.”

Harry nods, solemnly. A few moments later, a tiny smile creeps across his lips. “Can’t blame me for trying, right?”

Liam laughs, and it feels nice against the tightness in his throat because he wants to tell Harry that Louis doesn’t want to get back together and save him the trouble and the pain. But he can’t. So he just laughs with him instead, because at least that way he doesn’t feel so bad.

*

Liam plans to tell Louis about his conversation with Harry when he hangs out with him on Saturday night, after the final performance of the musical. He needs Louis to understand that Harry wants him back and that it’s not fair to keep him hanging around if them getting back together isn’t a possibility.

He’s got all his arguments mentally planned out, because he knows Louis won’t take the news lightly. But Liam’s willing to persist because Louis needs to make a choice. Harry shouldn’t have to wait around forever. He probably would, but he shouldn’t.

As the house lights dim and the crowd shuffles into excited silence, Liam leans back in his seat and waits. He’s front row, like always, and he loves that he’s so close to the front of the stage that he can touch it if he stretches his arm forward some.

Being so close, he can see the faces of everyone that’s on stage. He can see how much effort Louis puts into his role as Gaston, when he finally makes his way into the story; the way he leers at Perrie’s Belle. Liam’s simultaneously grossed out and impressed.

When the dancers come on to fawn over Gaston while he’s chasing after Belle in the streets, Liam notices Eleanor. She’s prancing about and pretending to fall at Gaston’s feet but the only problem is, she’s not really acting. He watches closely as Eleanor fans herself with her hand, blushing and playing it up for Louis, barely acting her part at all. Louis shoots her a wink that Liam’s almost 99% sure was unscripted and he grits his teeth together.

He knows that Louis doesn’t have to love Harry; that he doesn’t owe him anything, but _God_ , if only Louis could see how good he has it! If only he could see how much Harry is willing to give to him and for him. But it’s like he doesn’t even care.

And Liam tries, he tries to sit through the show, but he finds it all frustrating and he can’t stop shifting in his seat because he’s just _so mad_. It’s irrational, sure, because it’s really none of his business, but he can’t help feeling upset. He’s upset for Harry and he’s upset for himself because all he wants in the world is to be loved the way Louis is and the only person he wants doesn’t love him back. And it hurts like hell. And Louis knows how much it hurts but is still doing it to Harry anyway.

Seeing Louis and Eleanor ham it up onstage again during ‘ _My, What a Guy!’_ makes Liam clench his fists. He wants to punch him.

He hates being so close to the stage that he can see the way they flirt across the stage, the way they barely hide their affection. He hates that people are going to whisper about it during intermission saying ‘ _what a great actor that Gaston is_ ’ when really it’s just Louis being a prick.

Mostly he wants to save Harry from it all. He’s not sure if Harry’s seen the show, but if he has, he hopes he wasn’t paying much attention because he knows how much it hurts seeing the person you love flirt with someone else. He sees it every time he sees Zayn and Perrie interact. And it hurts and it hurts and it doesn’t matter how many times you see it or how many times you tell yourself that it doesn’t matter because you know they don’t love you back, it still fucking hurts.

And he doesn’t want Harry to feel that pain, because Harry doesn’t deserve it. All Harry has done is fall in love with someone who made him feel a little better and all that person is going to do is hurt him even more. Liam hates it. He hates that he didn’t do anything to warn him and that he can’t do anything to stop it.

The curtain drops after the song and Liam is out of his seat before the house lights can come on. He’s furious. More furious than he deserves to be, but he’s feeling for Harry as well, or at least that’s what he tells himself.

He marches out of the auditorium and sneaks to the door backstage before anyone is there to supervise it. He moves through the crowded and bustling dressing rooms, glancing from side to side for his best friend.

He finds him in a corner with Eleanor and the fact that they’re together still just kicks it up another notch.

“Louis – what the hell?” Liam tries to stay calm but it sounds like a shriek, even to his own ears.

Louis turns and sees him, his brow furrowing. “I could ask you the same question, mate. How’d you get back here?”

“What are you doing?” He asks again, feeling his face starting to heat up because he hates confrontation but he just can’t help himself.

“Having a break from performing?”

“No-“ Liam shouts, “What are you doing with _her_?”

“Li,” a soft voice soothes, a hand touching his shoulder and he glances behind him to see Danielle. He pulls away from her touch and avoids looking at Eleanor because he knows he’s making her feel bad but he just can’t stop.

“Louis, what the fuck are you doing? He loves you, man. Harry proper fucking loves you. And you’re here…with her…like he doesn’t mean a fucking thing! Don’t you realise how mean that is? How much it hurts?”

Louis shakes his head, like he’s about to argue, but Liam cuts him off.

“Don’t even try to pretend like something’s not going on here, Louis. I know you too well. I was in the front row, goddamn it, I saw all the flirty glances and the winks. A blind man could see it!”

“So what?!” Louis shouts. “So fucking what, Liam! So what if I’m flirting with Eleanor – what the fuck has it got to do with you?”

There’s a stronger hand on Liam’s shoulder now, and Andy’s saying, “Come on, Li, just leave it.” Danielle must have gone and found him. Or maybe the rest of the cast heard their argument. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t care.

He shakes out of Andy’s grip too.

“It’s got everything to do with me! I sit there, every day, next to a guy who’s so in love with someone that doesn’t even give a crap about him. And the worst part is that you _know_ he loves you, Louis, and you still treat him like shit! I don’t care if you don’t love him back, just stop leading him on! Stop letting him think that you’ve got a chance together – that maybe if he loves you enough, it might work out!”

Louis throws his head back, gives an exaggerated sigh. “Liam, I’ve fucking told him I’m not getting back with him! He’s in love with me, yeah, I get it, but I’ve moved on. I’m with El now.”

“You’re what?” Liam says, but Andy says it louder and it’s all anyone hears.

Liam glances back at his friend who’s staring daggers at Louis.

“You’re dating Eleanor?”

Louis winces before nodding his head.

“You dick – you fucking knew I fancied her!” Andy spits.

Liam hears a quiet sigh from behind him that he’s pretty sure comes from Danielle.

“Andy, I know, and I’m sorry.”

Liam can feel Andy’s body stiffen from where he’s standing beside him and Andy’s shaking his head.

Louis takes a step forward and is quietly saying, “Mate, this isn’t how I wanted to tell you – but surely you-”

Louis speech is interrupted by Andy punching him in the face before storming out of the room.

Danielle waits a few moments before she follows.

Liam stares at Louis, who’s clutching his jaw. Part of him feels terrible. Part of him is worried about what will become of their friendship now. Mostly, he’s just disappointed.

“You know,” Liam says after the shock silence dies, “I thought you would have treated the guy that loves you a little better, especially since you’ve seen how hard it is to deal with people not loving you back.”

Louis’ nostrils flare like they do when he’s trying not to cry and Liam gives a small nod before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

He can’t think of anything worse right now than returning to his seat to watch another hour of Louis and Eleanor shamelessly flirting, even if this time Louis will have a bruised jaw. So he calls his mum and tells her he’s not feeling well and skips the final act.

*

Monday morning comes before Liam wants it to and he considers having a sick day. He doesn’t want to go to school and see Louis and his bruised jaw or get scowled at by Eleanor or have Danielle act like she’s okay or hear Harry ask what happened. He doesn’t want to deal with it. But he has to.

Walking into the library that morning isn’t as bad as he expected. Nobody stares at him, like he thought they would, which is good but also y’know _normal_ , and Liam’s not really sure why he thought it would happen. He had this weird idea that the little argument might somehow become hot gossip but evidently not. He’s glad.

Except he walks into the computer lab and Harry is frowning.

“Did you punch Louis in the face?”

Liam falters for a moment before he continues walking. “No.”

“Who did, then?”

“Why?”

“Because I asked Louis who did and he said to ask you.”

Liam scoffs, “Typical.”

“What’s going on?” Harry asks, the wrinkles in his brow deepening.

Liam takes a seat and sighs. “Andy punched Louis.”

“Why?”

He closes his eyes and tries to think of whether he should be the person to tell Harry this or not. It’s not his place, really. But, then again, it’s not like Andy punched Louis for Harry’s benefit. It doesn’t really have anything to do with Harry. Part of Liam hopes Harry will shout at Louis for being a dick. He decides to tell him.

“Because Louis and Eleanor are dating,” Liam says, opening his eyes to glance at Harry. “Even though Louis knew that Andy fancies Eleanor and that you still like him. So I yelled at him and Andy punched him.”

Harry exhales slowly, pushing his fringe back with his hand. “Right.”

“I’m sorry, Harry.” Liam says and he means it with every single part of his soul.

“Let’s just not mention it, okay?”

Liam presses his lips together and they sit in silence for a while.

“So are you guys still friends or what?” Harry asks eventually.

Liam shrugs, “I guess we’ll find out. I think it’s up to Louis to talk to us first and explain.”

“Yeah,” Harry concedes, “But you guys are all best friends. And Andy’s graduating soon. You don’t really have that much time to waste being mad. You should find him and talk to him and fix it. Don’t quit your friendship just because of whoever he’s dating.”

Harry’s not normally the ‘nice guy’ and he definitely doesn’t normally hand out advice like that and it makes Liam’s heart hurt just that little bit more knowing that he’s looking out for Louis, despite what he’s just found out.

“I’m serious, Liam. Fix it.”

Liam watches Harry before nodding because he knows the other boy won’t let it go if he doesn’t. Harry keeps looking at him and it makes Liam uncomfortable until he realises that Harry’s staring at him because he wants him to move. He wants him to fix it now.

“Oh,” Liam says, kicking into action and grabbing his stuff. He looks back at Harry once he’s on his way to the door and Harry simply nods his head as if to say ‘ _go_ ’.

*

Andy’s sitting at the table when Liam approaches, his hands flat against its top. Liam can see the red swelling on his knuckles before he’s even a meter away. He drops his backpack on the floor before climbing over the seat and sitting opposite Andy.

“How’s the hand?” he asks.

Andy shrugs, not looking up. “I shouldn’t have hit him.”

“He kind of deserved it.” Liam says and Andy scoffs out a laugh.

Danielle arrives next, quiet and timid and seemingly afraid to speak. Andy glances at her when she sits beside him and he gives her a small smile.

They sit in silence, none of them really knowing what to say. Liam spots Louis over Andy’s shoulder and feels his stomach tighten. He doesn’t want to do it, but he has to.

“I’m going to speak to Louis,” he says, rising from the table, “And I’m going to bring him back here so we can figure this out.”

Andy gives a groan like he’d rather be doing literally anything else in the world right now.

“You’re gonna be gone soon, Andy. I don’t want to waste the last few weeks of us all at the same school on a fight that shouldn’t have happened.”

He leaves the table, shoving his hands in his pockets and marching directly towards Louis.

Louis is holding hands with Eleanor, who quickly lets go once she sees Liam heading their way. Louis glances up and sets a firm grimace on his face, like he’s ready to take on the world. The bruise on his jaw does make him look a little tougher than normal.

They meet in the middle of a pathway and it’s awkward until Liam says, “It sucks how many people you’ve upset by getting together, but I’m happy for you guys.”

Eleanor looks grateful that he’s not shouting at them again. Louis looks a little relieved, too.

“I was thinking we should all have a chat about the other night and try not to hate each other once we’re done, yeah?” Liam asks and Eleanor looks to Louis.

Louis takes a few moments before nodding.

The three of them are silent as they return to the table. Once they sit, the silence settles over the five of them. No one seems to know where to start.

“I’m sorry,” Eleanor says first, “Sorry I led you on, Andy, and that I messed up your friendship group. I didn’t mean to. I just like Louis, is all. I wish I didn’t screw things up.”

Liam feels bad all of a sudden and before he knows it he’s saying, “Don’t feel bad. You can’t help it. I’m sorry I yelled at you last night.” It’s stupid, because really, she should feel bad for fucking them all over since they were perfectly fine before she joined the group and he didn’t actually shout at her at all last night, but he’s already said it and he can’t take it back now.

“Just her?” Louis asks.

“And you too,” Liam amends, with a roll of his eyes. “Although, I meant what I said. What you’re doing isn’t fair.”

“I know,” Louis says, “I’ve spoken to him about it.”

Liam nods and silently wonders when that happened. Maybe Harry already knew before Liam told him what happened. The idea makes Liam’s head swim with possible reasons of why Harry would want Liam to tell him again. He pushes them aside to focus on the more important task at hand.

Andy’s scratching at the flaking paint on the table and all eyes are on him before he mutters out a quiet, “Sorry.”

Liam clears his throat, because he knows that of all the apologies, this is the one that has to make it through in order for everything to be okay again, and Andy won’t like being the one who has to make it.

Andy sighs, straightening up and lifting his eyes and meeting Louis’ gaze. “Sorry I punched you.”

Louis nods, saying, “I deserved it.”

Andy smiles, glancing at Liam before letting out a chuckle. “That’s what Li said.”

Liam and Louis look to one another and laugh and before they know it, they’re all laughing together and feeling like normal and maybe that means they’re okay.

“So we’re all good here?” Liam asks, looking from person to person. “Now’s your last chance to get anything off your chest; otherwise, it’s a fresh start.”

No one says anything and Liam’s about to officially declare the fresh start and the recommencement of their friendships when Andy speaks up.

“Actually,” he says, “One more thing.”

Andy turns to Danielle and looks at her. “I’m really sorry I keep doing stuff to make you upset.”

Danielle huffs out a breath, her eyes watery as she smiles. “It’s okay.”

“We’re not all going to start crying now, are we?” Louis asks, characteristically dry as always, and it cracks everybody up.

Liam’s glad for it. He’s glad that they are all good enough friends to be able to move past the argument. It was valid, sure, but it was stupid and it got out of hand. He meant what he said to Louis and he would say it again in a second if Louis asked him what he thought, but for now they are all friends again and that’s how it should stay.

*

A week later and it’s like nothing has happened. There are no snarky comments or sarcastic undertones to any conversation. They’re all over it. They’ve moved on. Or at least, moved on enough to make it through the rest of the school year.

Because Andy graduates in two weeks and then the rest of them finish grade eleven a week after that and then it’s summer break and Liam won’t have to see any of them unless he wants to. At the moment, he doesn’t want to, but he hopes that his mind will change.

What’s most important is that they give Andy a good final two weeks of high school. Liam knows that Andy’s terrified about the future, so he considers it his duty to try and make the transition as easy as possible. The Battle of the Bands competition was this weekend and they were all going to support Louis and it is supposed to be one of the final fun nights out for the four of them before Andy graduates.

Keeping Andy’s spirits high isn’t really helped by the fact that Eleanor bailed as his partner for the graduation dinner, though, after getting written consent to take Louis as her date.

“Should I just not even go anymore?” Andy asks, pushing an empty Coke bottle around on the table during lunch one day.

Liam raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. He doesn’t need to. They’ve had this discussion enough times by now.

“I just don’t see the point-“

Beside Liam, Danielle groans. “Andy, shut up! If it matters that much to you, you’ll find someone to go with. Stop whining.”

Liam tries to hide his laughter in the sandwich he’s trying to eat but he ends up almost choking as Andy pouts again.

“I got a stupid tie to match her dress and everything.”

Danielle just rolls her eyes.

“Why don’t you go with him, Dani?” Liam suggests, mainly to be a prick but also because he knows that deep down Dani wants Andy to ask her.

Andy’s face lights up. “Yeah, why don’t you?”

“Because you haven’t asked me?” Dani replies dryly.

“Well,” Andy starts, “Would you like to go to my graduation dinner with me?”

Danielle pretends to think about it for a moment and Liam can’t hide his smile as he thinks about how cute they’ll look dressed all fancy together.

“No.”

Liam definitely chokes on his sandwich this time round. “What?”

“Why not?” Andy asks.

Danielle shrugs, “Because I won’t be your second choice. I would have happily gone with you months ago, before you asked El. I would have gone with you last week when you found out that Lou and El were dating. And I would have gone out with you two days ago, before you knew that she’d replaced you. But you only want to go with me because you have no one else, not because you actually _want_ to. And I won’t settle for that.”

Liam can only blink. He’s never heard Danielle be so blunt before.

“Okay,” says Andy.

*

On Saturday night, Andy picks Liam up in his mum’s Subaru to go to Louis’ Battle of the Bands. Danielle is already in the front seat when Liam goes out to the car, so he has to settle for sitting in the back and feeling like a child. It’s an irrational feeling, but he can’t help it.

He’s nervous about how the night will go. Harry had big plans for this competition, although he wouldn’t divulge them, and Liam’s worried that he’s going to do something foolish. As far as Liam knows, Eleanor is going too, so whatever Harry has planned better not be stupid.

He tried to warn Harry off his plan, too. He told him at the library on Friday morning that if he was still planning anything for Louis to back off. All Harry had said was “Chill, Liam, it’ll be fine”. Liam hopes so.

He can hear the bass as soon as they pull into the parking lot of the fancy private school that is hosting this year’s competition. It rattles Liam’s bones and he’s so excited to get in there and listen to the bands.

“Come on, it’s already started!” Liam says as he climbs out of the car.

Danielle rolls down her window and Andy leans across the console so he can look out it at Liam. “You go in first, yeah? I just want to talk to Dani for a bit.”

Liam sighs quietly to himself and nods, because he knows they have stuff to work out, but he is so sick of being ditched by his friends for girls.

He steps through the gravel parking lot, relishing the noise of the stones rubbing against one another, before finally reaching the hall and walking inside.

The band on stage is rubbish and it sounds like they’re massacring a song Liam knows, so he hunts around for a list of the competition rules. They’re pretty simple – each band must cover a popular song from the list provided in the style of their band.

It actually sounds kind of cool.

Liam is excited as he weaves through the crowd of teenagers, who are mostly socialising instead of actually paying attention to the band, so he can get a good spot for Louis’ band. He can’t remember their name but Louis said they’d be playing at around 7-45 and it’s already ten to eight.

Eventually the band on stage thanks the crowd and leaves and Louis is skipping on stage. He’s wearing Chinos that are rolled up to almost his knee and a ridiculous black vest with no shirt underneath and Liam wants Andy to punch him again, just because of how stupid he looks.

He band follow him on stage, all in similar styles of dress, and Liam can’t help but laugh.

“Alright, mates,” Louis says into the microphone, “We are The Rogue and this is our cover of Seven Nation Army.”

Normally, Liam would pretend to like Louis’ band just to make his best friend happy, and while they are rusty as hell, they’re also kind of good. Not as good as Harry’s band, purely because they’ve been together for a shorter amount of time, but probably just as much potential. And the cover isn’t half bad, either.

Louis has a sort of nasally voice that wouldn’t really work with the original, but somehow, in this slightly grungier version, it sounds just right.

Liam’s actually pretty impressed.

Once they finish, the crowd makes a decent amount of noise. Liam’s not sure how the winner of this thing is decided, but he hopes it’s not off crowd reaction because he’s pretty sure no one would win, since they all get around about the same level of disinterested cheering.

Louis walks off stage left but he sticks around in the wings and Liam catches his eye and gives him a thumbs up. Louis grins.

Next up is White Eskimo and Liam is even more excited to hear them perform. The band get all plugged in and the guitarist tests out a heavy distortion pedal that Liam is surprised by. It sounds a lot heavier than the music Liam thought the band normally played.

Harry comes out after a few moments, and the crowd does give him a bit more of their attention.

“Hi everyone,” Harry mumbles into the microphone, “this is White Eskimo’s cover of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Enjoy.”

Liam’s heart feels like it skips a beat and he immediately looks to stage left, where Louis is still standing, because Liam knows this song and he knows these lyrics and now he understands.

Harry is going to sing to Louis everything he feels because he’s not great at talking and this is the only way Louis is guaranteed to listen. It’s brilliant. And so very brave.

And so great, too, because the band have added a bit of tempo to the song and turned it more into a punk tune than the original ballad and it sounds killer with Harry’s voice because it’s starting to get raspy with how much emotion he’s putting into to.

Liam’s feeling it, too. He can’t tear his eyes away from Harry, because he’s giving the performance of a lifetime and it’s raw and real and everything he’s feeling.

During the performance, Harry glances down at Liam and the edges of his lips quirk up in a smile. Liam returns the gesture. And when he’s finished singing the song and they both glance to where they know Louis was and see the space empty, they share a frown together too.

*

The following week, Liam, Louis and Danielle skip their morning classes in order to attend Andy’s graduation ceremony. No one’s really spoken about the Battle of the Bands since Dani and Andy didn’t even see any bands play and Louis refuses to acknowledge what happened, so it’s all a little awkward still.

Danielle sits in the middle of them and grips their hands tight as she tries not to cry at the moving speeches filled with memories and quivering voices. Liam can’t help but get choked up himself as he realises that he’s now only 12 months away from also crossing that stage and graduating.

Before the names of the graduates are announced, the audience is asked to refrain from shouting out encouragements for any of the students. For the most part, the audience complies, but once Louis wolf-whistles Eleanor, making her blush brighter than Liam’s ever seen, it doesn’t really stop after that.

The families of each graduating student cheer or shout out and it’s a lot more fun than in the beginning, where it was only polite applause. Liam likes this better.

“Let’s make as much noise as we can for Andy,” Louis suggests, leaning over Danielle’s lap to speak to Liam.

He grins.

When the Head of Grade Twelve calls out Andy’s name, the three of them stand and let out loud whoops and hollers. It doesn’t take long for a teacher to tap Liam on the shoulder and sternly motion for them to sit down, but it doesn’t matter. Andy’s smile as he collects his diploma is worth it.

Once the ceremony is over, they wait around for Andy to find them and he pulls them all into a group hug.

“I’m going to seriously miss seeing you guys every day.” Andy says and it only sounds a little sad.

Danielle cries, though, and Andy hugs her a little tighter.

“Me and Lou have got to go, sorry mate,” Liam says, “we’ve got Modern History presentations to get through. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

Andy nods and grins at them. He’d decided a few days ago that he didn’t want to go to his graduation dinner alone, so he settled for a night in with Liam and Dani. Liam’s pretty sure Andy’s a bit gutted about it, but there’s nothing they can do now except try and have a good time.

Liam wants to give Andy another hug and congratulate him again because his best mate has only just gone and graduated, but Andy’s still hugging Danielle and Liam’s got places to be, so he and Louis leave.

*

Liam and Louis slip into their Modern History class late and their teacher has already stolen their usual seats at the back of the room in readiness for the presentations, forcing them to take the front row. Liam hates sitting in the front row because he always feels like people are watching him. It’s even worse now because he knows his eyes are a little red from the few tears that slipped out during the graduation ceremony. He’d tried to fight them as hard as he could, but he was a sucker for a photo montage to the soundtrack of _Good Riddance_ by Green Day, and a few pesky tears escaped.

But he settles into his seat, slouching down and feeling comforted by the knowledge that he presented last week and doesn’t have to do anything for the next hour but pretend to listen. Louis is already on his phone, hiding it in his pencil case so the teacher doesn’t spot it and take it off him, which makes Liam a bit annoyed because now he can’t see whatever it is he’s doing.

“Whenever you’re ready, Zayn,” the teacher says.

Liam instantly pays more attention. He hadn’t even realised when he walked in that there was already a powerpoint on display in readiness for the presentation to begin. He hadn’t registered that Zayn was standing behind the lectern that was literally right in front of where he was sitting.

He hasn’t spoken to Zayn since he was a dick to him in the library, and it’s not like they really ever spoke that often anyway, but Liam feels weird about it all now. He kind of wants to shift seats.

Liam can hear the shaky breath Zayn lets out before he starts speaking, though, and it prompts him to sit up a little straighter.

Zayn’s presentation is about the various conspiracy theories surrounding the moon landing. It’s genuinely fascinating. Liam is in awe of Zayn’s presentation skills; the way he can just rattle off a whole speech from memory with so few pauses or ‘um’s. Zayn refers to his powerpoint slides and he’s so professional and interesting and damn convincing that Liam starts to believe that maybe the landing was a hoax. Who knows if it was or not? What proof actually exists?

However, Liam is a little bit transfixed by the fact that Zayn basically presents his whole speech and argument right to him. Zayn’s eyes stray around the room every now and then, but they always come back to Liam’s and it’s like they’re simply having a one-on-one discussion.

And it’s glorious.

It’s like the only person Zayn wants to impress or convince in the whole room is Liam. It’s like he doesn’t even care that he’s getting graded on this or that his best mates are in the room or even that his ex girlfriend is a few seats over.

Zayn’s just rattling off facts and showing pictures and talking with such enthusiasm that Liam can’t help but smile and then Zayn smiles too, while he’s speaking and it’s the best and worst moment of his life.

Liam wonders if maybe this whole thing is some sort of an attempt at an apology, like he’s sorry that he didn’t speak to him that day but he’s happy to speak to him for seven minutes about the moon landing instead. And Liam thinks it’s the cutest apology in the world.

Because it is fucking cute. It’s cute beyond words the way Zayn won’t stop staring at Liam and talking right to him and presenting to him. Sure, they’ve done presentations before and Zayn always ends up looking at Liam for longer than he should, but this whole thing is directed at Liam. Every time there is a major sticking point in the argument or any time Zayn’s explaining a new piece of evidence to the theory, he’s looking right into Liam’s eyes and telling him all about it.

Zayn has never made Liam feel so important before or so valuable. Before now, Liam’s never felt like he’s anything in Zayn’s eyes, but somehow, having him present right to him, reassures him. Because why does he do it? Why is it that whenever Zayn does a presentation, he focusses so intently on Liam?

Liam’s heart gets jittery when he thinks about the possibility that maybe Zayn finds calmness in Liam’s presence.

Zayn is finishing his speech and he’s looking at their teacher for the final sentence but as the applause begins he’s looking right back at Liam.

And he’s giving him his natural, goofy grin and Liam doesn’t care if Zayn needs him for his calmness or just as something to stare at when giving presentations. As long as Zayn needs him for anything, Liam’s happy, because it means that Zayn thinks about him, cares about him, and that’s all Liam’s ever wished for.

 


End file.
